Yours? Or Mine? What's the proper *etiquette*?

Artemis_Acorn

I think there is lots of room for variations of interpretation of YOUR motivation, and so how you handle it should reflect that relationship. For example, if the person who is paying is aware of your efforts to be healthy and supportive of those efforts, it is completely different than a person who is aware but JEALOUS of your success. Or who is overweight and may take your actions personally as an insult - rubbing their nose in their own obesity. (Let's face it, lots of people turn everything into being all about themselves.) The exaggerated "Dinner is huge" approach may work in some situations, but if that person has ordered a similarly sized entree, particularly if it is another woman, it may also be taken personally.

So if you have already encountered some drama over asking for a box at the beginning of the meal, the ideal thing is to make it absolutely clear that you aren't ripping them off by ordering a huge entree that you have no intention of eating and/or that it is in no way a reflection on them. Here is the diplomatic approach I would probably take.

Once I have made my choice of entree, and before the waiter comes to the table, I would talk about how wonderful my chosen selection looks, or sounds or whatever. This cements the idea that I wish to have that entree because I expect it to be delicious. Then, I would share with them my concern that it might exceed the specific restrictions that my doctor has imposed. This removes any potential that you will be judging their choice, and makes it clear that your portion size is due to medical reasons, not selfishness. Then, I would (almost apologetically) ask them if they would mind if I asked for a box in order to remove the temptation to violate doctors orders. This gives them the opportunity to be gracious about it, and reinforces your previously stated reason. If they were to say that they do mind at this point, you might have to get creative, and ask what they suggest. Most people will not be ungracious in this situation, but feel that you have enlisted their aid in resolving a dilemma. If THEY suggest or endorse the idea of you splitting it out, then they won't feel stung by it.

People can be hard to understand at times, but I do believe most people are at heart, good. If they are offering to pay, this demonstrates a degree of generosity and good will - you just have to convince them that you aren't taking advantage of their kind gesture.

For the record, I HAVE had to deal with similar situations with my in-laws, and the approach I outlined above worked like a charm with them.

CaptainGordo

It's this short little note that you get delivered by post, and for some crazy reason, it always makes the receiver extremely happy!?!

Sorry -- I was joking (hence the ). The thank you note is something of a lost art. it's always a nice gesture.

sunkisses

If I buy someone lunch, I don't want their leftovers. So, by all means, take them with you. I'm pretty laid-back about stuff, so this wouldn't even register in my mind as out of the ordinary.

Maryfullofgrace

It's this short little note that you get delivered by post, and for some crazy reason, it always makes the receiver extremely happy!?!

Sorry -- I was joking (hence the ). The thank you note is something of a lost art. it's always a nice gesture.

I agree... hence my wink too! I am always taken aback when I get one and it always makes me think fondly of the person.

And so, thank you ElexGordo for your kind reply...

ElizabethRoad

I would be mortified, but I am English and have NEVER eaten in a restaurant that offers you a 'box' to take food home in...other than pizza hut....so this is way out of my experience and so take no notice of me......

Oh if you visit the US be prepared to have half your dinner leftover. The portion sizes are ridiculous. One entree can easily be 1300 calories.

karenjoy

I would be mortified, but I am English and have NEVER eaten in a restaurant that offers you a 'box' to take food home in...other than pizza hut....so this is way out of my experience and so take no notice of me......

Oh if you visit the US be prepared to have half your dinner leftover. The portion sizes are ridiculous. One entree can easily be 1300 calories.

Can I also point out...entree is a starter or first course....lol I guessed as much, as can not imagine any of the places I eat in would even have anything for you to take food home in lol

CaptainGordo

I would be mortified, but I am English and have NEVER eaten in a restaurant that offers you a 'box' to take food home in...other than pizza hut....so this is way out of my experience and so take no notice of me......

Oh if you visit the US be prepared to have half your dinner leftover. The portion sizes are ridiculous. One entree can easily be 1300 calories.

Can I also point out...entree is a starter or first course....lol I guessed as much, as can not imagine any of the places I eat in would even have anything for you to take food home in lol

Entrée (or entree) is often used in the United States and Canada as the name of the main course.

lil_pulp

I would say at the beginning of the meal (before you order) that you're only hungry enough for half an entree. If the other person doesn't want to share one with you, then say something like "If it's ok with you, I'll just get half of it to go so I can enjoy it for lunch tomorrow."

ElizabethRoad

I would be mortified, but I am English and have NEVER eaten in a restaurant that offers you a 'box' to take food home in...other than pizza hut....so this is way out of my experience and so take no notice of me......

Oh if you visit the US be prepared to have half your dinner leftover. The portion sizes are ridiculous. One entree can easily be 1300 calories.

Can I also point out...entree is a starter or first course....lol I guessed as much, as can not imagine any of the places I eat in would even have anything for you to take food home in lol

Entrée (or entree) is often used in the United States and Canada as the name of the main course.

I've always wondered why we call the main course an entree, when the word itself seems to tell you it's the starter. But I'm too lazy to google it at the moment. And apparently too lazy to type the é. :laugh:

christine24t

In the future, I would just eat half of it, and ask for a box right away, rather than box up half right now. Even though you had good intentions, the person could think you were trying to bring it home to feed to your spouse or child.

AshinAms

In Europe it's just considered rude to even ask to take the leftovers home - it's a big no-no for tourists! The solution over here is to order a half a meal or just order from the starters as a main course. Most places are accommodating.

If someone else was paying and I couldn't/or wouldn't want to eat it all I wouldn't order an entree, I'd rather order something like a salad or a starter to have as a main.

juliecat1

In the US - even just a salad can be a ridiculous size and calorie intake.

So wait.... would it also be rude to log all your food into MFP before you eat it. :laugh: I totally do this and it irritates people. I try to find out where were going first and then prelog it if I can. Id box up afterwards though.... its kind of awkward to do at the beginning. Sort of like youre planning on cutting and running with your food before the meal even started.

macpatti

To box up leftovers and take them home is not rude. To do it at the beginning of the meal is, in my opinion. If the other person is treating, and I know I won't eat an entire entree, I'll just order an appetizer or a salad. I would feel like I'm having that person treat me to two meals, knowing I'm immediately asking for half to be boxed up.

ElizabethRoad

In Europe it's just considered rude to even ask to take the leftovers home - it's a big no-no for tourists! The solution over here is to order a half a meal or just order from the starters as a main course. Most places are accommodating.

If someone else was paying and I couldn't/or wouldn't want to eat it all I wouldn't order an entree, I'd rather order something like a salad or a starter to have as a main.

Honestly, in the US the starter can be just as many calories as the main, and less actual nutrition. It's all deep-fried and covered with cheese. It's different if you're at a nicer independent restaurant, but chain restaurants are ridiculous. Asking for a box is not just acceptable, it's expected; the servers will offer it pretty much every time. And most places don't let you order a half meal. Some do - and I would love to see more of that. But, even when they do offer that, they charge almost the same as for the regular size.

ItsCasey

To box up leftovers and take them home is not rude. To do it at the beginning of the meal is, in my opinion. If the other person is treating, and I know I won't eat an entire entree, I'll just order an appetizer or a salad. I would feel like I'm having that person treat me to two meals, knowing I'm immediately asking for half to be boxed up.

I agree with this. I wouldn't even do that to a family member or close friend because, to me, it just screams "Oh, well, if you're paying, I'm going to order enough for 2 meals and milk your generosity for all it's worth," even if that's not your intent.

The best way to avoid overeating is to simply not order more food than you want to eat. I also don't think you should ever offer any portion of your meal to another person unless it's a very casual meal with someone you know very well. Sometimes if my mom and I are having lunch and I order something that comes with french fries, I'll give them to her because she loves them, and I don't eat potatoes. But in a nice restaurant, at a formal event, or in the company of people with whom I don't have a close personal relationship, I would never offer my food to another person at the table.

stephabef

I would just explain why I asked for the box. If you're on a date, chances are the person wants to know about you, and your fitness journey is probably a big part of your life if you're on this website! But no, I don't think it appears rude.

rml_16

If that food belongs to the person paying, then you shouldn't eat it at all.

I haven't read through this, but did someone say this was rude? If I offer to pay for a meal in a restaurant, that entire meal is a gift to the recipient and therefore it belongs to the recipient.

macpatti

If that food belongs to the person paying, then you shouldn't eat it at all.

I haven't read through this, but did someone say this was rude? If I offer to pay for a meal in a restaurant, that entire meal is a gift to the recipient and therefore it belongs to the recipient.

I said it was rude to order half to be boxed up when the meal is being ordered. If I know someone else is treating, I realize that is a "gift", but I would never want to take advantage of that gift. I'd rather eat half and leave the rest than order half to be boxed up when I place the order.

rml_16

If that food belongs to the person paying, then you shouldn't eat it at all.

I haven't read through this, but did someone say this was rude? If I offer to pay for a meal in a restaurant, that entire meal is a gift to the recipient and therefore it belongs to the recipient.

I said it was rude to order half to be boxed up when the meal is being ordered. If I know someone else is treating, I realize that is a "gift", but I would never want to take advantage of that gift. I'd rather eat half and leave the rest than order half to be boxed up when I place the order.

I was only responding to the initial post. As you can see, I stated I hadn't read any other responses. This was not aimed at you.

As others pointed out (I've read through some since I posted), you can't order half an entree. Maybe because I've spent so many years posting on dieting sites and seen this recommended as a weight loss tool, I see it as normal, even though I've never done it. My opinion might be different otherwise, but I don't know. I just don't pay that much attention to what others do with their own food.

I eat the crust of my pizza first. It used to make a friend of mine very angry.

macpatti

I was only responding to the initial post. As you can see, I stated I hadn't read any other responses. This was not aimed at you.

As others pointed out (I've read through some since I posted), you can't order half an entree. Maybe because I've spent so many years posting on dieting sites and seen this recommended as a weight loss tool, I see it as normal, even though I've never done it. My opinion might be different otherwise, but I don't know. I just don't pay that much attention to what others do with their own food.

I eat the crust of my pizza first. It used to make a friend of mine very angry.

I didn't think it was aimed at me. I replied just to share why I thought it was rude. I did see that you didn't read all the posts. I used to eat the crust first, too. Now I don't eat it at all!

rml_16

I was only responding to the initial post. As you can see, I stated I hadn't read any other responses. This was not aimed at you.

As others pointed out (I've read through some since I posted), you can't order half an entree. Maybe because I've spent so many years posting on dieting sites and seen this recommended as a weight loss tool, I see it as normal, even though I've never done it. My opinion might be different otherwise, but I don't know. I just don't pay that much attention to what others do with their own food.

I eat the crust of my pizza first. It used to make a friend of mine very angry.

I didn't think it was aimed at me. I replied just to share why I thought it was rude. I did see that you didn't read all the posts. I used to eat the crust first, too. Now I don't eat it at all!

I mostly avoid pizza these days because I CANNOT control myself with it. But when I do get it, it's from this place that puts a garlic butter wash on the crust and it's A.MA.ZING!!! I could eat just the crust on that pizza and be happy! lol

dlaplume2

I am not sure what is proper etiquette, per se. Maybe think about it this way. Put yourself in the other persons shoes, which is what I think you are doing and you are seeing it might come across to them as rude. Next time maybe ask your friend, date, whoever is paying if they want to split an entree. If the answer is "no" then practice your acting... when they bring the food be prepared with a convincing face---

You: Oh my!!! (lift up the plate, feel how heavy it is...)
You: "Oh... gosh this is A LOT of food... Look, this could feed a family of 4! I KNOW i am not going to be able to eat all of this... oh gosh... do you want some of this?"

your friend: "naw, I'm good here..." (Is probably what they are going to say) or they might say "Heck yeah bring it on!" or they might say "You don't have to eat it all...."
You: to the waiter, "would you mind bringing me a box?"
Box arrives...
You: "You want me to get another box and you can have some too to take home?"
them: "nah, go ahead..."

OK! This^^^^ definitely qualifies as the "drama" referred to earlier. This is how I may handle it NEXT time though, should I go again with the same person. Sarcasm to the MAX.

Did you already do this? What was the reaction.

I am thinking that if you are asking this, it is probably a first date and I would say that would make it awkward. If it were and old friend, then tell them what you are doing. If it is a first date hold off and make a mental split of the plate until you are both done eating.

servilia

I would wait until the end of the meal to ask for a take home box. Doing so beforehand might make it look like you're rushing the meal and don't appreciate the fact that your friend wants to spend time with you, or might make the person feel bad about not doing the same thing (if they have a weight issue to deal with too).

I also agree with not offering the food to your friend/dining partner, that's just odd imo.

rml_16

I want to add that if this is a first or second date, wait until after you've eaten part of the meal. It's a totally different circumstance than a friend or family member.