Eating Disorder NSV

PANZERIA

I ALMOST lost track of the goal yesterday - to become a fitness model.

So when I was a teenage girl, I skipped breakfast and lunch and hardly ate dinner.

Why?

Because I wanted to be a Victoria's Secret model. I have naturally large breasts so I thought...why can't I look like those girls in this magazine?

So 10 years later and (nearly) recovered from an eating disorder, I was mailed a Victoria's Secret magazine. I had to catch myself - I was originally looking at the product, but then I started looking at the model's, and ALL of the old insecurities, thoughts, and unrealistic goals came flooding back as I was thinking "Why can't I just be that? It's not fair. Why do some women get blessed with the perfect figure, and I'm stuck lugging around this tub of lard."

So my fiance, who is absolutely wonderful and amazing, looks up from dinner (yes, looking at a fashion magazine during dinner is smart, isn't it?) and says to me "Those girls are way too skinny. They look sick."

I didn't see it.

He told me to run and grab one of my several Oxygen magazines. So I did, and opened to a picture of a strong woman with ripped biceps, ripped stomach, and all around FIT to the MAX! She had shoulders, arms, a butt...and she was smiling. She looked GENUINELY happy. I compared her to the first model on the page I was open to - the fiance was right. She looked ill and weak.

I am moving forward - no longer do I want to strive for the stick and sick look. I want to be fit, I want to be muscular, and even if every single item of clothing won't fit me, who cares? I'm not going to be ill anymore.

babyblake11

woo! thats right!

theome

Iv gone threw many years of disordered eating, I understand the feeling. Great for you not letting old thought patterns take over.

jennabellaxoxo

My views of body beauty have shifted dramatically in the last 6 months...I agree that strong fit and shaped are the new" skinny". At least in my eyes. I used to love my mini butt...now I am working to grooowww it (in a healthy way)!
I wanted my arms to look like string beans....now I want them to look like Sunday dinners protein....with a side of string beans...lol!

Ritala1987

Nice one babe!!!! i never thought of it like that! you have a truly amazing and supportive partner there!!! keep hold of him And well done you for overcoming those thoughts!! its so easy to not listen to what people are telling you sometimes, and im glad you did!!!! yay for you xxx

Eleanorjanethinner

Good progress! But be careful you don't just fixate on the fitness models instead. How about being happy being the best you can you can be instead of comparing yourself to others? Beauty and health come in lots of different shapes and sizes not just idealised models!

Rachiepie6

good on ya

ColoradoRobin

Congratulations on your success overcoming your eating disorder. That's a huge accomplishment, although it can be an ongoing battle. I agree that a lot of actresses and models are too skinny and don't look healthy. Don't worry about achieving some ideal look. Focus instead on making yourself the best, healthiest person *you* can be.

Keep your partner, he sounds like a great person. Supportive people are invaluable in facing life's challenges.

missamielou

I really enjoyed reading this. Congratulations to you. I know I used to aspire to models but now I get all of my inspiration from fitness magazines. REAL WOMEN!! xx

Johnnyswife

Don't forget that all that "perfection" is airbrushed on after the pics are taken. So those women look ill with airburshed tans, and dimples and discoloration taken out. What do they really look like in real life?

You had a good NSV!!!!