Being really hot = longer leash?

ItsCasey

One of my best male friends finally got up the nerve to ask out a girl he works with and who is apparently quite beautiful (I've never met her). She said yes but called him on the morning of the day they were supposed to go out and said she needed to reschedule. Then she cancelled on him again. He wants to go for a third try. I asked him why he's still putting up with her crap. He said it's because she's "really, really hot" and that he's wanted to go out with her for so long that he doesn't want to give up.

Do you guys ever find yourselves making excuses for really good-looking people that you probably wouldn't make for someone less attractive? Maybe it's a chick thing, but I tend to be the opposite ... I'm more likely to believe an average-looking guy if he says "Something came up" than a really hot guy (yes, I know that's prejudicial, too). Either way, I'd give anyone the benefit of the doubt the first time. If it happened again, I'd move on, assuming he either wasn't really interested or he's too busy to date with any degree of seriousness.

ChicagoSammo

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again . . . and then give up as nobody likes a loser ;-)

Laces_0ut

really, really anything gets a pass in my book. hot, cool, smart etc...

Hellbent_Heidi

OUCH...it sounds to me like she's keeping him around as a backup date when nothing better comes along!

I've never put up with a lot of crap for a particularly good looking guy, but I did once date a REALLY (and I mean really, really) dumb guy because he was so hot :blushing:

TheRoadDog

1 reschedule is okay? I'd let her pick the date for the reschedule. Second time and I'd pass on her. Your friend is apparently a plan b in case nothing better comes along for her.

foremant86

God no, Looks don't make for a long lasting relationship. Screw looks, if a guy cancels on me twice then sayonara!

Vivian_Phoenix

Shes going out with other guys.. and when it doesn't work out or one of them cancel on her, she will want to hangout with him.
I smell a friend zone.. and your friend is allowing her to do this to him. She's trouble.

mikey1976

yes gals we will do pretty much anything when we feel close and atractive to you all. but to be turned down a 3 time i would quiet. because she's not realy into him as he is for her.

CrazyDaisysMommy

I tend to find really beautiful people just as socially awkward and burdened with the same amount of emotional baggage as average looking people.

ItsCasey

In his case, the co-worker thing adds another dimension. I told him he's going to end up looking like a doormat. Interoffice romance drama is never secret, and your professional reputation is always on the line. He's not thinking with his brain right now.

dragonbait0126

Before we all start making assumptions, do you know WHY she asked to reschedule or just that she asked? She could have legit reasons for rescheduling twice. We don't know the entire story here. Does she have kids? Do they work in a place where she could get called to work at the last minute? There are a million reasons other than she's not interested that she could ask to reschedule. I will admit that not be interested is a possibility but I just think there may be more to the story.

ket_the_jet

His reason for giving her another chance is facile at best.

That said, I'm a fan of second chances and would likely allot another try to someone if I had two good reasons. Believe it or not, I was stood up for the first time ever recently. I was so shocked that someone had the audacity to stand me up that I thought a second chance was in order*.
-wtk


* In fairness to the situation, I did get her fired from her job. Not actively or anything.

_tiifyjo_

I put up with YEARS of crap from a guy because he was REALLY REALLY hot and REALLY REALLY rich. I did love him, but had he not been those two things, oh and a REALLY REALLY REALLY great kisser, then I probably wouldn't have dealt with his crap long enough to fall in love with him and end up having to deal with even more of his crap.

ItsCasey

He said the first time, she just told him she had an emergency and that she'd call to reschedule, which she did. He didn't ask her any questions.

The second time, she asked if they could put it off until "some other time," but she didn't offer any specific date or even a general timeframe. He said he asked her if everything was okay and if there was something he could do, but she was nonresponsive.

I don't know if she has kids. If she does, he's never mentioned it. But as a woman, I can say that if I had a legitimate excuse (such as kid issues) for cancelling TWICE on a guy, I'd offer up a little more detail than "I had an emergency." I might not go into extreme specifics about my personal problems if we didn't know each other that well, but being so utterly non-specific as this chick is being just reeks of a blow-off, in my opinion.

The fact that HE said he'd try again because she's "really, really hot" suggests to me that he knows something is up, but he's willing to overlook it.

leynak

One of my best male friends finally got up the nerve to ask out a girl he works with and who is apparently quite beautiful (I've never met her). She said yes but called him on the morning of the day they were supposed to go out and said she needed to reschedule. Then she cancelled on him again. He wants to go for a third try. I asked him why he's still putting up with her crap. He said it's because she's "really, really hot" and that he's wanted to go out with her for so long that he doesn't want to give up.

Do you guys ever find yourselves making excuses for really good-looking people that you probably wouldn't make for someone less attractive? Maybe it's a chick thing, but I tend to be the opposite ... I'm more likely to believe an average-looking guy if he says "Something came up" than a really hot guy (yes, I know that's prejudicial, too). Either way, I'd give anyone the benefit of the doubt the first time. If it happened again, I'd move on, assuming he either wasn't really interested or he's too busy to date with any degree of seriousness.

I would tend to be like you less likely to believe a really hot person. I can be a bit cynical sometimes though. I know it's not good.


But yeah I do believe that guys (& girls too) will put up with more from a hot person. Example: I was in a car with my SO waiting for a spot when this car cut in & took the spot. SO was driving so he started to get mad & say some choice words until the driver got out. She was a younger hot blonde girl & SO goes "Oh never mind, looking like that you can do whatever you want." Needless to say I was a little annoyed (or a lot). How is that fair?

bluecollarfrench

To be perfectly honest with you, if she is only hot, then I would quit after the second time. If i feel like she has more to offer than just that, then I wouldn't quit pursuing. Women liked to be pursued. Sometimes legitimate things come up. Maybe you are plan B. If you have enough confidence in yourself though and are able to actually get the date, then maybe she will see the you should be Plan A

J_Matt

Well after being shot down on the second reschedule I would cut my losses.

Hellbent_Heidi

Women liked to be pursued.

Yes, women like to be pursued, but only if we're really interested in the guy. Also, we tend to lose respect if someone comes off as a doormat!

ItsCasey

To be perfectly honest with you, if she is only hot, then I would quit after the second time. If i feel like she has more to offer than just that, then I wouldn't quit pursuing. Women liked to be pursued. Sometimes legitimate things come up. Maybe you are plan B. If you have enough confidence in yourself though and are able to actually get the date, then maybe she will see the you should be Plan A

That's a good point. In college, I knew a girl who had this guy hounding her for an entire year before she finally agreed to go out with him. One date was all it took, and they are now married with 2 kids. So I guess if you're sure how you feel about the person, then keep at it.

I'm not sure that's the case here, considering his primary reason for asking her out again is that she's hot. But it does happen.

BigDaddyBRC

He said the first time, she just told him she had an emergency and that she'd call to reschedule, which she did. He didn't ask her any questions.

The second time, she asked if they could put it off until "some other time," but she didn't offer any specific date or even a general timeframe. He said he asked her if everything was okay and if there was something he could do, but she was nonresponsive.

The fact that HE said he'd try again because she's "really, really hot" suggests to me that he knows something is up, but he's willing to overlook it.

Why question another person's thinking process for what they want? It is in our upbringing to always want to help our friends; however, you don't know the whole of they want. You have a biased outlook based on what you have been told. Personally, I'd support him all he wants. Maybe he needs that personal achievement of a date that is possibly classified as out of his league.

Id tell him to keep the opportunity open, but dont force the issue. Keep up communication with what is going and develop that. Then go for the 3rd ask. You never know, maybe she's on the verge of leaving a relationship, but has since refocused for it. It'll come out one way or the other. The fact that she called him says she likes him...to what degree and where she is on the opportunity...he needs to investigate/ask..

christine24t

Well after being shot down on the second reschedule I would cut my losses.

Agreed. She may be hinting that she doesn't want to turn him down to his face, and doesn't want to be mean.

TheDoctor90

Tell your friend to ignore her.
Don't talk to her, walk past her, ignore texts and calls and be really blasé around her.

She'll soon be eating out of the palm of his hand.

ItsCasey

Well, again, this is where the fact that they are co-workers clouds things up a bit. They see each other and work together every day, so it's not like she could've stood him up or totally blown him off without consequences. Then again, if she really didn't like him, surely she would've used "I don't date co-workers" as a perfect excuse not to go out with him in the first place.

Like I said, he just seems to be thinking with the wrong head here. If he had said "Well, she's really nice, and we enjoy each other's company," I would've told him to go for it. But his very frank admission that he's just putting up with her because she's hot makes me think that he knows he's being played, and he's okay with it (maybe even a little excited by it), for now.

I was just curious if anybody else does this just for the chance to date someone who is highly attractive.

TheRoadDog

My wife turned me down the first time I asked her out too. I learned an important lesson from it. DON'T ASK A WOMAN OUT FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE AT 5PM ON NEW YEARS EVE!!!! She might have already made other plans. I did ask her out a second time. She said yes. On the second date, I proposed. She said yes. Next year is our 20th wedding anniversary.

woou

If I really like someone, I give them lots of benefits of the doubt. Lots. Hopefully, my brain eventually kicks in, when I've given too many. Doesn't have to do with how physically attractive someone is to me. It's all about whether I like them or not as a whole package really.

Yes. Some people will chase attractive tail regardless of how much they're getting disrespected. :laugh:

ItsCasey

If I really like someone, I give them lots of benefits of the doubt. Lots. Hopefully, my brain eventually kicks in, when I've given too many. Doesn't have to do with how physically attractive someone is to me. It's all about whether I like them or not as a whole package really.

I'm the same way, but I trust my instincts about men. I can tell pretty quickly what kind of person I'm dealing with. It's in the way he speaks to me, the way he talks about his family, his friends, his job, the kind of eye contact he makes with me, how he treats the people around us, etc. If I like him as a person, if I think he's a genuinely good guy, I'll give him more room than someone I'm suspicious of. However, I typically find that the genuinely good guys don't need it. They almost always do what they say they're going to do. That's way more important to me than what they look like.

Being2befit

Tell your friend to ignore her.
Don't talk to her, walk past her, ignore texts and calls and be really blasé around her.

She'll soon be eating out of the palm of his hand.

I feel this way for everyone...its so true...just stop showing you care and they will come back but if you dont want them back move on...and ignore that call cause you will always be a number 2 in that persons eyes....

Unknown

I've been on the wrong end of that situation before. The fact is that at the time (many years ago) I lacked confidence when speaking to women. So when I had some reasonable success, I hung on to it. Which basically meant the woman could make a doormat out of me. I had a full time relationship that was pretty much that. We would make plans and she would bail on me all the time. It wasn't until long after we broke up that I realized how pathetic I was being. Fortunately 9+ years of marriage and 2 kids put all that past me.

I agree with the others, tell your friend he should just ignore her. Either she will start coming after him, or he will stop wasting his time with someone that didn't care about him to begin with. Either way, this is the right decision.

i_love_vinegar

I am doing the same thing. I think there are a lot of details which your friend isn't saying which lead him to believe he still has a chance/she likes him ^^

ps: Being goodlooking does not = a perfect, organized life nor perfect social skills.