Clean plate club

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I heard those words out of my husband’s mouth last night when encouraging our 2 year old to eat. My son has recently taken to playing at the dinner table over feeding himself. Or even just sitting there looking at it at lunch (right after we wake him from his nap). He’s just getting lazy at raising that fork or spoon by himself. You feed him, he eats anything, you expect him to do it and he just sits there or pushes it out of his way. So last night DH started in on “hey Bud, don’t you want to be a member of the clean plate club?” I cringed, my head probably turned very exorcist like as I said, “do you really think that’s necessary?” We never had “clean plate club” in my house, we had food and you either ate or went hungry . . . but what to do with a 2 yo. On one hand, I don’t want to encourage him to over eat, and on the other I don’t want to get up with him at 2 am to feed him because he was too lazy to eat when he was hungry.

So this is my long way of asking, for those of you who blame some of your weight issues on the enforcement of “clean plate club” or “you must eat everything on your plate before you xyz” what do you suggest with little kids outside of having them wake up in the middle of the night out of starvation?

FaugHorn

I think at that age the portion control is already in your hands so it's not necessary to be fearful of having him over-eat. We didn't have the "clean plate club" in my household either. I don't think that it is necessary to have the club to get him to eat, he can't leave the table or something until he's fed himself a bit of each thing, no distractions at the table other than the food, etc. and that way you don't have to get up in the middle of the night

Maryfullofgrace

I was once a kid with a "clean plate club" upbringing. So I speak from experience. My mom didn't cater to what our likes and dislikes were. Granted she made family friendly dishes, and she never over-fed us. She portioned our plates as young kids. None of us were overweight during our life under her roof. And in our house "Clean Plate Club" meant three things, We could'nt have seconds until firsts were eaten, so if we wanted more meat, all the vegetables had to be gone first... we were allowed to have some of the dessert that she served, which most of the time was fruit cocktail or butterscotch pudding... oh man those were the days... and a small box of butterscotch pudding lasted our family of 5 two nights worth of desserts, so we were probably getting two tablespoons of pudding... and one can of fruit cocktail fed the whole family dessert... so again, a small amount. and the second thing the clean plate club meant is you could get up from the table and place your own plate in the dishwasher... Jobs were treated like rewards... kind of cool looking back how well that worked.

LisaWeir74

I NEVER make my kids clean their plate. I had to & my parents fixed my plate for me. I was a chubby child until I was old enough to take charge of my eating. However, if I don't think my kids ate a reasonable enough amount of healthy food or have been just playing around with it, I will cover it & when they tell me they are hungry 30 minutes later, I reheat it & that is what they eat.

LisaWeir74

I NEVER make my kids clean their plate. I had to & my parents fixed my plate for me. I was a chubby child until I was old enough to take charge of my eating. However, if I don't think my kids ate a reasonable enough amount of healthy food or have been just playing around with it, I will cover it & when they tell me they are hungry 30 minutes later, I reheat it & that is what they eat.

MinnesotaManimal

OH MY GOD. I can't believe you posted this. What timing. We are battling with our 3 yr old. he will eat 1-3 bites, but he spends so much time fooling around that this takes him a half hour or more to eat those few bites, then he asks to be excused, and we say, "ok, are you all done eating? if you get down to go play, you you will need to wait until snack time for something to eat" and he refuses another bite and wants down. EVERY time for EVERY MEAL within 8 minutes of being excused, he is crying because he is hungry. The first few times we pulled his left overs out and sat him down to finish his meal, only to have him take 1 or 2 more bites and want down again, repeat crying in 8-10 minutes that he is hungry. This has been going on for 2 months and my wife and I are going nuts

We don't have 4 hours availible to eat each meal while getting down to play between bites, and I also feel that we should not be FORCE feeding our children to clean their plates.

PLEASE Offer allabtlm advice so I may glean information too.

Sincerely, Frustrated Father.

bcattoes

I grew up in a house where you were expected to clean your plate and it did not lead to overeating for me, so as long as you are putting healthy food and reasonable portions on the plate, I think the 'clean plate club' is okay. It could help teach him portion control as he grows.

StacyLynn8241

Perhaps you should give him a little bit of time to wake up before feeding him. I know that for myself I have no urge to eat right when I wake up. I personally would allow him to eat what he wants and not force him to clean his plate. This will keep him from learning the habit of overeating like I did as a child.

CandiceLeeAnn

We never had to clean our plates as children and I don't tell my children that they need to clean their plates either. I have a 5 year old and 3 year old. My 3 year old has just recently become picky and only likes to eat certain things. I usually try to make at least one thing that he likes to eat and if he tries the rest, then fine...if not at least he has eaten something. Some may say that I'm doing the wrong thing or catering to him, but my daughter went through the same thing at his age and now she eats just about everything. My kids are told to eat until they feel full, and they take their time that's for sure...lol. Honestly if my children goof around and don't eat their supper or don't like it for whatever reason, I'm okay with that. Every night after bath, we give the kids a snack(toast, fruit, yogurt, oatmeal, something along those lines), read a story and then put them to bed. This way I know they won't go to bed hungry and that if they didn't eat supper, there is still the bedtime snack option.

vim_n_vigor

I have a 3 and 5 year old boy in my house. Meals can get pretty hectic. I do not enforce the clean plate club. I do try to keep the amount of food I put on their plate at any time very small - think what would be just a few normal sized bites for us as adults. That way the plate doesn't look so full and scary to them. They have to try everything on their plate. If they are being very picky, I will give them a number of bites they need to take to leave the table with no snacks later. They can choose to take their bites from anything that is on their plate. Sometimes goofy names for some foods helps too. My kids love trees and clouds cooked or raw (brocoli and cauliflower). I think they like it only because of the names. 2 year olds are also at a strange place developmentally - they have been going through nothing but one long growth spurt their entire lives, and now they are at a lull in growth so the hunger isn't there as much. When they start hitting the next set of growth spurts - the hunger picks back up.

wildkatt7

I know with my niece she always wants to eat chips... I say no chips until you eat at least half of what is on your plate. she often eats most of the food, then only finishes about half her small bag of chips... With kids under 5 I don't think you should worry too much, but saying you have to finish the plate is wrong, as it puts the message there for life and it is a real tough message to break... my mom used to say "clear your plate, don't want it to go to waste... starving kids would be so lucky"... she denies ever saying it now of course, but for years I couldn't let my plate have a scrap on it... actually still the same way now... if I put it on my plate I eat it... all from that... now I just don't put as much on my plate to start...

Hodar

There is a balance.

At 2 yrs old - they do not realize 'cause' and 'effect'. They play through dinner, and are crying because they are hungry 1 hour later. So, you need to force them to eat; and finish their dinner. As a parent, it's your responsibilty to plan a healthy and balanced meal.

However, at 12 yrs old - they understand the 'cause and effect' with regard to meals and hunger. At this point, letting them eat until they are content is more important. I would also encourage them to try new foods - just a spoonful or two. It's amazing how many kids have never tried Chinese food, and won't - and this at situations where there is an interview on the line.

By the time they are 16, they should know what foods are healthy, what foods are fattening, and how many calories they should be targetting. Especially, with the information age we all enjoy. If not on their phones, then on their PC. I grew up being forced to clean my plate; and often had my parents fill my plate. If they were hungry, I got a lot to eat. This continues even to this day - if I go to a restuant and get a huge serving, I feel compelled to clean it; even if I am full.

There is a time and a place for everything.

TinaDay1114

A very wise person told me once to just put the healthy meal in front of them, let them "eat" with the family (even if that just means watching or pushing it around on the plate), and then clean up. If they're hungry for a snack an hour later, have a stock snack that they always get that's not that exciting, and not that much work (like a PB sandwich). That way you're not making the meals all about stress or who eats what / how much.

That being said, I can't seem to make that work consistently at my house -- I get hung up on having them eat at least some of the healthy plate I make them so they get veggies, and my husband says that crazy stuff your husband does ("Just eat 4 more bites, and you can have dessert"). It's an internal battle for me, and I wish it wasn't.

And the harder part for me is that our parents take turns watching them while I work -- 1 grandma pushes the "You wanna get DESSERT, don't you??" philosophy, and the other grandma has them eating grilled cheese and "Lunchables" in front of the boob tube every time. *BIG FRUSTRATED SIGH*

I feel your pain.

Dtrmnd86

In our house, you finish the food you are given. I have two 4 year olds and they use portioned plates. I've also started asking them how much they would like instead of just piling the food on the plate. There is also a serving of vegetables or fruit which I put on, but the rest is up to them. They are far from over weight and always eat the fruit or veggies before anything else. I also talk with them about healthy eating and that you must finish dinner before dessert (healthy foods before snacks). I wasn't raised with a "clear your plate" rule but I was never given healthy options- everything was convenience foods with no attention paid to serving sizes. Once I started buying my own food, it was junk and I had to learn about healthy foods/eating habits as an adult, so I'm trying to raise them with the knowledge of eating right.

vim_n_vigor

There is a balance.

At 2 yrs old - they do not realize 'cause' and 'effect'. They play through dinner, and are crying because they are hungry 1 hour later. So, you need to force them to eat; and finish their dinner. As a parent, it's your responsibilty to plan a healthy and balanced meal.

However, at 12 yrs old - they understand the 'cause and effect' with regard to meals and hunger. At this point, letting them eat until they are content is more important. I would also encourage them to try new foods - just a spoonful or two. It's amazing how many kids have never tried Chinese food, and won't - and this at situations where there is an interview on the line.

By the time they are 16, they should know what foods are healthy, what foods are fattening, and how many calories they should be targetting. Especially, with the information age we all enjoy. If not on their phones, then on their PC. I grew up being forced to clean my plate; and often had my parents fill my plate. If they were hungry, I got a lot to eat. This continues even to this day - if I go to a restuant and get a huge serving, I feel compelled to clean it; even if I am full.

There is a time and a place for everything.

At ages 3 and 5, my kids have a general idea of what foods are all the time foods, sometimes foods, and special occasion foods. They have had Chinese food, Indian food, Middle Eastern food, German food, French food, and the list goes on and on. Most of the time, the portions of food being put on a child's plate is really too much food for them. Their stomachs are small, and that is just one of the reasons that kids at those ages seem to want to snack all day. They can't eat enough at one time to keep them satisfied for hours at a time. We have healthy snacks between meals, and small portions on their plates at meal times. If they want more because they are still hungry - they get more. No reason to keep a child at the table to clean their plate.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I want to thank everyone for their responses, this is definitely important information. I do think I should explain a little more though what his schedule is to put some perspective on it and how we look at meals. I am one of those people who eats constantly, so it comes as no surprise to me and my husband that our son is much the same way. He generally has breakfast when he wakes in the morning around 6 or 7 (omelet or cereal) and the other as a snack later (around 11) with little snacks (fresh fruit, veggies, pretzel sticks, milk) along the way when he says he’s hungry and asks, down for nap around 11 or 1130, up from nap around 130, off to day care where he eats his lunch as the other kids wake up, snack at school at 230 or 3 (whatever the school has) and we recently added another snack time at 430 or 5 (usually a protein and/or fruit), and finally dinner at 630 (usually a protein and veggie) in bed at 730.
As Halloween just passed he has a piece of candy after dinner. Food is never a reward, and candy is not given as a reward for eating but because it’s in the house (however I have been debating using skittles as potty training rewards . . . except that means that I’d have skittles in the house). I didn’t grow up on dessert, so that’s not an issue. I feed him using those kiddie plates with the different compartments, about 2oz of protein in the main compartment and the rest of the plate filled with veggies. Until this last physical he was always in the 25% or below in weight and 95% in height, at his 2 year he was finally starting to catch up in weight. He eats anything I eat (sushi is one of his favorites), and I don’t feed him anything that I wouldn’t eat in a healthy balanced diet.
Over the past 18 months I’ve seen his appetite fluctuate with growth spurts and what not, the issue here doesn’t seem to be appetite, but attention. I’ve been harboring guilt with the process of begging him to eat a meal at all much less in less than 90 minutes, particularly when I know that we still have bath time and book/snuggle time looming before bed time.
Considering that at 2 he doesn’t have the cognitive capability to realize causation all those hours later makes me feel better about encouraging him to eat when he should be instead of when we should all be sleeping. I’m looking forward to a time when he’s a little older and he “gets it.” (that goes for the potty training thing too, lol)

ennaejay

Most likely you will not consider me to be a "nice" mom.

Ok, now that that's out of the way............

However, if I don't think my kids ate a reasonable enough amount of healthy food or have been just playing around with it, I will cover it & when they tell me they are hungry 30 minutes later, I reheat it & that is what they eat.

I also do this, and think it's good advice. We also do 4-5 small meals a day (kids aged 3 and 19 mos), well balanced, good variety, healthy snacks, no dessert or candy in the house. I'll make them "ice cream" (frozen bananas and some cottage cheese whipped up with peanut butter and vanilla), or they have dry "sweet cereal" (think Mothers' Graham Bumpers or Kix) with raisins, but if they only eat 3 bites of their dinner, they can't wait til snacktime and fill up on cereal and dried fruit --- they can have a second chance at eating their dinner. 9 times out of 10, they WILL finish it, because they're honestly hungry. If they legitimately don't like it (because of past experience - DS1 doesn't like pasta sauce every time I serve it), a few more bites will suffice before they can move on to something else. I think that's pretty sound, if you gave them a toddler-sized portion and they won't eat it, fine, don't force-feed them or offer to spoon-feed them.

Interestingly enough, my just-turned-3 year old has been requesting that my husband or I feed him his dinner. He sees his younger brother being fed sometimes, and he wants to be the "baby". When he asks to be fed, he's given some positive affirmation and support, but also given two choices: He can feed himself, or get down from the table. He always happily chooses one, and it's a non-issue after that.

At 2 yrs old - they do not realize 'cause' and 'effect'. They play through dinner, and are crying because they are hungry 1 hour later. So, you need to force them to eat; and finish their dinner. As a parent, it's your responsibilty to plan a healthy and balanced meal.

Yes, but sir, how do they LEARN cause and effect? Those little buggers are SMART. They learn, and fast. If you start offering them food in the night when they wake up and are hungry because they haven't eaten enough during the day, you are crippling them from learning the "cause and effect." That's why, in your analogy, the kid doesn't figure it out til he's 12.

Scream at the table? You can choose to be quiet at the dinner table, or play in your bedroom while the rest of the family eats. Cause and effect. Throw food on the floor? You can choose to keep your food on the table, or realize that once it's down, it's DOWN, and you don't get it back. Cause and effect. No appetite at dinner, no appetite at snack time? Next meal time is breakfast. I can give you hugs and I can sing you lullabies or offer something to drink, but sorry, you may eat at breakfast. (Do you want eggs or oatmeal?). I promise you, they'll pick it up. My 19-month old is a real rebel and has exhibited some real capability to make choices.

Over the past 18 months I’ve seen his appetite fluctuate with growth spurts and what not, the issue here doesn’t seem to be appetite, but attention. I’ve been harboring guilt with the process of begging him to eat a meal at all much less in less than 90 minutes, particularly when I know that we still have bath time and book/snuggle time looming before bed time.
Considering that at 2 he doesn’t have the cognitive capability to realize causation all those hours later makes me feel better about encouraging him to eat when he should be instead of when we should all be sleeping.

So is he going to cry and make your life miserable, throw things, disrespect you, have a tantrum at 2am because you won't give him food? Love on him, explain to him, give him a choice (do you want water, or juice? Lullabies, or a snuggle?), and you'll see results. The next day, he'll be much more interested in his food.

Kids don't want responsibility put on them. They fight for their freedom, sure, but when they make poor choices, they want US to clean up the mess. It's their mess. Guide them through how to clean it up, chances are they won't make a habit of it.

SPheonix22

I agree with the person above. I have two twin girls age 7. I make them eat their vegetables. But I also reward them with dessert when they also eat half of their meat and veggies. Dessert can be an apple, orange, yogurt, popsicle, piece of candy, whatever. Sometimes they still won't eat. At that time they know that their not getting anything unil breakfast.

They yell at me asking why I like veggies so much. But we've been doing this for about 3 years now. There are no arguments and with consistentsy comes learning. It might take some time but Im pretty sure that itll only take two weeks.

Besides kids will NOT die if they miss one meal. As long as you provided the opprotunity. They will and can learn even at that age.

Pollywog39

As a Gramma with a 4-yr-old Grandson (and a Mom who raised 2 girls), I have to say that I've noticed a marked difference in this BOY's behavior than I did with my daughters.

My girls are in their 30's, so maybe it's my memory that's bad, but I don't recall them having big issues with eating. They ate what their Dad and I ate, and we didn't do any special manipulation of meals for them. I grew up with simple meals - and we always had dessert - so that's how I fed my children.

Anyway - with my Grandson, things are SO different. Around 2, he completely changed his eating habits - before that, he'd eat most anything, but then he just refused to eat. I mean, truly......that kid could go overnight and into a good part of the day before he'd eat anything! He was attached to his "bubba" (bottle) until about 3 yrs old, so that might account for the lack of eating.....but even to this day, he can go a very long time without eating or drinking a thing or being hungry.

My daughter has just adapted to this - when he's hungry, he will eat. He likes a lot of veggies, but his main protein lately is chicken nuggets

I do think that every kid is different, and parents need to be somewhat adaptable. I'm just glad when this kid eats anything ! And he's not below his levels for weight and height.....so he's obviously getting what his body needs

Liluth

I don't have children, but I love to read about them psychologically and developmentally. One of my professors recommended this book and truly, it is wonderful.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0091923808?ie=UTF8&tag=ecochildsplay-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0091923808

Basically, your baby was born with a drive to survive. Your role in all this is to provide a range of healthy, appetizing foods. Some days your baby will eat hardly a thing, others he'll be a human vacuum. The less you put pressure on him, the better. Trust him to meet his needs and let you know when they are lacking . It'll all work out.

kmbrooks15

My kids started off as our foster children, and we later adopted them. My son would eat pretty much anything you put in front of him, so no problems there. My daughter, on the other hand, would eat all the stuff she liked and leave the vegetables (she was 6 at the time). She'd say she was full before she got to the veggies. So she was getting meat and carbs (rice or pasta, usually, potatoes occasionally), but no veggies. The deal was no dessert unless you ate your veggies, but I guess she decided even dessert wasn't worth eating broccoli for! So we got creative. Any veggies left on the plate appeared at the next meal. After having to finish her broccoli at breakfast a few times, she got the message! Now, she eats her least favorite thing first to get it over with! May sound cruel, but at least she's getting her veggies!