Getting through grief with loss of a parent

Frost

My Mom passed away a few weeks ago. I allowed myself one really big binge day then got back on track. I come from an Irish up bringing where food equaled comfort, support, reward, etc. I have been avoiding alcohol and keeping on track with the diet BUT I find I don't want to leave the house. I also don't want to pick up the phone and chat. Unless I have some place I have to be I put off trips to the grocery store and shopping as long as possible. Right now I'm out of shampoo and conditioner. I have to go to the store. It's after 2 and I'm still trying to get myself out the door. Can anyone relate to this? If there is anyone who would like to share their story I would appreciate it.

Frost

My Mom passed away a few weeks ago. I allowed myself one really big binge day then got back on track. I come from an Irish up bringing where food equaled comfort, support, reward, etc. I have been avoiding alcohol and keeping on track with the diet BUT I find I don't want to leave the house. I also don't want to pick up the phone and chat. Unless I have some place I have to be I put off trips to the grocery store and shopping as long as possible. Right now I'm out of shampoo and conditioner. I have to go to the store. It's after 2 and I'm still trying to get myself out the door. Can anyone relate to this? If there is anyone who would like to share their story I would appreciate it.

Mireille

I am sorry for your loss. :flowerforyou:

Julie837

Hi, I'm sorry too. I can't share exactly what you're going through, but I'm sure everybody here would offer as much support as we can. Keep writing, because we're all reading, Julie

Frost

Thank you both!

MyaPapaya75

Im so sorry for your loss...I can relate to a point my Dad is currently dying of Cancer and its a long heartbreaking process ..food is an easy thing to turn to for comfort but how we feel afterwards just isnt worth it...I do believe your mom would want you to continue on and live the best life possible for yourself. I try to think of it like this...we are the ones that carry on our parents legacy and if we live unhealthy and depressed then what good are we at shining through and showing others all the great things we have learned and gained from them *our parents or any significant person in our life we have lost* . Everyone passes on thats the circle of life it doesnt make things easier knowing this but..what we do in honor of their memories is up to us....Live healthy and happy and free I am more than sure your mom would have wanted that......it took a lot for me to reach this point in my thinking and I know there will be more hurdles..everything is an uphill battle but :flowerforyou: getting to the top is the best reward. Hugs

réalta

i know what its like not wanting to leave the house but not for the reasons of grief, for the reasons of insecurity/vanity/stress/depression

i am irish if you want to chat

i am sorry for your loss :flowerforyou:

justdoingit

My dad is under hospice care right now, his cancer is terminal and he can go at any moment. It is really hard emotionally. This is actually giving me more courage to keep going. Still though, I have days where I don't want to go out, talk to anyone, I even went through three days where I didn't even get out of my pj's. Then I have better days where I realize everything happens for a reason and things will be alright.

Be forgiving with yourself and know that your mom is in heaven watching over you:flowerforyou: It's OK to cry, to stay in bed, to not talk to anyone if you don't want to, to not go out, etc. You will be OK!:flowerforyou:

enigmakey

I"m so sorry to hear of your loss. Don't feel bad for not wanting to go anywhere. I did the same thing. We all need time to heal. I hope you feel like yourself again soon. Hugs

prayerfulmom

I'm sorry for your loss. We have to grieve it out. We go through different stages; anger, sadness, denial, etc. Its a difficult process. Hang in there. ((hug))

swiftyoung

I am so sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you and your family.:flowerforyou:

pdxmomof2

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad May 15th 2007 to a sudden massive heart attack in his sleep. He was 55 yrs young. It was also my younger brother's 30th birthday. It turned my world upside down. I do have to say that I didnt eat and lost 10 pounds within a week. It didnt stay off though. I do know what it is like to not wan to go anywhere or do anything. I, however, was forced to not be that person. Being the oldest of 3 kids(myself 33, younger brothers 30 and 20 at the time) I felt it my responsibility to step in and take care of my mom and the things that needed to be done. It is hard to believe I functioned at all those first few weeks. I did later go into the state that you are in. Do you have friends that will run to the store for you and take care of these things? Make them a list and have them get you the bare essentials. Everyone grieves in their very own way. I might add that 2 mths later my dad's baby sister died of a brain tumor(18 mths after diagnosis). I am still trying to get my life on track nearly 2 years later. I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear but it is the cold hard truth!

Again, I am sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and yours during this difficult time.

Amy

Frost

Wow, I am deeply touched by all the support from everyone that posted. Thank you.

I drug my butt to Fred Meyer and ran a couple errands. I feel exhausted. BUT I am happy I did it. I think it's doubly tough right now because we are in a new city. My social networks are In Washington State and Washington DC/Virginia. No close local friends I can call up to get a coffee with and no shopping buddy. My partner is very supportive but it gets to be a lot for one person to be the "support network".

Georg

Hang in there. It's so difficult when you lose parents. I had a very tough time, too, & still sometimes, after 10 years (& a supportive, wonderful family) I still feel that no one loves me like my mom did.
Take it day by day. It's never easy, no matter how prepared you think you are.

pdxmomof2

I live in portland also. Please feel free to PM me!

Frost

Hang in there. It's so difficult when you lose parents. I had a very tough time, too, & still sometimes, after 10 years (& a supportive, wonderful family) I still feel that no one loves me like my mom did.
Take it day by day. It's never easy, no matter how prepared you think you are.

Thank you. Your Mom must have been a really wonderful lady!

Frost

I live in portland also. Please feel free to PM me!

Lol, I don't know what PM is!

isadoraworkman

I can only share with you what helped me when I lost my mother (I lost my father when I was very young...so i don't really have any true memory of what helped and what didn't).
I think that you should allow yourself to be sad and truly feel the loss you have in your heart for your mom. Losing your mother is a very deep and scorching loss, and it is ok to feel this.
I would suggest to think of something that was deep and meaningful to your mother and to do that thing. It will feel like a 'thank you' to your mother for being there for you...and also a gift you give to her as well.
Whenever one of us (brothers and sister and I) were going through anything particularly difficult my mother would light a candle for us. She always did this without fail. For several years after my mother died..I would light a candle for her...and I would wish her well on her journey, and thank her for putting me on the right path... it made me feel better, made me feel like I was doing something for her..and reminded me how much she loved me...
I hope you find something like that...if it isn't lighting a candle...maybe it is making a special meal that she would make for you...plant flowers if she did that...I hope that you find your way through your grief...You will always miss her. You will never forget her..I am very sorry.
Take care

12by311

I can only share with you what helped me when I lost my mother (I lost my father when I was very young...so i don't really have any true memory of what helped and what didn't).
I think that you should allow yourself to be sad and truly feel the loss you have in your heart for your mom. Losing your mother is a very deep and scorching loss, and it is ok to feel this.
I would suggest to think of something that was deep and meaningful to your mother and to do that thing. It will feel like a 'thank you' to your mother for being there for you...and also a gift you give to her as well.
Whenever one of us (brothers and sister and I) were going through anything particularly difficult my mother would light a candle for us. She always did this without fail. For several years after my mother died..I would light a candle for her...and I would wish her well on her journey, and thank her for putting me on the right path... it made me feel better, made me feel like I was doing something for her..and reminded me how much she loved me...
I hope you find something like that...if it isn't lighting a candle...maybe it is making a special meal that she would make for you...plant flowers if she did that...I hope that you find your way through your grief...You will always miss her. You will never forget her..I am very sorry.
Take care

This is amazing. Thank you.

I lost my mother October 6th of this year to breast cancer. Some days it just "hits me" all over again. But I try to stay constant in my walk of life....in my path....in my daily goals to continue to be successful at my job and in my marriage...in my relationships with my family members and friends. My mom was such a "doer". She was constantly doing for other people....doing things around the house....doing yard work. So when I start feeling sorry for myself or get down and out, I do. I just do whatever I can at that time to make me feel like I'm continuing to make my mother proud of me.

I hope everyone on this thread that has dealt with this loss will continue to find comfort and peace while dealing with such tremendous grief. I'm still dealing with the different emotions and stages one day at a time.

God bless.

heal4444

Frost,

I'm so sorry to hear of your recent Mom's passing. Much comfort and strength to you at this difficult time. May I share with you a book title that especially helped me when I lost my Dad yrs ago.
I have recommended this book to many people thru the years and I offer you the same recommendation in your time of need.

________________________________________

How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

by Therese A. Rando, Ph. D

_______________________________________

It is the most thorough book on the subject of grief.

She covers every type of loss.

Sudden vs Anticipated
Accident, Disaster, Suicide, Homicide, Acute Natural Causes, Chronic and/or Terminal Illness
Adult loss of a Parent
Adult loss of a sibling
Loss of a grandparent
Loss of a Spouse
Loss of a Child whether infant, teenager, or adult
Loss of a Friend, Peer

http://www.amazon.com/Living-When-Someone-Love-Dies/dp/0553352695

Pls copy and paste into your browser above link. Click "Click to Check Inside."

Here, you would find.
Front Cover
Back Cover
Table of Contents
Index
Exerpts of many pages

Rando is a pschologist that provides therapy, and training in the area of grief, loss, and psychosocial care of the chronically and terminally ill.

She talked thru me and to me in this book and talked to me thru every emotion, every depth of feeling I felt. I let go and cried thru pages thru the book. And she made me go deeper in my grief still and gently held my heart in her hands and let me know I'll be ok.

Below I typed out the Table of Contents to give you a better idea of what the book covers. I hope you'll be able to find a copy of this book this weekend as soon as possible.

Death of a loved one is most painful. The pain is a reflection of how much your Mom means to you. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss of your Mom. My most gentle thoughts of comfort and tender caring goes out to you at this time of need. Take gentle good care of yourself and please keep us posted how you are doing.

Heal4444
______________________________

(p.s., To all other posters on this thread who lost your parents, a loved one, I offer you the same comfort and caring. May you find insight and comfort in Rando's words as it has given me.

To Myastyme and Justdoingit: I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's last journey. I remember what it was like sitting at my late father's bedside and holding his hand for days, weeks. May you cherish these last days, weeks, months with him, every moment, precious, few and love life knowing you were there for your Dad. Kiss him, hug him, hold him dear. I wish you strength, inner peace, and much love in this most trying time of your life. Take very good care of yourself.)

Heal4444
____________________

Rando's book's Table of Contents

Part 1.
Pg. 3-88

Learning about Grief

1. Knowing More Can Help
2. What is Grief?
3. How Grief Affects You
4. What Factors Influence Your Grief
5. What to Expect in Grief

Part 2
Pg. 89-120

Grieving Different Forms of Death

6.. Sudden vs Anticipated Death
7. Cause of Death

Part 3
Pg. 121-224

Grieving and Your Family

8. Family Re-Organization after the Death of a Family Member
9. Loss of a Spouse
10. Adult Loss of a Parent
11. Adult Loss of a Sibling
12. Loss of a Child
13. Helping Children Cope with Death and Mourning

Part 4.
Pg. 225-304

Resolving Your Grief

14. What is Necessary to "Resolve" Your Grief
15. Specific Suggestions to Resolving Your Grief
16. Personal Bereavement Rituals and Funerals
17. What "Recovery" Will and Will Not Mean
18. Solving Practical Problems

Part 5
Pg. 305-328

Getting Additional Help

19. Finding Effective Professional and Self-Help Group Assistance
20.. Resource Listing

References
Index
About the Author
_____________________

hmo4

Sorry for your loss-hang in there, we're all here for you!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Falcon

I lost my mom to terminal cancer just over nine years ago. I was pushing 21 when it happened. I know it's difficult now but as time goes on, it will get better. Just take it one day at a time. There's no rush in the grieving process. At some point this year, make plans to go on on a trip somewhere. It doesn't matter where either. Start a journal, I know that helped me out quite a bit. Write in it every day on how your feeling, things that happened in your life.

I'm sorry for your loss, I know it's difficult.

Hugs Falcon

arewethereyet

I lost my mom 20 years ago this March. I had 3 small children and a full time job a the time, and was my moms full time caregiver.

I was blessed enough at the time with no eating or drinking issues, but I also could not answer the phone or the doorbell.

It takes time for your heart to heal. Please give yourself this time. This is not clinical depression.....this is grief.

Grief is something with no time table, or rhyme or reason. Let yourself feel.

God love you and keep you close.

Our mom's are likely dancing a jig together in the thrown room right now!!

Jeannie