Wrong for married people to have workout partner of opposite

MrsCon40

The only opinion that matters is your wife's.

What the rest of us think doesn't matter - but what she thinks matters a lot.

:flowerforyou:

MelMoly

the only one whose opinions should ever matter at all in this type of scenario is the two of you and your two spouses. Period. You all know nothing is going on other than working out, so forget any naysayers and people who assume the worst in a situation they know nothing about.

Yep!

zeeeb

as long as you both know it's above board, who cares what anyone else thinks? think away people...

as long as it's not affecting your relationship with your wife, and her relationship with her husband, nobody else matters.

there is nothing wrong with being friends with people of the other sex, as long as you don't hurt your family in the process.

some people actually can be friends with people of the other sex. (some can't but that's their own issue).

sjmgde

It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.
I agree totally on this. It can be a recipe for diaster. Not worht the risk and if you have to ask the question or post a blog myabe that is your intution telling you somehting

fasttrack27

It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.

It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!

Curious as to how you would honestly feel if the roles were reversed? If your wife was meeting a guy from the gym and making work out dates several times a week?

Also just for a little more background -

Did you meet her at the gym by just always seeing each other and talking? Or did you know her socially beforehand? I know her and your wife are acquainted now - did they know each other first and you met through them?

Under the same strict circumstances, I'd be fine with it (always and only in a public place). She comes/goes throughout the day and teaches zumba classes. When she comes home all sweaty I never second guess where she has been because in 16 yrs we've never had any reasons to not trust. As far as i know, we're very open and honest. Should have heard her tell me about the stretching that her male PT was doing to her legs/hips a few weeks ago! We both found it hilarious actually.

Yes, at gym. There's a regular group of us in every spin class and group strength classes. I have some male friends there too, but just not as close since they are a little older (in a different stage of life with less in common).

lobbylobster

I think this is fine. People are saying it will set a marriage up for problems, but I honestly don't see how. If you're that weak willed that you can't have a female friend without her being a temptation to be unfaithful, there is something wrong with you or your marriage. Keep it all open, spend time together as families, and there's no drama at all. I have several male friends who I do things with, my friend Jeremy taught me to longboard, we regularly disappear for an hour or two on our longboard adventures, and my bf is fine with it. Relationships are about trust, so if you have a good relationship, your partner should be fine with this, and that's all that matters!

3GKnight

I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but I'm really surprised that so many of you would be ok with it.

Consider this:

- You have 4 people involved in this. Any relationship is hard enough with 2.

- Because there are 4 people involved, there are 4 different ideas of what's acceptable and what's not. Even if they spent hours and hours hashing it out, it would be virtually impossible for everyone to reach a consensus.

- People in relationships make unspoken compromises all the time. They may say they're ok with something, even if they're not. Maybe they think they can get over it. Maybe they're saying what they think they want their spouse to hear.

- People who cheat on their spouses will justify everything and do it without even trying. (I know a whole lot more about this than I care to know.) It might start with one of the workout partners not telling a spouse about a particular meet up. "Oh, I just forgot to tell her we decided to get coffee instead of work out."

- Some of you have said, "It's ok if you have an open and honest relationship." Ok, what if one of the workout partners was honest with their spouse and said, "I'm starting to have feelings for my workout partner." It's good that they're being honest, but what then? That trust has been hurt and now they have to fix it.

Maybe my personal experiences are coloring my thoughts too much, but the more I think about this, the more I would encourage anyone to stay away from it. If you love your spouse and don't want anything to even have the potential of harming your marriage, don't put yourself in a situation like that. It's just not worth it.

EDIT: I was cheated on. Not the cheater. Just sayin'.

lizziebeth1028

I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but I'm really surprised that so many of you would be ok with it.

Consider this:

- You have 4 people involved in this. Any relationship is hard enough with 2.

- Because there are 4 people involved, there are 4 different ideas of what's acceptable and what's not. Even if they spent hours and hours hashing it out, it would be virtually impossible for everyone to reach a consensus.

- People in relationships make unspoken compromises all the time. They may say they're ok with something, even if they're not. Maybe they think they can get over it. Maybe they're saying what they think they want their spouse to hear.

- People who cheat on their spouses will justify everything and do it without even trying. (I know a whole lot more about this than I care to know.) It might start with one of the workout partners not telling a spouse about a particular meet up. "Oh, I just forgot to tell her we decided to get coffee instead of work out."

- Some of you have said, "It's ok if you have an open and honest relationship." Ok, what if one of the workout partners was honest with their spouse and said, "I'm starting to have feelings for my workout partner." It's good that they're being honest, but what then? That trust has been hurt and now they have to fix it.

Maybe my personal experiences are coloring my thoughts too much, but the more I think about this, the more I would encourage anyone to stay away from it. If you love your spouse and don't want anything to even have the potential of harming your marriage, don't put yourself in a situation like that. It's just not worth it.

EDIT: I was cheated on. Not the cheater. Just sayin'.

^ yep all of this!

And i'm still curious how this all panned out to having phone numbers and exchanging text messages. I see many of the same people at the gym over and over again (I do spin classes too) and we exchange pleasantries but I've never been compelled to ask a member of the opposite sex for their phone number......that would seem inappropriate.

And yes a lot of time the spouse will go along with it for awhile even agreeing to meet on a social level at family events. My devious female brain is thinking....hell yea I do want to meet the woman who has my husband all motivated about working out. I want to keep my eye on her.

honeysprinkles

It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.

It sounds like they both have strong relationships with their spouses. If you have the trust, communication, and good foundation in your relationship then it's not a problem. And as he already stated, his spouse has no problem with it, it's other people who really have no business judging them who have the problem!

honeysprinkles

This goes back to that antiquated ideology that men and women cant be friends. That idea just doesn't flow well with me. As long as you ate both being honest and open with your spouses where's the issue? As for the like and stares of the people in the gym...people will think and believe what they want to. So as long as you know the truth let them! Answer this: if you were to end your work out buddy relationship who would change their work out schedule? Or would someone just change gyms altogether? Or would you do that awkward thing where you have parallel schedules by don't speak to each other? I say as long as the two of you are happy, and your spouses are ok with the situation as it is then stick with it!

I agree. I don't mean this offensively, but I think some of the people who are responding are projecting their own personal or relationship insecurities onto the OP's situation. I mentioned this post to my fiance, and he agrees with me that there is nothing wrong with having a workout buddy of the opposite sex.

ABeautifulDistraction

My husband is in much better condition than I am and is currently training a female friend - they run together 4 days a week, plus go to the gym together. It doesn't bug me at all. I hate to run, but love to swim and he hates to swim. So, we each have our own buddy system going and it works great for both of us.
I generally have more male friends than female - I have never seen this as a problem. There is a huge difference between a platonic relationship and a romantic one.

fasttrack27

Thx again to everyone! I knew there would be various responses - that's actually what I was hoping for.

To lizzybeth102: Since you asked about it, we exchanged #'s after she and her family came back from a trip to Hawaii last yr. She wanted to set up a time for us to come over and see pics/video of the trip as she knew that we are hoping to go there soon too. I actually gave her my wife's # so they could schedule it. We had a nice time and are kids all got along great. The rest, as they say, is history. They (my wife and her) also set up the pool party at our house this summer. So it's not like I'm initializing it. For what it's worth, I also correspond (email, FB) with a couple of the female trainers/class instructors (1 of which is who got me into MFP) and several males from the gym. It's not that hard to be in contact with people in today's connected world.

woou

I'm bisexual. Does this mean I can't have friends at all?

:laugh: So am I. I tread on fine lines, when I'm dating someone.

honeysprinkles

Thx again to everyone! I knew there would be various responses - that's actually what I was hoping for.

To lizzybeth102: Since you asked about it, we exchanged #'s after she and her family came back from a trip to Hawaii last yr. She wanted to set up a time for us to come over and see pics/video of the trip as she knew that we are hoping to go there soon too. I actually gave her my wife's # so they could schedule it. We had a nice time and are kids all got along great. The rest, as they say, is history. They (my wife and her) also set up the pool party at our house this summer. So it's not like I'm initializing it. For what it's worth, I also correspond (email, FB) with a couple of the female trainers/class instructors (1 of which is who got me into MFP) and several males from the gym. It's not that hard to be in contact with people in today's connected world.

I think that's great. It's nice to have friends that the whole family gets along with!

fiberartist219

I think you should work out with whomever motivates you. My hubby worked out with one of our female friends all the time and I was relieved because I didn't have to. They knew each other before I met him, so if she was ever going to pull something, she would have done it before I came along. I worked out with her too, but in different ways.

Personally, I have trouble working out with men, because I can't keep up. I do best when my workout buddies are smokers. It seems silly, but it's true.

castadiva

Men and women can be friends without romantic or sexual feelings getting in the way - there's nothing "unnatural" , as one poster commented, about it. You've been upfront and open with both partners and both families, and you're planning events with both groups together. There is nothing wrong with this scenario at all - enjoy the friendship and the motivation, and ignore the numpties at the gym who give you 'the look'. If someone asks you if you're married, just tell them - "no, we're friends", or even "family-friends" if you want to negate any possibility in their minds of any other type of relationship.

My best friend is male, and people often assume we are a couple when we're out together. As he's like a brother to me, this prompts a rather unpleasantly icky response for me, but both of our significant others are entirely aware of the friendship and have no problem with it. We often accompany each other to functions where we share a common interest that is not particularly interesting to our partners. Continue being honest with your spouse, and if things ever move in a different direction, you may have to take other steps, but it sounds very above-board to me.