Why do I still feel fat? Can I have some help please?

shoppie

Hi,

I have been fat my entire life. As a kid I cannot remember a time I wasn't overweight, and was teased mercilessly by my 2 brothers for it. I have been within the 'ok' BMI range for my height a handful of times - once when depressed in 2003, once when living in Russia and having constant food poisoning (1998/9) and then twice more, but VERY briefly after each of my children (2006, 2008)

I am now lighter than I have ever been :noway: , I hit target nearly 7 weeks ago and am pretty much bang in the middle of the acceptable weight for my height. I am a UK size 10/12 (US 6/8) and when I hit goal I felt amazing. I have got a very supportive husband, and fab colleagues and friends who have ALL been really supportive, full of positive comments on my progress. I am really, really fortunate.

I know you probably want to give me a slap now but I am honestly really struggling as I simply do not feel slim. I seem to still have quite a bit of fat (or empty flesh) round my middle, I'm an apple shape so my legs are pretty slim even when I'm heavier but I hold ALL my fat round my middle. I'm right at the back end of Jillian Michael's 6 week 6 pack and I do think its more toned - with fat/ empty flesh on top :grumble: I did feel slim for a bit when I hit target as I said, but its as if now my brain has got used to the size I am, and just doesn't see me as slim.

I have wondered if a lot of the problem is I haven't got the money for new clothes so am mainly wearing the old ones, but with belts for the trousers and well sort of drowning in the tops! I have one new outfit that a friend bought me for my birthday and it is always my outfit of choice as its a 10 and I feel slim in it but not in my old clothes.

Its beginning to really worry me, I can feel that as I don't 'feel' any different, my motivation is beginning to slip and maintaining does still require a lot of effort - not as much as losing, but I can't just eat whatever I want or I will land up right back where I started.

Sorry this is so long - help! :sad:

sc1572

We'll all have days where we feel like that. But, I feel the same as you. It seems like the more weight I lose...the bigger I feel. Most of my weight is in my stomach area, and I hate it!

What I do is look at my progress and pictures of where I used to be, and now. It helps!

Hope you feel better!

papastu

you have lost 42lb and feel that way, so sorry to hear that
from your photos I think you look amazing, and congrats to you.

Maybe you need to tone up the areas you are on about at the gym to feel better about yourself. Good Luck

Stu

untilthesun

first off congrats on losing the weight! secondly you will have to change your mindset. at the end of the day its how you feel that matters, and wearing clothes that are too big are going to make you feel aweful.

Have you considered selling old clothes that are still in good condition on ebay and then buying new with the money? i do this once a year to fund my clothing habits and find it works well xx

LemonPoppySeedMuffin

You need to learn to accept yourself

rosebarnalice

I've also dipped into the "normal" range three times between the ages of 25 and 50, I can honestly say that even when I managed to keep the weight off for two years, I never felt "slim" or even "normal."

I think that as women we are cultured from a very early age to be very self-critical and focus on our flaws rather than our assets. Add to that that a lifetime of being "the fat girl" --and there's a very deep self image that took years to develop that doesn't necessarily disappear when the pounds do.

When I look in the mirror, what I see is the flabby belly, the too-big butt, the bat wings. . . . . and only after I'm done with the criticizing do I make myself review the modest firmness in my abs above the flabby belly; the tight calves below the thick thighs and big butt, and the swimmer's biceps and shapely shoulders above the batwings.

I don't know that I can help except to say you're not alone!

mandemonious

You really do look great!! Congrats on the loss!

If your budget is an issue with new clothes (I know it often is for me), do you have access to second hand or thrift stores? Great way to get a few fitting things until you know you will be one size

MrsM1ggins

I'm still losing weight and it feels great when I put on a well-fitting outfit, but like you I don't have a lot of money to spend on clothes, particularly when the plan is that I won't be this size for long. At the moment I only have 1 pair of jeans and 1 pair of trousers that really fit me, and only a couple of tops, so I have to be really organised so I have something clean to wear if I have somewhere to go!

You need to get rid of the clothes that don't fit and get some new stuff that does. Stop wearing clothes that don't fit! It doesn't have to cost the earth - go to charity shops; at your new size you shouldn't have any problems getting stuff. Even a couple of items will make you feel a lot better about all the effort you've put in to reach your goal. I think putting on an outfit that you look good in is a great way to give yourself some positive reinforcement - we all need that.

It's depressing putting on 'fat' clothes and it's even worse when you put them on and realise that they look really bad on you; even when the reason you're looking bad is nothing to do with your body, but everything to do with wearing things that don't fit!

Stick with it. Gradually add items to your "new you" wardrobe. You'll get there!

usmcmp

Try taking some of your old clothes to a second hand store or clothing swap style store. Some of them have a 2 for 1 deal, you bring in two articles of clothing and you can take an equal type of clothing for free (take in two jeans and pick out a new pair). It isn't perfect since you cut your clothes in half, but it could help. I understand how you feel though. I've lost almost 45 pounds and I see a difference in pictures yet I still see myself as fat. I still have more to lose but building muscle has helped with some of those areas I was really unhappy with. Some people say it takes time to adjust mentally to the weight loss. You've transformed the outside and now you have to transform the inside. Each morning say one positive thing about your body, start with the easy parts and work towards the parts you don't like as much.

lynn1982

I completely understand this. I've lost 37 pounds since May, but I still have at least another 15 to go. People keep telling me how great I look and I've even dropped 5 dress sizes within that time! I definitely feel better than I did 37 pounds heavier, but I also feel just as fat. The other day, I went dress shopping and insisted on trying on the size 12. The sales woman insisted that I should try on a size 8, so I ended up taking an 8, 10, and 12 into the dressing room. Sure enough, the 8 fit! My old clothes are too big, but I don't feel like a size 8.

I guess this post doesn't really help you, so I apologize for that. Perhaps the important question is - do you feel better about yourself? Do you have more energy? I think others have given you great advice already (ie. look at old pictures to compare, try to tone up at the gym), but try to also think about how you feel inside and your energy levels. Try to remember that the point of this website is not just to lose weight, but overall is to become healthy.

floshideaway

The mind plays dirty tricks. I have been feeling the same way lately even though I have lost a great deal of weight. It is important that you get clothes that fit you properly, I went to my local Goodwill and other thrift shops for "new clothes" since I cannot afford the mall and I still have more weight to lose. It has made a big difference in the way I feel and all the compliments I get. BIG ego booster. I gave away all the fat clothes, you do not want to ever fit in them again. If they are within reach your sub conscience will play mind games.

LorinaLynn

I had pretty much the same conversation last night with my husband. I wasn't fishing for compliments, but I told him how frustrating it was that I know logically that I look pretty damn smokin', but sometimes my brain stops being logical and I only see lumps, dimples, gush and mush. There's a struggle between logic and insecurity... the rational against the irrational. Luckily, the rational tends to win arguments, eventually.

To be perfectly fair, though, I felt pretty good about myself when I weighed 35 pounds more. I felt sexy, attractive, and hot most of the time, and insecure a fraction of the time. I'm still the same person I was a year ago, even if I'm smaller and healthier, so why wouldn't I have the same insecurities? It goes to show that insecurities really are all in our head.... just a nasty little voice we need to tell to shut the eff up.

shoppie

Thanks guys, just having people reply has made me feel so much better Unfortunately, we are really strapped financially and all the clothes I do have are old anyway and very cheap brands (I'm in the UK so this may mean nothing to you - but Primark/ Tesco) basically I don't think I will get anything selling them, tbh I'm not sure charity binning them will even work! We don't seem to have any of the swap type stores going. I do need to be more patient, I will ask my in-laws for money for clothes for Christmas and actualy spend it on myself not the kids :noway: If I buy carefully I can hopefully build a store of stuff up. Maybe I should just chuck everything that is too big, I'm scared to because I have so little that fits, but I really, really hate wearing them :frown:

I have to be honest, having looked at other threads re: tummies post children, mine isn't really *that* bad, I think it may just be the price I am paying for having 3 children within 5 years - and they are totally worth it of course

I also have to be brutally honest and say I don't notice a big change in energy levels, I don't think it helps that my baby is only 9 months still and won't take a bottle so I feed her at 7 am and 7pm - so can never have a lie-in, whereas once each of the babies has stopped feeding my DH and I have taken it in turns to have one lie-in per week at the weekend and that rest in bed makes a world of difference! Also, I think my life is just generally pretty knackering as I have 3 kids aged 5 and under who are obviously very high maintenance!

I must, must be a healthier though. I know I burn fewer calories doing the same workouts and my heart rate doesn't go as high so I MUST be fitter, plus my heart rate drops back to resting very quickly so that must be worth something right? Whoever said I need to say one positive thing about myself each morning is probably onto a good thing, I just don't seem to be feeling brilliant full stop now and haven't for a while, I'm dreading returning to work in January as juggling the kids and work is just awful and guilt-inducing on all sides!

Sorry this is really me me me, to be honest its been nagging at me for weeks that I feel fat but I also feel ridiculous saying that!!

lynn1982

This just came to mind - what about clothing swaps in your area or amongst friends? I have a friend who organizes these about once a year. Everyone comes with clothes that they no longer want and puts it in a pile in the middle of the room. It is then sorted by size and you just take whatever you want (while being somewhat mindful that others are there to take as well! - I guess that's the Canadian in me!) in your size. It works best if there are people of all different sizes so everyone has something to choose from.

imalikat2

So much of what everyone has said is very true. I have the old tapes in my head all the time, even when I was at the weight I felt best I was constantly criticizing myself. My dad use to always tell me I needed to lose weight.... always the very first thing out of his mouth whenever I saw him... didn't do much for my self esteem... needless to say it's a constant struggle for me to accept the beauty... I can identify about the clothes being too big, too and/or not fitting well. That, I'm sure just adds to it all and is very discouraging. Do you sew or have a friend who does who may be able to help alter what you already have (if you think it's worth it and it can be done)? You can often find real bargains at Goodwill. I've done it and it was so hard for me to put my pride in my pocket and shop there, but I found some amzaing clothes for just pennies. Here's another thought, do you have Craigs list there? Perhaps you can barter with others? There must be a way... I guess it's all about how creative can we become. Anyway, the positive affirmations work wonders, I wrote down a few on cards and taped them to my mirror and said them every time I walked into the room. Self-fulfilling prophesy, we are what we believe. You look amazing in your photos and what a huge accomplishment to have lost so much weight! Time to learn to love yourself! Easier said than done, but it can be done. :flowerforyou: P.S. - At least you got this out and stopped carrying it around it your head; that in itself should make you feel better..

Black_Swan

All right you totally need new clothes! You said yourself that the 10size dress makes you feel better! Imagine if all your clothes were fitting -. of course it will take a lot of time to renew all of the closet, but you can do it, take it slowly!
If there are some new everyday pants or shirt you can get for low money, just do it! They make cheap stuff in smaller sizes, give it a chance... I wish you all the best!

Maryfullofgrace

Thanks guys, just having people reply has made me feel so much better Unfortunately, we are really strapped financially and all the clothes I do have are old anyway and very cheap brands (I'm in the UK so this may mean nothing to you - but Primark/ Tesco) basically I don't think I will get anything selling them, tbh I'm not sure charity binning them will even work! We don't seem to have any of the swap type stores going. I do need to be more patient, I will ask my in-laws for money for clothes for Christmas and actualy spend it on myself not the kids :noway: If I buy carefully I can hopefully build a store of stuff up. Maybe I should just chuck everything that is too big, I'm scared to because I have so little that fits, but I really, really hate wearing them :frown:

I have to be honest, having looked at other threads re: tummies post children, mine isn't really *that* bad, I think it may just be the price I am paying for having 3 children within 5 years - and they are totally worth it of course

I also have to be brutally honest and say I don't notice a big change in energy levels, I don't think it helps that my baby is only 9 months still and won't take a bottle so I feed her at 7 am and 7pm - so can never have a lie-in, whereas once each of the babies has stopped feeding my DH and I have taken it in turns to have one lie-in per week at the weekend and that rest in bed makes a world of difference! Also, I think my life is just generally pretty knackering as I have 3 kids aged 5 and under who are obviously very high maintenance!

I must, must be a healthier though. I know I burn fewer calories doing the same workouts and my heart rate doesn't go as high so I MUST be fitter, plus my heart rate drops back to resting very quickly so that must be worth something right? Whoever said I need to say one positive thing about myself each morning is probably onto a good thing, I just don't seem to be feeling brilliant full stop now and haven't for a while, I'm dreading returning to work in January as juggling the kids and work is just awful and guilt-inducing on all sides!

Sorry this is really me me me, to be honest its been nagging at me for weeks that I feel fat but I also feel ridiculous saying that!!

I can identify with what you are saying. I still feel like I am overweight too. Maybe it goes something like this. When I first got married and I would say or sign my name I sometimes would start saying my old name and not my new name, or would start writing my old maiden name instead of my new name. My name was how I identified myself. It must have taken me about 8 years to not have my "tongue trip" over my old name into my new one. Maybe it is the same with the weight. I for so long have identified myself as the chubby one or the overweight one... I don't spend that much time in the mirror, or looking at myself once I put on the clothes in the morning. So I don't really see the new me very much.

Eh, I dunno, just thinking and offering you some thing new to ponder about.

shoppie

I can identify with what you are saying. I still feel like I am overweight too. Maybe it goes something like this. When I first got married and I would say or sign my name I sometimes would start saying my old name and not my new name, or would start writing my old maiden name instead of my new name. My name was how I identified myself. It must have taken me about 8 years to not have my "tongue trip" over my old name into my new one. Maybe it is the same with the weight. I for so long have identified myself as the chubby one or the overweight one... I don't spend that much time in the mirror, or looking at myself once I put on the clothes in the morning. So I don't really see the new me very much.

Eh, I dunno, just thinking and offering you some thing new to ponder about.

This is a very interesting analogy, which I can also identify with as it also took me years to see myself as my new name, funnily enough though I obviously recognise my non-married name, I no longer identify it as 'me', so maybe it will just take time (maybe a lot?!) to see myself as anything other than fat?

I am going to post suggesting a clothes swap party on my FB and see if anyone would be interested. Not sure what Craig's list is but I'm sure if I google it I will work it out and then see if we have anything similar.

I actually don't have an issue with charity shops at all (what we call goodwill), but you can't try things on. So my concern is spending lots but not having anything that I like the look of when actually wearing it. Obviously you can't return either so theoretically I could actually end up spending a cumulative largeish amount and end up with nothing.

I need to bite the bullet and chuck what really doesn't fit. I am also going to invest in a belt to wear with some of the larger things, see what I can make work as a jersey that used to be a normal top :laugh: Hopefully that and washing the few bits that fit a lot will see me through till xmas

Thanks so much for the support and understanding :flowerforyou: I feel so much better now its off my chest, I think I actually felt very guilty for feeling the way I feel, like I have no right to feel anything other than ecstatic now I'm at goal! :laugh:

LorinaLynn

Some of our area thrift shops have dressing rooms, or you can wear a pair of lycra/spandex bike shorts or capris and a tank top, and and try clothes on over them. It can be a little awkward finding a quiet corner to try stuff on, but it's better than buying things that don't fit.

Cookie_4

I can totally understand how you feel/see yourself. Growing up, although I was never truly overweight, compared to my size 2 sisters and my Asian background, I was treated like a giant (this is why I have compassion for How people make fun of Khloe Kardashian). So no matter what weight I am (I've fluctuated between 145 and 185), I feel like I look the same.. A big fat giant....

Recently, after doing some reading on MFP, I've learned that I am no longer that chubby girl next to my sisters. I've changed a lot since then, I just don't see it because so many years of my life we're spent being called "big". Although I'm still way at the beginning of my weight loss journey, letting go of that childhood fat me and seeing myself as I am now is one of the greatest feelings. Keep telling yourself you are no longer that girl that your brothers made fun of. You have changed a lot and allow yourself to see all Jose wonderful changes!!

I really hope this helps and best of luck!