Need advice - What would you do?

MrsBlobs

The best revenge is living your life well.

Put your energies in to that. Try to think along the lines of...'You nearly knocked me down, but didn't. Look at me now...' type of thing.
You never know someones situation, it could be that his gf knows already. If she doesn't I feel very sorry for her.

Move on. Move right along and don't look back. He played you, he's playing her, he's a very sad, sad man.

Oh...and I agree, this guy is obviously into sticking it anywhere, get along to the clinic asap.

lh12xx

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lh12xx

you get what you deserve, why on earth would you start any kind of a relationship with someone who is already in a five year one WITH mortgages and other commitments.
You were just a bit of ego feed for him, leave them both alone and go find someone AVAILABLE.

I didnt know this at the time, and when I found out I ended it.
Then when he became single I got with him. Stupid I know but I thought he was just a guy who had been stuck in an unhappy relationship for a long time.

kakiem

I put up with an idiot of a man for over a year. I heard lies and even though down in my heart i knew it couldn't be true I lied to myself and said that everything was fine.

I would say not to tell her just because hearing it from you would be the worse possible way for her to find out.

But trust me when I say lies always come out in the end. He will be found out and he will get everything that he deserves. Scumbags like him always do.

jobster68

Sounds like my ex-husband. I would run as fast as you can. you deserve better than this lying, cheating son of a ******. It's hard to walk away I know that but leopards do not change their spots. I would want to know but not from the person he cheated with I think I would not have believed them (my ex cheated with my best friend so they just lied to me for 2 1/2 years and I kind of buried my head in the sand cos I knew what was going on but did not have the courage to walk away).

Bahet

I'm going to be the dissenting opinion. I do think you should tell her. I know I'd want to know. Like others have said, she already knows in her heart. But it's making her know in her mind that is the only thing that will save her. HOWEVER, you need to tell her in a kind and gentle way. Apologize to her for being the other woman and make sure she knows that you didn't know he was with both of you at the same time. Tell her that you're sure he'll try to paint you as the bad guy or a psycho but you are only telling her to let her know because she seems like too nice a person to be stuck with someone like him. Offer to meet her for coffee or chat with her via email or phone if she wishes to talk with you about it. Above all, make sure you apologize and let her know that you have no hard feelings towards her and are only doing this to help her know what he's really like.

I know you have mixed feelings of revenge and vindictiveness right now. You need to realize that it's perfectly OK and acceptable to feel that way towards him but not towards her. She is even more of a victim than you are.

Really, I don't understand the people who say "Don't tell!" If I invested money with Jim and found out he was stealing I'd make sure to tell Sue who is also investing with him. If I see a neighbor kid picking on little kids I'm going to tell his parents about it. You can't fix something if you don't know it's broken. She either doesn't know her relationship is broken or she doesn't care. If she doesn't care she will probably hate you. It's not like you were good friends with her anyhow so why does that matter? At least you will know you tried to help her. IMO that's better than doing nothing, especially if she doesn't have the proof required for her mind to accept the truth.

rml_16

Walk away. She won't believe you, anyway.

lh12xx

Walk away. She won't believe you, anyway.

As I've said before, its not a case of not believeing me. I have proof. I have emails and texts that go waaay back to when we first met.
If she doesn't believe me then its because she's in denial, because the proof is there.

DWilbanks

Personally, if it was me, I wouldn't want her feeling the way that I do. In other words, I wouldn't want to spite him, because in doing so you'd just be hurting her. He's a user, he uses women to make himself feel good, he did it to her, and to you and probably countless other woman. I would just hold my head up high and walk away from him. Believe me when I say I would do this, because I had the exact same thing happen to me and once I found out, I walked away from him. The only difference in your story and mine is, he told me he was widowed and that his wife had died of cancer. Only I found out that she was fine and healthy.


Ummm only I did email his job and tell them that he was using his job to hit on women (he was a ATT service call rep). He got reprimanded and lost contact with the public. They put him on line duty.:smokin:

tinksmommy2006

you keep saying you know for a fact or you can guarantee things..are you God? for one you really do need to get looked at i would say mentally and for any possible std's. you say he admitted to you that he slept with her cousin so then who else was he sleeping with while with you? and don't say you can guarantee no one because you cant. the only facts that can be guaranteed in this story is that you need to move on. you SHOULD NOT tell her because it really SHOULD NOT come from the person he cheated with for 3 reasons...1 no matter what your reasons..she will automatically think your doing it to just hurt her....2 she will think that because you want to hurt her it is all a lie....3 because she will think it is all a lie she will cling tighter to him. she needs to find out through some one else...and you can never say it wont, you don't know for a fact no one will ever tell her. lies are hard to keep in...and yes it may take years but the truth will come out...it always does. you need to move the hell on. you need to get off this dude that obviously had a problem with keeping it in his pants before you got with him...i mean think about it..you got with him when he had a girlfriend, then you get back with him and he admits he cheated with her cousin? after a dude cheats when he is with someone even if it is with you...use your frigging head...he is a dirt bag?!?!?!? im not saying every guy or girl that once a cheater always a cheater but you let this guy admit other infidelities and still was messing with him....you need to stop being so naive. I hope your judgement in life gets better hun i really do. but only you can change that. now you ask what to do and you have had damn near most of the people on here telling you to walk away...you asked for the advise now quit saying you don't know what to do because obviously you just want to tell her. you don't want to walk away from it. be honest. you don't care if she gets hurt..you say its to hurt him...bull its to hurt both of them...its high school crap. your pissed at him cuz he left and pissed at her because she was what took him. now buck up stop being a little high school girl and just walk away things like what he is doing have a way of sorting themselves out...i promise you if you get involved it will get messy and you WILL get more problems then what you expect...now that IS a fact.

rml_16

Walk away. She won't believe you, anyway.

As I've said before, its not a case of not believeing me. I have proof. I have emails and texts that go waaay back to when we first met.
If she doesn't believe me then its because she's in denial, because the proof is there.

I guarantee she's in denial. Do you think you're the first he's done this with? There's no way she's lived with him and been with him this long and doesn't know.

BHAK

She will find out some other way...run away from this situation....run the outcomes in your head....what good does it do you to tell her??? She could get mad at you....he could get mad at you...I don't see this being a good outcome for you in any way...get yourself away and STAY AWAY!!!! Even if he comes back and says its over and he wants you back...STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

lh12xx

now buck up stop being a little high school girl

for one you really do need to get looked at i would say mentally

I hope your judgement in life gets better hun i really do

I asked for advice, not a slating. Easy with the nasty comments - I'm not in a nice position and just thought I'd ask what others would do before I made any decisions.
Please stop patronising me like I'm a little girl, I'm 22 and I have perfectly sound judgement and a sound mental state, thank you very much.
If I told her, I wouldn't have been spiteful towards her because its not her fault. I've been in her position before, and as much as it hurt to hear, I was grateful that the other girl told me.

I don't think I'm going to tell her. And I even feel bad about that. But should I ever bump in to her, I will tell her. Chances of me ever bumping in to her are very slim, though.

Thank you for your help, everyone.

cramernh

now buck up stop being a little high school girl

for one you really do need to get looked at i would say mentally

I hope your judgement in life gets better hun i really do

I asked for advice, not a slating. Easy with the nasty comments - I'm not in a nice position and just thought I'd ask what others would do before I made any decisions.
Please stop patronising me like I'm a little girl, I'm 22 and I have perfectly sound judgement and a sound mental state, thank you very much.
If I told her, I wouldn't have been spiteful towards her because its not her fault. I've been in her position before, and as much as it hurt to hear, I was grateful that the other girl told me.

I don't think I'm going to tell her. And I even feel bad about that. But should I ever bump in to her, I will tell her. Chances of me ever bumping in to her are very slim, though.

Thank you for your help, everyone.

My original reply on "getting checked out" was a genuine post. If he is cheating on his wife with you, and goodness knows who else, you definitely want to make sure you havent contracted anything from him....

My first husband admitted he had an affair while away from home - I couldnt get to my doctor's office fast enough for testing....

mainscott

THE GUYS WILL HATE ME FOR THIS BUT TELL HIM AND HER THAT YOUWERE DIAGNOSED WITH A V.D. AND THAT THEY BOTH MIGHT WANT TO GET CHECKED OUT. THAT SHOULD ACCOMPLISH EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO. SCOTT

dragonbait0126

If you tell her you're only going to hurt the one person in all of this who doesn't deserve to be hurt. Unlike you and her cousin she's done nothing wrong. Perhaps she deserves to know, but she doesn't deserve to hear it from you and you wouldn't be telling her for her benefit, you'd be telling her for your benefit. Walk away and chalk it up to experience and don't screw around with guys who are only looking to have their cake and eat it.

^^^This. Or go on Jerry Springer because this whole situation would be perfect for that show. In all seriousness, you've already said that if you told her it would only be out of spite for him and she doesn't deserve that. Does she deserve to know? Yes. Does she deserve to be used as a form of revenge? No.

foxygirlact

walk away.

the fact that you are asking whether this is ok, shows that deep down you know it isn't ok, but you want someone to say "sure, go ahead".

you say you want to do this out of spite.

All you will achieve is hurting another woman, when the man is the one who deserves the hurt and you won't feel like you achieved anything

I know it is horrible when someone betrays you, but lashing out at her is not the answer

grobbygru

I just have one question - where are these nice men to find some of you talk about??

TheBraveryLover

I don't think it's your place to tell her. But, wow, he's sounds like a real charmer! :noway:

Dawnealice

I wouldnt just walk away I would run... and cut all ties, delete him from FB (better yet block him from FB) delete his number and everything so you arent tempted to go back...