Need advice - What would you do?

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  • NKF92879
    NKF92879 Posts: 601 Member
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    Ahh I don't know what to do!
    I WANT to tell her, but I know I'd be telling her out of pure spite - I'll admit that!
    I know for a fact she'll NEVER find out. He told me himself she thinks he's the perfect boyfriend.

    Don't as he can sue your for defamation of character.

    He can't sue for defamation of character if you've got PROOF that it's true.Still...don't waste your time with this. If she thinks he's the perfect boyfriend, then she might not even believe you. :grumble: Walk away, move on, and find someone who deserves you.
  • merrick7871
    merrick7871 Posts: 164
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    WALK AWAY! Once a cheater, always a cheater. You know what he is now so you know not to touch him with a barge pole. She will find out soon enough what he is. So just walk away.

    Very true! Put as much distance as you can between you and the entire situation. Karma will eventually get to him, and the other woman will see him for what he is!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    if you feel that strongly that you want to tell her then do it, then block him on facebook/email etc etc and dont respond to any contact from him. as other people have said, she probably wont believe you anyway, but at least you will have said your part.

    guys like that arent worth it, the further away you are from it, the better!
  • acous94
    acous94 Posts: 2
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    Walk away, saves unneeded drama she will learn soon enough!
  • Kscardino26
    Kscardino26 Posts: 21 Member
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    Ahh I don't know what to do!
    I WANT to tell her, but I know I'd be telling her out of pure spite - I'll admit that!
    I know for a fact she'll NEVER find out. He told me himself she thinks he's the perfect boyfriend.

    HE thinks. He is not a good guy. Walk away. I dated a guy who cheated on me and once I found out he talked his way back in to my life. I finally wised up when he got another girl pregnant. It is a hard thing to do. But in the long run, you will be happier. He is not a good guy, he thinks he is but he is NOT. No one deserves to be cheated on, No ONE. I know you are hurting but, Just wake up and realize he is not a good guy for you. Once a Cheater always a Cheater. But No one can tell you what to do ( I am proof of that) You have to want to do it and put into action. Hope you stand up for yourself and do better. Good Luck.
  • kidtechnical
    kidtechnical Posts: 146
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    If you tell her you're only going to hurt the one person in all of this who doesn't deserve to be hurt. Unlike you and her cousin she's done nothing wrong. Perhaps she deserves to know, but she doesn't deserve to hear it from you and you wouldn't be telling her for her benefit, you'd be telling her for your benefit. Walk away and chalk it up to experience and don't screw around with guys who are only looking to have their cake and eat it.
  • PBJunky
    PBJunky Posts: 737 Member
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    So he humiliated you and now you want to take revenge? Do you honestly think this will stop him from cheating? Be the better person and walk away.
  • fatgirlgettingskinny
    fatgirlgettingskinny Posts: 12
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    Honey, she knows.
    She and he have had a tumultuous relationship, she knows when they break up that he isn't sitting around waiting for her. She chooses to keep going back, but who knows what she is doing as well. Leave and let be. Don't look back and for goodness sake, make sure you don't choose someone fresh out of a long relationship again, that is such a red flag. Breaking up to be with you and then going back because of 'financial' reasons is not a keeper.
    Ugh! You escaped, get checked out, use your head and go find a GOOD guy. DO NOT look back, because he will try and contact you...he is a cheater.
  • kkarrolle
    kkarrolle Posts: 120 Member
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    Now is the time to step up and be the better person, walk away. You started seeing him knowing he had a girlfriend, you had to know exactly what was his like, his girlfriend already knows what he is like, it is likely that you were not the first person he cheated with while with his girlfriend.

    Next time, choose someone who isn't in a relationship and is over any feelings he had for the girl/s in his previous relationship/s.

    Don't make someone your priority when you are only an option to them.
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
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    you get what you deserve, why on earth would you start any kind of a relationship with someone who is already in a five year one WITH mortgages and other commitments.
    You were just a bit of ego feed for him, leave them both alone and go find someone AVAILABLE.
  • MrsBlobs
    MrsBlobs Posts: 310 Member
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    The best revenge is living your life well.

    Put your energies in to that. Try to think along the lines of...'You nearly knocked me down, but didn't. Look at me now...' type of thing.
    You never know someones situation, it could be that his gf knows already. If she doesn't I feel very sorry for her.

    Move on. Move right along and don't look back. He played you, he's playing her, he's a very sad, sad man.

    Oh...and I agree, this guy is obviously into sticking it anywhere, get along to the clinic asap.
  • lh12xx
    lh12xx Posts: 111 Member
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    .
  • lh12xx
    lh12xx Posts: 111 Member
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    you get what you deserve, why on earth would you start any kind of a relationship with someone who is already in a five year one WITH mortgages and other commitments.
    You were just a bit of ego feed for him, leave them both alone and go find someone AVAILABLE.

    I didnt know this at the time, and when I found out I ended it.
    Then when he became single I got with him. Stupid I know but I thought he was just a guy who had been stuck in an unhappy relationship for a long time.
  • kakiem
    kakiem Posts: 183 Member
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    I put up with an idiot of a man for over a year. I heard lies and even though down in my heart i knew it couldn't be true I lied to myself and said that everything was fine.

    I would say not to tell her just because hearing it from you would be the worse possible way for her to find out.

    But trust me when I say lies always come out in the end. He will be found out and he will get everything that he deserves. Scumbags like him always do.
  • jobster68
    jobster68 Posts: 145
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    Sounds like my ex-husband. I would run as fast as you can. you deserve better than this lying, cheating son of a ******. It's hard to walk away I know that but leopards do not change their spots. I would want to know but not from the person he cheated with I think I would not have believed them (my ex cheated with my best friend so they just lied to me for 2 1/2 years and I kind of buried my head in the sand cos I knew what was going on but did not have the courage to walk away).
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    I'm going to be the dissenting opinion. I do think you should tell her. I know I'd want to know. Like others have said, she already knows in her heart. But it's making her know in her mind that is the only thing that will save her. HOWEVER, you need to tell her in a kind and gentle way. Apologize to her for being the other woman and make sure she knows that you didn't know he was with both of you at the same time. Tell her that you're sure he'll try to paint you as the bad guy or a psycho but you are only telling her to let her know because she seems like too nice a person to be stuck with someone like him. Offer to meet her for coffee or chat with her via email or phone if she wishes to talk with you about it. Above all, make sure you apologize and let her know that you have no hard feelings towards her and are only doing this to help her know what he's really like.

    I know you have mixed feelings of revenge and vindictiveness right now. You need to realize that it's perfectly OK and acceptable to feel that way towards him but not towards her. She is even more of a victim than you are.

    Really, I don't understand the people who say "Don't tell!" If I invested money with Jim and found out he was stealing I'd make sure to tell Sue who is also investing with him. If I see a neighbor kid picking on little kids I'm going to tell his parents about it. You can't fix something if you don't know it's broken. She either doesn't know her relationship is broken or she doesn't care. If she doesn't care she will probably hate you. It's not like you were good friends with her anyhow so why does that matter? At least you will know you tried to help her. IMO that's better than doing nothing, especially if she doesn't have the proof required for her mind to accept the truth.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Walk away. She won't believe you, anyway.
  • lh12xx
    lh12xx Posts: 111 Member
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    Walk away. She won't believe you, anyway.


    As I've said before, its not a case of not believeing me. I have proof. I have emails and texts that go waaay back to when we first met.
    If she doesn't believe me then its because she's in denial, because the proof is there.
  • DWilbanks
    DWilbanks Posts: 420 Member
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    Personally, if it was me, I wouldn't want her feeling the way that I do. In other words, I wouldn't want to spite him, because in doing so you'd just be hurting her. He's a user, he uses women to make himself feel good, he did it to her, and to you and probably countless other woman. I would just hold my head up high and walk away from him. Believe me when I say I would do this, because I had the exact same thing happen to me and once I found out, I walked away from him. The only difference in your story and mine is, he told me he was widowed and that his wife had died of cancer. Only I found out that she was fine and healthy.


    Ummm only I did email his job and tell them that he was using his job to hit on women (he was a ATT service call rep). He got reprimanded and lost contact with the public. They put him on line duty.:smokin:
  • tinksmommy2006
    tinksmommy2006 Posts: 575
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    you keep saying you know for a fact or you can guarantee things..are you God? for one you really do need to get looked at i would say mentally and for any possible std's. you say he admitted to you that he slept with her cousin so then who else was he sleeping with while with you? and don't say you can guarantee no one because you cant. the only facts that can be guaranteed in this story is that you need to move on. you SHOULD NOT tell her because it really SHOULD NOT come from the person he cheated with for 3 reasons...1 no matter what your reasons..she will automatically think your doing it to just hurt her....2 she will think that because you want to hurt her it is all a lie....3 because she will think it is all a lie she will cling tighter to him. she needs to find out through some one else...and you can never say it wont, you don't know for a fact no one will ever tell her. lies are hard to keep in...and yes it may take years but the truth will come out...it always does. you need to move the hell on. you need to get off this dude that obviously had a problem with keeping it in his pants before you got with him...i mean think about it..you got with him when he had a girlfriend, then you get back with him and he admits he cheated with her cousin? after a dude cheats when he is with someone even if it is with you...use your frigging head...he is a dirt bag?!?!?!? im not saying every guy or girl that once a cheater always a cheater but you let this guy admit other infidelities and still was messing with him....you need to stop being so naive. I hope your judgement in life gets better hun i really do. but only you can change that. now you ask what to do and you have had damn near most of the people on here telling you to walk away...you asked for the advise now quit saying you don't know what to do because obviously you just want to tell her. you don't want to walk away from it. be honest. you don't care if she gets hurt..you say its to hurt him...bull its to hurt both of them...its high school crap. your pissed at him cuz he left and pissed at her because she was what took him. now buck up stop being a little high school girl and just walk away things like what he is doing have a way of sorting themselves out...i promise you if you get involved it will get messy and you WILL get more problems then what you expect...now that IS a fact.

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