Not so Skinny over here it seems

SuperMoniMonk

So , It's late at night and I can't seem to be able to sleep..=P

Had a talk to my fiance earlier about how we met and how we made choices that brought us to where we are now.
He mentioned past girlfriends and women who wanted to move on to serious relacionships and all.
His Ex passed away and she was very slim , When we met he told me he had never had a chubby girlfriend..:P
So that kinda stuck to my head.
I have recently met his whole family and it seems there are all skinny , Chubby or slightly built women are looked as in fat.
Even though I have lost 27 pounds ..now I'm starting to feel huge again !

I don't know why I'm feeling insecure. He tells me he loves me ..yet he loves to joke about my weight. I laugh along at times but lately it has started to bug me

He says I should not get so caugh up in it ..but his jokes resemble my mom's. I grew up listening to her sarcasm and loud jokes about my weight and now that I look at pictures i see that i wasn't even fat.

I'm working out everyday and trying to stay under cals..but the jokes get old and depress me at times ...
I have told him how I feel..but he thinks I'm overreacting...

Just needed to get this out of my chest .. lately I have been feeling like the only misunderstood chubby lady that people understimate ..gosh...

there will be better days ...

sleepytexan

ugh, sweetie, that is a BIG red flag, I'm sorry to say. It is not OK for him to make fun of you and/or make jokes that make you feel bad.

When you tell someone that their behavior is hurtful, and they turn around and tell you to stop being so sensitive, that means THEY ARE NOT GOING TO STOP.

Please don't subject yourself to this. Time to say "next" . . .

KatieCuth

Tell him straight out that you dont like it...

lor007

My husband jokes about me being chubby sometimes. If some random person were to do that it would probably hurt my feelings, but it doesn't bother me when he does it. I know he loves me and if he honestly thought my weight was a problem, he would tell me. If his harmless jokes bothered me, I would tell him. You need to tell your fiance how you are feeling.

*Edit* Sorry, I just reread your post and saw that you have talked to him about it. Maybe try talking to him about it again, and letting him know you are serious. You shouldn't be with anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

TamiFanni

Aw don't let that get you down. My hubby jokes about my stomach is bigger than his now.. I use to get upset but now I just say no yours is bigger! Guys Riv & that's how they communicate. Women are touchy feely.

Now if he says it with a sharper tone & all the time like my ex bodybuilder boyfriend from years ago then it's time to go. The fun part will be when you reach goal...he will start to worry about how Hot you look lol:drinker: And then He'll be crying

CMmrsfloyd

Tell him point-blank that it bothers you and it's not acceptable for him to make hurtful jokes or comments. If he loves you, he should be willing to respect that you have certain boundaries. Would he like it if you poked fun about something that bothers him? Especially if he was trying hard to change it? Him making you feel bad about yourself is not supportive. You are trying to change your lifestyle. You need for your loved ones to be cheering you on, not tearing you down. You've already told him that his comments bother you and either he doesn't get how much it bothers you or he doesn't care. Make it extremely clear so you can find out which one it is. B/c if he doesn't care that he's saying things that hurt you, there's an issue there that you need to deal with.

27 lbs is a HUGE accomplishment - congratulations and keep up your hard work. Surround yourself with supportive people that recognize all the heart and soul you've put into this.

SuperMoniMonk

Yeah , It didn't use to bother me but lately my diet had changed and my whole routine , since I moved to a new town..surrounded by new people ..

I have been able to maintain the weight but It's getting frustrating and his jokes just hit the spot where I'm vurnerable .
We need to reboot..I have to give him credit for encouraing me and supporting me when I was bigger. I guess he is just not aware that I feel stuck .

Thank you for your advice ladies ..

Eleanorjanethinner

Yup, that is *not* okay behaviour. Jokes that hurt someone's feelings are not jokes. Even if he totally can't see why you'd be hurt, he needs to stop because you ask him to.

In a good relationship, you're each other's biggest supporter, always there to cheer the other on and commiserate during the bad times. You can tease, but not joke in a way that's hurtful. You stop the jokes when asked. You change and compromise, even if you think the change is ridiculous (I need to work on this one).

You keep strong and positive in yourself and keep very watchful for those hurtful 'jokes'. See if you can have a serious conversation, explain how you're feeling and how you'd like him to behave and see if he can change. You may need to keep having those conversations, but if there's no sign of change...

Good luck on your journey. You have done awesomely well so far, be very proud and keep yourself safe and healthy in your mind as well as your body.

Best wishes...

Play_outside

I agree with the other posts and disagree with this one. It is not "just how guys are" and it is not okay. It is mean and disrespectful. Regardless of my weight, I have NEVER had a boyfriend who teased me about my size, whether it's "all in fun" or not, except for one who jokingly said something about my "love handles" and when I told him that hurt my feelings he apologized and never did it again. Yes, lots of guys love to joke and tease, as do lots of women. But if the joking and teasing is hurtful (whether that is the INTENT or not, it still hurts), and it continues after being asked to stop, then there is something wrong.

What his exes looked like and what the rest of his family look like have no bearing on you. He should love you however you are. You should not be his "chubby" girl. Maybe it's time to have a serious discussion about it, and also do not laugh along with him when he does it.

Aw don't let that get you down. My hubby jokes about my stomach is bigger than his now.. I use to get upset but now I just say no yours is bigger! Guys Riv & that's how they communicate. Women are touchy feely.

Now if he says it with a sharper tone & all the time like my ex bodybuilder boyfriend from years ago then it's time to go. The fun part will be when you reach goal...he will start to worry about how Hot you look lol:drinker: And then He'll be crying

beccyleigh

op read this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

tells you everything you need to know.

leynak

op read this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

tells you everything you need to know.

All I have to say is wow....that hits home...