No real friends and depressed about it...........

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whouwannab
whouwannab Posts: 350 Member
in Chit-Chat
I feel like I have no friends. I am 35 years old, been married 8 years, and have two small boys. My highschool friendships fizzled away soon after I got married. When my husband and I go out it is always with his friends and their spouses. While I like all these women, I have only built a relationship with one and her and I may have a GNO 4 times a year and weeks may go by without communicating with each other. So I really dont feel like I have anybody I can just call up and say lets go out.

I have been at my job a year and a half now and havent made any real friendships. Seems like the only time I go to lunch is if I ask them, its rare if anyone asks me. I am just really depressed. The only people I talk to on a regular basis are my husband and my mom.

I really dont know how to begin to build new friendships. I just feel like I am an outsider trying to get in. :(
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Replies

  • Salamanda425
    Salamanda425 Posts: 358
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    I'm right there with you! I especially don't have any female friends. My best friend is a man.....26 years my elder actually! He's a great friend....but it sure doesn't fill the spot that a female friend would! And I kind of really suck at making new friends!!
  • monocot
    monocot Posts: 475 Member
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    I know how you Feel. I've been at my job 6 years and I dont see any of them outside of work. Though MFP friends are always willing to talk. I want to get out of the house and go out for drinks or anything
    Though my boyfriend is in the same Spot. he has no friends either. so we stay at home together... Its kind of sad. And When I'm the most stressed. I have no one to turn to except my boyfriend and if hes the one stressing me. its even worse
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
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    Maybe you can meet some new people through your kids? Do they play sports or other activities? I know what you mean, it's hard to keep up friendships after you get married and have kids. I have 2 good friends that I speak to about every 2 weeks by email and get together about once a month.
  • PeaceLuvVeggies
    PeaceLuvVeggies Posts: 375 Member
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    I know how you feel! I moved from New York to Puerto Rico right after middle school graduation and I came back from Puerto Rico after college, so it's a lose/lose situation. The people I knew from middle school in New York, I rarely talked to [once or twice a year!], and the people from Puerto Rico, I never talked to. Then I moved to Philadelphia. So now I'm absolutely completely alone! Besides my boyfriend who I live with, I have no one to talk to! Ahh, it's frustrating.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    I think it's pretty common to not have as many friends once you start a family. You have less time to spend with people and you might drift away from some of them.

    Right now I work 48 hours per week, I'm getting my masters and I have a wife and daughter. Realisitically, I don't have ton of time for friends.

    I get home from work and I spend a few hours with my daughter before bedtime and an hour or so of time with my wife after our daughter goes to bed. I do homework for a few hours, then go to bed. Wake up at 5am to go to work.

    On weekends I can't really justify taking time away from my wife and daughter to regularly hang out with friends. I wouldn't have it any other way either. That's not to say I don't get alone time or time to hang out with buddies but that's sporadic thing.
  • AlwaysWanderer
    AlwaysWanderer Posts: 641 Member
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    Yep, I know exactly what you mean. I've been at my job for over 3 years, and still havent got any friends. My husband and my sister are my only friends. Sometimes I wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me... I dont know how to go about that friend making business... I never really had a good friend... I wish you lived near me, I would be your friend and you would be mine! :flowerforyou:
  • lambeas
    lambeas Posts: 229 Member
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    Try joining a weekly all female class of something that interests you, you will meet women similar to you.
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
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    I feel that way sometimes, and I *definitely* feel that it's ALWAYS me that calls, asks people to go out, etc. But I've just found that you have to get over it, and if YOU want to go out, YOU have to initiate. You may or may not find a true friend, that kind of seems like hit or miss, but at least you can try to connect. I am almost floored when anybody calls me or asks me to do something, because it's so rare. I enjoy it when it happens. All of that said, I so feel for you, because I've been there so many times. I think once you have kids, it's VERY easy in today's world to get isolated. I am glad you're on this site, feel free to add me as a friend. Hugs to you. :smile:
  • SueGeer
    SueGeer Posts: 1,169 Member
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    I've got far more friends online than I have in 'real life'. I have acquaintances but nobody I can call a true friend

    Sue :smile: x
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
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    Oh,and one more thing! One of the BEST ways I've found friends to hang out with is biking. If you are a runner, biker, hiker, etc., there are lots of groups and a lot of people you can find. Some will just be acquaintances, others could truly become friends.
  • slbeutler
    slbeutler Posts: 205
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    I feel the same way. I do think it is because I am so busy with my kids that it is hard to build friendships. I have good friends that I grew up that don't live in my area, but other than that I have many acquantances.

    Are you involved in your church or other parent groups with people who have the same aged children as you? That might help you meet people that you have things in common with.
  • catwrangler
    catwrangler Posts: 918 Member
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    Try joining a weekly all female class of something that interests you, you will meet women similar to you.
    yes, this. What are your interests? Reading? Photography? Maybe you can volunteer at a food bank, homeless shelter or animal shelter? Have you tried http://www.meetup.com/
  • Jewels211
    Jewels211 Posts: 184 Member
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    I know it's incredibly hard to find extra time when you've got kids, a fulltime job, a marriage, but if you could carve out a bit of time and join something that goes along with an interest you have (sport, craft, reading, cooking, theatre), maybe that would make connecting in a true friendship easier. If you check bulletin boards at public places--grocery stores, libraries, local colleges, laundromats--often there are notices of meetings of different groups, or sign-up times for leagues or lessons (like local park districts) or community theatre or a cooking class or a book discussion group or whatever. If you find people that are interested in the same thing you are, as opposed to just having something in common--like buddy husbands, maybe the connection will grow. Good luck! :)
  • Wraiythe
    Wraiythe Posts: 786 Member
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    I am in the same boat as you. The friends I had in high school all kind of fizzled away, especially when I had my first daughter. They were all in that going out to the bar and drinking into the early AM and of course I was no longer into that. I had a baby to take care of. Now I have 3 kids and a husband, I'm going to school and working full time so there's not a lot of time to go out and make friends. We have had some financial set backs and I don't really have the money to join any classes or groups that would introduce me to new friends and the friends that i had made over the years through work or whatever have all moved to different states hundreds of miles away. My co workers are all early 20's and my best friend is a 77 year old grandmother (even if she is a fiesty old thing lol) so a lot of my social interactions are with my husband or online. I am a friendly person and people seem to like me but I still don't make friends easily. It would be nice to have at least one or two women to be able to have a GNO with sometimes or to have a chat (or text fest in my case...I'm not much of a telephone person lol)
  • kellybug123
    kellybug123 Posts: 240
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    I agree with the people who have suggested making new friends through activities that you enjoy. Chat a few people up the next time you go to something for your kids, that way you already have one thing in common with them. Also, try an exercise class once or twice a week. I started going to Zumba over a year ago and I've become friends with people that I never would of met any way else. It just takes time.

    Also, as far as you and your current friend go, do you text or call her at least once a week to say hello? See how her day is going?
  • Zen_Master_B
    Zen_Master_B Posts: 78
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    I can relate, I used to have tons of friends 10 years ago and now we drifted apart. I am such a social outcast now, and it isn't I am not cool or smart enough or whatever, I just never know how to initiate the conversation that turns me from acquaintance to friend. I go to the gym like 5 days a week, and I always talk to people but it never goes anywhere. I guess it is just as well since my ideal evening is me in bed with a good book. I always feel sad when life is getting me down though and I don't have good friends to turn to for support and advice, I act like nothing bothers me and I have it all figured out, but no one does. It is a weird situation to because it is hard to just learn to make new friends, your either social or you're not I guess.
  • Bearface115
    Bearface115 Posts: 574 Member
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    aww i totally feel you! i have a verrry limited female friend circle, like I have my twin sister and 2-3 other girls that i can call friends! i work as a massage therapist and there are a few people i work with and they are friends including my sister, but i know how u feel! keep ur head up and i promise you will find the right group of ppl, like someone else mentioned. go to a female group thing and you'll make GREAT close companions! Friend me on here and i'll be your beeest buddy!!
  • Bearface115
    Bearface115 Posts: 574 Member
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    aww i totally feel you! i have a verrry limited female friend circle, like I have my twin sister and 2-3 other girls that i can call friends! i work as a massage therapist and there are a few people i work with and they are friends including my sister, but i know how u feel! keep ur head up and i promise you will find the right group of ppl, like someone else mentioned. go to a female group thing and you'll make GREAT close companions! Friend me on here and i'll be your beeest buddy!!
  • withoutaname
    withoutaname Posts: 64 Member
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    I know how you feel, but I'm probably a bit young to say this since I'm 19, but I really understand this feeling. God knows what could happen if I started a family, it would probably be even worse and even more isolating.
    My boyfriend is my best friend and even though it's absolutely amazing to have him there, ever since we started going out 3 years ago I have drifted apart from everybody else. I always wish I had a tight knit group of female friends, but I don't anymore.

    When high school finished I got into a large fight with one of my closest friends, and I've drifted apart from the other close friends I've had. I still have a massive group of high school friends, but they are more acquaintances, cos I realise they are people I wouldn't share everything with and they probably would never be there for me.
    Same at university, all the people I chat to are more acquaintances. I feel very, very isolated at uni. Even though I know so many people with the same hobbies as me, there isn't anyone that "clicks" with me and I can talk to forever.

    I always feel like I'm the one that has to initiate any form of contact, but I'm not that type of person to do so. It's really depressing.

    This thread has some very lovely ideas, and I'm really glad I can actually share this on a public forum because I never thought I would before. :S
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    It is harder at this age...

    A few recommendations:

    Church Groups
    Mom's Groups
    Take off your shirt at the local bar
    Start direct sales of some sort (I swear some of my closest friends now started as customers of my Wildtree business)
    Take a random class - our local museum has pottery, jewelry making, photography - I take them all the time...

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