I did it......again......

LynnW52

So here I am, I did it to myself again.

What a vicious cycle..... It starts out with me getting mad at myself for putting on weight. Then, I get super motivated and start working out, eating right, counting calories, all that jazz! It usually lasts anywhere from 2-4 weeks, and then something happens. What you ask? Sometimes anything, sometimes nothing. It could be vacation, headache, cramps, the dog has to pee, I don't have clean socks; name it and I'm sure at some point in my life it has been an excuse to stop.

Why don't I have motivation? You would think that gaining like 40 lbs in the last year would be great motivation, or the fact that I literally hate myself when I'm standing next to my friends.

My husband and I joined a bowling league, each of us on a team with friends. Turns out, as usual, I'm the fattest girl on my team. Don't get me wrong, we have a blast bowling, but the whole time I'm there I'm worried about my stomach roll hanging over my pants.This, as I watch my 95 lb friend down a double order of cheesefries....*****. So the worst part of the night is getting ready. What will I wear to hide my fat???? Deciding between jeans shouldn't be hard seeing as how I only have 2 pairs that fit me. Finding a shirt is literally mind boggling. I'll try a shirt on, check it out in the mirror, "yea it looks ok", so I sit down in front of the mirror to see the gigantic bulge in the front and on the sides, "no this won't work". I repeat this as many times as necesarry until I throw in the towel and settle for the oversized sweatshirt.

So what do I have to do to stay on track? Stay motivated you say? HOW???? I always fall off the wagon. Maybe I have some unconcious desire to stay fat. I've been overweight all my life, accept for when I got married in 07, of course I gained it all right back. I'm not even that morbidly obese, so why can't I just get a grip and finally get there?

Sorry for the long winded rant. I joined MFP in December and was doing great. And then I did it.....again......

LynnW52

So here I am, I did it to myself again.

What a vicious cycle..... It starts out with me getting mad at myself for putting on weight. Then, I get super motivated and start working out, eating right, counting calories, all that jazz! It usually lasts anywhere from 2-4 weeks, and then something happens. What you ask? Sometimes anything, sometimes nothing. It could be vacation, headache, cramps, the dog has to pee, I don't have clean socks; name it and I'm sure at some point in my life it has been an excuse to stop.

Why don't I have motivation? You would think that gaining like 40 lbs in the last year would be great motivation, or the fact that I literally hate myself when I'm standing next to my friends.

My husband and I joined a bowling league, each of us on a team with friends. Turns out, as usual, I'm the fattest girl on my team. Don't get me wrong, we have a blast bowling, but the whole time I'm there I'm worried about my stomach roll hanging over my pants.This, as I watch my 95 lb friend down a double order of cheesefries....*****. So the worst part of the night is getting ready. What will I wear to hide my fat???? Deciding between jeans shouldn't be hard seeing as how I only have 2 pairs that fit me. Finding a shirt is literally mind boggling. I'll try a shirt on, check it out in the mirror, "yea it looks ok", so I sit down in front of the mirror to see the gigantic bulge in the front and on the sides, "no this won't work". I repeat this as many times as necesarry until I throw in the towel and settle for the oversized sweatshirt.

So what do I have to do to stay on track? Stay motivated you say? HOW???? I always fall off the wagon. Maybe I have some unconcious desire to stay fat. I've been overweight all my life, accept for when I got married in 07, of course I gained it all right back. I'm not even that morbidly obese, so why can't I just get a grip and finally get there?

Sorry for the long winded rant. I joined MFP in December and was doing great. And then I did it.....again......

SHBoss1673

Hello lynnw. While everyone's story is different, I know exactly how you feel, and felt that way about 2 years ago, before I began my journey. I won't say it was easy, but I did it, and continue to do it. Each and every day is a struggle, but it's easier then it was 6 months ago, and 6 months ago it was easier then 1 year ago...etc. Have hope that it does get easier. I created this post a while back after seeing a lot of posts similar to this. Maybe it will help.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/13618-the-dying-art-of-will-power

connieq288

At this moment I know exactly how you feel. I actually only have one pair of jeans that I fit into. I was doing so good with losing weight at the beginning and now I have slowed down slower than a snail. It is very fustrating and I get those days where its like where is my motivation. Right now I think a big junk of it is I havent been able to go to the gym like I was before between weather and kids getting sick but even when I was I wasnt really losing that much weight anymore. I still have over 100 lbs to lose also so I know taht I need to do it. I hate going places and seeing that I am the fattest person there. I think one of the most embarrassing to me is that I am cubmaster of my sons cubscout pack and I am so fat standing up there handing out awards and stuff like that and everyone is looking at you and you feel so self concious. I feel you but I can get through this and even if I only lose 2 lbs a month that is still less than before. I am still trying because I want to be healthy.

Connie

rsalgado

I know most of us on this site have done the same exact thing many, many times. I guess the only thing I can say (and I'm speaking to myself too) is, this time instead of staying in this place of regret and failure just make a decision to start over. It is better to get back to it now (even though we may be discouraged and mad at ourselves) than start back again a year from now with 40 more pounds to lose.

Chellekk

You have to want it for yourself. You have to be ready. You have to do it and stick to it for life!

My motivation: I can count on one hand all the people in my family who are a "normal" weight, which are 2 youngsers under 20 and myself. The a few are obese and the rest are morbidly obese, which is the majority.

This has been my motivation for years! Sure, I gained a few pounds each year for the last 5, but I was always within "normal" when I entered my info to calculate my BMI. Last year was the year I finally went into the "over weight" catagory and decided it was time to drop those pounds and get healthy and to never be like my family. Heart issues and diabetes have all crept in and I want to reduce my chances of all that happening to me.

LynnW52

Thank you.....those did help a lot. I know I'm not the only one in this boat, but for some reason it always feels so personal, like I'm the only one who's ever felt "this way". I'm gonna get back on track, I have to!!! Thanks again!

swiftyoung

Please don't quit trying. I know that it is hard. I have done it and I have been there. I feel that I have used my weight to keep me from reaching my full potential. Try to find success in the little things. Set a goal for walking x number of miles a week. Then increase those miles. Go to MEETUP.com and find a workout friend . Log on as many times a day as you need to MFP and read the success stories. Congratulate others on their success. Talk to your doctor. But don't stop. You have great potential and you are worth it.
Change the things around you and the things around you will change.

ivykivy

IMHO. Buy you a bowling outfit that you feel good in and makes you feel good about yourself. No person should spend one day in their lives disliking who they are or what they look like. Some things you can change immediately. But losing weight takes time (if you do it the right way) and you should be happy with yourself today.

beagle595

Lynnw... You can do it. Get back on track. Plan your menu ahead if that helps. And in regards to your 95lb friend eating the cheese fries.... Heart Desease/Cancer/ Diabetes isn't racist. Just because she's skinny doesn't make her healthy. 95% of alcoholics and Drug addicts are skinny/underweight. You are at an advantage. You are on MFP with all this support and on your way to eating healthy and exercising. So keep your chin up and GO GIRL! :flowerforyou:

fiddlechic

so you did it again and you can get back on track again. it's only bad if you dont get back up. I flew to florida yesterday and in thr orlando airport alone I had mcdonalds and ice cream, then when I got to my parents place it was stocked with doritos, peanut butter cookies, biscuits, quesadillas, ice cream cake etc. I had a little of all those things, felt horrible and went to bed only to wake up re-energized and ready to get back to my normal routine. my mom had purchased all the foods I had asked her to so I can be successful here. I'm not dwelling on the fact that I royally went over my calories yesterday bc I know in the long run, sunday feb 1st wont ruin me. so get up, dust yourself off and get back on track. bc in 6 months you could be looking hot throwing that bowling ball in skinny jeans and a tight t-shirt. thats what Ive been telling/asking myself. "will eating that burger, fries, cookies etc. show me smaller numbers on the scale?" and if the answer is no then I move on.

You can do it!!!

Hannah_Banana

*hugs* :flowerforyou:

It seems like right now, you just need support honey. And thats where we come in. :bigsmile: There are a lot of people on the boards (myself included) who completely understand what you're going through and we are here to help each other over those hurdles. It isn't about a diet, its about a life change. That means changing the way you think and feel. I know its hard, especially at first, to change the way you feel about yourself but you DESERVE to be healthy and happy and confident.

You don't want to look back a year from now and feel the same way you do today. Ask for help and make the change. :flowerforyou:

hmo4

So here I am, I did it to myself again.

What a vicious cycle..... It starts out with me getting mad at myself for putting on weight. Then, I get super motivated and start working out, eating right, counting calories, all that jazz! It usually lasts anywhere from 2-4 weeks, and then something happens. What you ask? Sometimes anything, sometimes nothing. It could be vacation, headache, cramps, the dog has to pee, I don't have clean socks; name it and I'm sure at some point in my life it has been an excuse to stop.

Why don't I have motivation? You would think that gaining like 40 lbs in the last year would be great motivation, or the fact that I literally hate myself when I'm standing next to my friends.

My husband and I joined a bowling league, each of us on a team with friends. Turns out, as usual, I'm the fattest girl on my team. Don't get me wrong, we have a blast bowling, but the whole time I'm there I'm worried about my stomach roll hanging over my pants.This, as I watch my 95 lb friend down a double order of cheesefries....*****. So the worst part of the night is getting ready. What will I wear to hide my fat???? Deciding between jeans shouldn't be hard seeing as how I only have 2 pairs that fit me. Finding a shirt is literally mind boggling. I'll try a shirt on, check it out in the mirror, "yea it looks ok", so I sit down in front of the mirror to see the gigantic bulge in the front and on the sides, "no this won't work". I repeat this as many times as necesarry until I throw in the towel and settle for the oversized sweatshirt.

So what do I have to do to stay on track? Stay motivated you say? HOW???? I always fall off the wagon. Maybe I have some unconcious desire to stay fat. I've been overweight all my life, accept for when I got married in 07, of course I gained it all right back. I'm not even that morbidly obese, so why can't I just get a grip and finally get there?

Sorry for the long winded rant. I joined MFP in December and was doing great. And then I did it.....again......

We all need a good vent, don't ever hesitate, that's what this site is for. I know how you feel. I've also been fighting the CONTROL battle all my life. The hardest part is that you feel the lack of control. When you're doing well, in control of this battle you know you are winning and feel great. It's always something in us that cause us to "lose it" , that we head off, chow or don't stick to exercising, and then we could cry the next day. Usually, for me I'd get down in some way-family probs whatever, or sometimes it seems like nothing-we just do it! Today I'm mad and could easily say screw it all, cause the scale keeps playing mind games with me. I'm up 1.6 lbs from yesterday. Why? I behaved. So, I too am tired of the "game". But, I always tell myself, even have written it on my comments on the food and ex pages that I AM NOT A QUITTER. I was crying and livid a while back cause I thought I was so in shape and then couldn't do a certain ex dvd. But as I cried I wrote that i wasn't a quitter and would not let Tony Horton get the best of me. I stick to that motto, and I refuse to let my family issues get the best of me in that way. I"M WORTH MORE THAN THAT, AND SO ARE YOU. So try to figure out realistically what could be your trigger, stand up to it and don't let it ever take control away from you again. I'm here for ya babe!

hmo4

What the heck is with my post?

rsalgado

Lynnw... You can do it. Get back on track. Plan your menu ahead if that helps. And in regards to your 95lb friend eating the cheese fries.... Heart Desease/Cancer/ Diabetes isn't racist. Just because she's skinny doesn't make her healthy. 95% of alcoholics and Drug addicts are skinny/underweight. You are at an advantage. You are on MFP with all this support and on your way to eating healthy and exercising. So keep your chin up and GO GIRL! :flowerforyou:

I never really thought about that. That definitely will help me when I am envying all of those people who seem so fancy free :happy: !

rsalgado

Lynnw... You can do it. Get back on track. Plan your menu ahead if that helps. And in regards to your 95lb friend eating the cheese fries.... Heart Desease/Cancer/ Diabetes isn't racist. Just because she's skinny doesn't make her healthy. 95% of alcoholics and Drug addicts are skinny/underweight. You are at an advantage. You are on MFP with all this support and on your way to eating healthy and exercising. So keep your chin up and GO GIRL! :flowerforyou:

I never really thought about that. That definitely will help me when I am envying all of those people who seem so fancy free :happy: !

Not that I wish bad health on anyone...