Domestic Violence

lloydrt

road dog is 100 percent correct

ever hear of Charles Whitman? He had very similiar problems...........what did he end up doing?

He shot his wife, his mother in law, then went to the top of the U.T tower and shot and then about 14 innocent people walking in , near or around the University of Texas campus back in 1966........and he was in the Navy

dont make excuses for him, please ,he is sick

and remember, do whats best for those babies, dont hesitate, put an order against him, document everything and get out.......

Ill pray for your friend and hope that she finds the way............Lloyd

millerll

I am retired military. I think all Air Force bases have a domestic violence hot line. I don't know about the other branches of service, but she should be able to get help at the base Family Support Center, or whatever the equivalent is for her base.

If she doesn't get the help there that she needs, and she feels that she or her children are in danger, then she MUST contact her husband's commander or First Sergeant and get help. Yes, it will probably hurt his career. But at the end of the day, he will get the help he needs and she will be assisted to get to a safe place. Better than her dead and him in jail.

I hope everything turns out OK for her. Good luck.

ritajean3

Look I agree he needs help did you say his new job was with the military?

If she is going to leave tell her to start slowly hiding money so she has the funds to go.

BecksgotBack

there should be an ombudsman for her to contact...or the base chaplain. they hear these things all the time...it happens all the time.
I contacted the ship's ombudsman (Navy) who helped me the best she could...the chaplain contacted his CO and he was forced to hand over his family pay....for 1 month. If she's really concerned about her children then she will leave. She has to want it though. Money or a place to stay shouldn't be an issue.
Tell her to be strong for her kids...she's not the only person to go thru this. 8 years later and i'm still alive...and don't regret a thing.

purpletrillium

www.militaryonesource.com Is a great website for all military branches and their families, with confidential referrals.

i_love_vinegar

You're making excuses for him.

She needs to get out. If she doesn't and this escalates (and it will) she and her children will be in a worse position or dead.

Get out. Go home to her family. Go to the police. Whatever. Make something happen. Go to a shelter. Leaving and dealing with diminished income and financial hardship will be difficult, but not as difficult as the time her kids will have growing up in an abusive household and/or without a mother and/or a father in prison.

PTSD is just a cop out excuse for not dealing with his anger/stress.

Actually PTSD is a real disease and it's proven that the traumatic experiences actually change part of the brain. He needs help. A soldier who comes home with PTSD is just as wounded as one who comes home missing a leg.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14728092

That being said, while he gets the help she needs to try and get out of the house. There are plenty of hotlines and shelters she can go to. Could she perhaps get a job at a daycare where she could take her kids?

I am not saying it's not a valid psychological syndrome. I'm saying it does not excuse his actions. I'm sorry he has experienced this trauma, but he is aware of it and he needs to deal with it via counseling, medication or both. There IS NO EXCUSE for taking it out on his wife and family. I have absolutely no sympathy for a person that falls back on these kinds of excuses for hurting others, rather than dealing with them. Life is hard sometimes. Sack up and deal with it like a man.

I totally agree with everything you have to say. Yes, PTSD is real. However, that doesn't give him an excuse to abuse his wife!

I also have no sympathy for these kind of people. There are plenty of people with PTSD, I had it for a while after a series of bad events. I didn't take it out on anyone, saw counselors, and learned to move on.

I just want to say, in case anyone suggests this, although she is your friend I do not recommend you taking her in. This will endanger your own family.

Best of luck with this situation and I hope your friend can get out of this >_<

cbear017

PSTD can make otherwise sane people do very bad things. I have first hand experience. After my ex's last tour something in him snapped and he became a liability to himself and a very great danger to me and the general public. There is a great stigma attached with reporting it and it can ruin military careers. Luckily, I convinced him to get help but not before it destroyed our relationship. In other words, don't hold your breath that he'll get help, instead get her help through the Military Family Resource Centre (this is what it's called in Canada). There should be an American equivalent.

ivyjbres

Waffle House. I'm not ****ting you. If you have a halfway decent head on your shoulders, they'll hire you. Most stores will treat you like family from day one. They pay in cash weekly, they'll almost always help you with a ride and a lot of time all the women will have the same sitter. I know its not a job a lot of people want, but they really do treat their employees well for a restaurant. And they don't put up with mean/abusive customers. If he comes looking for her, they'll put him out.

livnlite

She needs to seek help .. and get out of that household. I believe she can seek councilling and support through the military, too if I'm not mistaken. If he is as bad as you say he is .. things will not improve .. not without help. If she chooses to stay, she is not only putting her life in jeopardy, but the safety of those children (both physcially, mentally and emotionally). THEY are watching this "show" every painful and terrifying moment of it .. and are learning skills from it...which are horrifyingly corrupt and damaging.

I don't believe he is "too busy" .. Not for a second! No one is 'too busy' to stop themselves from doing catastrophic damage .. to the family unit. People die under THESE circumstances .. including children! This is not just bad behaviour .. It could turn out to be lethal.

Please, help her seek councilling and safety. There are places with the means to help battered women find a satisfactory haven and further find skills and tools to be able to provide a life for those kids.

Please .. don't take this lightly .. I'm sure you must FEEL it in the pit of your stomach! .. I don't even know these people .. and I feel it!

not taking it lightly at all, i am doing all i can and so is she but finding a place is very hard!

I understand how hard it is .. but, what is the alternative? Paying for therapy for emotionally damaged children who are witnessing this is HARD. Those kids are stuck in the middle of all this .. THEY have no options and they shouldn't pay the ultimate price ... Planning a funeral for a family is MUCH harder yet.