kids and their homework...gah.

chanstriste13

first, i am not a parent - i have been sitting for a family going on three years. today the mother calls me to let me know that max has a homework assignment due tomorrow that he failed to write down. she then tries to brainstorm with me ideas that he can write about for the little assignment. it shouldn't take that much time, but he has band practice and scouts tonight, so he won't have much extra time after school today at all.

i let the mom go on with her ideas, but i said, 'well, max will just have to come up with something.' she continues on saying what a hard assignment it is for a fourth grader (a paragraph about a time his family disagreed about something and what the solution ended up being). i don't think it's too hard for him, and if he wrote the thing down last week, he would have more than 45 minutes to work on it. so i repeat that i am sure max will be able to think of something. i don't think the mom likes this too much, but i'm sticking to my guns.

i'm not doing it for him. if it's late, it's late. and if all he can get out is a bit of crap, so be it. just my take on this.

so, people that are parents and people who had parents (heehee) - do you think it's wise to do your kids homework at the last minute or let them take the fall?

if i ever have children, i think they might hate me for a spell...but they'll get over it. :laugh:

odusgolp

WTH would be the point of doing your child's homework for them???

ItsCasey

I absolutely do not think kids should have their work done for them. Even if there are extenuating circumstances, such as a family emergency, and the kid doesn't have time to do the work to the best of his abilities, the proper response is to ask the teacher for more time, not for the parent(s) to do the work. All that teaches the kid is that Mom and/or Dad will always bail him out.

macpatti

I always help with homework when they need it, but never do it for them. If they're at crunch time because they've put it off until the last minute, I will let them know I'm not happy, but I would never just let them sink or swim. I'm also not opposed to helping them brainstorm with ideas to write about. Again.......helping them, not doing it for them.

Captain_Mal

Well I'm sort of an expert on this, having 4 children in school and having taught a little.

Never do your kids homework for them. Help them all you like but never do it for them.

My oldest daughter had a rather big assignment last month and she put off doing it until the very last week of the month, days before it was due. She got upset and stressed out but ended up doing a great job. When they are small, yes it's reasonable to help out and try to build up the importance of completing assignments. When they are older, as is the child you are working with, he knows how to plan ahead. He should do it, it's not a big deal and if it's a complete failure, so be it. No teacher wants to see something come back into the classroom that was done by a parent. The whole point of homework is to accurately gauge what the child was able to do out of the classroom, with little or no help. If I were you, I'd pass this message on to the mother.

chanstriste13

I always help with homework when they need it, but never do it for them. If they're at crunch time because they've put it off until the last minute, I will let them know I'm not happy, but I would never just let them sink or swim. I'm also not opposed to helping them brainstorm with ideas to write about. Again.......helping them, not doing it for them.

i'm all for this too. but the mom pretty much emailed me a script to dictate to the kid. :grumble:

vim_n_vigor

I already went to school, for many, many long years. I have done enough homework for many lifetimes. If he forgot to write it down and hasn't had any motivation to do it, guess what? He would be staying up late to finish today, or missing an event to do it. He needs to learn to prioritize his time too.

sjtreely

Topic: The Time My Mom and Sitter Disagreed On Who Should Do My Homework



Good luck. BTW - you're right.

LisaWeir74

Definitely let them fail if they didn't do their work. I will always assist my children with their work when they have questions, etc. but if they waited till the last minute, then I will not work miracles.

I am a parent & a HS teacher. I see juniors & seniors whose parents still do their work for them......they will fail at college until they realize they must do their own work.

chanstriste13

Topic: The Time My Mom and Sitter Disagreed On Who Should Do My Homework



Good luck. BTW - you're right.

i'm...still....laughing! thanks for the chuckles!

DisneyAddictRW

I always help with homework but won't do it for my kids! After they realize that they finally kick in gear and get through it. I also have a chart they update with homework. We have a set bedtime and if homework requires staying up late due to them not planning properly they lose t.v. or IPAD for the next day. I want them to enjoy school and if that means sitting down working with them on homework I'm all for it. However they have to keep track of their assignments but I do understand sometimes we forget things. (As an adult I still do that!)

chanstriste13

If I were you, I'd pass this message on to the mother.

right...i would like to keep my job...! great advice, though. :flowerforyou:

PlanetVelma

If my child didn't finish a particular assignment, they wouldn't be going to any other extra curricular activites (sports practice, boy scouts, etc...). Period.

I'm pretty strict when it comes to homework, if grades start slipping the first thing they lose is extra-curricular activites (this includes all sports practice, TV time, iPod, etc..). But hey, I've been told I'm too strict with my kids. lol

Good luck with that!

Btw, if a parent did the homework for the child, doesn't that constitute cheating? The teachers I had as a kid would've given me an F and if my parents came in to contest it, they would've told them how the cow ate the cabbage!

Shanahan09

If my kids were having difficulty with their homework, and I could see the frustration building...I would definitely help. Not give the answers, but help them brainstorm. With that said though, I totally disagree with homework period. My kids go to school all day, 5 days a week, so they shouldn't be coming home with homework at all. ( I have friends who are teachers who agree with this) Alas, if they do get it in the future, it will be done right after school after their snack. Work first, play later!!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

WTH would be the point of doing your child's homework for them???

This. My husband works with teenagers and the coddling of kids sometimes boarders on craziness.
Yes, he is in 4th grade, but he knew he had the assignment and should be able to come up with this alone, it doesn't seem unreasonable. There are times when I do think it's important to help your children execute their own ideas, but there's also a point where it becomes the parent's work product and not the child's. Part of our jobs as parents is to teach our kids to be independent, responsible adults . . . otherwise they spend all day surfing the internet and expect someone else to take care of business, LOL.

Captain_Mal

If I were you, I'd pass this message on to the mother.

right...i would like to keep my job...! great advice, though. :flowerforyou:

If your job is to do the kids homework for him, I'd ask for a 50% pay raise, at the very least.

BuceesNana

Are they going to make excuses to his boss and do his work for him as an adult? Gotta teach them early to take responsiblity and ownership of their own destinies. You can't live through your kids and you can't always protect them, especially from themselves. It's a hard lesson, but if we don't, our world will never become a better place.

poisongirl6485

Wait, you're the babysitter and the parent of the child you babysit wants you to do his homework for him???? WTH?!?!?!!?

april_beth

christ all mighty, isnt that a lesson the mom should be teaching him by this time?? to start your homework earlier especially when you know they have deadlines...how about the lesson of organization?! my kid has had a projectdue now for three weeks. its due next week...guess what? she's 3/4 of the way through it and i dindt help her one bit ... and she didnt ask me for help cause she knows what to do and whne its due by...god i can't stand some parents...wake up. fourth grade? this is the PERFECT TIME to get them started on the right foot!!! mine's in fifth grade...so yeah, i would know.

good for you for not doing it...and you shouldnt have been mae to feel like youi should in teh first place...she needs a ***** slap

chanstriste13

If I were you, I'd pass this message on to the mother.

right...i would like to keep my job...! great advice, though. :flowerforyou:

If your job is to do the kids homework for him, I'd ask for a 50% pay raise, at the very least.

i totally should!

they are a really great family to work with, and this doesn't happen too often...i just completely bristle whenever it does. i am in the anti-enabling camp, so i always find a way to make them do what they should be doing and not me, and then talk it up to some innovative educational practice to placate them...

and i hate innovative educational practices, by the way. too many acronyms for very common sense kind of things. :grumble:

ItsCasey

christ all mighty, isnt that a lesson the mom should be teaching him by this time??

In the real world of normal people, yes. But this mom seems to live in the world of "Anything bad that ever happens to my child is always someone else's fault." I think I remember the OP posting before about the mom wanting HER to make sure that the kids had their homework assignments and all the books and materials necessary to do the work before they came home every day. And if the kids didn't have their stuff, the mom blamed the OP.

chanstriste13

christ all mighty, isnt that a lesson the mom should be teaching him by this time??

In the real world of normal people, yes. But this mom seems to live in the world of "Anything bad that ever happens to my child is always someone else's fault." I think I remember the OP posting before about the mom wanting HER to make sure that the kids had their homework assignments and all the books and materials necessary to do the work before they came home every day. And if the kids didn't have their stuff, the mom blamed the OP.

good memory! that was the case. but we got that smoothed over. well, for the most part... :laugh:

Daysednconfused

A former boss (attorney) would make her daughter do the work, but have me type it in final form! HELLO???

anapanman

There is no reason why she should have asked you to do it. As the parent it is her responsibility to make sure the work gets done, not yours. It's an issue that she shouldn't have even discussed with anyone outside of the home.

That being said, I just wanted to say that my mom did some of my assignments for me in elementary/middle school. I was a good kid and she was just trying to do what she thought was best to help me out. It was not the best judgement call on her part, but in her eyes it was better to do an assignment I either was struggling with or simply didn't intend to do than to see me get an F on an assignment. I'm not saying it's okay, but I'm an adult now and I honestly don't think it affected me, really. Throughout my high school and college years I did very well. Even my husband admits that his parents did assignments for him when he was a kid. It didn't affect our sense of responsibilty. The responsibility was there, it was simply the lack of motivation and an "I don't see the point of doing this" attitude. As a mom myself I could sit here and say I'd never do my son's homework for him, but five years down the road I could very well end up eating my own words.

I'm not trying to negate anyone's opinons or incite an arguement here; I just thought I'd add a different perspective to the discussion.

deeharley

It will be interesting to see what he comes up with comapred to what she dictated. Sometimes, there has been an incident in the home that Mom tends to steer children away from revealing at school - not that it's bad or illegal (though there may be those) - but it's embarassing.

We had an incident like that when we were kids. Mom was questioned a couple of times about school assignments because the story was so far-fetched, the teachers thought we'd made it up.

And, you're right, he can handle this himself. Even in forty-five minutes a 4th grader should be able to come up with a paragraph.

PlanetVelma

christ all mighty, isnt that a lesson the mom should be teaching him by this time??

In the real world of normal people, yes. But this mom seems to live in the world of "Anything bad that ever happens to my child is always someone else's fault." I think I remember the OP posting before about the mom wanting HER to make sure that the kids had their homework assignments and all the books and materials necessary to do the work before they came home every day. And if the kids didn't have their stuff, the mom blamed the OP.

good memory! that was the case. but we got that smoothed over. well, for the most part... :laugh:

I don't know how you hang in there - I would've already told the Mom to pull her head out. LOL I feel bad for the kids because if they never learn responsiblity or how to be self sufficient.

I know people who were coddled their whole life and now as adults they have no idea how to be self sufficient.

My daughter is in 4th grade and writes little stories all the time - 45 minutes is plenty of time provided he buckles down and gets it done.

starbucksbuzz

Ooooh I feel your pain. I used to nanny. Fortunately we were all on the same page with our educational beliefs, but I was into some heavy homework help. Also some of the issues that come up can be super frustrating!!