Ever worry what your partner thinks?

MEGAmm

When I met my fiance I was about 45-50 lbs heavier. He absolutely loved my body because he's very into curvy, voluptuous women... especially very large breasts. Since I lost a fair amount of weight, my boobs have gotten smaller. I am still very curvacious and have plenty of jiggly bits, but my partner's comments and behaviors lead me to believe that he wishes I still looked the way I did when we met.

Do any of you have a similar challenge you're facing? It's been really difficult trying to achieve this goal that's so important to my health and well being while simultaneously worrying if my fiance will still be attracted to me, or at least want me the way he did before. As hard as I've been working, his opinions have been in the back of my mind and I'm afraid they might be hindering my progress.

Share your thoughts. I'd love some empathy.

mrmanmeat

When I met my fiance I was about 45-50 lbs heavier. He absolutely loved my body because he's very into curvy, voluptuous women... especially very large breasts. Since I lost a fair amount of weight, my boobs have gotten smaller. I am still very curvacious and have plenty of jiggly bits, but my partner's comments and behaviors lead me to believe that he wishes I still looked the way I did when we met.

Do any of you have a similar challenge you're facing? It's been really difficult trying to achieve this goal that's so important to my health and well being while simultaneously worrying if my fiance will still be attracted to me, or at least want me the way he did before. As hard as I've been working, his opinions have been in the back of my mind and I'm afraid they might be hindering my progress.

Share your thoughts. I'd love some empathy.

Do it for yourself. That's more important than someone else's opinion of you. Fiance or not.

HannahMarieMcDougald

Just be straight forward with him and ask...Tell him why you are doing it?

juliesummers

I can't really relate (my boyfriend loves my body whether I'm 95lbs or 125lbs), but you're doing this for you!! Who cares if he approves as long as you're getting healthier and you feel good about yourself!

rockerbabyy

i know my husband likes bigger girls..but at this point im still bigger than when we met. he has told me hes proud of me and says i still look good. he doesnt want me to get super skinny, but i dont want that either so its all good.

autumnridge

If he really loves you, he will understand that you are doing this for your health. If you plan to have children, you will be a healthier, more energetic mother. Is there a possibility he has fears that your weight loss will get you more attention from other guys? If he cannot handle your being healthy, perhaps he is not "the one." I hope I'm not being too brutally honest, but I am trying to provide options for your thought and consideration. Make it clear. "This is for me and our future."

Rae6503

Just be straight forward with him and ask...Tell him why you are doing it?

I agree. If you guys are getting married you need to learn to be open and honest and communicate effectively. If something is bothering him, ask him what it is. Sit down and talk it out. He might not like the thinner you as mcuh, but he still loves you and he's got to understand that this is better for your health, your self confidence, etc. He'll get over it.

Fit_Mama84

I would recommend talking to him about it. It might be a painful conversation, but it would be an important one. But I do think you should keep your goal to get healthy either way. You can't let your health suffer over someone's opinion.

0PhAtDaDdY

Ya Health Come First!

Biancalee76

My husband loves me no matter how much I weigh, but he is encouraging to me in this quest. So encouraging in fact, he has joined me in losing weight. At this time we are both about 20-25 lbs down each. It's really nice to have a partner in this.

BlJohnston77

You can still have all the curves he loves, just a smaller less flabby version lol. Remember this is about you not him, you want to love how you look after all you have to look at yourself in the mirror not him. Good luck with your journey!!!!!!!!!!!!

farmgirlsuz

My b/f says he misses "the girls" sometimes too, but the benefits of a healthy partner with a better outlook on life is definitely worth the trade off! He supports me 110% and says he loves me no matter what my size. He is such a good little cheerleader!:happy:

Apriltrev04

If he really loves you, he will understand that you are doing this for your health. If you plan to have children, you will be a healthier, more energetic mother. Is there a possibility he has fears that your weight loss will get you more attention from other guys? If he cannot handle your being healthy, perhaps he is not "the one." I hope I'm not being too brutally honest, but I am trying to provide options for your thought and consideration. Make it clear. "This is for me and our future."

I agree with this...

taylorromanyk

I definitely know what you mean, I'm always worried about that. You're making healthy decisions though, and you should feel so good about them. He thinks you're absolutely gorgeous whether you're big or small, I know it. Love is more than skin deep.

calderst

When I start to worry about this too much, I try to think of it from his perspective. In other words, how would you feel if it were him changing from the way he was when you were first attracted to him? If you'd still love him completely and still want to be with him-- there's a pretty good chance he'd feel the same way. Our bodies are going to change over the years-- maybe for the better, maybe not so much. Hopefully it's more than just your body that he's after!

love22step

I agree with others that you have to have this discussion with him. If you want to have a good life with this man, you have to be able to communicate openly. You may not always like what you hear, but getting it out in the open is better than worrying about it. Good luck and God bless! Be brave!

piggielips

My first husband was always wanting me to stay at a higher weight. He did not like when I lost any. I know for him it was because he was afraid to lose me. He was extremely jealous and had issues with it. He helped me get up to 350 that way. He was an enabler in the worst way. But in the end it was my choice and I had to make it for me.
Maybe just sit him down and talk with him. Tell him how important this is to you and ask for his support. Maybe let him know that you love him no matter what you look at and you think you need to do this for yourself.
Big hugs!!

l00zrr

I can't really relate (my boyfriend loves my body whether I'm 95lbs or 125lbs), but you're doing this for you!! Who cares if he approves as long as you're getting healthier and you feel good about yourself!

Same here. But this isn't about our boyfriends or husbands or significant others.
It's about US. Not them. If they can't be supportive to thingd that are important to us, who needs em?
Kidding, but still. They need to realize that this is for us. And how we feel.
Not them.

kalexander2005

I think everyone struggles with wanting to please another person at times. The trouble comes in when we become dependent on another person's approval. I dealt with this quite a bit with my husband. I gained almost a hundred pounds after we met, and I figured he didn't find me beautiful any more, but he assured me that he did. But, I noticed that whenever I would go on a diet, or we would start a diet together, it seemed like he quickly sabotaged the plan with dinners out or other types of foods that we weren't supposed to be eating. A few months ago, I decided enough was enough. I told him politely that I was going to lose the weight and that he couldn't do anything to stop me. I swear he tries every now and then. He'll say something like, "I enJOY MY life," and I will reply, "That's great, Hon, but I'm miserable and I need it to change." I don't really know what he thinks about it, but I'm passed the point where making him happy trumps making me happy. Honestly, even if he told me, "One more pound and we're over." I would just give him a hug, tell him I love him no matter what, and drive out to the gym. I think it's especially important as women that we never, EVER let anyone dictate to us our behaviors toward ourselves. Having come out of an abusive marriage a number of years ago has taught me that peace with myself is more important (and more sustainable) than making anyone else happy on this earth.

I wish you all the best!! Be true to yourself.

dlaplume2

I think you need to have a heart to heart with him while he is your fiance and not your husband.

Everyone goes through body transformations throughout life. What would happen if you got breast cancer in 20 years and had to have them removed. Do you really want what he thinks about your appearance to be your worry? I know you want to take care of yourself and you want him to love you the way you are. He may wish for more veluptuous days, but will he still love you the same? If so then don't worry, if you worry about him going astray, then I really think you need to listen to your instincts.

withervein

My BF has always told me he loves my hips, butt and breasts and when I started losing weight told me "not to get too skinny, please."

That was nearly 8 months ago and now that I'm 20 pounds less, I think he sees how definition makes me look shapelier, the muscles make the hips and butt firmer and the smaller waist makes my breasts which were a DD and are now a D appear bigger than they were.

Also, he thinks my gym clothes make me look hot.

Suffice it to say, he is no longer afraid of me getting too skinny. He's realized that when I have body idols in women like Tina Turner (OMG those LEGS!) that I'm not gonna try to be a Kate Moss.

Xtina_Beba

Your health and happiness comes first! You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else....cheesy but my mom told me that once and it has stuck with me.


And in all relationships comes good communication, so yes I do think you should be straight forward and confront him. Tell him how you feel, why you're doing this and ask him what's wrong.

MEGAmm

Thank you all for your advice and support. He and I have had past conversations about this... before I started this thread I had communicated my concern that his lack of support was making me feel bad about my weight loss rather than embrace my new healthy lifestyle and positive changes to my body. He insists he'll love me at any weight as long as I don't get "too skinny" or "bony". He says things like "don't lose that big booty of yours". I know that this is for me, as it should be, but it's hard to ignore those comments. I'm going to do what I need to do to feel good about myself and healthy. I just wish he could support me fully. Thanks again. Good luck with all of yours goals!

ElizabethRoad

He insists he'll love me at any weight as long as I don't get "too skinny" or "bony".

He won't love you if you're too skinny? Hmm...