HEALTHY HABITS CAN DESTROY YOUR SOCIAL LIFE?!

Johnny_Castle

NOTE: THIS IS A RELATIVELY LONG POST BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ!

At least in the Western culture, food (particularly the very unhealthy kind) and alcohol, both of which work against our health and fitness goals compose the majority, if not all of social interactions, friendships, and relationships. The vast majority of social events are based on unhealthy food and alcohol by default.

Can you think of having a dating life where there is no food or alcohol involved? Maybe you can get away with some creative first dates a couple of times but how can you expect your partner/date to put up with the fact that you have to do cardio at least 5 times a week and weights 4 times a week and can eat only clean, lean meats and whole wheat grains and no alcohol. Wine, one of the oldest symbols for love and romance for example, is one of those things we have to stay away from. Maybe your partner is different since strong romantic feelings are involved (assuming you can even get to that point with all your crazy health habits) and she/he will understand or even love you more.

But what about your friends? Is it really possible to spend time with friends without eating or drinking anything? As a guy I have to turn down invitations to going to bars and clubs all the time. I mean you either go to a restaurant, a bar, or a club with your friends. I can’t ask my friends to go to the zoo with me or to go for a walk in the park, or to go and have herbal tea and then later have a nice healthy can of tuna.

When I do go out, I get pressured into drinking alcohol. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don’t. The cost of not drinking when everyone else is drinking is that you look like a boring guy that doesn’t want to have fun and one who is not interested in fitting into the group. At restaurants, if you order something light, the group usually gets on your *kitten* about that too. If there are guys they’ll jokingly say things like “wow what a wuss!” or girls text each other things like “wow! Just a salad?! Seriously?!” Your friends will falsely sense a lack of interest in them and will slowly begin to get more and more distanced. I currently have very strong friendships but I don’t know if they can last, and if yes, for how long with my relatively new healthy habits
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Having a very strong social life is very very important to me. But being in excellent shape is also very very important to me. I’ve suggested that you can’t be super strong in both because they are just not compatible. Do you guys agree or disagree? How do you guys cope with this problem? Any info or tips will be appreciated! Thanks!

PS
Ironically I just got a text from one of my best friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time asking me to go to a bar. What should I reply?

foremant86

I don't drink so that's not a problem for me, never have and never will.

eating out with my friends isn't a problem either, it's not something that isn't done on a daily basis, it's usually once a week if that so what's the big deal?
I guess if you're super serious about eating clean 24/7 it would be a problem but life is short, why be that super serious? what is wrong with having a not so healthy meal every once in a while?

I can’t ask my friends to go to the zoo with me or to go for a walk in the park, or to go and have herbal tea and then later have a nice healthy can of tuna.

why the heck not? maybe get some new friends?
I know if i ask my friends to go to the park or zoo they'll say heck yea!

healthy4self

I totally agree. I stopped going to parties because I'm always the only sober one. As a result, I've also stopped getting invited to them. It's really hard to have a social life. I say find friends that share your health mentalities. You can work out together, cook together, travel, and have all the same expectations!

sc1572

I can TOTALLY relate to this! If my friends want to go out to eat or to a bakery, I suggest a healthier place or something else...and they automatically get mad at me for saying something else is healthier. A few months back my friends were begging to get pizookies at BJ's (for those of you who don't have it, it's basically a giant cookie with ice cream and whip cream)...and so I finally gave in. They all got the regular sized, 1,000 calorie or so, ones, and I got a mini instead for about 500 calories. What happened? I got ridiculed.

It's so annoying because if I choose to eat healthier, I get rude remarks for it. Yet, if I decide to cheat, I get joked around with for doing it. I will say eating healthier is the best decision I've made for my new lifestyle, and same with working out everyday, but it does interfere with my social life sometimes, and cause anxiety about holidays and special occassions.

Literally, NONE of my friends like to workout, be healthy, etc. except for one, and even she is starting to change. Plus, she is at a university hours away from mine. I also don't like to drink, and that plays a role as well. It sucks having such an unhealthy roommate, and trying to be a healthy college student. It's not like I never treat myself! I still occasionally have my favorites!

This is why I LOVE MFP!

poustotah

I totally disagree with this but the term 'friend' apparently means something completely different to me.

UpEarly

I don't feel like it has to be one or the other. I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a bottle or two of hard cider a week. I eat pizza and cheeseburgers and cake. I do my workouts, make good food choices most of the time, and get on with my normal, fulfilling life. Being healthier has not had any impact on my social life whatsoever. I go to parties and cookouts, I go on hikes with my friends, I see movies, go out to lunch, etc. Nothing has changed, except for the fact that I'm 36 pounds (and counting) lighter. :-)

GTI_Girl

actually having this problem my self. If your current friends can't respect that you are trying to better yourself...maybe its time to find some new friends who are also into a healthy life style??

Im trying to work that into my life currently. All my old friends drink ALL THE TIME and it SHOWS! I gained 15-20 lbs over the couple of years i would "party" every weekend. I need to find friends who are into running, the gym, and just good old clean fun now. It may be hard, but the world is full of new friends just waiting for the chance!

karinaes

i totally get what you are saying, because i'm by far the "healthiest" of most my friends/family.. but at the end of the day.. .i'm still human. being in tip top shape won't mean anything if i don't have social interaction with loved ones or love interests.

i'm sorry you feel really badly about it & my advice is to just take the hassle from your friends when you order your salad.. if they are true friends, they'll get use to it. and as far as dating goes, date someone who follows the same habits.

tonight i was invited by my long lost cousin [whom i've only seen once (4th of July of this year) in the past 12 years. ] to go to a restaurant/bar with him, his wife & friends to celebrate his birthday...he found me on facebook back in June.. i'm not turning him down. maybe one drink, maybe more... and i don't care.

foremant86

ya'll need to get some new friends.....

When i make healthier choices when me and my friends go out to eat they all say something like "man i should eat healthier too" or "i need to start losing some of this weight too"

mea9

I totally agree. I stopped going to parties because I'm always the only sober one. As a result, I've also stopped getting invited to them. It's really hard to have a social life. I say find friends that share your health mentalities. You can work out together, cook together, travel, and have all the same expectations!

^^ totally this. Real friends support your good choices. Some of your old friends will follow you and some won't. The only sure thing is, if you let yourself, you'll make lots of new friends. A romantic partner will love that you cook... You can go to the bar and have an Orange or a tomato juice:) BTW: Fresh juiced veg is wine without the headache.

gp79

It's manageable. Have you looked into rearranging your daily food schedule to accommodate a weekend party? So you save 50% of your calories for the night out, and if you go over, which you probably will, it won't be by all too much and nothing your body can't recover from by getting back on track the next day.

Learn to drink slower...that's my other suggestion.

rockerbabyy

i dont see why it has to. have a few drinks, splurge once in a while.. maybe its easier for me to say since we only go out to bars maybe 6 times a year... and i give myself a cheat day every week. while im here for the whole lifestyle change deal and not just dieting, i dont see a problem with having fun occasionally. ill be going out tomorrow for hubbys bday, we'll be having lunch at a cafe we havent tried, and we'll be going to a bar with friends to get drunk. yes, thats the plan. we'll probably even order some food at happy hour. ill log it and not feel guilty. ill exercise a bit more over the next week, and drink more water

horror_hamster

Ironically I just got a text from one of my best friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time asking me to go to a bar. What should I reply?

I think you should say YES! just because you go out doesnt mean you have to indulge in horrible habits. Go to the bar, but plan before. If you plan to eat, try to find the menu before hand and select the healthier options. If you plan to drink any of the alcoholic beverages, again, plan before yougo. You can still go out and have a good time without getting shmammered. You can "pretend" to drink if the people you are with are the type to peer-pressure you into it. Order your own drinks and get a diet coke or a ginger ale (something that LOOKS like you have a mixed drink but get it without alcohol). PLUS, when people start to complain you might not be drunk just tell them "i'm gonna be your DD, go get wasted!" LOL (i use this line quite often)

it's not impossible, and in the end your friends will thank you because you'll get them home safe and without a DUI.

FlyMommy

True friends will respect and appreciate your dedication to change your life for the better, not give you a hard time. What you are doing is for you, a personal desire, and once they see how serious you are about it...they will either fall by the wayside or be a true friend and stand by you. They shouldnt mind doing the walks or jogs with you. I would hope that they want to share the experience with you and give you even more motivation, but even if they dont.....remember....this is YOUR journey to wellness.

wickedcricket

really? maybe u need new friends. I don't get drunk on dates and wine is NOT that bad, you can have a glass (or 2 on special occasions)

I eat in restaurants- that's just silly - can't eat strictly 365 days per year, you're right.

It's not a race or contest. It's a lifestyle change. I eat in restaurants and drink wine. Just not EVERY DAY. every day is NOT a special occasion.
I don't hang out in bars and see no reason for it. IF your friends don't respect your healthier lifestlyle & try to corrupt you, get diff friends. Many of MY friends are eating better and working out. BE the influence - BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE

leave everyone else to their bad habits.
Peer pressure is for losers

racerchick48

Honestly, it's pretty difficult to maintain an active social life (at least the kind most of us were used to before starting this journey) and be fit. I'm sure it's slightly easier for women to maintain friendships that don't revolve around food and alcohol, simply because we commiserate with each other about the battle of losing weight. But it's still hard. A lot of my close friends and family try to get me to go out to eat or drink on a regular basis, and having to turn them down almost all the time is putting a strain on the relationships I have with those people. But a few of them have been really supportive, and one has become a workout buddy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're doing the right thing by focusing on your health, but I do think that you can have friends and still be healthy. They just might need to be different friends. Don't give up on all your current friends, but don't let them pressure you into things like drinking either.

Oh, and as for the text? If you think you can have one or two drinks without a problem, go for it. But if you're going to drink the bar dry, well, I would decline :-)

spottedlee

I don't feel like it has to be one or the other. I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a bottle or two of hard cider a week. I eat pizza and cheeseburgers and cake. I do my workouts, make good food choices most of the time, and get on with my normal, fulfilling life. Being healthier has not had any impact on my social life whatsoever. I go to parties and cookouts, I go on hikes with my friends, I see movies, go out to lunch, etc. Nothing has changed, except for the fact that I'm 36 pounds (and counting) lighter. :-)

ChrisStoney

Everything in moderation.. no one will force you to eat crappy food, just don't bring your date to McDonalds...

Drinking is your own chioce, I don't think anyone will think less of you if you don't drink, maybe a drunk might make a comment, who cares? If your friends can't accept that, are they really 'friends'?

GTI_Girl

<--- actually drinking a glass of wine right now lol.

dmgardner5

I always drive and volunteer to be the designated driver. I then can drink water with lemon. My friends appreciate having one person to take them home. Usually they order wings and I eat 1 or 2 along with all the carrot and celery sticks. Still having fun and everyone goes home safe.

karinaes

and every Friday evening, my siblings & their loved ones come over our house (i'm the youngest & still live at home) and we all go out to dinner. i love them, i'm not giving that up. i just make the best of the options at the restaurants.

JoJo_fat2fab

I don't feel like it has to be one or the other. I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a bottle or two of hard cider a week. I eat pizza and cheeseburgers and cake. I do my workouts, make good food choices most of the time, and get on with my normal, fulfilling life. Being healthier has not had any impact on my social life whatsoever. I go to parties and cookouts, I go on hikes with my friends, I see movies, go out to lunch, etc. Nothing has changed, except for the fact that I'm 36 pounds (and counting) lighter. :-)

Same thing here, except I'm 19pounds and counting

Bella1hud

Interesting discussion. All my adult life I have enjoyed a social drink but I think perhaps young people have it harder today when "going to the bar" goes hand in hand with getting together. I live in city with 2 universities and a community college and the alcohol certainly flows freely here.

I want to share the experience of my stepson, now in his mid -30's. Neither he nor his wife ever drank, no heavy reason behind their decision, they just don't like the taste of the stuff. However having friends and parties has bever been an issue for them. As my step-son says "I can still act like an ash hole and be the only one that doesn't wake up in the morning with a hangover!" He actually is a stand up comedian and works in bars where booze is plentiful, but of course on those nights he's working. But he was eclectic interests which he shares with his friends, including being a nerd who loves superheros. ( His 3 young sons love that about their dad lol).

Anyway I guess my point is to work at developing friendships with people who share your interests and passions and hopefully the "to drink or not to drink?" question won't be as big an issue for you. All the best!

ChrisStoney

<--- actually drinking a glass of wine right now lol.

sounds good!!

LorinaLynn

It might be time to both be more flexible, and find more flexible friends.

If you enjoy the occasional glass of wine, bottle of beer, dish of wings or slices of pizza, unless you have medical problems that forbid those things, there's no reason on earth why you can't have them every once in a while.

And there's no reason on earth your friends should insist you have them if and when you don't want them.

There's been plenty of times I've been the designated driver and only sober one at parties. And the one who just had a salad instead of a platter of appetizers. I get what I want, and I enjoy myself, no matter what the event.

Anayalata

I don't feel like it has to be one or the other. I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a bottle or two of hard cider a week. I eat pizza and cheeseburgers and cake. I do my workouts, make good food choices most of the time, and get on with my normal, fulfilling life. Being healthier has not had any impact on my social life whatsoever. I go to parties and cookouts, I go on hikes with my friends, I see movies, go out to lunch, etc. Nothing has changed, except for the fact that I'm 36 pounds (and counting) lighter. :-)

I second (or third or fourth) this.

I'm on a -500 calorie diet to lose weight. On top of that I'm working out and always end up with -200~400 calories by the end of the day.
One night every now and then when I end up going to or over my calorie goal to maintain weight isn't going to hurt me, in fact it'll keep me motivated longer since I'm not depriving myself of everything enjoyable.
Just a few days ago I went to buffalo wild wings and scarfed down around 13 boneless wings (1040 calories~). Delicious, but the next day I just kept right on going with my diet and exercise.

Heidi64

I don't feel like it has to be one or the other. I still enjoy a couple glasses of wine or a bottle or two of hard cider a week. I eat pizza and cheeseburgers and cake. I do my workouts, make good food choices most of the time, and get on with my normal, fulfilling life. Being healthier has not had any impact on my social life whatsoever. I go to parties and cookouts, I go on hikes with my friends, I see movies, go out to lunch, etc. Nothing has changed, except for the fact that I'm 36 pounds (and counting) lighter. :-)

Same for me on this. Although I do get the occasional remark that will set my teeth on edge, but I consider the source and move on.

GTI_Girl

honestly...i prefer my new "healthy" life more than my "jager bombs and beers and nachos and pizza". Sure its fun to party every now and again (last night I had 4 beers...the most I have had to drink since my birthday in march) but if its not the lifestyle for you anymore , you don't need to feel obligated to appease your friends. Like others have said... true friends will understand. Really good friends will make you feel ok with your choices, and maybe even join in with you

CharlieBarleyMom

True friends do not put you into situations that would make you uncomfortable. True friends will not make fun of you because you don't have a drink or a cookie ice cream or if you eat just a salad (whether you're a girl or a guy). True friends stand behind your decisions and help you make the right choices for your health because they want you to be around to spend time with.

Tell your current friends to grow up or get out. Find friends that actually care about you, not whether you have 5 or 6 drinks while standing at the bar. You can go to a bar, order a beer and sip that all night. You can be DD. You can still have fun while having less alcohol.

You can still have fun while not ordering appetizer, dinner, and dessert every time you go out to dinner. Every once in a while, fine... but your friends will understand if you tell them that you are trying to be healthier.

bllowry

True friends do not put you into situations that would make you uncomfortable.

Very, very true.

servilia

Well I see it like this - you can either find new friends who share your goals, or you can compromise a bit. I don't mind if my weight loss is a tiny bit slower if I get to maintain my friendships and the sense of well being that comes from socializing.