Blatant lies told by parents

p0pr0cksnc0ke

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

fteale

I tell my children I made them so I always know what they are thinking.

I usually DO know what they are thinking because it is so obviously written on their faces, so they believe me.

Crowhorse

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

Ha ha ha ha, I like the forehead thing.

vim_n_vigor

Yes, that apple juice is really Mt. Dew. Really.

timadotcom

My son is just a toddler, but i'm so going to use that 'forehead' thing, very clever

yoshi91610

I only have a one year old, so we haven't gotten to the mommy lies yet. But I remember when I was younger (10-11) my mom told me if I didn't support my newborn nieces head it would roll off. It scared me so much that I was scared to hold her (She only said it so I would sit down and hold the baby because I kept trying to get up.) So when I had my son, I was naturally afraid he was going to lose his head.

I told that story back to my mom and she was like. OMG I am so sorry I said that to you, I didn't even think it would have made that kind of impact, I was just trying to get you to sit down!

shander7

My parents always told me that the car wouldn't work without the seat belts buckled! We definitely believed her.. if she heard us unclick she would pull over and ask us if we were unbuckled because the car stopped :laugh:

Now whenever I babysit I tell the kids that and they're amazed! I love it

cantjustcant

When my kids were little and would wake up crabby I would ask to see their teeth...then I would tell them that they needed to go brush their teeth because they didn't get all the grumpies out....served two purposes!

Ashley_Panda

My cousin told her daughter that if she kept her paci a monster was going to come and get her. They put the paci away and when she asked for her she would say "Do you REALLY want to meet that monster?" Yeah, she hasn't asked for it since.

godroxmysox

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)


I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.

HILARIOUS! I will have to use these when I have kids

pain_is_weakness

hahahaha that is so funny! I will have ot try that next time my son colors on his arms.

My worse lie to my son was telling him mommy alwys knows best, we all know we just wing it and give it our best!

Skinny_minny_mo

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

how cute!! no kids as yet but i'm taking notes

ju1ianne

Ha! I tell a similar lie to yours really. I tell my children that when they lie a purple halo appears above their heads. When I ask them a quesion and I think/know they are lying, I squint at the top of their head and they confess. What are we like?

martinbeks

So my three year old daughter decided it would be fun to draw on her arms and shirt with markers. I asked if she knew how mommy had to get it out of her shirt, she said yes.. in the washing machine. I told her that drawing on your arms also had to come out in the washing machine. Her face resembled something like this: :noway: So I asked her which cycle did she want, hot or cold? She chose cold... we get to the top of the stairs and she finally freaks out I DONT WANNA GO IN THE WASHING MACHINE!!!!!
(bet she hasnt colored on herself since)

When I was a kid, my dad told me that bay windows were for fat people to look out of.

I was also told the same for skylights..

I tell my daughter I can tell when she is lying because its written on her forehead. So now, I ask her to show me her forhead, and when she refuses.. I know its a lie.


What are yours?

OMG! That is hysterical!

engineman312

i grew up in a not so great neighborhood. my dad told me that the gunshots we heard were someone setting off fireworks.

yeah, parents tell their kids all kinds of lies.

nerdyandilikeit

My mom used to tell us that there were elves living in the broccoli and cauliflower 'trees' and we had to eat the trees to find the elves.

When we scraped a knee or something minor and were clearly crying out of wanting attention, she would ask us if we'd like that body part cut off so it wouldn't hurt anymore. If we were still crying, she'd tell someone else to go get the scissors and then we were like NO! It's ok, now.

My sister eats tomatoes like an apple, and one time she was over while I was babysitting my 4 year old cousin. My sister and I were sitting next to each other on the couch and my cousin came up to Cait and asked her what it was she was eating. Without missing a beat or looking at each other or anything, we both say 'poison.' My poor little cousin couldn't tell if we were kidding until I busted up laughing. She doesn't believe anything I say, now, and she's 9.

p0pr0cksnc0ke

HAHAHA I love these!!! My dad got me a book called Great Lies to Tell Small Children...

my fave was if you rub two red headed kids together, you will start a fire.

BAAAAAAHAHAHA

Tzipporah90

That people like the nice,good kids.

macpatti

My dad always told us if we peed in the pool at the country club, the water would turn red around us and everyone would know.

I tell my kids there are nanny cams in the house to watch them when we're not home.

nerdyandilikeit

I only have a one year old, so we haven't gotten to the mommy lies yet. But I remember when I was younger (10-11) my mom told me if I didn't support my newborn nieces head it would roll off. It scared me so much that I was scared to hold her (She only said it so I would sit down and hold the baby because I kept trying to get up.) So when I had my son, I was naturally afraid he was going to lose his head.

I told that story back to my mom and she was like. OMG I am so sorry I said that to you, I didn't even think it would have made that kind of impact, I was just trying to get you to sit down!

OMG, my cousin said something similar to me when she brought her newborn son over (I was like 5 or 6). I was feeling his hair very softly and she walked in and screamed at me that if I touched his head it would cave in! I was terrified to touch him at all for a long time after that!

PlunderBunneh

Giraffes say "oogie-boogie," turtles say "woot!" and the walrus says "coocookachoo"

Spaghetti grows on trees, and mermaids eat fishsticks.

wifeygonzo

When my sister & i were about 4 & 5 my sister playing with my dad's after shave, so he told my sister "now you'll grow whiskers like dad" she screamed and never touched it again.

mallorybriann

We used to tell my little bro and sis that white spots showed up on their tongues when they lied... evil big sis :devil:

kandrews24

I told all my boys that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, strawberry milk comes from pink cows, vanilla chocolate swirl comes from those multi colored cows, dark chocolate milk comes from those very dark cows, and soy milk comes from light brown cows. They live in the city, what do they know. I have kept the lie up (forever), it just gets more complex. When they learned you could put things in regular milk to flavor them, I said "well, yes, but it isn't as good as the real thing".

So when my eldest was in 4th grade, he corrected the teacher on this point and they got into an argument. She tried to tell him the truth, but he would hear none of it. He came home and told me how uninformed his teacher was. I just shook my head.

He knows the truth now (he's 17), but he continues the lie for younger brothers . . . youngest is 6.

Oh, pink cows, of course they exist. Haven't you seen them. I see them from time to time when we are on long drives. The funny thing is that by the time I tell the kids, we've already passed them. Strange.

BecksgotBack

My daughter is getting too old and smart for my lies...she calls me out on them. I will tell her anything to make her be quiet.

For a long time she believed there was a "bad girl school" where parents send their bad kids--you don't get to come home at Christmas and they make you eat oatmeal for breakfast.

I told her to quit poking the chicken while in line at the grocery store "why?? why??" i said her finger would turn green and fall off if she poked it thru the plastic and touched the chicken. the guy in front of me thought it was hilarious, turned around and showed her his "missing finger" she almost cried. i laughed.

Fairysoul

My daughter is getting too old and smart for my lies...she calls me out on them. I will tell her anything to make her be quiet.

For a long time she believed there was a "bad girl school" where parents send their bad kids--you don't get to come home at Christmas and they make you eat oatmeal for breakfast.

I told her to quit poking the chicken while in line at the grocery store "why?? why??" i said her finger would turn green and fall off if she poked it thru the plastic and touched the chicken. the guy in front of me thought it was hilarious, turned around and showed her his "missing finger" she almost cried. i laughed.

OMG to the last part, hilarious!!

krik84

My dad told us that if you see a bunch of cows in a field and they are laying down that it is going to rain.

magichatter06

My dad told us that if you see a bunch of cows in a field and they are laying down that it is going to rain.

haha that isn't true!? Everytime I see them laying down...I think... "yep it's going to rain"... I guess I am gullible :embarassed:

p0pr0cksnc0ke

I told her to quit poking the chicken while in line at the grocery store "why?? why??" i said her finger would turn green and fall off if she poked it thru the plastic and touched the chicken. the guy in front of me thought it was hilarious, turned around and showed her his "missing finger" she almost cried. i laughed.

BAAAAAAHAHAHAH

I LOL'ed SO loud at work!!!

staceyGO

Giraffes say "oogie-boogie," turtles say "woot!" and the walrus says "coocookachoo"

Spaghetti grows on trees, and mermaids eat fishsticks.

Cannibalism haha

acfkaren

We have 2 for my friend's little girl (she is 4):

When the golden arches of mcdonalds are lit up they have run out of fries

When the ice cream van plays music it means it has run out..........

heh heh