Wrong for married people to have workout partner of opposite

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  • ee_drew
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    I would be fine with my spouse being in your situation... and I wouldn't care what others think. On the other hand, keep tabs on the situation and if you think things are getting boarder-line... find a new workout partner.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!


    Curious as to how you would honestly feel if the roles were reversed? If your wife was meeting a guy from the gym and making work out dates several times a week?

    Also just for a little more background -

    Did you meet her at the gym by just always seeing each other and talking? Or did you know her socially beforehand? I know her and your wife are acquainted now - did they know each other first and you met through them?
  • ninpiggy
    ninpiggy Posts: 228 Member
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    You're wife is obviously very self-confident and/or trusts you a ton because there is no way I would be on board with that arrangement if it was my husband. Keep solid boundaries, is all I'm going to say. I imagine there is some hesitation on your part, or else you wouldn't be posting this question.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    If you have a workout pal who motivates you, then consider yourself lucky, and since you mentioned your respecitive spouses are fine with this, who cares what other people think?

    BTW..the fact that they've all met each other makes it cooler...at least there's no reason for your wife or her husband to think you're 'hiding' some relationship...its sounds like its all above board and out in the open.
  • squiggles409
    squiggles409 Posts: 50 Member
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    This goes back to that antiquated ideology that men and women cant be friends. That idea just doesn't flow well with me. As long as you ate both being honest and open with your spouses where's the issue? As for the like and stares of the people in the gym...people will think and believe what they want to. So as long as you know the truth let them! Answer this: if you were to end your work out buddy relationship who would change their work out schedule? Or would someone just change gyms altogether? Or would you do that awkward thing where you have parallel schedules by don't speak to each other? I say as long as the two of you are happy, and your spouses are ok with the situation as it is then stick with it!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    the only one whose opinions should ever matter at all in this type of scenario is the two of you and your two spouses. Period. You all know nothing is going on other than working out, so forget any naysayers and people who assume the worst in a situation they know nothing about.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I'm bisexual. Does this mean I can't have friends at all?
  • Qatsi
    Qatsi Posts: 2,191 Member
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    Having a workout partner of either sex can be a powerful mutual motivator. The fact that your workout partner is of the opposite sex should not be an problem, especially if both your spouses know about the workout relationship and are comfortable with it.

    If your spouse had an issue with you having friendships with people of the opposite sex, that's a different issue. If that's the case, it would be an indicator s/he may be feeling insecure about your relationship, and a clue that you might need to work on addressing those insecurities with your spouse. Under those circumstances, I would agree with the other posters that you would be better off not feeding those insecurities.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    I strongly believe that spouses need to have some of their own friends and activities. Your spouses are ok with it, and your families do activities together. Just make sure you don't cross any lines or give anyone real reason to be suspicious of your activities.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
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    Pishhhh who cares what people think! Geeze! Really cant see how having a workout partner of the opposite sex should matter?
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    The only opinion that matters is your wife's.

    What the rest of us think doesn't matter - but what she thinks matters a lot.

    :flowerforyou:
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
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    the only one whose opinions should ever matter at all in this type of scenario is the two of you and your two spouses. Period. You all know nothing is going on other than working out, so forget any naysayers and people who assume the worst in a situation they know nothing about.

    Yep!
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    as long as you both know it's above board, who cares what anyone else thinks? think away people...

    as long as it's not affecting your relationship with your wife, and her relationship with her husband, nobody else matters.

    there is nothing wrong with being friends with people of the other sex, as long as you don't hurt your family in the process.

    some people actually can be friends with people of the other sex. (some can't but that's their own issue).
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.
    I agree totally on this. It can be a recipe for diaster. Not worht the risk and if you have to ask the question or post a blog myabe that is your intution telling you somehting
  • fasttrack27
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!


    Curious as to how you would honestly feel if the roles were reversed? If your wife was meeting a guy from the gym and making work out dates several times a week?

    Also just for a little more background -

    Did you meet her at the gym by just always seeing each other and talking? Or did you know her socially beforehand? I know her and your wife are acquainted now - did they know each other first and you met through them?

    Under the same strict circumstances, I'd be fine with it (always and only in a public place). She comes/goes throughout the day and teaches zumba classes. When she comes home all sweaty I never second guess where she has been because in 16 yrs we've never had any reasons to not trust. As far as i know, we're very open and honest. Should have heard her tell me about the stretching that her male PT was doing to her legs/hips a few weeks ago! We both found it hilarious actually.

    Yes, at gym. There's a regular group of us in every spin class and group strength classes. I have some male friends there too, but just not as close since they are a little older (in a different stage of life with less in common).
  • lobbylobster
    lobbylobster Posts: 33 Member
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    I think this is fine. People are saying it will set a marriage up for problems, but I honestly don't see how. If you're that weak willed that you can't have a female friend without her being a temptation to be unfaithful, there is something wrong with you or your marriage. Keep it all open, spend time together as families, and there's no drama at all. I have several male friends who I do things with, my friend Jeremy taught me to longboard, we regularly disappear for an hour or two on our longboard adventures, and my bf is fine with it. Relationships are about trust, so if you have a good relationship, your partner should be fine with this, and that's all that matters!
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
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    I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but I'm really surprised that so many of you would be ok with it.

    Consider this:

    - You have 4 people involved in this. Any relationship is hard enough with 2.

    - Because there are 4 people involved, there are 4 different ideas of what's acceptable and what's not. Even if they spent hours and hours hashing it out, it would be virtually impossible for everyone to reach a consensus.

    - People in relationships make unspoken compromises all the time. They may say they're ok with something, even if they're not. Maybe they think they can get over it. Maybe they're saying what they think they want their spouse to hear.

    - People who cheat on their spouses will justify everything and do it without even trying. (I know a whole lot more about this than I care to know.) It might start with one of the workout partners not telling a spouse about a particular meet up. "Oh, I just forgot to tell her we decided to get coffee instead of work out."

    - Some of you have said, "It's ok if you have an open and honest relationship." Ok, what if one of the workout partners was honest with their spouse and said, "I'm starting to have feelings for my workout partner." It's good that they're being honest, but what then? That trust has been hurt and now they have to fix it.

    Maybe my personal experiences are coloring my thoughts too much, but the more I think about this, the more I would encourage anyone to stay away from it. If you love your spouse and don't want anything to even have the potential of harming your marriage, don't put yourself in a situation like that. It's just not worth it.

    EDIT: I was cheated on. Not the cheater. Just sayin'.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but I'm really surprised that so many of you would be ok with it.

    Consider this:

    - You have 4 people involved in this. Any relationship is hard enough with 2.

    - Because there are 4 people involved, there are 4 different ideas of what's acceptable and what's not. Even if they spent hours and hours hashing it out, it would be virtually impossible for everyone to reach a consensus.

    - People in relationships make unspoken compromises all the time. They may say they're ok with something, even if they're not. Maybe they think they can get over it. Maybe they're saying what they think they want their spouse to hear.

    - People who cheat on their spouses will justify everything and do it without even trying. (I know a whole lot more about this than I care to know.) It might start with one of the workout partners not telling a spouse about a particular meet up. "Oh, I just forgot to tell her we decided to get coffee instead of work out."

    - Some of you have said, "It's ok if you have an open and honest relationship." Ok, what if one of the workout partners was honest with their spouse and said, "I'm starting to have feelings for my workout partner." It's good that they're being honest, but what then? That trust has been hurt and now they have to fix it.

    Maybe my personal experiences are coloring my thoughts too much, but the more I think about this, the more I would encourage anyone to stay away from it. If you love your spouse and don't want anything to even have the potential of harming your marriage, don't put yourself in a situation like that. It's just not worth it.

    EDIT: I was cheated on. Not the cheater. Just sayin'.


    ^ yep all of this!

    And i'm still curious how this all panned out to having phone numbers and exchanging text messages. I see many of the same people at the gym over and over again (I do spin classes too) and we exchange pleasantries but I've never been compelled to ask a member of the opposite sex for their phone number......that would seem inappropriate.

    And yes a lot of time the spouse will go along with it for awhile even agreeing to meet on a social level at family events. My devious female brain is thinking....hell yea I do want to meet the woman who has my husband all motivated about working out. I want to keep my eye on her.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.
    It sounds like they both have strong relationships with their spouses. If you have the trust, communication, and good foundation in your relationship then it's not a problem. And as he already stated, his spouse has no problem with it, it's other people who really have no business judging them who have the problem!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    This goes back to that antiquated ideology that men and women cant be friends. That idea just doesn't flow well with me. As long as you ate both being honest and open with your spouses where's the issue? As for the like and stares of the people in the gym...people will think and believe what they want to. So as long as you know the truth let them! Answer this: if you were to end your work out buddy relationship who would change their work out schedule? Or would someone just change gyms altogether? Or would you do that awkward thing where you have parallel schedules by don't speak to each other? I say as long as the two of you are happy, and your spouses are ok with the situation as it is then stick with it!
    I agree. I don't mean this offensively, but I think some of the people who are responding are projecting their own personal or relationship insecurities onto the OP's situation. I mentioned this post to my fiance, and he agrees with me that there is nothing wrong with having a workout buddy of the opposite sex.