did you ever have someone NOT be supportive?

rockabillymama

I have had the same Best Friend since highschool. She's always been chubby and right now she sits at 5 foot even and 210 lbs. I've noticed lately that she's become very bitter about my weight loss. She'll say snarky comments like "I bet you could go buy all the clothes in american eagle" and "like you really need t lose anymore weight". I really hate that she's acting this way and when I pointed it out all she said was "I was ok with being the 'slightly heavier' friend, now I'm ,like the gigantic friend". This in NO WAY is my fault, nor am I going to change just because my lifestyle is changing. How can i make her less angry at me for my weight loss?

BeautyFromPain

my mum is the exact same!

sure she may not exactly be supportive about ANYTHING i do but she is so jealous of my weight loss!

claire_xox

Invite her to work out with you?

My family is pretty unsupportive but it's more because they feel I've lost too much weight so it;sa little different.
Your friend sounds jealous which is her problem, either invite her along or just shrug the comments off!

sarahlucydaynes26

jealousy is a awful thing hun...
She will come round... and if not... im sure you have friends who will love you for you and be happy for you rather then snide at you xx

lynn1982

You can't. She needs to get over it.

Goal_Seeker_1988

ha, she's just a jealous b!tch.

jagar07

encourage her that she can do it too, use yourself as a motivator for her, and suggest that you guys can do it together

vsyates

So sorry you're going through this. I don't think there's anything you can do to make her less angry at you. I think deep down she's jealous that you've been able to succeed. Just keep doing what you're doing and hope she comes around.

gashinshotan

My bro. Hes fat and derives his joy from food and playing video games so when I lost so much weight and revealed how I could run almost 8 miles now he put me down saying,"You think your a big shot" Yeah... I am compared to his fat *kitten*....

SueGeer

I would guess she's reacting like this cos she's jealous of your success and doesn't know how to handle it. Tell her she doesn't need to be the "gigantic firend" and encourage her to make healthy choices....perhaps guide her towards MFP or whatever weight loss tools you've used. Just say it's worked for you and you will help and support her if she wants to give it a go.....perhaps she wants to lose weight but is afraid to ask for help. If she doesn't take you up on the offer and continues her attitude, it may be an idea to give her a wide berth for a bit.

Good luck to both of you :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Sue x

jmvh59

She's definitely hurting and lashing out at you. You really need to drag her along to work out and sit her down in front of MFP so she can start logging her calories. If she doesn't come along for the weight loss journey with you, you will literally leave her behind. I think a little tough love is the right way to go here. Just sayin'.

Crimson_

well, you cant make her less angry, she has to be happy with herself first before she can be happy with anyone else...

Platnex

Sometimes when you are losing weight the reason why they are seeming to be angry is because they can not do it themself, have you asked her if she wanted to join you to try lose it?

danielleogrady

Unfortunately, you can't fix someone's insecurities, so there is nothing you do will make her less angry. She's upset b/c of how she feels about herself, but this is not a reflection on you. Of course best friends should be supportive, but sometimes they can't be happy for others. When my best friend saw me after losing 35 lbs, her only comment to me was, "Oh, your coat looks a little big on you." I went down almost three sizes and all she would say was my coat was a little big? I had to chalk it up to her being an insecure pill. Be proud of what you're doing and keep up the good work!

gashinshotan

And IMO anyone who puts you down is not worth your respect or friendship - just let her have a heart attack and realise how wrong she is for criticizing you for taking care of yourself.

WTF7

Sound like she is taking her own insecurities out on you. Remind her this is for your health and self esteem. Like the old saying, "misery enjoys comapny." Dont let this affect your goals! Maybe she see how much better you look and feel and follow your lead to get healthier!

wannatangle

Yes. I am not a large person, never have been....but I would like to lose that 10-15 pounds to get back in my skinny clothes. I have (had she stopped talking to me) a friend (who I thought was my best friend) who would just get very defensive when I would mention losing weight. Yes, she had quite a few more pounds than me to lose, but that wasn't my fault. I felt like she wanted me to stay the way I was so she could feel better about herself. She has stopped talking to me for other reasons (which were just as selfish).

October1234

Maybe you could get her to join in with you? Maybe take an exercise class together or go for walks in the evenings something like that. She is jelous and probably annoyed that you're losing the weight and shes stuck. I know I get jelous very easily when friends lose a bit of weight, and I know some friends are the same when i lose weight, i get comments like "you're too skinny now, go eat a sandwich" etc etc, I think its in a womans nature to be slightly jelous lol.

The only thing you can really do is what you have already done. Talk to her about it, how it is annoying you how she isnt supportive and how you would really like her to be happy for you!

RAFValentina

Sounds immature...tell her to join you and stop being bitter or to just stop being bitter and be a good friend...otherwise ditch her... find healthier friends with better attitudes. Friends come and go... you want to get back your health and keep it...

My opinion. I'd ditch her if she's stalling things for you/making life miserable... that ain't no friend!

gemmie_c

I have had this with friends too-not in the same way. I guess I was always the bigger friend.

I get it with one friend mainly when goign round for dinner. She won't tell me what we are having, so I can't plan ahead, she pretends to not know like its a last min decision and whinges when I don't put extra things like mayo on the side (I don't even like mayo!).

I now don't talk about weightloss or diets in front of her.....as it only ignites the 'you set yourself goals that are too high' or you are jsut setting yourself up for failure. I have lost 47lbs so far-being sensible, eating healthy, balanced foods, not eating packaged crap and working out. It's not like I am starving myself or doing a fad diet.

It is frustrating-especially when you feel like you are doing so well.

pupcamper

You can't, she's jealous and she will have to work through her issues! Try to avoid talking about the weigh loss issue for a while and try and spend some time with her having fun - she's probably frightened the skinny you won't like her! You can always get support from people on MFP, don't ruin a long term friendship!

BrettPGH

You can't. You can only control the way you feel. She's not being a good friend to you anyway. If she wants to lose weight she can do something to change her life. Making you stay heavier than you want to be so she can feel good about herself is ridiculous.

You're not doing anything wrong to her. This is her own issue. She needs to get over it.

newarkco05

Don't get rid of her as a friend --- yet. It may be a bit of self esteem issue. Still spend your normal time with her and let her see you aren't trading her in for a new skinnier best friend. She just may need to see that. Also,careful not to rub the new weight loss in her face. Share it with her- -- Yes, but don't suggest to go shopping at "ABC STORE" That only sells size 3 and under or whatever. I know several will come back with the "she is jealous!" I honestly think it is just a case of she is just self conscious of herself. It doesn't make her a bad person, just like it doesn't make any of us a good person for losing the weight. It may make us a better version of ourselves, but it doesn't make us any better then anyone else.

Ro0kins_Wedding

I would say get her involved. Maybe if she joined MFP aswell you could lose weight together, then she won't be bitter.

CMomma23

I would encourage her to do what you do. Eat healthier, exercise together, it would be good for her and good for you. You should be her inspiration, but right now I feel she may unsure how to get to where you are, so instead she is bitter.

Also, if she doesn't choose to make the lifestly changes that you have, it will be okay. Just keep in mind that we tend to do the same things that others we associate with do. Example, you would be more inclined to eat unhealthier if you are surrounded by others doing the same thing. Not saying you should befriend this person by any means, just letting you know to not let your friend bring you down. Because being healthy is more than just looks and weight loss. It's your life.

Wishing you the best!

selfishshellfish

Oh yes, I've had a lot of this sort of thing. Except that most of the time, people round me have not been so open and honest about the source of their unsupportiveness. I think your friend's candour about her pain is actually a positive sign.

The short answer is, as a pair of competent adults, your friend's feelings and behaviours are her responsibility and yours are your own. This is her issue. The healthiest, friendliest thing you can do is to let her know that you understand her distress by saying something like, "Yes, I can see how much that's upsetting you". And then leave her to sort her own head out in the way that's best for her. You don't have to get deeply involved in easing her angst - to do so would not make you a better friend. In my experience that just increases the risk of the relationship going wrong.

Just validate her feelings and be there for her when she comes to terms with them, I'd say. Good luck.

Secret_Agent_007

Add this app to her phone. Take her "before" pics and drive her to the gym. Tell her you need her help to get in shape. You obviously don't but ...

mickipedia

just be blunt with her.. just say something like "if you're not happy then change it" its not your fault.. it is an obvious case of jealousy.. maybe give her a hand?

Good luck!

Twins2007

Sounds so tough

Saying it is jealousy sounds so harsh given the fact tat it is your best-friend,,,It might also be her "mourning" your old friendship...There might be some things you no longer do that you both of you used to enjoy or maybe she is just scared you will move on without her...

I would flat out ask her in a non confrontational way: "Is something bothering you?"

Good luck...Friendships are sometimes more difficult than marriage!!

E xo

Bridget28152723

Sounds like your friend, probably feels worse about HERSELF because your not overweight and she's REALLY big compared to you , kinda envious and/or jealous. This is very common Im sure.... I have a mother-in-law who told me Id NEVER be a size 6 again , I have always been thin , until now due to a thyroid problem (which she thinks I dont have) And she saw my 10lb dumbells on the floor and thought they were her son's /my husband ...I said no, those are mine...She about had a heart attack...she asked me why I lift weights and i said "because muscle burns fat" she said "you better think again girl" and got up and said she had to go. She's from the old school and doesnt have a clue about fitness , She is overweight , and my sister-in-law is also a thin hater-for lack of a better better word she always says "whats wrong with fat people?" uh, nothing unless you want diabetes, joint pain, and a whole mess of other problems...Im not even thin yet and they are treating me like this because they know Im TRYING , I only want to be where I was beffore pregnancy ...Some people are plain mean and jealous, if they say they arent jealous they should stop ACTING like it, Since you have told your friend it bothers you and she responded with that , She isnt a very good friend..she should be HAPPY you are losing weight ! It seems all she can think of is the fact that she looks gigantic next to you..selfish...I really dont know how your friend would be less angry at you...maybe time is what she needs? I feel for you

Bridget28152723

I have had this with friends too-not in the same way. I guess I was always the bigger friend.

I get it with one friend mainly when goign round for dinner. She won't tell me what we are having, so I can't plan ahead, she pretends to not know like its a last min decision and whinges when I don't put extra things like mayo on the side (I don't even like mayo!).

I now don't talk about weightloss or diets in front of her.....as it only ignites the 'you set yourself goals that are too high' or you are jsut setting yourself up for failure. I have lost 47lbs so far-being sensible, eating healthy, balanced foods, not eating packaged crap and working out. It's not like I am starving myself or doing a fad diet.

It is frustrating-especially when you feel like you are doing so well.

You ARE doing well, and its not some fad like you said, eating right, exercising is quite normal and the healthy way to go . My in-laws are overweight and always dis skinny people saying stuff like "they have no personality" or "they cant cook" sometimes they put me down be I exercise ? Hello! Its good for you I have 4 kids I need it!! I try to only be around positive people who build me up not tear me down...like you said you feel you are doing so well so ya it would be frustrating !!!