Bad Joke Friday

Anna_Banana

Let's hear you worst jokes.

On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat; she's cool kawse I got 'er tied under the shade tree." The policeman says, "No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred." "No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she ain't hongry, kawse I fed 'er beef jerky this morning." Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "No, you don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex." The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says, "Go 'head. I always wanted a police dog!"

Anna_Banana

Let's hear you worst jokes.

On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat; she's cool kawse I got 'er tied under the shade tree." The policeman says, "No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred." "No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she ain't hongry, kawse I fed 'er beef jerky this morning." Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "No, you don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex." The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says, "Go 'head. I always wanted a police dog!"

Anna_Banana

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"-

Phoenix_Rising

:laugh: Where do you find your endless supply of jokes, Anna? Always makes me laugh.

Carl01

:laugh: :laugh:

jdelisle

This one always makes me laugh, even though I am blonde! Hehehe

An R.C.M.P. pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a 'blonde lady' driver.

"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

Anna_Banana

This one always makes me laugh, even though I am blonde! Hehehe

An R.C.M.P. pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches a 'blonde lady' driver.

"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ole & Sven are on vacation in Texas and walk by a store window with the sign, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 a pair." Ole says to his pal, "Sven, look at dat! Ve could buy a whole bunch of dese clothes, take 'em back to Iowa, sell 'em to all da dumbYermans up dere, and make a fortune!" Ole continues, "Now ven ve go in dere, don't you say a vurd, okay? Yust let me do the talkin''cause if dey hear your accent, they might tink ve're ignorant Norvegians, and dey von't vanna sell dem clothes to us. Now, I'll talk like I'm a Texan, so dey von't know" Ole and Sven go in and Ole says with his best fake Texas accent, "Howdy, y'all. Ah'll take 50 of them there suits at five dollahs each, 100 of them there shirts at two dollahs each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at two-fifty each. So, Ah'll just back up mah pickup and......" The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll are a coupla Norwegians from Minnesota, ain't you?" "Vell . . yah," sas a surprised Ole "How'd you know dat?" The owner replies, "Cause this here's a dry-cleaners.

Phoenix_Rising

Ole & Sven are on vacation in Texas and walk by a store window with the sign, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 a pair." Ole says to his pal, "Sven, look at dat! Ve could buy a whole bunch of dese clothes, take 'em back to Iowa, sell 'em to all da dumbYermans up dere, and make a fortune!" Ole continues, "Now ven ve go in dere, don't you say a vurd, okay? Yust let me do the talkin''cause if dey hear your accent, they might tink ve're ignorant Norvegians, and dey von't vanna sell dem clothes to us. Now, I'll talk like I'm a Texan, so dey von't know" Ole and Sven go in and Ole says with his best fake Texas accent, "Howdy, y'all. Ah'll take 50 of them there suits at five dollahs each, 100 of them there shirts at two dollahs each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at two-fifty each. So, Ah'll just back up mah pickup and......" The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll are a coupla Norwegians from Minnesota, ain't you?" "Vell . . yah," sas a surprised Ole "How'd you know dat?" The owner replies, "Cause this here's a dry-cleaners.

Oooooh, funny!

Anna_Banana

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."

Anna_Banana

Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members didn't approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing and walked away. Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home . . . and left it there all night. You gotta love people like Henry.

Staceym2112

Q: What do you call 12 inches on someone's face?

A: A foot on their face

IndianaGolfer

What's the name of the guy in the pool with no arms and no legs?

Bob

geraldaltman

It's only Wednesday, but who can wait to hear a good 'bad joke'. This was featured on a shopping app I recently updated:
----What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?





A: Attire.




Altogether now---GROAN!!



lol.