Is my wife trying to sabotage me?

CasperO

Let's start a pool - what do you guys think? Is my wife trying to sabotage me - or is she just thoughtless, or is she just a witch?

Last night I met her at the tanning salon after work. I get the lotion on her back and then wait while she bakes. After tanning we usually go out for dinner. No problem - I know what to order.

So last night she wanted to go to a damn Pizza buffet?!?!

Ok, we went. They had excellent way-fresh lettuce/cherry tomatoes/green peppers/n-stuff and I didn't do anything stupid. Didn't even blow my day... And it wasn't that difficult. I'm a big boy. She's probably a li'l pre-M'ish and craved carbs, and I can respect that, but it's still a li'l thoughtless.


Ok, I'm better, just needed to vent. :blushing:

CasperO

Let's start a pool - what do you guys think? Is my wife trying to sabotage me - or is she just thoughtless, or is she just a witch?

Last night I met her at the tanning salon after work. I get the lotion on her back and then wait while she bakes. After tanning we usually go out for dinner. No problem - I know what to order.

So last night she wanted to go to a damn Pizza buffet?!?!

Ok, we went. They had excellent way-fresh lettuce/cherry tomatoes/green peppers/n-stuff and I didn't do anything stupid. Didn't even blow my day... And it wasn't that difficult. I'm a big boy. She's probably a li'l pre-M'ish and craved carbs, and I can respect that, but it's still a li'l thoughtless.


Ok, I'm better, just needed to vent. :blushing:

Shannon023

Does she know you're trying to lose weight?

Is she overweight or one of those who can eat anything & not gain a ounce? :grumble:

jackeh

i dont think she is trying to sabbotage you.... dont you know its all about us??? we want pizza we get pizza :laugh:

Wolfena

She's not trying to sabotage you - she's got eating habits that aren't changing the way yours are (assuming she isn't trying to lose weight and hasn't "switched" to a healthier eating style) You are her companion, she likes pizza, wants pizza, wants your company - therefore she asks you to go.

I'm sure she cares about your health and desire to lose weight, she probably just didn't tie the two things together - as ridiculous as that may seem.

You see - it's not just YOUR lifestyle that is changing, but everyone around you has to change a little bit too to work with it. They'll get used to it eventually, they've got habits that will be hard to break too!

:flowerforyou:

songbyrdsweet

It's called self control because you get it from yourself. You can't expect everyone to get on board with your lifestyle.

neeterskeeter

This is hard, I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend loves to eat pizza, Chicago hot dogs, burritos, etc. I don't have much self-control; I am working on it but it's like, when I'm by myself all day, at work or whatever, and bad foods aren't presented to me, I do just fine. I eat salads and turkey sandwiches and protein bars and tuna and crackers etc... I feel super healthy and like I'm being good. Then when I'm with my boyfriend and he says, "let's go to the Mexican restaurant," I'm like ughghghghgh because I *love* Mexican food, but if I eat it, I sabotage my weight loss.

He is pretty supportive and if I tell him I mean business, he tries his best not to tempt me. But I guess it's a ME thing, because sometimes I do want to let loose and have some pizza or a burrito. I know that no one can control what I eat but me. So the way I try to deal with it is to eat light when we go out to a place like that... I'll have half a burrito and give the rest to him to take to lunch the next day (because even if *I* have it for lunch the next day, I'll still gain weight... I really can't eat a whole burrito in a two day period and not gain weight unless I eat almost nothing else.) I also try to work out more when I know there's an event where we'll be eating "bigger"... like I'll run a long run before a party we go to or before we go out on his birthday etc.

But it is so tough, I know what you mean. I wish the options just weren't available to me... that the whole world was made of salads and healthy sandwiches LOL.

SHOPPINGDIVA

hehheee...we women are devious! lol except my boyrfiend loves to cook and makes like gourmet food, and tortures me i usually grab a slim fast and run off to the bedroom! Sometimes i backslide and eat a bit!

CasperO

Yes, she knows I'm reducing. If I try to teach (motorcycling) this summer at my current size I'll melt into the asphalt, and we both know it.

No, she's not "one of those people". She's not as overweight as I am, but she's a li'l bigger.

Self control,,, good point. I exercised self control - salad, veggies, iced tea. 1 slice of thin-crust pepperoni. I did fine. I'm not "Expecting everyone to get on board,,,", but you know - you can choose to do things to make life easier for your partner, and you can choose not to. She chose not to, and I'm a little disappointed.

Rant over, I'm better. Thanks for listening.


Songbyrd, you look great. I was a gym rat once. 5,ooo cal's a day and massive iron for several years. Got to 5'9" tall, 225lbs, 50'" chest, 30" waist, 16" bicep. Did it all natural, I have good genes.

Remember to quit eating when you quit lifting - that's how I got here. Hehehe,,,

astarte09

My boyfriend does the EXACT same thing to me...I luckily have class 3 nights a week, and on sat afternoon...that eliminates alot of my meals with him... Plus thursday he bowls, so he has no say in what I cook... I dont get it!

jdelisle

She's not trying to sabotage you. Sometimes us women can be pretty selfish and self centered (it's all about us, didn't you know?, lol).

My husband is the perfect weight for his body and (damn him) can eat WHATEVER he wants without gaining a pound (in fact, usually he eats a full plate of his meal which is 1.5 times mine, and then finishes mine, lol). He's always offering me chips (oh these are soooo good, try them!) even though he knows I'm on a diet. I really think it just doesn't occur to him to be honest. They take their metabolism for granted !

Anyways, Good luck!

songbyrdsweet

Yes, she knows I'm reducing. If I try to teach (motorcycling) this summer at my current size I'll melt into the asphalt, and we both know it.

No, she's not "one of those people". She's not as overweight as I am, but she's a li'l bigger.

Self control,,, good point. I exercised self control - salad, veggies, iced tea. 1 slice of thin-crust pepperoni. I did fine. I'm not "Expecting everyone to get on board,,,", but you know - you can choose to do things to make life easier for your partner, and you can choose not to. She chose not to, and I'm a little disappointed.

Rant over, I'm better. Thanks for listening.


Songbyrd, you look great. I was a gym rat once. 5,ooo cal's a day and massive iron for several years. Got to 5'9" tall, 225lbs, 50'" chest, 30" waist, 16" bicep. Did it all natural, I have good genes.

Remember to quit eating when you quit lifting - that's how I got here. Hehehe,,,

Thanks! :happy: Did you do bodybuilding style or more powerlifting? Or like me just not able to stick with one? hehe :laugh: Don't worry, I don't have a huge appetite. I don't think I'll ever stop lifting either, unless I end up in a full body cast!

Sometimes it takes time for people to adjust to your way of life. It's just really important to not let their choices affect or bother you. At times it can feel like everyone is out to ruin you, but really they're just living their lifestyles and you're around to see it.

CasperO

Bodybuilding - had illusions of competing. This was in the 80's when Lee Haney was posing as a pile of shrink wrapped boulders. About the appetite thing - I was a young guy building bulk, just trying to pile on muscle mass. I was in the navy, so food was never a problem as far as preparation or cost. Just go through the chow line twice each meal, loading up on meats & proteins. Then all my spare time in the gym. Some guys were roidin', but I was afraid of that stuff (thank g-d).

I thought I'd never stop training, but spouse & kids & jobs & responsibilities can get in the way and take a lot of time, and the next thing you know,,,

vonzo

My husband is the same. He can pretty much eat what he wants and stay the way he is as he has a very manual job. In saying that though each time I've been pregnant he's come out in a sympathy bump :laugh: He still has a little pot belly from our 6 months old but he doesn't look overweight. Unfortunately he has a love of all things crap ... he keeps trying to tempt me with the golden arches and pizza ... so far I have steered him away and made pizza pittas and homemade burgers. He's gonna cave soon ... let's hope I don't too!!

You could maybe entice your mrs. with homemade "junk" food and then burn it off afterwards If she's not up for that ban her from tanning until she understands your plight :laugh:

CassieNic

kudos to you for not blowing your day! my husband will do the same things, and he is one of those people that he can eat absolute crap, and is still somewhat built...without doing a single exercise. i have to agree with a PP, it IS all about self control. i make my husband sugar cookies to put in his lunch each morning...doesnt mean i HAVE to eat any of them.

kerrilucko

I think it just sounds like she wanted pizza, lol. Heck, my guy still brings be chocolates and I'm trying to lose. It's hard to break old habits, and the thing is, just because you want to change doesn't mean your spouse should or has to. Pizza isn't as bad as people think... lol I mean it's not like you went to a cheesecake buffet or anything (although that does sound tasty). You're going to face food challenges ALL THE TIME. SOmetimes you'll give in and sometimes you'll stay strong, but it's going to happen, that's life :flowerforyou:

SHBoss1673

Casper,

Did you ask her? Sometimes the worst thing we all do is stew on a spousal issue. The worst thing that can happen is she can be offended, but she will get over it, and now it's out in the open. You don't need her to do everything you do, but as your spouse, she does need to be cognizant of your lifestyle and maybe try to let you choose it. I think it would have been different if she acknowledged what you are doing and asked if it would be ok "Just this once" to go, and maybe if she pointed out that there WAS a salad bar for you. That's what I would do if I REEEEAAAALLLY wanted it.

On a side note, never heard of a pizza buffet before, I don't think they have them in the northeast, that's a pretty evil concept.

AJCM

I actually recall reading (from many sources) that spousal "sabotage" is quite common when one diets (or starts a new lifestyle) and the other spouse does not. Feelings of insecurity, fear of losing the spouse one the weight is lost, etc drive subconcious acts of sabotage.

I think a talk with your wife about needing her fullest support might be worthwhile! See if you can encourage her to join MFP as well.

Back when I started, my hubby did the "diet" along with me (and he was already slim) but he lost about 10 lbs, and got ripped abs! Supporting me ended up with a reward for him as well!

Good luck!
:flowerforyou:

CasperO

Ya, we talked about it. I said something like - ""You DO realize that taking a fat guy on a 2000 calorie a day diet to a pizza buffet is technically against the Geneva convention - Don't you?""

We had a giggle, I had a HUGE salad and a little bit of pizza and it was Ok.

I don't think she'd really try to sabotage me, and I don't think she could anyway. I'm a pretty determined guy, and this website is helping a lot. It was just a slightly inconsiderate thing, no biggie.


I do think that if the day comes that she outweighs me it will influence her, but we're not there yet. :bigsmile:

chrissyh

I doubt it was sabotage just bad habits....but just think it was a challenge for you and you succeeded - we can't avoid life and hide - we have to be smart and make the right choices with what's available to us and you did just that - way to go!

chrissyh

On a side note, never heard of a pizza buffet before, I don't think they have them in the northeast, that's a pretty evil concept.

Just think - Wild Wings has a Chicken Wing Buffet - can you imagine that calories and fat with that?!