Helping or Hurting?

jakejacobsen

I have notice many people on this site are super encouraging which is great but what about holding your friends accountable? I see so many bad food diaries with way to go, makes me wonder did anyone even look? I don't want friends who regularly eat crap, don't exercise, and go over there goals. Its a bad example for me and makes me feel that its ok. I want friends that hit their goals, challenge me to do better, and are supportive.

Thats the beauty of this site, you can be coddled if you want or you can have your friends that are super strict. Or both. For me I need the strict friends.

So ask your self are you encouraging your friends to their goals or helping them feel ok about falling off the wagon?

BeautyFromPain

i love this!

also, if someone is eating less than say 1000 cals per day and has no intent on changing that (don't encourage it!!!!) i will usually message them about it and delete them, i know that is harsh but i don't wanna fall back into that same pattern myself. i'm here to be HEALTHY not anorexic. (not intended to be rude in any way)

jennmoore3

Amen! I am honest with all my friends here. I tell it like it is. I never comment on diaries if I don't see them. That is the problem with the App. I wish I could see the diary on there. I am glad to know I can get mean with you if needed. lol I agree that some people can get offended if we call them out. I won't. I love people to get ugly on me. I need it.

kirstyjosephine

I think it's a bit harsh to delete someone because they don't eat all their calories and/or are eating less than optimally (*raises hand* I'm in exam mode, I think it's expected). Although I don't disagree that it's important to surround yourself with like-minded people if that's crucial to your own success. You can set your own rules of engagement.

Also, with eating disorders, I'm not sure what to say. They're classified as a psychiatric illness for a reason .. having a word with them isn't going to do a whole lot.

BeautyFromPain

I think it's a bit harsh to delete someone because they don't eat all their calories and/or are eating less than optimally (*raises hand* I'm in exam mode, I think it's expected). Although I don't disagree that it's important to surround yourself with like-minded people if that's crucial to your own success. You can set your own rules of engagement.

Also, with eating disorders, I'm not sure what to say. They're classified as a psychiatric illness for a reason .. having a word with them isn't going to do a whole lot.

I mean deleting them because I used to have AN and it can be a trigger for me to see others eating so little food to think it is okay for me to.
I mean a word as in asking if this is how it always is or is there something else going on, (illness, busyness, etc etc) not making them eat more....

kirstyjosephine

I think it's a bit harsh to delete someone because they don't eat all their calories and/or are eating less than optimally (*raises hand* I'm in exam mode, I think it's expected). Although I don't disagree that it's important to surround yourself with like-minded people if that's crucial to your own success. You can set your own rules of engagement.

Also, with eating disorders, I'm not sure what to say. They're classified as a psychiatric illness for a reason .. having a word with them isn't going to do a whole lot.

I mean deleting them because I used to have AN and it can be a trigger for me to see others eating so little food to think it is okay for me to.
I mean a word as in asking if this is how it always is or is there something else going on, (illness, busyness, etc etc) not making them eat more....

I understand your viewpoint. You're doing really well to have overcome it! You need to do what is best for you.

I enjoy having friends because I feel accountable to them (and people are super nice). At the same time, I understand losing weight isn't necessarily straight forward for everyone .. however, my eating habits aren't influenced by others.

Contrarian

When my friends "fall off the wagon", or have a bad day, they are well aware of this fact and don't need me to point it out. I will often tell them that it is just a day and they can get right back to it tomorrow.

Different people need different kinds of support.

koosdel

When my friends "fall off the wagon", or have a bad day, they are well aware of this fact and don't need me to point it out. I will often tell them that it is just a day and they can get right back to it tomorrow.

Different people need different kinds of support.

Exactly. Not everyone needs underwire.

Contrarian

When my friends "fall off the wagon", or have a bad day, they are well aware of this fact and don't need me to point it out. I will often tell them that it is just a day and they can get right back to it tomorrow.

Different people need different kinds of support.

Exactly. Not everyone needs underwire.

True. Some people just like the way it shapes them.

Gigi_licious

No,this does not bother me. I have a habit of letting my friends be adults and not picking their diaries apart so I can tell them what they're doing wrong. I tend to let them make their own choices and THEIR choices do not offend or bother me. Unless they specifically ask me if I think they should or should not have something, its none of my dang business. They don't have to eat chicken and salad all day to be healthy. I feel no food is off limits, therefore it bothers me more to see someone having a panic attack over a cheeseburger. Being healthier does not mean going from obsessing about what you're going to eat next to obsessing about what you just ate. Being healthier, to ME, is a mind AND body thing and eating crap you don't like just because its "healthy" is not good for mental health. So my vote is for you to get over it and MYOB!

maidentl

No,this does not bother me. I have a habit of letting my friends be adults and not picking their diaries apart so I can tell them what they're doing wrong. I tend to let them make their own choices and THEIR choices do not offend or bother me. Unless they specifically ask me if I think they should or should not have something, its none of my dang business. They don't have to eat chicken and salad all day to be healthy. I feel no food is off limits, therefore it bothers me more to see someone having a panic attack over a cheeseburger. Being healthier does not mean going from obsessing about what you're going to eat next to obsessing about what you just ate. Being healthier, to ME, is a mind AND body thing and eating crap you don't like just because its "healthy" is not good for mental health. So my vote is for you to get over it and MYOB!

So, I wanted to talk to you about that baked potato you had the other day . . . :laugh: Of course, I'm kidding. This is exactly why my diary is closed. I don't want judgment when I already know I screwed up and it tempts me to lie to avoid that. I just keep it private and beat my own self up, thanks.

Sidesteal

I agree with Koosdel on this, but additionally: Viewing a diary as "good" or "bad" is a very subjective thing.

grannygethealthy1111

I encourage my friends and feel no need to sit in judgement about their weight loss journey. Every BODY is different. If we were the all knowing experts, how come we got fat? My style is to lead by example. I eat healthy and I work out hard. We each have to find the way that works for us at our age, our weight, and fits in with our lifestyles. One size does not fill all, IMO.

Elzecat

When my friends "fall off the wagon", or have a bad day, they are well aware of this fact and don't need me to point it out. I will often tell them that it is just a day and they can get right back to it tomorrow.

Different people need different kinds of support.

This.

If I had a crappy day, or series of crappy eating days like I've had lately...I already know this.

mabug01

I think most of us are too hard on ourselves to begin with, so the last thing I want to do is give someone grief over their diet. I dropped a friend because she did that to people, and It was too painful to watch.

MIMITIME

Just like different children respond to different learning techniques so do adults. I think there is room for all of us here whether we are perfect or just human.

catwrangler

I'm encouraged by people who log in every day and keep on going when the going gets rough.

I like friends who post interesting things in the forums that teach me new things.

I have learned tolerance for the eating/exercise habits of others, I don't walk in their shoes. I'm still learning to keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice.

k2quiere

When my friends "fall off the wagon", or have a bad day, they are well aware of this fact and don't need me to point it out. I will often tell them that it is just a day and they can get right back to it tomorrow.

Different people need different kinds of support.

Exactly. Not everyone needs underwire.

True. Some people just like the way it shapes them.

You both make very valid points...I need underwire and extra padding to hold me accountable.

Vivian_Phoenix

I agree with this 100%

nonafit

I'm encouraged by people who log in every day and keep on going when the going gets rough.

I like friends who post interesting things in the forums that teach me new things.

I have learned tolerance for the eating/exercise habits of others, I don't walk in their shoes. I'm still learning to keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice.

Your french fries is driving me crazy!!!! :drinker:

kandrews24

My attitude on this topic has evolved as my journey continues. i think that we each need to figure out what we need and then search that out in friends. i think it helps to put that out there in your bio. the weight loss journey is so personal, emotional, and difficult. in my case, it is long too. so again, i see no right or wrong, but i do search for friends that share my values and support me in the way I need. if someone is hindering me (in any way) i remove them as a friend (often with an explanatory private message that explains why without passing judgment).

AZackery

I don't diet. I don't believe in diets. I don't track food at all and I don't track my workouts on here. I love to encourage and motivate people. I will not look at their food diaries. Some people get discourage and wants to give up. I'm here to cheer them on and let them know that they can do this.

I know a lot of people focus on their scale weight. I'm forever trying to get people to focus on their body fat percentage and pounds of fat, to let people see that scale weight loss and fat loss aren't the same thing.

A person may say, "I didn't lose weight in two weeks." and someone may reply. "Let me see your food diary."

I'm not going to ask about their food. I'm going to ask them if they have been tracking their body fat percentage or tell them that they need to track their body fat percentage, so that they can see that fat loss and scale weight loss aren't the same thing. They probably have lost any scale weight, but it doesn't mean that they haven't lost fat.

This is the kind of supporter that I am.

catwrangler

I'm encouraged by people who log in every day and keep on going when the going gets rough.

I like friends who post interesting things in the forums that teach me new things.

I have learned tolerance for the eating/exercise habits of others, I don't walk in their shoes. I'm still learning to keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice.

Your french fries is driving me crazy!!!! :drinker:

sorry! :laugh: just focus on the little fat lady running AWAY from the fries

JennyJacobsen

I think everyone is their own person so those who want the kick in the butt let them get kicked:laugh:and those who want a big cheer:drinker: and know everything is going to be just fine let them have friends that give them that support! The goal is the same for all of us to get healthy, it is a long journey because its a lifestyle change not just a weight lose and your done. Don't we wish Life were THAT easy.......Where is that easy button when U need it LOL Have a Gr8 day Everyone

Qarol

My friends are grown-ups and don't expect me to be motivational and *kitten*...

Cait_Sidhe

I fail to see how what other people eat possibly affects me. Sometimes I'll comment on a friend's diary if something looks particularly yummy. But if a friend messes up, they know it. They don't need me rubbing it in their face. I am not the food police.

umachanxo

I do have one person who I do view the diary for and wonder.. I have tried to give suggestions and even recipes, but they don't ever seem to want advice. Frustrating..

LisaMarieee

I fail to see how what other people eat possibly affects me. Sometimes I'll comment on a friend's diary if something looks particularly yummy. But if a friend messes up, they know it. They don't need me rubbing it in their face. I am not the food police.

This.

hikeout470

am I suppose to be looking at other people's diaries? and what exactly is bad? i think of one regularly scarfs down a dozen doughnuts with a 2 liter soda, whole large pizza, and a 12 pack of beer, well yes. What would be the point of even logging in? But yesterday I went over my calories with half a wisconsin 6 cheese dominos pizza and a few glasses of vino. But the days before I ate very clean with salads made with my own homemade dressings, lots of organic veggies, eggs, healthy sandwiches, soups, etc...

Obstinate07

No,this does not bother me. I have a habit of letting my friends be adults and not picking their diaries apart so I can tell them what they're doing wrong. I tend to let them make their own choices and THEIR choices do not offend or bother me. Unless they specifically ask me if I think they should or should not have something, its none of my dang business. They don't have to eat chicken and salad all day to be healthy. I feel no food is off limits, therefore it bothers me more to see someone having a panic attack over a cheeseburger. Being healthier does not mean going from obsessing about what you're going to eat next to obsessing about what you just ate. Being healthier, to ME, is a mind AND body thing and eating crap you don't like just because its "healthy" is not good for mental health. So my vote is for you to get over it and MYOB!

So, I wanted to talk to you about that baked potato you had the other day . . . :laugh: Of course, I'm kidding. This is exactly why my diary is closed. I don't want judgment when I already know I screwed up and it tempts me to lie to avoid that. I just keep it private and beat my own self up, thanks.

Exactly! What someone else eats isn't a big deal to me. My food diary is closed because i don't need someone who is trying to lose weight themselves nitpicking what i eat. However, i try to only comment on weight loss posts from friends instead of food diary posts.