The Dark Side of Binge-Eating Disorder

femmerides

hi i have only joined today but the first thing i did was search to see if there were any posts related to binge-eating. i could have written everything that has been said myself.

About 2 months ago a friend opened my eyes to the fact that i have binge-eating disorder i did some research and could answer yes to every question related to it. looking back i have had the disorder since i was about 13/14 yrs old when i used to take food up to bed with me. my parents did realise what i was doing but never questioned it just called me greedy.
I moved in with my now husband when i was 17 and things got worse and worse. I have to admit we had a very rocky relationship and i suffered a lot of abuse i left and went into a domestic violence refuge when i was 20 but went back 6 months later.
Although things are now fine between us aged 27 we have 3 children 6 4 and 1, I still use food for comfort and emotional healing. Ive tried every diet under the sun and failed. Ive read loads of books about nutrition and can talk the talk...

I am currently at my heaviest 17st ouch and something has to be done. i know i have to be careful with my diet and not let myself get too hungry but with a bmi of 36 i have to admit i am starting to panic that this will affect the rest of my life. I have an appointment with my gp on wed to discuss anti-depressants and have 3 self - help books arriving in post tomorrow so fingers crossed.

As i said i am new to this and dont really know how it works but i would love some friends to help me along the way.
sorry for the long post and thank you so much to whoever has spent the time reading it :-)

the anti depressants will change your life. you will still struggle but the binges will be a lot more spaced out and easier to control. but they WILL still happen. i'm going to friend you. i've been able to lose 75lbs and keep it off but it is A LOT of hard work. but worth it.

curly_girl

I'm so glad to have found this thread, in which I see so much of myself. Thank you, all, for your posts.

Just last night I told my husband of 16 years that I struggle with food addiction/obsession and binge eating. He had peripherally observed some of these behaviors in me over the years, but didn't pull it all together. Not surprising, as I think we all agree that it is difficult for others to imagine that food can be a source of addiction/comfort/punishment.

I am hoping that reading our collective posts will help all of us in our journey.

femmerides

i'm so glad this helped you guys. it definitely helped me. i haven't binged since i wrote it. i still haven't eaten as healthy as i like but no binges! yay! however, i'm having a hard time with halloween. i keep eating the candy! i can't wait til tuesday...that way i can toss it all out. lol

nrvo

I have binge eating tendencies, but being on MFP has helped me so much. I think it's the accountability of having an open diary. But the food thing is always there, lurking in the back of my mind. I can't buy candy or junk food, because I get completely fixated on it. Whether I'm walking the dogs, talking to my husband, watching tv....in the back of my mind I'm fantasizing about that candy bar. Even wheni am eating, I am already thinking about my next meal. Sometimes food is all I think about.

When I was a kid, my mom didn't really buy soda, candy, or other junk for us kids. She always had her candy stashes though. If my sisters or I saw her eating, her response was always the same, "dont't tell your father!" My skinny mom hid her sweet tooth, her bread and butter obsession (both of which I inherited) from my dad. Sneak-eating unhealthy foods became a way of life. Hoarding food was another tendency I picked up. I was always worried that someone was going to come take my junk food away from me. As an adult, I still sneak eat. I will eat bags of candy and chips, cartons of ice cream, and hide the evidence from my husband. The trash goes to the bottom of the can and straight out into the dumpster before he can see.

He has caught me before, and it's such a shameful feeling, the secrecy an regret that go hand in hand with binge eating. I really can't express enough how much the accountability on MFP has helped me. The only person my binging hurts is me.

CindiBryce

My binging as calmed down slightly, but it is still a problem that is very hard for me to rid of.

abby459

I think I have (had) the same issue. I used to go downstairs in the middle of the night and gorge on food when my hubby was sleeping. Logging has helped me to...I dont let myself eat at night anymore at all!! I still binge once in a while, but not as badly and definately not as frequently.

I am glad you posted this!! I have never really been able to admit that it is a problem for me!!

femmerides

I have binge eating tendencies, but being on MFP has helped me so much. I think it's the accountability of having an open diary. But the food thing is always there, lurking in the back of my mind. I can't buy candy or junk food, because I get completely fixated on it. Whether I'm walking the dogs, talking to my husband, watching tv....in the back of my mind I'm fantasizing about that candy bar. Even wheni am eating, I am already thinking about my next meal. Sometimes food is all I think about.

When I was a kid, my mom didn't really buy soda, candy, or other junk for us kids. She always had her candy stashes though. If my sisters or I saw her eating, her response was always the same, "dont't tell your father!" My skinny mom hid her sweet tooth, her bread and butter obsession (both of which I inherited) from my dad. Sneak-eating unhealthy foods became a way of life. Hoarding food was another tendency I picked up. I was always worried that someone was going to come take my junk food away from me. As an adult, I still sneak eat. I will eat bags of candy and chips, cartons of ice cream, and hide the evidence from my husband. The trash goes to the bottom of the can and straight out into the dumpster before he can see.

He has caught me before, and it's such a shameful feeling, the secrecy an regret that go hand in hand with binge eating. I really can't express enough how much the accountability on MFP has helped me. The only person my binging hurts is me.

it's the worse feeling ever. i always thought i was a freak and that no one had this issue. it is so refreshing to know that all of you know what i go through and can understand the struggle. i try explaining it to some people and they just do not get it. it's so sucky. i wish that there was a pill we could take to make it all go away. i hate binge eating...

tschmelzer

Man do I know how you feel!!! My episodes are every few weeks and they usually last for about 4-6 days. It is horrible I feel sick and my self confidence hits rock bottom. It is definitely a problem that I have to deal with. I am trying to get over it by just talking to others about it. But if that doesn't help idk what I am going to do.

Pebble321

Hi guys, I want to thank you all for your posts on this thread, I am at a point where I am pretty much at my goal weight but don't quite know what i need to do to stay here. I do know that binge-eating is a big part of my problem, I think that is really what I need to deal with now.

And thank you especially to the poster who recommended the books by Gillian Riley, I have one on my iPhone and have started reading it and immediately found the summary for my problem:
My problem is not weight, its eating.

So, eating is what I have to deal with now, not weight loss.

I guess many of you are in the same boat, I wish you good luck, I don't think this is going to be easy!

femmerides

just found out awesome news!

my dad is currently on week 6 of his kaiser permanente weight management program and he has weekly support group meetings. he emailed my post to his group adviser and she loved it SO much, she printed out a copy for all 150 people in all of her weight management support groups! wow! who knew that something i just put together because i wanted others to understand my struggles would impact so many people! i'm so happy!