Partner thinks I have a problem!

clarech82

Hi all! I was watching supersize vs super skinny last night with my partner and they had a part about eating disorders and when things to look out for when people are dieting these included:

Thinking about food all day- I do this

Obsessing about cals- I don't obsessed I just check everything

Cutting everything up into tiny peices and eating with a teaspoon- makes it last longer

Not liking people see you eat- never have done I'm to self cincuous

Saying that you've already eaten- only to get out of cake

So now he thinks I have a problem and says I should stop this calorie counting. It's not like I'm wasting away and part of me thinks its to do with the fact he's always wanted me to be big.

Sorry this is a bit of a vent but do you think he's got a point or is he just being his usual sabotaging self?

keeley_jade_1992

I'm exactly the same. apart from i have had an eating disorder. Have you ever cooked a full meal, dirtied a plate with the foot and then put the food into an outside bin or flushed down the toilet? if not i think you will be fine. i think he's being harsh and shout have said you have a problem when you are clearly doing so well! xx

zendarah

I guess it depends on your motivation. Do you want to be healthy or do you want to be thin? Think about it

mcjabber

While it's not technically an eating disorder, being overweight is usually because of disordered eating (ie an emotional relationship with food, rather than a normal relationship with food). I'd say since you've lost 65 already, you're doing something right! So don't fret about it!

sebbole

You may not have an eating disorder, but some of these actions are a bit over the top. Cutting your food into tiny teaspoons is a bit much I think and I think if I saw my significant other doing that it would worry me a little too. Try eating with a larger fork and setting your utensils down after each bite. This way you take longer to eat and fill up faster. That might also help you feel less self conscious about eating in front of people. Which you shouldn't even worry about it. Everyone has to eat Good luck!

emmab0902

This is the problem with "disorders" and psychiatry in general (and I say this as a psychologist) - all they are is a bunch of behaviours that have been lumped together under a label. Most people could probably fit several, but at the end of the day you need to judge if your actions and preoccupations are healthy or unhealthy. Are other people making similar comments??

Jferg69

I listened to Tony Robbins - Get The Edge and he says that some people will want you to fail in what you are trying to achieve and, a lot of these people are people who love you.

He may be jealous of your change as he may want to change too.
He may be worried that he is being left behind or, that if you lose weight, you may leave him.

Reassure him that this won't happen and, hopefully, you will see a difference in his attitude.

Good luck....

capriciousmoon

Some people that are prone to eating disorders do get started by dieting, but it's hard to see the line at times since a lot of it is the same as you would do while dieting.

You'd want to watch out for what keeley mentioned, and also if you start lying to get out of real meals or have trouble eating enough calories to properly fuel your body. You don't have to be wasting away for it to be a problem, but as long as you know you're doing things the right way keep at it. He should only care of you're being healthy or not and it should be okay to have your body the way you like it.

littlewrists

Dieting and being health conscious is not an eating disorder. Those 'external' symptoms are absolutely not indicative of an eating disorder at all. See, I HAVE an eating disorder and my partner isn't worried about me because I don't SEEM unwell. Refusing cake, eating slowly and thinking about calories isn't disordered, it's normal. When you get to the point where you can't eat over 800 calories without wanting to hurt yourself, pouring bleach over leftovers so you aren't tempted by them, spend every moment of your day thinking about eating and how much you can't do it, isolating yourself, losing friends and crying every time you feel full, then you might want to seek help. For now, you're fine, tell your partner to stop being a silly bean.

LilMissFoodie

I think it is very easy to get a bit obsessive about food when you are watching your weight and counting calories. I also think there is a BIG difference between being a bit obsessive and having an eating disorder. While it is true that some behaviours are common for eating disorders, they do not equal an eating disorder - which is more about the actual processes your mind goes through when relating to food and your body.

I also think that perhaps (for the sake of his argument) things have been taken slightly the wrong way. For example - if I were to say that an eating disorder patient was likely to not want to eat in front of people, that would be including your other half or your family, not just in front of strangers. Like taking cooked meals into your bedroom to eat privately.

trud72

Personaly i think we should start up a forum for the partners! :drinker: i think alot of them have a problem about the way we have good days and bad days about the way we count every grain of sugar ect!! lol

you are really not on your own here all i would say is just talk him/her through EVERY little step of the way! (but i have been told also by mine that i keep on too much about it)! :noway:

littlewrists

Also, hiding when eating is not necessarily an ED indicator, either. I ONLY eat in front of friends, family and my other half. I don't want them to worry about me. Thankfully, I spend a lot of time alone.

nicksaysnever

If you are maintaining a healthy diet, and looking to attain/maintain a healthy weight then there is absolutely nothing wrong with paying attention to the food you eat and practicing calorie counting. It's when you stop caring about being healthy that it starts to become a problem - in both directions, I should add. Binge eating is just as bad as starving.

I would try to break the habit of lying about being full/already having eaten, but then again, I'm kind of a stickler for honesty.

hazelnut861

Checking everything you eat is far from obsessed. Arranging canned goods by nutrition content is obsessed. My hubby saves the packages for me to scan so I think it's more than the calorie counting that's the problem. If we listened to everything on tv or radii I'd be on a million medications a day just because the guy on tv said to ask my doctor about it.

selenamehmeti101

hahaha i do the sme thing and there like omg your like a stick and i am kanna my b m i is 19 super close to 18 underwight butt i know im skinney but i have fat starting so im like ima need to looss fat and everone is like your to young ya i noo its my body and i think my thighs are fat but there like shudup your like a size zero but im actually siz 3 ou 4 errr i wanna be thnnnner im not a anerxic person that doesnt eat i eat junk food every day but a little like i eat luch sometimes never breakfest and then at 4 i eat like probably a 200 clourie luch and i eat like bits off stuff i feel full but when i go sleep my stomch is grolling im like i ate i dont need more stuff but then i reliz my body didnt like what i was doing to eat i never eat helthy when i was in grd 6 and 7 i was a calourie freak everywhere i go im like omg i cant eat that i would of got scared going to super markets but know i dong care will i doo but ima chang this i wanna become anerxic but i dont wanna die its not good starving your self i do alot of reasherch pleaseeeeeee ask me anything i no alot of thing fell free to ask and thanx thats my story peace out brothers and sisters and hommies out there

DesertSunsetRain

Sometimes counting calories and being aware of the amount you are eating can become obsessive and when you think that you are just "counting" the calories you are actually being obsessive about it... i.e not allowing yourself a single calorie over a certain number without needing to burn it off.

I don't know how normal it is to think/obsess about food all day. I don't think thinking about food at all is part of a healthy diet life style. Taking time to eat and eating slow is one thing, cutting things up into tiny little pieces is another. Coming from experience, taking very little bites is an ED behavior. It's more than just eating slower, it's the size of the bites.

Lots of people don't like being in public when they eat. Do you just not like eating in public or do you say you don't want to eat in front of anyone, Including your partner? How often do you avoid eating things using the excuse you don't want to eat in front of someone? Also, how often are you saying you already ate to get out of eating something? Was it just one time? How come you don't just say you don't want any? Why do you have to lie and say you already ate?

Although sometimes people are just being healthier and their partner/family/friends aren't used to it and they get overly concerned over nothing, sometimes it can actually be a problem. I'd say don't freak out of it, but maybe reevaluate things and make sure you are doing things for the right reasons. Make sure you are allowing yourself to live and be happy and you aren't just living to diet/exercise. Don't completely disregard what he is saying either. People are too quick to jump to "omg they are just jealous, you're normal, they don't want you to succeed, keep on counting".

forme2310

I also agree that calorie counting is not a disorder. But compulsive eating or binging can be a eating disorder or hiding food can be a sign of a disorder. There are many ways to deal with it. But keep on calorie counting there is nothing wrong with being health conscious

littlewrists

hahaha i do the sme thing and there like omg your like a stick and i am kanna my b m i is 19 super close to 18 underwight butt i know im skinney but i have fat starting so im like ima need to looss fat and everone is like your to young ya i noo its my body and i think my thighs are fat but there like shudup your like a size zero but im actually siz 3 ou 4 errr i wanna be thnnnner im not a anerxic person that doesnt eat i eat junk food every day but a little like i eat luch sometimes never breakfest and then at 4 i eat like probably a 200 clourie luch and i eat like bits off stuff i feel full but when i go sleep my stomch is grolling im like i ate i dont need more stuff but then i reliz my body didnt like what i was doing to eat i never eat helthy when i was in grd 6 and 7 i was a calourie freak everywhere i go im like omg i cant eat that i would of got scared going to super markets but know i dong care will i doo but ima chang this i wanna become anerxic but i dont wanna die its not good starving your self i do alot of reasherch pleaseeeeeee ask me anything i no alot of thing fell free to ask and thanx thats my story peace out brothers and sisters and hommies out there

I have no idea what you just said

dovesgate

I have no idea what you just said

Here, let me translate:

"Haha I do the same thing. People tell me "OMG you're like a stick!" My BM is superclose to 18 (underweight). I know I am skinny but I have fat starting so I believe I need to lose fat. Everyone around me says I am too young but I disagree and believe my thighs are too fat. People disagree and think I am a size 0 when really I am a 3 or 4.

I want to be thinner. I am not an anorexic person who doesn't eat. I eat junk food every day but only a little. I never eat breakfast, sometimes I eat lunch, and at 4pm I eat about 200 calories and I snack off things. I feel full but my stomach starts growling. I think to myself "I ate and I don't need to eat more!" but then I realize my body didn't like what I was feeding it. I never eat healthy. In grades 6 and 7 I was a calorie freak. Everywhere I would go I would think OMG I can't eat that!" I would have been scared to go to supermarkets but now I don't care. Well, I do but I am going to change this. I want to be anorexic but I don't want to die. It is not good to starve yourself. I do alot of research so feel free to ask me anything."

I am going to guess Selena is in 8th grade or early high school and hasn't done research into properly losing weight. She's also probably got an ED and heading into very dangerous territory.

I wish Selena would do research here on this site of the many, many fit and athletic people here who have the bodies they have because they eat well and work out. I think it is sad when kids think they have to head into ED territory to get skinny instead of learning how to eat properly and take up a sport or two.

clarech82

Thanks for all your replies everyone I guess that there is a very fine line between healthy and unhealthy. I do want to be healthy but if someone asked me "what do you want to be thin or healthy?" My first thought would be thin which I know is wrong. I've been big my whole life so ive spent a long time wanting to be thin and normal so I think that's a major factor in that answer. I don't want to be a stick just smaller than I am now.

Thank you all again everyone cx

DesertSunsetRain

If you would rather be thin than be healthy and you don't realize that you can be thin AND healthy then maybe there is a problem.

littlewrists

It's not really a fine line. People who have never experienced an eating disorder think it's a fine line but it's actually a chasm. Chances are, if you think you're unwell, you're fine.

cowlover22

Well really if you were over weight than you have or had an eating disorder to. Just not the same as mine..I didnt eat any....Is it controlling your life?In a bad harmful way. How are you losing weight..is it in a healthy way? Are you taking pi;;s, starving yourself, exercising for hours upon hours, throwing up after you eat, eating a large amount of food and then purging of some sort? Or are you trying to lose in a good way in which you MUST be mindful of what you are eating and how much. There is much more to having an ed check out go fishy website if you want..I dont think you do from what you have said in the post unless there is more.but self awareness is a good thing

stix_n_stones

There is some excellent advice on here. From people who have EDs, anything that is normal for a non-disordered person is fine. Like looking at nutritional content, saying no to cake, exercising regularly. Those are fine things, they are great for someone who doesn't have disordered eating. If you are doing the above things and more because you are terrified of weight gain, you need to control something in your life, you feel this is the only way you can make people care about you, I think that is stepping into dangerous waters. Everyone's ideas and advice are their own and it is fine. But you do have decide for yourself your motivation for losing weight, not your partner.