Unsupportive Spouse

mandersen16

So I am just venting but I have had medical issues that have prevented us from having kids. NOw, there is an end in sight. Three more months and we get to start trying!!

So because of that, I'm trying to make changes to better myself so I can be a good example for our children. I want to be back at a healthy weight (for me that's losing another 30 pounds), I started going to church again, being nice and friendly, helping those out in need, stopped cursing (that one was hard :mad: ), you know stuff like that.

Well, my husband is FREAKING out! All of a sudden these changes mean that i don't love him. That I am obviously trying to find another man (which is funny because I have no friends of my own, we have mutual friends). He makes fun of me trying to lose weight. He laughs when I say that i am trying to make some serious changes.

Has anyone else gone through this? He is normally very nice but I don't know if somehow he feels I have neglected him?! You know guys and talking, I can't get him to really open up!!

mandersen16

So I am just venting but I have had medical issues that have prevented us from having kids. NOw, there is an end in sight. Three more months and we get to start trying!!

So because of that, I'm trying to make changes to better myself so I can be a good example for our children. I want to be back at a healthy weight (for me that's losing another 30 pounds), I started going to church again, being nice and friendly, helping those out in need, stopped cursing (that one was hard :mad: ), you know stuff like that.

Well, my husband is FREAKING out! All of a sudden these changes mean that i don't love him. That I am obviously trying to find another man (which is funny because I have no friends of my own, we have mutual friends). He makes fun of me trying to lose weight. He laughs when I say that i am trying to make some serious changes.

Has anyone else gone through this? He is normally very nice but I don't know if somehow he feels I have neglected him?! You know guys and talking, I can't get him to really open up!!

Phoenix_Rising

He's worried. So much change at once has unsettled him. I suppose he's thinking that you are changing so much so suddenly, meaning that what existed before wasn't good enough for you... including him???

Sit him down and talk to him. Explain each change in detail. Let him know that each of your changes relates to having children, which you are excited about and looking forward to. Let him know that his mocking your weightloss and your goals is unacceptable, and if it continues, you may just be forced to find another man to have children with!

Remind him how children are made. Maybe that will turn his frown upside down!

(Hope things get better and he stops PMSing.)

TRLTAMPA

My husband and my mom both didn't think I would stick with it....but that's because I'm kinda flaky and don't stick with much.
I had exercise equipment before but I was never devoted to using it.
But after a while they realized I was serious and they support me now....although my mom's the Devil with her stupid donuts!!!
My husband tells his buddies about my small accomplishments, like losing the first 10, and fitting into my old clothes again.

Phoenix_Rising

My husband and my mom both didn't think I would stick with it....but that's because I'm kinda flaky and don't stick with much.
I had exercise equipment before but I was never devoted to using it.

I'm with you there.
My husband never DREAMED I would stick with this, since I was a chronic 2 week dieter before.

crazybigchick

My hubby went through a period like that, but it was when I was expecting our first baby. Feared that all the changes in me were going to somehow take me away from him or leave him out. Maybe he worried that I would love him less after the baby came? Honestly, most men are large children, but they are twice as much work! Reassure him that changes are preparing you for your future together. That no matter what he will always be a priority. HTH:flowerforyou:

Phoenix_Rising

My hubby went through a period like that, but it was when I was expecting our first baby. Feared that all the changes in me were going to somehow take me away from him or leave him out. Maybe he worried that I would love him less after the baby came? Honestly, most men are large children, but they are twice as much work! Reassure him that changes are preparing you for your future together. That no matter what he will always be a priority. HTH:flowerforyou:

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!!

TRLTAMPA

I have 4 kids and a husband but I ALWAYS say I have 5 kids..... When he gets on the xbox with my son they start arguing and I tell em "Alright boys I'll turn it off!"
lol

vonzo

He's worried. So much change at once has unsettled him. I suppose he's thinking that you are changing so much so suddenly, meaning that what existed before wasn't good enough for you... including him???

Sit him down and talk to him. Explain each change in detail. Let him know that each of your changes relates to having children, which you are excited about and looking forward to. Let him know that his mocking your weightloss and your goals is unacceptable, and if it continues, you may just be forced to find another man to have children with!

Remind him how children are made. Maybe that will turn his frown upside down!

(Hope things get better and he stops PMSing.)

This is great advice! More eloquently put than I would be able to say it too His insecurities are getting the better of him and if you can talk to him about it hopefully you'll be able to ease his fears. Don't let anyone put you down or make you feel like you can't do it because you most certainly can!!

Good Luck on the weight loss and trying to conceive! I was told I couldn't have kids and here I am 2 beautiful babies later :blushing:

PunkinHeadsMOMMA

So I am just venting but I have had medical issues that have prevented us from having kids. NOw, there is an end in sight. Three more months and we get to start trying!!

So because of that, I'm trying to make changes to better myself so I can be a good example for our children. I want to be back at a healthy weight (for me that's losing another 30 pounds), I started going to church again, being nice and friendly, helping those out in need, stopped cursing (that one was hard :mad: ), you know stuff like that.

Well, my husband is FREAKING out! All of a sudden these changes mean that i don't love him. That I am obviously trying to find another man (which is funny because I have no friends of my own, we have mutual friends). He makes fun of me trying to lose weight. He laughs when I say that i am trying to make some serious changes.

Has anyone else gone through this? He is normally very nice but I don't know if somehow he feels I have neglected him?! You know guys and talking, I can't get him to really open up!!

My hubby and I have gone through some similar situations, and here's a few things I learned, take them as you wish. My hubby was insecure, that now that the "old me" wasn't good enough, now maybe he wasn't good enough either. Mine is a strong and silent cowboy so getting info is like pulling teeth from a lion. I found that it's the small things that they listen to the most. Keep a diary of your thoughts with lots of ego boosting comments about him and let him "find" it. Sometimes me talk talk talking just made my hubby "tune out". So I had to find other ways for him to listen, and eventually he started opening up more, when he knew his position in my life really was "secure". I'm not advocating dishonesty by any means, it's just as women we sometimes think that hints are enough, and men just don't work that way. As far as the "making fun of", my hubby tried that too, it was his way of trying to motivate me. (he soon learned through my tears that he'd gone too far, and that wasn't motivating) I don't know if that's the same with you and your hubby or not. Believe it or not, men are fragile, their ego is easily hurt by us women. I can't tell you how many times I hurt my hubby and didn't even realize it because they don't vocalize like we do. Only you know your hubby, deep down. Take a step back and try to see what he's trying to say without the words. "Kill them with kindness" is the old saying, but it's true, you can't go wrong with loving them a little extra to help get through tough times.
Congrats on starting a family. (we also had some problems) It's a wonderful thing that you will cherish forever! Hope that helped, if not throw it out the window and trust me I won't be offended

KatWood

So I am just venting but I have had medical issues that have prevented us from having kids. NOw, there is an end in sight. Three more months and we get to start trying!!

So because of that, I'm trying to make changes to better myself so I can be a good example for our children. I want to be back at a healthy weight (for me that's losing another 30 pounds), I started going to church again, being nice and friendly, helping those out in need, stopped cursing (that one was hard :mad: ), you know stuff like that.

Well, my husband is FREAKING out! All of a sudden these changes mean that i don't love him. That I am obviously trying to find another man (which is funny because I have no friends of my own, we have mutual friends). He makes fun of me trying to lose weight. He laughs when I say that i am trying to make some serious changes.

Has anyone else gone through this? He is normally very nice but I don't know if somehow he feels I have neglected him?! You know guys and talking, I can't get him to really open up!!

My hubby and I have gone through some similar situations, and here's a few things I learned, take them as you wish. My hubby was insecure, that now that the "old me" wasn't good enough, now maybe he wasn't good enough either. Mine is a strong and silent cowboy so getting info is like pulling teeth from a lion. I found that it's the small things that they listen to the most. Keep a diary of your thoughts with lots of ego boosting comments about him and let him "find" it. Sometimes me talk talk talking just made my hubby "tune out". So I had to find other ways for him to listen, and eventually he started opening up more, when he knew his position in my life really was "secure". I'm not advocating dishonesty by any means, it's just as women we sometimes think that hints are enough, and men just don't work that way. As far as the "making fun of", my hubby tried that too, it was his way of trying to motivate me. (he soon learned through my tears that he'd gone too far, and that wasn't motivating) I don't know if that's the same with you and your hubby or not. Believe it or not, men are fragile, their ego is easily hurt by us women. I can't tell you how many times I hurt my hubby and didn't even realize it because they don't vocalize like we do. Only you know your hubby, deep down. Take a step back and try to see what he's trying to say without the words. "Kill them with kindness" is the old saying, but it's true, you can't go wrong with loving them a little extra to help get through tough times.
Congrats on starting a family. (we also had some problems) It's a wonderful thing that you will cherish forever! Hope that helped, if not throw it out the window and trust me I won't be offended

I completely agree. Sometimes I forget how sensitive my husband can be. Woman are suppose to be the "emotional" ones, but in I think in a lot of cases men are more sensitive and insecure but they hide it better.

mandersen16

Men are WAY more hormonal!

Thank you for the advice. I think you're right, it is an insecurity thing and little hints aren't going to help. You all had very valid points that I think will help!