How do I gain self confidence?

Cookie_4

Hi, everyone. I am very grateful to have found MFP and its great community of supporters like you. I need your advice. I've always had a problem with self confidence and how I see myself. I always thought I disliked the way I looked because I am overweight but a few years back, I did a crash diet and was 30 pounds lighter than I am now but I still felt so unhappy with the way I look. Friends, family and sometimes strangers tell me they think I'm pretty but I don't believe it.

I've tried to figure out why I feel this way with no answer :-(

How do I fix this problem? Thanks for listening...

LucianaMilk

Hi Cookie;

I know what you are talking about. Sometimes I feel the same.
When I'm getting down I usually take a day off just to spoil me. Then I have a beauty treatment or I get something nice for me like a lipstickers or something like that. At first, it seems superficial and shallow but it can make a difference after all. It helps me a lot and it works for me.

Well, treat yourself right... that would be my advice

all the best

bumflapassassin

I think self confidence comes with figuring out what you want and working towards it (not to be confused with what you think you should want or what other people think)

Sounds like you lack self esteem which is different to self confidence and I'd recommend you spend time considering why you might be feeling this way; it's likely to be more complex than your weight and appearance.

ninerbuff

I had a client that had issue with self esteem and self confidence who confided in a therapist. She now no longer has that issue. Something you may consider.

lmiller857

I know what your going through I have a similar problem however losing my weight has helped me a little bit in changing how I look at myself. the first step I would advize is to believe that your pretty and to find some part of you your proud of

AZackery

Hi Cookie_4, if you have a full length mirror or even if you don't have one, use a large enough mirror to do this. You will need lipstick too. Most women wear lipstick, I don't wear makeup. Use something that you can wipe off the mirror. Anyway, look at yourself for a minute. Don't do anything, but look at yourself. Take out time to see you. Now, after your minute is up, start thinking about bad things that you have faced and write it on the mirror. Write those things on the side of your face/body. You still need to see you. Why write bad things? Because, bad things triggers low self esteem.

Examples of bad things:

1. Parent(s) didn't spend enough time with you or even they favored another sibling over you.
2. Sibling(s) didn't spend enough time with you
3. Being bullied
4. You've failed a test that you've studied hard for
5. You were called ugly, dumb, stupid; told that you weren't ever going to make it in life
6. The popular girl made you feel like you weren't pretty, etc.

Those are just a few examples of what a person probably have gone through.

After you write down all the bad things. Take time to look at yourself again for a minute and once the minute is up. Address the badness one by one. Good always beat bad. For every bad things, cite something to it that was good and erase the bad thing.

After you've erased all your bad things. Look at yourself again and this time, write in big Capital Letters "LOVE IS STRONG & I LOVE YOU"

You have to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you will not have confidence in yourself. You have to have power over you. If you let anything else have power over you, you will forever be in prison.

Cookie_4

I look at myself in the mirror and blankly stare... It's hard to explain but it's almost as though I don't recognize myself. Perhaps it truly is deeper than I thought :-(

jenttifer

I get it. I've lost almost 60 pounds but I still see "fat me" when I look in the mirror. I've been struggling with this, too. Because it's such a slow process, it's hard to see the big difference. Maybe look at some old pictures of yourself. I looked at my driver's license yesterday and was mortified! I can't believe that was me! I recently went shopping with a friend who is good at picking out clothes that fit the person and the kind of friend who I know will be blunt and tell me when something looks like ****. She would pick out clothes for me that I never would pick out for myself. We spent hours trying on different clothes and she would show me what assets I have that I didn't realize. It made me see myself much differently than I had been. It's only a start, though. I still look in the mirror and see the fat parts. I think it's my brain that's fat, not me. I wish I knew how to make my brain see what's in front of it, and not the inner fat girl that I've been for so long. Is this what you were getting at?

Cookie_4

I get it. I've lost almost 60 pounds but I still see "fat me" when I look in the mirror. I've been struggling with this, too. Because it's such a slow process, it's hard to see the big difference. Maybe look at some old pictures of yourself. I looked at my driver's license yesterday and was mortified! I can't believe that was me! I recently went shopping with a friend who is good at picking out clothes that fit the person and the kind of friend who I know will be blunt and tell me when something looks like ****. She would pick out clothes for me that I never would pick out for myself. We spent hours trying on different clothes and she would show me what assets I have that I didn't realize. It made me see myself much differently than I had been. It's only a start, though. I still look in the mirror and see the fat parts. I think it's my brain that's fat, not me. I wish I knew how to make my brain see what's in front of it, and not the inner fat girl that I've been for so long. Is this what you were getting at?

Yes, pretty much. I dontbthink I see what's truly in the mirror. I see and feel like I'm something else (that's worse). I know the problem, just don't know how to fix it :-(

jenttifer

I completely get it...and suffer with you. I think I'm working on it, but then I'll revert back to that old way of thinking. Maybe therapy is the answer? I don't know. I wish I could offer you some more advice. If nothing else I hope it helps to know you're not alone.