Other half rathers me fat :-(

Tuntuck

I had the same problem with my girlfriend, I was 15 stone before I joined MFP and im now 10 and a half stone and she said that I was too skinny, its not just men who say things like that, its true of both sides, she still surported me though so if he has a problem with what you're doing, thats his problem because you're doing something to make YOURSELF happy, and you're doing it for you, not for him so he has to deal with it cos you should do what makes yourself happy, not make yourself unhapppy just to please other people cos that gets you nowhere! (speaking from experience!) xx

staps065

From a guys perspective: A woman can be too thin / skinny. What weight / BMI that is depends on the woman and her body type, height, etc... Just MHO.

fiberartist219

Who cares what he thinks? Do what you want!

My husband prefers me with long hair, but if I want short hair, I will not hesitate to cut it. It has nothing to do with him. He does not get a say in my appearance.

Besides, our appearance is going to change over time no matter what we do anyway. I met my husband when I was 19, and I'm now 29. I can assure you that I don't look 19 anymore and there is no point in me trying to do that. Gravity is going to have it's way with me, and he better like it! I love him now that he's older and his body type has changed, and he loves me too.

So, there you have it. Do whatever you are going to do, whether or not he's on board with you. I know we all want to be attractive to our partners, but guess what? No matter what, confidence and being happy is more attractive than any specific body type.

calliope_music

Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

I think you hit the nail on the head here....he's morbidly obese and sees you making a change that maybe he is not yet brave enough to make. Maybe he is insecure that if you get skinny and he is still overweight you will want someone else. It's easier to be fat together than alone. Now, he probably feels guilty when he is indulging in food that you can't or won't eat with him. I think there is probably alot of his emotions going on here.

I think you definately need to focus on getting healthy yourself, which you have done, and decide when he is ready to join you.

agreed.

veganbaum

It has nothing to do with you & everything to do with HIS insecurities.
Nobody PREFERS someone "fat". You may love your S/O regardless of their size because you love THEM, but to prefer someone fat? That's saying you prefer them unhealthy, unhappy, etc.... just doesn't happen.
He "prefers you fat" because he prefers that other men don't look at you & he prefers you not getting the attention from other people.

My (now ex) husband, was the same way.

I don't agree with this... I think everyone had a body type they prefer... I'd rather my husband have some extra weight on him! He doesn't, and I'm okay with it cause I love him and want him to be happy, but he's definitely a lot skinnier than I would like for him to be!! (but I would never, EVER be so mean as to tell him that, if he's happy, that's the most important thing)

Uh, yeah, I don't agree, either. People have different body type preferences. A lot of women love guys who are all ripped or whatever - I actually find it kind of gross. My personal preference.

To the OP: he may have that preference, but as has been said, he should love you for who you are. A person's body focus should be primarily on being healthy. Of course it's okay to want to lose weight and get fit to look good, too, but those come with getting your body to its healthy weight and exercising while you're getting there. Maybe you should just try talking to him about it. Tell him that you are still considered overweight and your goal is just to be in a healthy weight range to avoid issues that can come with being overweight. If you talk to him about your concerns for health, maybe he will be more understanding.

veganbaum

Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

Just saw this. It's unfortunate that he is is not more supportive. Do you still indulge from time to time? (As in, have something that you wouldn't eat every day, but that you work into your calories once a week or something?) Does he see that so that he knows you still eat some things that you used to but just in smaller quantities? It's really annoying when anyone says that they'd rather "enjoy life" or whatever - like food is all there is to enjoying life! It might be time to say something about how you want to make sure that you don't die early from health issues due to weight because you want to be here as long as possible for your children. Now, that would have to be done tactfully, since that implies that he might die earlier than he might otherwise due to his weight, but it's the truth. I don't know how to do that without risking him getting defensive, though.

sexforjaffacakes

Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

Whenever he says you're too skinny, tell him he's too damn fat, and then when he makes this face -->

say YEAH *****, HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR OTHER HALF TELLING YOU YOUR BODY LOOKS BAD?

Heatherbelle_87

I think everyone has said it well. He has his insecurities. Unfortunantly he is making HIS insercurities YOUR insecurities. We all expect our partner to love us no matter what. Sometimes a drastic change brings out a side we never saw before. What classifies you is how you work through it or past it. He may not want to share right away but you may need to have a DEEP heart to heart about your weight change and his comments without the kids around to hear any of it. He may fear that you are making the changes to leave him and find someone more attractive, makes more money, supports you better emotionally, ect. Women are not the only ones that suffer from those thoughts.

I have always been overweight or chunky, I am very lucky to have male friends who support me through all phases of my body including post-c-section and hating my scar. I will always fear that any new guy I am with will like me for my new body not for me. And wonder if they would have dated the "old body". The guys I am still friends with that I dated in the past, say my new body is just a plus to the Heather they already know. But ALL of them left me for someone else, and admit they didnt know what they had till it was gone. Sadly that doesnt make me feel better about being a 24 year old single mom.

Denziee

Not to put too fine a point on it, but your other half is an idiot. Most guys, me included, have been an idiot at one time or another with the one we love. Just keep talking "fitness" to him rather than weight loss. Perhaps he will catch on. Best of luck.

your partner is firstly not your other half, he is a whole person in his own right just like you are. Secondly he is not an idiot. He's just getting used to the changes in you. Has he actually said "I prefer you fat". because if he hasn't, I doubt it very much that this is what he means. My partner has taken to (jesting) calling me skinny and occasionally boy t*ts. Now you will all think this is terribly offensive and I don't like the boob reference BUT i might as well have lost 2 stone off my chest alone! they are quite different!! He by no means perfers me fat, skinny, slim, wobbly, toned anything. He prefers me as happy and this is what I am.

Your chap is quite possibly feeling a but insecure, or/and a bit sick of the "diet exercise thing" (because it does take over and yes he should support you but if he wants to eat a burger then he sure as hell shouldnt listen to you whinge at him - this is a whole nother argument!). Also, he might be a bit jealous too. Or he maybe thinking this is just a phase and she'll snap out of it and start stuffing her face again!!

talk to him, reassure him, love him, love food, love spending time together, stick with it and prove to him that this is you to stay, but you are the same person.... just more fabulous!!!

clarech82

Not to put too fine a point on it, but your other half is an idiot. Most guys, me included, have been an idiot at one time or another with the one we love. Just keep talking "fitness" to him rather than weight loss. Perhaps he will catch on. Best of luck.

your partner is firstly not your other half, he is a whole person in his own right just like you are. Secondly he is not an idiot. He's just getting used to the changes in you. Has he actually said "I prefer you fat". because if he hasn't, I doubt it very much that this is what he means. My partner has taken to (jesting) calling me skinny and occasionally boy t*ts. Now you will all think this is terribly offensive and I don't like the boob reference BUT i might as well have lost 2 stone off my chest alone! they are quite different!! He by no means perfers me fat, skinny, slim, wobbly, toned anything. He prefers me as happy and this is what I am.

Your chap is quite possibly feeling a but insecure, or/and a bit sick of the "diet exercise thing" (because it does take over and yes he should support you but if he wants to eat a burger then he sure as hell shouldnt listen to you whinge at him - this is a whole nother argument!). Also, he might be a bit jealous too. Or he maybe thinking this is just a phase and she'll snap out of it and start stuffing her face again!!

talk to him, reassure him, love him, love food, love spending time together, stick with it and prove to him that this is you to stay, but you are the same person.... just more fabulous!!!

We
I have never pushed the whole diet thing if he wants burgers I dont care we have never eaten the same things as him anyway but I was obese when I met him so like you say maybe he's not used to it.

sinclare

My husband is worried that if someday the world ends and we run out of food, he may need to cook me, and there won't be much left to sustain him for long.

Kslice39

I know every time I tried to lose weight before, mine would go out and get donuts or pastries. But this time, I am doing this for me and I am going to lose this weight .:bigsmile:

UGH! mine does this to me too! :laugh: he doesnt mean it in a bad way, hes actually trying to be thoughtful(even though it has an opposite effect!) and he will go out and buy me a milkshake and surprise me with it:ohwell: (he know i LOVE milkshakes!) and i will thank him numerous time take one bit and say im full and he can have the rest! LOL its a win-win for us both :happy:

Kslice39

My husband is worried that if someday the world ends and we run out of food, he may need to cook me, and there won't be much left to sustain him for long.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Rose200

Who cares what he thinks? Do what you want!

My husband prefers me with long hair, but if I want short hair, I will not hesitate to cut it. It has nothing to do with him. He does not get a say in my appearance.

Besides, our appearance is going to change over time no matter what we do anyway. I met my husband when I was 19, and I'm now 29. I can assure you that I don't look 19 anymore and there is no point in me trying to do that. Gravity is going to have it's way with me, and he better like it! I love him now that he's older and his body type has changed, and he loves me too.

So, there you have it. Do whatever you are going to do, whether or not he's on board with you. I know we all want to be attractive to our partners, but guess what? No matter what, confidence and being happy is more attractive than any specific body type.

I love this post.

iKapuniai

I would quit complaining about how your other half prefers you being fat, because, really, it's better than your other half always putting you down because you're fat. If you're happy the way you are, especially if you're thin and healthy, that's really all that matters. To hell what anyone else thinks, feels or says. Besides that, he should love you no matter what, if he truly is your "other half". Just my 2 cents.

Love and Alohas,
Ihilani Kapuniai

Kylea51

that bites! I know men that loves "large" women. I had a friend that was 300+ lbs . She came into work one day high as a kite cuz she lost 20 lbs!! I was so happy for her! The next day she came in crying saing that her BF said if she looses anymore weight, he would leave her!! a few mths later? SHE LEFT HIM!! She lost over 150 lbs last time i seen her and has a new BF and liking herself again. Do what makes you like yourself.... maybe i should take my own advice?? Anyway-- good luck with this.

Promqueen_74932

Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

I think you hit the nail on the head here....he's morbidly obese and sees you making a change that maybe he is not yet brave enough to make. Maybe he is insecure that if you get skinny and he is still overweight you will want someone else. It's easier to be fat together than alone. Now, he probably feels guilty when he is indulging in food that you can't or won't eat with him. I think there is probably alot of his emotions going on here.

I think you definately need to focus on getting healthy yourself, which you have done, and decide when he is ready to join you.

agreed.

AGREED
SLB :flowerforyou:

Knvsmom

Just a sad word of advice, DON'T listen to your SO. You looked fine in your pic.
Every time I tried to diet or exercise my partner would sabotage me. I put on a lot of weight because we were always going out to eat. He dumped me 2 months ago because I was fat and he wanted someone younger and thinner. Stick to your guns and be the best you can be for you!

bcattoes

My husband told me that same thing the entire time I was losing weight. It was not insecurity or fear of losing me, he was being honest. He thought I looked good before, of that I have no doubt. Whenever he said anything I just told him that I was not healthy or comfortable at the weight I was and he'd back off (for a bit), because he loves me and wants me to be happy and healthy. He just didn't want me to lose my figure while I'm doing it.

Now when I mention maybe losing another 10 he says the same thing. Men!!

rml_16

Does anyone else have the same problem? My other half keeps telling me I'm to skinny (I'm still classed as overweight bmi 25.7) but he says I'm all boney and he liked me like I was before

I'm happy the way I am but it still bugs me that he keeps on about it. Am I alone on this one?

Mine didn't want me to lose when I was at my highest weight. I told him it wasn't about him, it was about me.