Is this motivation

forme2310

So question how would this make you feel if your partner walks in to the room and says have you weighed lately? So he says I gave him a dirty look and than he cusses at me and than when I finally answer him the next words out of his mouth is so how much have you gained as you have not been doing any exercise? How would that make you feel? I have not gained or loss but I will be dammed if I am going to answer him. as we are not talking at the moment. I am trying to keep my emotions out of this but if he thinks that is the way to motivate or make me feel better he can kiss my fat *kitten*. Any comments are welcome I promise I won't bite your head off. I am sick of his kind of support lately. Guess this is one for the God Box. as far as I am concerned there is a right way and a wrong way to say stuff and he sure don't what that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

runiechica

I would suggest talking to him about what you would find motivating exactly. Sometimes we give what would work for us, but what works for us doesn't work for everyone. Granted, that wouldn't motivate me either, but I know some people thrive off of something abrupt like that as it makes them angry and work hard to prove someone wrong. When you're calm, talk to your partner about what you want and need from them and see if that helps. Good luck!!


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SarahBrown1979

Communitcation is the key but so is support. My suggestion is to have a serious talk with him and express you feelings and hopefully he will be more supportive. Then go from there. Can't tell you how wonderful it is to have the support of your loved one, my fiancee and I go to the gym together and with out that (and we've tried going by ourselves) we would not be suceeding the way we are right now. Good luck!

dovesgate

Your post sounds so much like my brother and sister in law. My brother is a jerk, plain and simple. Sometimes, a jerk is a jerk is a jerk and there is no changing it or asking them to change the way they do things. My sister in law joined MFP with me and due to things that would come out of his mouth extremely similar to your guy's comments, she doesn't do MFP anymore. I tried numerous times to get him to be actually supportive instead of cutting her down but it didn't work - he was negative about it instead of supportive so she gave up. All I could really tell her was to find her motivation within herself and try to build a support network that doesn't involve him.

That is the advice I have for you too. Build a support network that doesn't include him. Find your motivation within yourself or from the success stories here, or where ever you can. Do NOT allow him to errode your motivation, your sense of self-worth, and find ways to cope with the negativity that don't involve harming yourself (like emotional eating).

forme2310

Thanks for your wonderful support and comments. I have built a network of people on here and I also belong to OA. I come home from the meeting today and he thinks everything is fine. He is right I should exercise but that is not the way to get me to do it.

kathym1971

I think some people are just born without the sensitivity gene. My husband is the same way...love him to death, but he always manages to say the WRONG thing. I know it's hard, but sometimes you just have to try and ignore that negativity or it will bring you down. Stay focused on your journey and be proud of how far you've come.

Laura8603

Have you talked about how he says things to you? My boyfriend and I have had this talk. Everything for me revolves around exercise. I've told him if I stop exercising, he is allowed to tell me to go. and if I'm not making food choices, he can remind me to make better choices. But he is NOT allowed to comment on my weight, specifically. He needs to lose some weight because of his blood pressure. I do nag a bit about exercising, because I know if he exercises he will get fit which makes him want to eat better, etc. And his blood pressure will be better. I've told him we have a lot of years ahead of us and he needs to be healthy and alive for us to enjoy them. But "weight" per se is not a topic we discuss.

em1976

Sit him down,have a chat.I had to do it.Men dont really think like women,he may feel hes trying to help,that's his way of showing you he cares and also he may be trying to motivate you and thinks hes doing it well.You need to sit him down,explain how his comments are not helping you and explain EXACTLY what you need from him.Don't make the mistake of assuming he knows why your ****ty either because he wont.My fella needs to be told exactly what i need from him,and I mean exactly,hes like a kid and quite often feels hes helping me when in fact hes pissing me off .If need be you may need to cement this numerous times (sigh) and bottom line is...if he doesn't come to the party then do not let his negativity bring you down.Its a learning process for you both,making the assumption hes being deliberately negative may be off the mark,he could be trying to support you just that he doesn't know what you need.SOOOO explain it to him.