do you warn them or not?

camy_chick

i have some friends on FB that have become friends with my ex. and i'm wondering, should i warn them what a TRUE *kitten* he usually is? i mean, do i warn them he is all nice till he gets in your pants, and then it's all back stabbing, hurtful things. telling everyone that YOU were using him, that YOU are the fattest person he's ever been with(or basically "she's such a cow!"-his exact words about me!). and that he drags you in with his OMG-baby blues, and then uses YOU, YOUR MONEY, and just leaves when the money dries up!

do i warn them? or do i let them be? ~ i also have a friend who has dated him before, and has let him back into her life as "friends", but he's manipulative......do i try to stop her? he has BROKEN, BURNED CRUSHED and TORN her heart out. i don't want to see her hurt by that jerk EVER again! she doesn't deserve it!

what would you do?

Vodkha

I don't know. I probably wouldn't, it may make you look bitter or something. They will eventually learn on their own, and I have learned that even with warnings, people will do what they want to do, anyways.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

My friends know ALL about the hell I went through with my ex, but no I don't think I'd say anything if one of them decided to get involved with him. It sounds like you're still really angry, not that you don't have every right to be. Maybe try a calm conversation like "I just wanted you to know this so you don't get hurt. . . etc." if they're a close friend, but if it's just an acquaintance I'd chalk it up as "none of my business" and move on. I'd hope none of my friends were dumb enough to go out with my ex. lol

Iamfit4life

I don't know. I probably wouldn't, it may make you look bitter or something. They will eventually learn on their own, and I have learned that even with warnings, people will do what they want to do, anyways.

This, exactly.

arewethereyet

i have some friends on FB that have become friends with my ex. and i'm wondering, should i warn them what a TRUE *kitten* he usually is? i mean, do i warn them he is all nice till he gets in your pants, and then it's all back stabbing, hurtful things. telling everyone that YOU were using him, that YOU are the fattest person he's ever been with(or basically "she's such a cow!"-his exact words about me!). and that he drags you in with his OMG-baby blues, and then uses YOU, YOUR MONEY, and just leaves when the money dries up!

do i warn them? or do i let them be? ~ i also have a friend who has dated him before, and has let him back into her life as "friends", but he's manipulative......do i try to stop her? he has BROKEN, BURNED CRUSHED and TORN her heart out. i don't want to see her hurt by that jerk EVER again! she doesn't deserve it!

what would you do?

NOPE! I promise if you do they will A. not believe you B. call you a witch C.be even more interested.

Let them find out themselves. If they know YOU, then they should know there is something way wrong with him. IF they still pursue, sit back and watch the show.

My ex plays like he is Mr. Wonderful. The family found out, in a big way.

edited to add: your GF knows what he is about. I know my friends would not say a word if I went back..........well that is not really true :laugh:

CaptainGordo

I don't know. I probably wouldn't, it may make you look bitter or something. They will eventually learn on their own, and I have learned that even with warnings, people will do what they want to do, anyways.

Very true. My folks divorced when I was very young. My mother never spoke ill of my father. She left it up to us to figure it out on our own -- and we did. I am so grateful that she handled it that way.

Where these are adults, it's of even more importance not to get involved.

Qarol

Regardless of how I feel about someone, I don't begrudge that person the right to make friends. If I have a problem with someone, it's my problem.

sunnyday789

Are they FB "friends" or real friends?
If they are true friends then I would approach them telling them you want to tell them about this guy because you care about them. If they want your opinion, tell them. If they don't want to hear it , then so be it. And if they hear you out, it's still their decision as to what they want to do with the information.
If it was me, I would want the warning.

Contrarian

I understand that he has been horrible, but I think this is case where minding your own business would be prudent.

k2quiere

I'm wondering why you feel the need to warn someone who has already dated him and had her heart broken by him before. I would think she could create her own warning label for that one. If she's dumb enough to try it again, let her.

krissagirl0709

Sorry you are going through this, Ive been in the same situation and it sucks! Still sometimes feel that way..but sometimes I feel like maybe Im not COMPLETELY over him too but for the most part yes I am I wouldnt want to go back to feeling that way..i used to warn people though and they went ahead with what I knew they would and then when it all was done they apoligized to me..

candicole007

I don't. My ex lied, cheated, stole from me, was verbally abusive, tried to isolate me from my friends and family - all that fun stuff. But unless someone asks, and in a way that they really want to know - not just "oh why did you divorce dummy?", I keep my mouth shut.

Doing otherwise (I feel) would make me look bitter, hateful, vindictive, whatever. He's very charming when you don't live with him. He has a great story about why he's 36 years old living, unemployed, and living with his father.

And the big one - if they were really close friends, they know what I went through, and if they want to go through that, that's on them. If they are more like acquaintances, I'm not in a position to give them life advice, they'll figure it out on their own soon enough.

kennethmgreen

Regardless of how I feel about someone, I don't begrudge that person the right to make friends. If I have a problem with someone, it's my problem.

Love this. So right. So true. OP - live by this and it will set you free.

sunkisses

I don't know. I probably wouldn't, it may make you look bitter or something. They will eventually learn on their own, and I have learned that even with warnings, people will do what they want to do, anyways.

This, exactly.

yup.

And try not to look because it will drive you mad. He's not your problem anymore.

ahinescapron

I would say it is only going to make you look bad to warn people ahead of time. People won't listen and will just think you are a bitter ex. If your friend has dated him before, she probably knows how he is. If you are really close, I would probably talk to her (without telling everything or badmouthing him). If she is just a casual friend, let her figure it out for herself.