No real friends and depressed about it...........

whouwannab

I feel like I have no friends. I am 35 years old, been married 8 years, and have two small boys. My highschool friendships fizzled away soon after I got married. When my husband and I go out it is always with his friends and their spouses. While I like all these women, I have only built a relationship with one and her and I may have a GNO 4 times a year and weeks may go by without communicating with each other. So I really dont feel like I have anybody I can just call up and say lets go out.

I have been at my job a year and a half now and havent made any real friendships. Seems like the only time I go to lunch is if I ask them, its rare if anyone asks me. I am just really depressed. The only people I talk to on a regular basis are my husband and my mom.

I really dont know how to begin to build new friendships. I just feel like I am an outsider trying to get in.

Salamanda425

I'm right there with you! I especially don't have any female friends. My best friend is a man.....26 years my elder actually! He's a great friend....but it sure doesn't fill the spot that a female friend would! And I kind of really suck at making new friends!!

monocot

I know how you Feel. I've been at my job 6 years and I dont see any of them outside of work. Though MFP friends are always willing to talk. I want to get out of the house and go out for drinks or anything
Though my boyfriend is in the same Spot. he has no friends either. so we stay at home together... Its kind of sad. And When I'm the most stressed. I have no one to turn to except my boyfriend and if hes the one stressing me. its even worse

mleoni092708

Maybe you can meet some new people through your kids? Do they play sports or other activities? I know what you mean, it's hard to keep up friendships after you get married and have kids. I have 2 good friends that I speak to about every 2 weeks by email and get together about once a month.

PeaceLuvVeggies

I know how you feel! I moved from New York to Puerto Rico right after middle school graduation and I came back from Puerto Rico after college, so it's a lose/lose situation. The people I knew from middle school in New York, I rarely talked to [once or twice a year!], and the people from Puerto Rico, I never talked to. Then I moved to Philadelphia. So now I'm absolutely completely alone! Besides my boyfriend who I live with, I have no one to talk to! Ahh, it's frustrating.

liftingbro

I think it's pretty common to not have as many friends once you start a family. You have less time to spend with people and you might drift away from some of them.

Right now I work 48 hours per week, I'm getting my masters and I have a wife and daughter. Realisitically, I don't have ton of time for friends.

I get home from work and I spend a few hours with my daughter before bedtime and an hour or so of time with my wife after our daughter goes to bed. I do homework for a few hours, then go to bed. Wake up at 5am to go to work.

On weekends I can't really justify taking time away from my wife and daughter to regularly hang out with friends. I wouldn't have it any other way either. That's not to say I don't get alone time or time to hang out with buddies but that's sporadic thing.

AlwaysWanderer

Yep, I know exactly what you mean. I've been at my job for over 3 years, and still havent got any friends. My husband and my sister are my only friends. Sometimes I wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me... I dont know how to go about that friend making business... I never really had a good friend... I wish you lived near me, I would be your friend and you would be mine! :flowerforyou:

lambeas

Try joining a weekly all female class of something that interests you, you will meet women similar to you.

bjshields

I feel that way sometimes, and I *definitely* feel that it's ALWAYS me that calls, asks people to go out, etc. But I've just found that you have to get over it, and if YOU want to go out, YOU have to initiate. You may or may not find a true friend, that kind of seems like hit or miss, but at least you can try to connect. I am almost floored when anybody calls me or asks me to do something, because it's so rare. I enjoy it when it happens. All of that said, I so feel for you, because I've been there so many times. I think once you have kids, it's VERY easy in today's world to get isolated. I am glad you're on this site, feel free to add me as a friend. Hugs to you.

SueGeer

I've got far more friends online than I have in 'real life'. I have acquaintances but nobody I can call a true friend

Sue x

bjshields

Oh,and one more thing! One of the BEST ways I've found friends to hang out with is biking. If you are a runner, biker, hiker, etc., there are lots of groups and a lot of people you can find. Some will just be acquaintances, others could truly become friends.

slbeutler

I feel the same way. I do think it is because I am so busy with my kids that it is hard to build friendships. I have good friends that I grew up that don't live in my area, but other than that I have many acquantances.

Are you involved in your church or other parent groups with people who have the same aged children as you? That might help you meet people that you have things in common with.

catwrangler

Try joining a weekly all female class of something that interests you, you will meet women similar to you.

yes, this. What are your interests? Reading? Photography? Maybe you can volunteer at a food bank, homeless shelter or animal shelter? Have you tried http://www.meetup.com/

Jewels211

I know it's incredibly hard to find extra time when you've got kids, a fulltime job, a marriage, but if you could carve out a bit of time and join something that goes along with an interest you have (sport, craft, reading, cooking, theatre), maybe that would make connecting in a true friendship easier. If you check bulletin boards at public places--grocery stores, libraries, local colleges, laundromats--often there are notices of meetings of different groups, or sign-up times for leagues or lessons (like local park districts) or community theatre or a cooking class or a book discussion group or whatever. If you find people that are interested in the same thing you are, as opposed to just having something in common--like buddy husbands, maybe the connection will grow. Good luck!

Wraiythe

I am in the same boat as you. The friends I had in high school all kind of fizzled away, especially when I had my first daughter. They were all in that going out to the bar and drinking into the early AM and of course I was no longer into that. I had a baby to take care of. Now I have 3 kids and a husband, I'm going to school and working full time so there's not a lot of time to go out and make friends. We have had some financial set backs and I don't really have the money to join any classes or groups that would introduce me to new friends and the friends that i had made over the years through work or whatever have all moved to different states hundreds of miles away. My co workers are all early 20's and my best friend is a 77 year old grandmother (even if she is a fiesty old thing lol) so a lot of my social interactions are with my husband or online. I am a friendly person and people seem to like me but I still don't make friends easily. It would be nice to have at least one or two women to be able to have a GNO with sometimes or to have a chat (or text fest in my case...I'm not much of a telephone person lol)

kellybug123

I agree with the people who have suggested making new friends through activities that you enjoy. Chat a few people up the next time you go to something for your kids, that way you already have one thing in common with them. Also, try an exercise class once or twice a week. I started going to Zumba over a year ago and I've become friends with people that I never would of met any way else. It just takes time.

Also, as far as you and your current friend go, do you text or call her at least once a week to say hello? See how her day is going?

Zen_Master_B

I can relate, I used to have tons of friends 10 years ago and now we drifted apart. I am such a social outcast now, and it isn't I am not cool or smart enough or whatever, I just never know how to initiate the conversation that turns me from acquaintance to friend. I go to the gym like 5 days a week, and I always talk to people but it never goes anywhere. I guess it is just as well since my ideal evening is me in bed with a good book. I always feel sad when life is getting me down though and I don't have good friends to turn to for support and advice, I act like nothing bothers me and I have it all figured out, but no one does. It is a weird situation to because it is hard to just learn to make new friends, your either social or you're not I guess.

Bearface115

aww i totally feel you! i have a verrry limited female friend circle, like I have my twin sister and 2-3 other girls that i can call friends! i work as a massage therapist and there are a few people i work with and they are friends including my sister, but i know how u feel! keep ur head up and i promise you will find the right group of ppl, like someone else mentioned. go to a female group thing and you'll make GREAT close companions! Friend me on here and i'll be your beeest buddy!!

Bearface115

aww i totally feel you! i have a verrry limited female friend circle, like I have my twin sister and 2-3 other girls that i can call friends! i work as a massage therapist and there are a few people i work with and they are friends including my sister, but i know how u feel! keep ur head up and i promise you will find the right group of ppl, like someone else mentioned. go to a female group thing and you'll make GREAT close companions! Friend me on here and i'll be your beeest buddy!!

withoutaname

I know how you feel, but I'm probably a bit young to say this since I'm 19, but I really understand this feeling. God knows what could happen if I started a family, it would probably be even worse and even more isolating.
My boyfriend is my best friend and even though it's absolutely amazing to have him there, ever since we started going out 3 years ago I have drifted apart from everybody else. I always wish I had a tight knit group of female friends, but I don't anymore.

When high school finished I got into a large fight with one of my closest friends, and I've drifted apart from the other close friends I've had. I still have a massive group of high school friends, but they are more acquaintances, cos I realise they are people I wouldn't share everything with and they probably would never be there for me.
Same at university, all the people I chat to are more acquaintances. I feel very, very isolated at uni. Even though I know so many people with the same hobbies as me, there isn't anyone that "clicks" with me and I can talk to forever.

I always feel like I'm the one that has to initiate any form of contact, but I'm not that type of person to do so. It's really depressing.

This thread has some very lovely ideas, and I'm really glad I can actually share this on a public forum because I never thought I would before. :S

odusgolp

It is harder at this age...

A few recommendations:

Church Groups
Mom's Groups
Take off your shirt at the local bar
Start direct sales of some sort (I swear some of my closest friends now started as customers of my Wildtree business)
Take a random class - our local museum has pottery, jewelry making, photography - I take them all the time...

LorinaLynn

I'm the same way. My family - siblings, nieces, in-laws, etc. - are my best friends. I have loads of online and long distance friends, but it's hard to see them often. I never formed lasting friendships at jobs, and my bff's from school have all moved away. I'm like a social dead end!

KellyBurton1

I have people I know and talk to but not on that level either. My mom is my closest friend. I can call some to go out with but they dont really call me. I thought there was something wrong with me to but I just said screw em. I join a vollyball team and have a good laugh there but nothing close. Sometimes I just thinks it got to do with age, relationship status and so on.

Maybe we should start a support group for people like us.

alexisdc

But I've just found that you have to get over it, and if YOU want to go out, YOU have to initiate. You may or may not find a true friend, that kind of seems like hit or miss, but at least you can try to connect.

I agree! If it's something you desire, go for it. Don't wait on others! Your a strong woman!! And sounds like you would be a great friend! Those who you let see that will gravitate to you before you know it. I notice too, as I have matured (ok gotten older ) Those friendships do fizzle out. People go in different directions; different priorities etx. But that should not stop you from finding new peeps to hang with

juleseybaby

I feel your pain.

I have had 3 'besties' in my life.

After high school, one moved off and I only heard from her when she needed money. She was finally diagnosed with a mental illness. I still hear from her every once in a while - but nothing constant, and the friend that was there in high school - that friend no longer exists.

Another married my uncle (yes - I said uncle, he is the youngest of 4 brothers, my dad is the oldest) and she moved to the country with him. We see each other mostly during the holidays.

The 3rd bestie - that's the saddest - we met in college, roomed together for a while, lost touch, got back in touch and were almost inseparable. Now we've lost touch again - even though she is around - she won't call me. Something else in her life became more important than anything or anyone else. Long story.

I relayed all that sad stuff so I could get to this. I have had one of the greatest years of my life this past year. I met 2 beautiful ladies through work. They were already here - but recent circumstances allowed us to talk more and become closer friends. They have become my new besties. There is an e-mail or poem that went around a while back... about people being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I don't know for sure which these ladies are, but I am enjoying the time while I have it.

The point is - don't give up. You keep being you and eventually there will be a friend. One that was always there or a new one.

(((HUGS)))

sassylilmama

I'm the same way. My family - siblings, nieces, in-laws, etc. - are my best friends. I have loads of online and long distance friends, but it's hard to see them often. I never formed lasting friendships at jobs, and my bff's from school have all moved away. I'm like a social dead end!

This is completely me. The friends that are still around now live completely different lives.

alexisdc

great ideas!

KellyKAG

I feel the exact same way - I'm 36, been married 10 years with two kids. I was just saying I miss all of my old girlfriends who have moved away or we have grown apart. I'm a socially awkward/shy person and its hard to make new friends. :sad:

flimflamfloz

I don't have time for friends. I am too busy pretending I have too many friends!!!

Anyway, people drift away... It always happens. So just try, as other people have said, to go to a club or to do something you enjoy with a group in order to meet new people (then don't hesitate to ask "Anyone is up for a drink after this session?", so that you can catch people off guard ;-) in a more intimate way).

audigal2008

I'm right there with you! I especially don't have any female friends. My best friend is a man.....26 years my elder actually! He's a great friend....but it sure doesn't fill the spot that a female friend would! And I kind of really suck at making new friends!!

Me too! My Best friend is male also and he is 15 yrs older than me

ArroganceInStep

My mother was painfully shy growing up. Extremely socially awkward. When she had me she decided that she didn't want me to be like that (thankfully, I'm not and that is largely because of that decision). She got out and started doing stuff with me. Going on hikes, having play dates, stuff like that. You end up meeting and becoming friends with folks by putting yourself out there and getting to know more people. I do believe that it really is that simple.