Feeling rather hopeless

DesertSunsetRain

I was waiting to see your final reply to all the positive encouragement that you got last night. I find it interesting how it seems like you only focused on the one response that was not so encouraging. Redirect your focus and reread, and then reread the other 17 extremely positive posts from people who sincerely wanted to help you and move FORWARD from there - not BACKWARD.

Well I did want to say thanks to everyone who said something nice and helpful. It did mean a lot. I guess I didn't even realize what it looked like when I replied to only the one person. However, the main reason I replied to that one was because it seemed to ask a question that I felt a little... offended by it, so I had to say something. I appreciate everyone who was nice and helpful of course. Last night I was jut really off I guess. I must have came off as really ungrateful, I didn't even realize what it looked like. But you're right.

I do want to say thanks to everyone who responded. You all gave really helpful advice. I do want this, and I don't want to just give up.

SueInAz

I was waiting to see your final reply to all the positive encouragement that you got last night. I find it interesting how it seems like you only focused on the one response that was not so encouraging. Redirect your focus and reread, and then reread the other 17 extremely positive posts from people who sincerely wanted to help you and move FORWARD from there - not BACKWARD.

Well I did want to say thanks to everyone who said something nice and helpful. It did mean a lot. I guess I didn't even realize what it looked like when I replied to only the one person. However, the main reason I replied to that one was because it seemed to ask a question that I felt a little... offended by it, so I had to say something. I appreciate everyone who was nice and helpful of course. Last night I was jut really off I guess. I must have came off as really ungrateful, I didn't even realize what it looked like. But you're right.

I do want to say thanks to everyone who responded. You all gave really helpful advice. I do want this, and I don't want to just give up.

If you re-read that post, I think the poster's intent WAS to offend you and make you think a little about your motivation. It's so easy to tell people what they want to hear when really they sometimes just need a kick in the butt.

15 pounds is a great loss, although I don't know where you started so it's hard to say whether you should be showing a difference or not. 15 pounds when someone started at 300 pounds is not going to be nearly as noticeable as it is for someone who started at 140 pounds. One of the problems with this whole thing is that people who see you every day aren't going to notice it because they've seen every step of your transformation. The ones who notice are the ones who haven't seen you since before you started losing the weight but even that can be tempered by where you started.

Honestly, I think you have more issues than just the fact that the few people in your daily life aren't noticing your weight loss. I think you might benefit from some counseling. You're coming off as lonely and feeling hopeless. Also, have you actually tried to expand your social circle? Unless you are getting out there, you're right, you won't be dating or making new friends. I have to keep reminding my introverted son of this fact. Sometimes you have to make the first move. If you're waiting around for a guy to ask you out, it may never happen. If you see a cute, single guy, strike up a conversation. Just because you think you aren't thin and healthy enough to make friends or find dates doesn't mean other people feel that way about you. Again, I think you would benefit from some counseling if you are this unhappy with yourself. Frankly, I don't think that losing weight and being healthy alone will help your self-image. You have to love yourself first.

As far as your lack of support system, perhaps you should consider moving back to somewhere where you do have one. If being without one is making you so unhappy, you might be better off within one, regardless of whether or not it would mean making less money, changing schools or whatever it is that drove you to move away in the first place.

I honestly hope things get better for you.

kristelpoole

Sounds like you think that losing the weight will bring you all the things you feel you are currently lacking. While it is true that losing the weight might help you attain those things, it's not necessarily going to be because you are "thin." It might be because as you exercise and challenge yourself, you begin to feel happy, confident, pretty, maybe even proud? of yourself, and THAT can definitely get you those things you want. So maybe...instead of focusing on friends, a relationship, etc. (although there is nothing wrong with wanting those things), focus on what it takes to grow that circle (confidence) and work your butt off for THAT.

Leviram

Are you doing this for you or for people? 15lbs is a really good start! I have lost 13lbs and my husband can't tell the difference and even made a comment on how he thought I weighed 230lbs when I have never even weighed close to that. Anyhow what is your calorie intake from MFP? Maybe you need to adjust the settings to losing 1lb - 1.5 lbs a week and it will up your calories so you feel better I don't count calories as much anymore I pretty much try to stick to eating more veggies and fruits and some protein.

Keep up the good work and dont let appearances bring you down 15lbs is a lot to lose and maybe by adding more weight loss you will feel better.

cazzincali

If you re-read that post, I think the poster's intent WAS to offend you and make you think a little about your motivation. It's so easy to tell people what they want to hear when really they sometimes just need a kick in the butt.

15 pounds is a great loss, although I don't know where you started so it's hard to say whether you should be showing a difference or not. 15 pounds when someone started at 300 pounds is not going to be nearly as noticeable as it is for someone who started at 140 pounds. One of the problems with this whole thing is that people who see you every day aren't going to notice it because they've seen every step of your transformation. The ones who notice are the ones who haven't seen you since before you started losing the weight but even that can be tempered by where you started.

Honestly, I think you have more issues than just the fact that the few people in your daily life aren't noticing your weight loss. I think you might benefit from some counseling. You're coming off as lonely and feeling hopeless. Also, have you actually tried to expand your social circle? Unless you are getting out there, you're right, you won't be dating or making new friends. I have to keep reminding my introverted son of this fact. Sometimes you have to make the first move. If you're waiting around for a guy to ask you out, it may never happen. If you see a cute, single guy, strike up a conversation. Just because you think you aren't thin and healthy enough to make friends or find dates doesn't mean other people feel that way about you. Again, I think you would benefit from some counseling if you are this unhappy with yourself. Frankly, I don't think that losing weight and being healthy alone will help your self-image. You have to love yourself first.

As far as your lack of support system, perhaps you should consider moving back to somewhere where you do have one. If being without one is making you so unhappy, you might be better off within one, regardless of whether or not it would mean making less money, changing schools or whatever it is that drove you to move away in the first place.

I honestly hope things get better for you.

Yes! That was EXACTLY my point! Look, I once weighed 335#. I am only 5'1" so I swear I was taller lying down than standing up! :happy: In any case, I now weigh 164#. (and I did it the hard way - no surgery) I totally understand where you are coming from. NO ONE noticed until after I lost 50#. But I KNEW! I didn't care if anyone knew my struggle. I didn't want to be fat anymore. Food DIDN'T make me happy. Being smaller isn't a magic pill either, by the way. Maybe start looking at WHY you are fat and why you need to change. Then... just do it. No one can do it for you. YOU need to do it. It's YOUR journey. Help and support is ALWAYS a good thing. But in the end... it's down to YOU.

Beckym1205

If you re-read that post, I think the poster's intent WAS to offend you and make you think a little about your motivation. It's so easy to tell people what they want to hear when really they sometimes just need a kick in the butt.

15 pounds is a great loss, although I don't know where you started so it's hard to say whether you should be showing a difference or not. 15 pounds when someone started at 300 pounds is not going to be nearly as noticeable as it is for someone who started at 140 pounds. One of the problems with this whole thing is that people who see you every day aren't going to notice it because they've seen every step of your transformation. The ones who notice are the ones who haven't seen you since before you started losing the weight but even that can be tempered by where you started.

Honestly, I think you have more issues than just the fact that the few people in your daily life aren't noticing your weight loss. I think you might benefit from some counseling. You're coming off as lonely and feeling hopeless. Also, have you actually tried to expand your social circle? Unless you are getting out there, you're right, you won't be dating or making new friends. I have to keep reminding my introverted son of this fact. Sometimes you have to make the first move. If you're waiting around for a guy to ask you out, it may never happen. If you see a cute, single guy, strike up a conversation. Just because you think you aren't thin and healthy enough to make friends or find dates doesn't mean other people feel that way about you. Again, I think you would benefit from some counseling if you are this unhappy with yourself. Frankly, I don't think that losing weight and being healthy alone will help your self-image. You have to love yourself first.

As far as your lack of support system, perhaps you should consider moving back to somewhere where you do have one. If being without one is making you so unhappy, you might be better off within one, regardless of whether or not it would mean making less money, changing schools or whatever it is that drove you to move away in the first place.

I honestly hope things get better for you.

Yes! That was EXACTLY my point! Look, I once weighed 335#. I am only 5'1" so I swear I was taller lying down than standing up! :happy: In any case, I now weigh 164#. (and I did it the hard way - no surgery) I totally understand where you are coming from. NO ONE noticed until after I lost 50#. But I KNEW! I didn't care if anyone knew my struggle. I didn't want to be fat anymore. Food DIDN'T make me happy. Being smaller isn't a magic pill either, by the way. Maybe start looking at WHY you are fat and why you need to change. Then... just do it. No one can do it for you. YOU need to do it. It's YOUR journey. Help and support is ALWAYS a good thing. But in the end... it's down to YOU.

I think this is some great advice. I know its hard when no one notices my success, but in the end does it really matter? My husband tells me nice things about how I look, but when I don't feel like I look good I really don't care his opinion. With that in mind, I need to remember that when I know I've lost weight or toned up or any health related sucesses and not care of anyone else's opinion. Maybe that will help you as well.

kristelpoole

I think this is some great advice. I know its hard when no one notices my success, but in the end does it really matter? My husband tells me nice things about how I look, but when I don't feel like I look good I really don't care his opinion. With that in mind, I need to remember that when I know I've lost weight or toned up or any health related sucesses and not care of anyone else's opinion. Maybe that will help you as well.

Such great advice and SO true! I pretend I can see a difference because my BF tells me I look better, but um, I'm still not happy with my body. So when I tell him I'm "sick of being fat" and I'm excited about my dedication, he tells me, "Babe, you're not fat, you're beautiful," and I roll my eyes and tell him I don't care, but thanks for being nice and loving me no matter what. I'll know when I'm at my goal and I'll know when I think I look good. I'm doing it for me. Me, me, me.

So do it for you, you, you, or don't do it.

JaredBergeron

Just stay active and make good food choices and it will happen. The body is a weird animal. My weight is all over the place, my scale does take a crack at fat%, water, etc and those numbers seem more consistent. Hydration can account for many pounds. When I take creatine ill jump up several pounds just due to water retention.

Aside from that, people loose weight in different places, for me, my legs thinned out before anything else. I still have a little belly but my legs are nearing freakish with the definition... I was doing kettlebells next to a gal at the gym and she kept staring at my legs...she finally said "that is just so cool, i can see everything moving in there lol" I just smiled and said it saves on xrays

Keep at it, dont loose momentum!

Misiaxcore

It took me 20 lbs to start seeing a difference in the mirror... keep up your hard work! It will be worth it

DesertSunsetRain

Thanks again for the people who gave me encouragement. I focused too much on the negative and now I am feeling kind of silly for allowing someone being negative to get the better of me. The people who are supportive and caring are the ones who I should be focusing on. I am glad that there are some really good and nice people out there, you guys are the ones that make this place so great.

I think I do have to start realizing that diet and weight loss aren't going to be a magic thing that all of a sudden makes me more likeable and accepted by people. That there isn't going to be a magic size of jean or number on the scale that make me all of a sudden beautiful. I think I have put too much emphasis on the way I look and the way I look is the reason why no one wants to talk to me. There is a lot more to it than that, and I think a lot of my depression and anxiety really get the better of me in social situations. I do try and expand my social circle, I tried joining a few clubs at school and the first few meetings were really awesome and I was feeling positive about meeting new people but I ended up quitting all of them. I have a lot of insecurities and worries about lots of things that kind of prevent me from putting myself out there. I can get "out there" but then I shut down and I can't talk to people.

I think lately it's just feeling a lot more lonely because I am breaking away from my coping habit of watching tv and eating too much junk food. So things are just kind of really coming to the surface and I am having to deal with them. It's just getting to be overwhelming.

The more I really think about it, the more I know I DON'T want my jeans to be tight again. I don't want my shirts to be tight again. So I really don't want to give up. I am doing this for me. I am doing it because it feels better to be more active. I want to do it because it feels better to eat healthier. I also don't want to be super lazy and never doing any exercise. I have done that for too long and I am just so weak (no muscles) and not much endurance and it's pretty sad how little I can do right now. I don't want to rely on food for "happiness" for the rest of my life. I want to actually go out and live life. However, I have a long ways to go before I can do that I think.

Gosh, I practically just told my life story on here. Kind of embarrassing haha. But again, I really appreciate everyone being so nice and understanding. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

SueInAz

The more I really think about it, the more I know I DON'T want my jeans to be tight again. I don't want my shirts to be tight again. So I really don't want to give up. I am doing this for me. I am doing it because it feels better to be more active. I want to do it because it feels better to eat healthier. I also don't want to be super lazy and never doing any exercise. I have done that for too long and I am just so weak (no muscles) and not much endurance and it's pretty sad how little I can do right now. I don't want to rely on food for "happiness" for the rest of my life. I want to actually go out and live life. However, I have a long ways to go before I can do that I think.

Gosh, I practically just told my life story on here. Kind of embarrassing haha. But again, I really appreciate everyone being so nice and understanding. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

I was sitting here practically cheering out loud for you as I read this part and my eyes are all watery. You CAN do this and do it for the right reasons. When I started all of this in March I was weak and out of shape, too. I could barely run for 30 seconds without feeling like I wanted to die and I wasn't even technically overweight! What I was was flabby from not getting off the sofa or away from the computer in a decade. I started the Couch to 5K program in April and last weekend I ran/walked 8 miles. I'm training for a half marathon in January and I know I can do it because I WANT to do it. You can reach the goals you want if you want it badly enough and it sounds like you honestly do.

I hope everything works out for you, just the way you want it to. If you'd like to friend me here, please feel free to do so.

16mixingbowls

Thanks again for the people who gave me encouragement. I focused too much on the negative and now I am feeling kind of silly for allowing someone being negative to get the better of me.

I think lately it's just feeling a lot more lonely because I am breaking away from my coping habit of watching tv and eating too much junk food. So things are just kind of really coming to the surface and I am having to deal with them. It's just getting to be overwhelming.

I also don't want to be super lazy and never doing any exercise. I have done that for too long and I am just so weak (no muscles) and not much endurance and it's pretty sad how little I can do right now. I want to actually go out and live life. However, I have a long ways to go before I can do that I think.

Hello again, I think you are making huge strides in this journey by thinking about these issues. Also, I think your goals might be too big or too general. You can't go out and live life???? Unless you're living in a cave, you have small opportunities to do this every day. Sure, you might not go out tomorrow night and have your IDEAL 100-item list of things be fulfilled in one night, but you can definitely START doing things. Why not write down a list of things you'd like to do and plan backward about how to achieve them?

In teaching this is called Backward Mapping. Us teachers take a learning objective we have for our class and then figure out step by step what our students will need to learn to do in order to complete the objective. (For example: to create a fictional business that makes profit, students would need to learn about price per unit, which would necessitate division skills, which would require understanding multiplication, which requires understanding repeated addition facts, which requires basic number sense. Then, as a teacher, I'd start teaching number sense and addition and move forward from there. But my planning goes backward. I can't JUST JUMP IN. The kids would never be successful.)

I suggest doing this kind of planning for yourself. You don't want to waste another day hoping and wishing for a life that is fulfilling!!! If you're waiting for the scene to be perfect, you'll never get the life you want.

Try this for your physical goals, too. I used to be soooooo weak in my upper body. I couldn't even do a real push-up. So I did as many as I could from my knees and wrote that number down. The next day, I added one more. Finally, after about a week, I could do a real push-up! Same goes for my cardio. I got so tired after about 15 minutes. SO my goal became to add one minute every day. 16, 17, 18, etc. When I got to 20 minutes I started increasing by 5 minute increments. Then, I was able to be proud of my achievements rather than be down on myself that I can't run for an hour straight. On days I was feeling especially tired, I went back to the number from the day before, but made sure to never do less than the day before.

I don't know what kind of cell phone you have, but I just read about a cool new app called "Streaks." You can enter in any goal you have, and then log each day you do it, and it keeps track of your streak of commitment. I'm going to get it and keep track of my personal "no ice cream" streak. I want to go at least 7 days. (Ice cream is my kryptonite!)

You can do this!!!