Unsupportive Friends!!

missamielou

Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriends to bits, but you know when you are doing well, losing weight, looking better and you go out with your friends and they just don't support you?

They try and encourage you to eat and drink and not worry about it but have a good time, instead of supporting you in your decision to have a salad and something that hopefully won't show the next day...

How do you get past this?!

xx

yokurio

Ignore them. Stay strong. Be happy with your choices because many others are going through the same thing. My friends do the same thing, and I'm a dude. They have chinese food every Wednesday, and its a challenge for them to try to get me to do it. It's just a way for people to try to drag you to thier level. It's human nature. Be strong!

McKayMachina

Stop expecting it of them.

Seriously.

As great as it would be to have everyone's support, don't waste any time or disappointment on waiting for them. Maybe they will come around. Maybe not. Regardless, your willpower will begin to amaze you.

cruiseking

Misery loves company. Don't think for a minute that there are people who will take pleasure in your pain. Just keep your goals and ambitions to yourself around those people.

Moms3Kwa

I will quote my son!! Ignore the haters!!!

russelljclarke

Probably cos they don't like you looking hotter than them LOL

Ignore it, this journey is for you!!

jasmineheaven

Well while Im working out I expect NO ONE to support me at all....actually I haven't told any of my friends or family that Im workingout daily and trying to lose weight...I just let them see the results. Stop expecting them to support you...as long as your doing good you don't need support...support isn't going to help change your body, action does.

Biggipooh

Usually skinny people support me, but fat friends are jealous and try to sabotage my weight loss. I just ignore them.

Juliebean_1027

I have friends who will say things to me like 'You're not becoming anorexic on me, are you?' (At 280+ lbs I'm pretty sure the answer to that is an obvious no!) It's gotten to the point where I will just say something about a certain goal that I have. 'Nope, just trying to drop a few pounds before my brother's wedding' or 'Nope, just trying to eat better so I don't die before I'm 30' or something along those lines. I've noticed that most times these negative comments come from friends who are insecure about their own weight and/or eating habits, and they just want someone to make them feel less guilty about their own poor choices. Stay strong! You've worked too hard to surrender now.

Dizzle_65

I would suggest having a serious coverstaion with them. Not whilst your out but maybe at home, sit them down and explain to them exactly what it means to you and the journey you're on. Explain that when you go out, just because you're not eating enough to feed a small African country it doesn't mean that you are not having a good time

If they are true friends they will understand and support you. If not you have a decision to make, do you carry on and inevitably fail in your quest because of he negativity or look for like minded people who will support you and look out for you.


Good luck

Puddykat1026

If I know I'm going out to eat, I try to eat sensibly for the other meals & snacks. Also, I try to go online and check out a menu if I can and get the nutritional info to find a decent meal. It's not always the salads that are healthiest. If none of that works, try eating BEFORE you get together and have water or unsweet tea and enjoy their company. If they can't accept that, it might be time for a heart to heart with your besties.

At the end of the day, YOU are responsible for your health & happiness. It's important to have friends that are supportive & love every aspect about you. If they are truly your friends, they will accept the new you and work to accommodate your request. I just wonder WHY when you're trying to lose weight your friends treat you like the disabled kid at the lunch table?!?!?! I have the same issue & I just hang out with them less & less because I don't need that in my life.

Good luck!

Dizzle_65

Well while Im working out I expect NO ONE to support me at all....actually I haven't told any of my friends or family that Im workingout daily and trying to lose weight...I just let them see the results. Stop expecting them to support you...as long as your doing good you don't need support...support isn't going to help change your body, action does.

There's a difference between not expecting and support and your friends trying to sabotage what you're doing.

mwilke

This may sound really bad, like I am degrading my own gender, but... Girls are very catty, jealous, and vindictive. If they think for a minute that you look better than them, they will do everything in their power to look better than you. The first thing a lot of girls do when they go out is size up their competition. You just have to ignore it, and stick to your guns. It will pay off in the long run.

Crystal_R84

Oh girl...they are trying to sabotage your fabulousness! I stopped going out to dinner with girls like that...I meet up for coffee because I realized all social gatherings are surrounded by alcohol and food...occasionally this is fun however if it is weekly this could stop your progress! Go for walks or have coffee with these friends...

true friends will love and support you...this is the time to re-think who may be your true friends...

kira80

First I'd suggested that you really look at your friends. If they are good friends and dont hold you back in all other aspects in your life, just ignore them in regards to your new lifestyle changes. If they are always dragging you down, you need new friends.

If you are looking for support, you'll have to add to your friends with people going through the same things as you. Otherwise, be prepared to support yourself. You can't expect others to change for you just to help support the changes you have made for yourself. Stay strong!

asaba1013

Well while Im working out I expect NO ONE to support me at all....actually I haven't told any of my friends or family that Im workingout daily and trying to lose weight...I just let them see the results. Stop expecting them to support you...as long as your doing good you don't need support...support isn't going to help change your body, action does.

same here!!!!!!

richx83

Probably they are insecure in themselves and you making changes is holding a mirror up to their life and not just in a physical way. In a social dynamic people will be place subconsciously into roles so if you were always the "big one" that could be scary for them to see a change in the social structure of the group.

beckyinma

Being devil's advocate here, and not meaning any disrespect, maybe they are trying to get you to have a little fun. You are out with them to be social and have fun, maybe they see how hard you've been working and are giving you an opportunity to have a cheat meal and enjoy it. One cheat meal out with friends will not completely derail your hard work or future hard work. Believe me, I know. You don't always have to be ON your game especially if you don't always get an opportunity to check out a good restaurant, why waste it on a salad?

sweetiebelle

A friend of mine took me out for chinese yesterday, she asked me is that all your goings to eat. Honey my plate was full. I will not do that again. Felt guilty all day. : ( Todays a new day.

joseph9

It took me a while to learn, but you basically have to accept your friends and family as they are. The best plan is to develop some strategies for responding when people encourage you to binge -- substituting lower cal options, saying "no, thanks - it's great but I've had enough, etc."

If your friends are really too much, you can get some new friends, but the best thing is to be a friend to them and find a way to put up with their issues with good grace.

missamielou

Thanks everyone - a lot of good advice there! And you have definitely encouraged me to stay strong tomorrow night when I meet them. As one of you said - they want to sabotage my plans so they don't feel so guilty about their own bad choices.


I love this site lol xx

Articeluvsmemphis

yeah ignore them. I actually went out with friends this summer and one said, "and don't get a salad." well I wasn't anyway, but I actually like those things, and that they're generally good for you. anyway, just do you. tell them that their happiness should not be based on what they can and cannot have to eat or drink

eeebee

Being devil's advocate here, and not meaning any disrespect, maybe they are trying to get you to have a little fun. You are out with them to be social and have fun, maybe they see how hard you've been working and are giving you an opportunity to have a cheat meal and enjoy it. One cheat meal out with friends will not completely derail your hard work or future hard work. Believe me, I know. You don't always have to be ON your game especially if you don't always get an opportunity to check out a good restaurant, why waste it on a salad?

I have to say, I do completely agree with this point of view - if they are good trustworthy & valuable friends, then the intent of sabotaging your success with your weightloss wont even cross their mind. More likely they just want you to let go and enjoy yourself whilst in their company, nothing more nothing less x

Sepa

Just stick with what you want to eat. If you wanna eat a salad do it. You dont tell them what they should be ordering so dont listen when they try and tell you what to eat! :happy:

RebeccaLeinen

Try to get one or two of them to join you in your journey! if more than one are doing it then the others will most likely not give their two-cents... obviously this doesn't ALWAYS work...but most of the time it does... plus you will have a work out buddy!

startingover42

You might need new supportive friends.

lenalivesey

Be proud of your own accomplishments and take care of yourself. They will respect you in the end. Do remember to have some fun once in awhile. You can always exercise another 20 min. the next day!

vjrose

Friends can be a pain, lol. I ride a motorcycle, try going on a lunch ride. One trick you can pull is find a restaurant you can look up the menu online, many of them post their meals, pick something you like, and maybe isn't a salad and you'll get a treat and not feel guilty. Like many have said, a bit more exercise the next day. Fun and occassional breaks are important. Oh and sometimes as a biologist myself I look up some of the stuff they order and tell them exactly what they are eating, love the look on their faces.

i_love_vinegar

Judging by your pics, you are very beautiful already...

One thing ive noticed is that we are often much harsher judges of ourselves than our friends are.

True friends see their friends as beautiful...and probably more and more beautiful as the friendship closens.

I would not take it personally. My friends always tell me, "You are so skinny, you don't need to lose weight!" I don't think they are trying to sabotage me or are just being polite. I honestly feel they like me how I am, because they don't see me as a potential mate and are not walking in my shoes.