Monday deep probing question...

BigDaddyBRC

Depends on your morals, what you are currently looking for, and what you "Need"

innerfashionista

I think it is.

Most of my guy friends are men I dated but ended up not being attracted to.

Relationship = friendship + sex.

SkateboardFi

Relationship = friendship + sex.

ehhhh...not exactly.... you can have friendship and sex with no relationship

maab_connor

you probe that question, darlin! you probe it good!!... ... .. oh... this was an actual question.... awkward.


no. you need to have that something that makes this person someone you want to know biblically and not just hang out with.

ninerbuff

I have lots of female friends who aren't physically attractive to me, and to me they would be nothing more than friends even though many have great personalities because I don't have that attraction to them. So I'm physically attracted first, but they would have to have a personality that I like too. My wife fit that perfectly.

juliecat1

Deep probing got my attention.... :bigsmile: Since Im here, Ill answer.
Its possible, for me at least, to start a relationship without physical attraction. Its the personality that keeps you coming back from more anyways right. Eventually, there has to be a switch over and you need to be hot for them. If not, itll just fizzle.

Katefab26

I don't think you need physical attraction to start a relationship. I've dated a couple guys that I wasn't physically attracted to at first, but their personality and intelligence won me over and the attraction followed. I rate intelligence much higher than physical attractiveness though, so maybe that's it?

ItsCasey

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had an experience where you met someone you weren't attracted to at all (and I don't mean "not ugly but not hot either" ... I mean there was nothing about the person that you found physically appealing), and then one day, after getting to know them, you woke up and suddenly thought that person was sexy.

I just don't even think this is possible, but I'm willing to admit I'm wrong if someone out there can honestly say they've started a non-platonic relationship with a person to whom they felt no physical attraction.

I will say that back in the day, people got married for totally different reasons. George Washington, for example, was not really in love with Martha when they got married. He had been in love with another woman for his entire adult life, but she happened to be the intended of his best friend, so nothing ever came of his affection for her. But he was a man of importance, so he needed a wife, but he was socially forbidden from marrying just any random woman. She had to have money. And Martha was a wealthy widow, so she fit the bill. He later wrote his niece a letter, urging her not to let "being in love" cloud her judgment with regard to marriage ... that it was better to marry someone with whom you could live in relative peace forever than to subject yourself to the kind of emotional turbulence that comes with marrying someone with whom you are passionately in love.

La_Amazona

I don't think it's absolutely necessary as I've had bfs who I wasn't physically attracted to them at first (I thought they were cute but not the magnetic high you get with someone you're really attracted to) but we became friends and took off from there.

The only drawback there is the lack of that magnetic high, which is sexy! Who wants to be in love with someone who you don't think is HOT? Trust me, you will lack and you will notice it.

Then you have a relationship that is based just on physical attraction. Sometimes you just want to hang out and you want to laugh and just have fun (no sex). If that friendship isn't there, you're going to be missing that aspect of the relationship.

For me, I've decided to look for both. I want the magnetic high and the friendship all in one. The attraction will have to come first because well, that's what you see first. Then I'd see how the friendship is. Are you comfortable around them? Can you laugh and be yourself? Can you just hang out and watch a movie and still have a good time? etc etc

Katefab26

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had an experience where you met someone you weren't attracted to at all (and I don't mean "not ugly but not hot either" ... I mean there was nothing about the person that you found physically appealing), and then one day, after getting to know them, you woke up and suddenly thought that person was sexy.

I can honestly say that I have. I mean, he wasn't gross or dirty, but he was not cute at all. Most people thought I was crazy for dating him, but I'm a sucker for amazing conversation (and foreign languages; I met him in my Russian class)! We had so much fun together and then one day I realized I was actually completely attracted to him (it didn't work out for other reasons). It's rare, but it really does happen occasionally.

Iamfit4life

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had an experience where you met someone you weren't attracted to at all (and I don't mean "not ugly but not hot either" ... I mean there was nothing about the person that you found physically appealing), and then one day, after getting to know them, you woke up and suddenly thought that person was sexy.

I can honestly say that I have. I mean, he wasn't gross or dirty, but he was not cute at all. Most people thought I was crazy for dating him, but I'm a sucker for amazing conversation (and foreign languages; I met him in my Russian class)! We had so much fun together and then one day I realized I was actually completely attracted to him (it didn't work out for other reasons). It's rare, but it really does happen occasionally.

Same here.

zenchild

The physical attractiveness subsides after a year or so then you are left with the personality, so I tend to choose woman I know I can tolerate and be able to keep a conversation with...

No it doesn't. I've been with my husband 11 years. The physical attraction is still very much there. There are plenty of times when I look at him and think "damn, he's hot." Or I catch him staring at my butt when I bend over. And I am REALLY looking forward to seeing him in a tux (just 11 days).

The real test is if the attraction is still there when you've seen each other at your absolute lowest. Flu, food poisoning or full-body rash will work. If you still want to cuddle up to someone who is covered, head to toe, in itchy, red bumps, then it's love.

_Timmeh_

Is physical attraction necessary to start a relationship?


Or have you started a relationship with somebody because you really liked their personality and the physical eventually developed?

Yes it is! Everyone keeps saying the physical attraction part happened later.
Well what if it doesn't, what then?
"I really liked their peronality" = friend.

skinnnyxoxo

Yes, because how would you notice them without being physically attracted to them?

I understand that perosnality is a much more important factor in a relationship, but honestly you need to have a physical attraction in order for that to happen.

Katefab26

I honestly think that believing physical attraction is so important is why so many people are still single. It's pretty rare that you're both going to instantly experience a mutual attraction to one another, so why not give someone a chance? If you put effort into it, you will most likely find that you're attracted to them in the long run if you can love them for everything else. Physical is just skin. We all look the same underneath.