How do you deal with unsupportive partners....?

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lizzue
lizzue Posts: 276 Member
in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend is skinny athletic and eats junk all day long. I on the other hand have an office job so cant. He will sit eating biscuit after biscuit two packs at a time and no weight will go on. Then he will offer me one and I will say no, then he will ask again and I will say no and then i am accused of being moody!

Or he will ask what I want for tea and I will say 'emmm salad 'and he will say 'o I want pizza' and I will say' thats fine I got the calories to eat a slice and fill up on salad' and he will say 'O not sticking to your diet then???'

It gets me down because he wont support me but then he puts me down if I gain anything....
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Replies

  • Justjoshin
    Justjoshin Posts: 999 Member
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    Find someone who will support you and get rid of the d-bag.
  • spim
    spim Posts: 31 Member
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    I don't deal with it, I just die a little inside every time it happens. My girlfriend always brings home chocolate and cakes and crisps, and is constantly eating! I think until they have been where we are, and actually understand what we're trying to accomplish, they don't really understand.

    Feel free to drop me a friend request if you want some extra support from someone who feels your pain :)
  • FindingMyself239
    FindingMyself239 Posts: 57
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    I know how you feel.. my boyfriend is in shape and it sucks...he can eat a whole box of pizza and gain no weight..yup he eats junk all day everyday but me if i do the same i gain weight like its water...lol...What got my boyfriend on my team was the weight started to drop and the eyes being to turn..I guess it was his sign to support me and be on my side or who knows
    Not just that but he seen my motivation,determination and how bad i wanted to drop weight and he just jumped on my team and has been one of the biggest influences i have. If you don't wanna wait for that light to click in his head then sit down and talk to him let him know how you feel and what you think and then go from there...good luck:)
  • 0PhAtDaDdY
    0PhAtDaDdY Posts: 569 Member
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    I think you will just have to beat the crap out of him..

    Just Teasing, just upgrade to a new boyfriend might help...
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    It's my parents that aren't the supportive ones for me. I've found the way around it though is to plan meals for everyone for the week and I do the cooking.

    They don't argue because I'm making their meal and I'm happy because I get to eat what I want. :)
  • RickinNH
    RickinNH Posts: 73 Member
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    Read the ancient Greek play Lysistrata. You will figure something out!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysistrata
  • DAVEGETSLEAN
    DAVEGETSLEAN Posts: 59 Member
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    I'm not an expert., but when someone puts you down, I think it's time to upgrade.
  • ludgerclay
    ludgerclay Posts: 95 Member
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    There must be some good reasons that you're together, right? I wouldn't consider a relationship so "disposable" that you can just toss it out and get another. Check out a book called "the five love languages". If HE really enjoys eating, maybe he's showing his affection for you by offering you food. Explain to him what's important to you. If you don't let him know, he just won't know (unless he's psychic). Let him know how he can support you. We guys perceptive things much differently than our better halves....
  • CindyWarner
    CindyWarner Posts: 138
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    It gets me down because he wont support me but then he puts me down if I gain anything....

    He puts you down when you gain and then parades around with junk food infront of you? Umm that's not a healthy relationship. I'd ditch the guy and finds someone who likes you for who you are. I sounds a lot like this guy likes to manipulate.
  • Tywana
    Tywana Posts: 135 Member
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    I have the same trouble. My husband lives on donuts, candy and whole milk.:frown: He comes to bed snacking. I love him so I jst ignore it.I can't expect him to suffer for me, It's only junk food.:indifferent: I try to stay focused on how I want to look. It sucks that some people don't have to try and other like me have to fight like hell. My husband is 5"10" and weights 155 lb. I am 5"4' and currently weight 176lbs, 7 years ago I was 267lbs. Just keep your eyes on the prize... The way you want to look and feel in your skin... :flowerforyou: Great luck!
  • nothingisred
    nothingisred Posts: 292
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    There must be some good reasons that you're together, right? I wouldn't consider a relationship so "disposable" that you can just toss it out and get another. Check out a book called "the five love languages". If HE really enjoys eating, maybe he's showing his affection for you by offering you food. Explain to him what's important to you. If you don't let him know, he just won't know (unless he's psychic). Let him know how he can support you. We guys perceptive things much differently than our better halves....

    Whilst I agree that relationships shouldn't be considered disposable, I do think it's unhealthy to stay in a relationship such as this one where there is no support or respect. I've been in the same position, my ex used to actually ask me NOT to lose weight because he liked me the way I was - sweet yes but ultimately I never had his full support and no amount of trying to explain this to him ever worked. It's not the reason we split up at all, but it was definitely a sign that at the end of the day we didn't want the same things. I think it's really important to work out the reasons why you are staying in a relationship like that, sometimes it is best for everyone to move on.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    Get out

    As somebody who spent 10 years with a guy like that, get out. It's only going to get worse.

    A relationship is about love and support. Honesty too, yes.
    But there is a difference between being supportively honest and being a effing ****.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    re "he puts me down if I gain anything"; Big red flag.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    Have you actually talked to him about it?

    Next time he offers you a biscuit, or suggests going out for pizza say something like, "hey, babe, you know, I'm really trying to lose weight and it would be just sooo awesome if you could be my cheerleader! Like, maybe you could eat pizza at lunch when I'm not around or biscuits when we're not together? It would make me feel so good if I felt like you cared enough about me to do that for me."
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    My girlfriend is completely unsupportive. She hates that I've lost weight and she "can't." I didn't even say anything to her when I hit my first goal. She gets angry when I tell her I plan to keep losing.

    I just try to deal with it. IT REALLY SUCKS! Probably why I turn to MFP for support and encouragement.
  • PixelTreason
    PixelTreason Posts: 226 Member
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    My boyfriend is overweight and doesn't eat healthily (He should! His cholesterol + blood pressure are both high).

    I tried to get him to "help" me at first, by asking him to eat healthier with me and to exercise with me but both things were a no-go with him. He's not unsupportive of me doing it by myself but he won't do it as well, which makes me sad.

    For a while we had BIG fights about him bringing junk food into the house so he mostly stopped doing that. Now I let him bring whatever he wants in because I am at that point where it doesn't bother me and I know I won't eat it.
    It took a lot of arguments until he decided to cook a bit healthier for me (he does the cooking when he's home at night, I do all the cleaning for the house. It's our deal.) but now he'll cook me chicken and veggies while he cooks himself a big steak and potatoes, lol.

    So it's been a bit of a compromise. I can't say it was easy just getting to that! He's stubborn and set in his ways.
    I don't really have much advice for you because the only way I even got this far with him was arguing/nagging and I wouldn't recommend anyone do that. I just didn't know what else to do.
    (I even tried offering up special "rewards" of an ... adult nature for him if he would workout on the elliptical machine for 3 days a week. He accepted and then never did it)
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    What got my boyfriend on my team was the weight started to drop and the eyes being to turn..I guess it was his sign to support me and be on my side or who knows

    that'll usually wake em up :happy:
  • Laurayinz
    Laurayinz Posts: 916 Member
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    It gets me down because he wont support me but then he puts me down if I gain anything....
    Then tell him to bugg off
  • 7534584
    7534584 Posts: 38
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    I'm not an expert., but when someone puts you down, I think it's time to upgrade.

    Ditto!
  • wannababyH
    wannababyH Posts: 106
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    This guy is emotionally abusive. It doesn't have to be physical for it to be abuse.

    You need to kick this guy to the curb ASAP.

    Not only does he attempt to sabotage you at every turn, this is taking a toll on you mentally/emotionally which will mess with your determination.

    Time to drop a quick 175lbs.

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