Adoption; yes or no

i_love_vinegar

I was also sexually abused by my adopted father for 5 years. I no longer speak to my adoptive parents and have no good memories of my childhood. My adoptive parents are very affluent and looked like the perfect parents from the outside.

I am sorry this happened to you. I have heard this is quite common. My mom warned me that even if you think you can trust your husband, if the child is not his own biological kid...he may behave differently. Of course, I have a hard time believing any good person would hurt a child...she worked in the field for a while so it does worry me. ^^;

jalara

I was adopted as part of an open adoption so I knew the entire time. There were some tough times dealing with my birth parents, but my parents are the best people in the world and I love them dearly. I'm very grateful for them.

Different people will have different experiences (obviously) but I saw to follow your heart. If you adopt an older child they will likely require some help adjusting and sorting out their feelings - therapy is a good tool for that. If you adopt an infant it is your choice to tell them.

My husbnad and I applied for adoption in March, and intend to adopt as well as have our own child. We live in Nova Scotia (Canada) so there's no private agencies here so we were told we'd have a 6-8 year wait for a child age 4 or under. But that's okay with us - our family will come together at some point.

Good luck to you!

Renea_Kay

I'm adopted...and proud ....little quote i found:

"Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
---- Unknown

Anyway...just recently met my birth family.....secretly it makes me even happier to be adopted....

Renea_Kay

I would love to adopt or foster a child however my hubby is not thrilled with the idea. He I guess has a phobia of taking in someone elses child, not knowing what could " be wrong" with them. I don't blame him I mean it can be a scary thought. But, people who adopt in my eyes are doing such good deeds

Its a good phobia....my parents adopted me and my two siblings....my two siblings are hard to deal with...they cause a lot of unneeded stress in the house....they didnt know when they adopted them that they would turn out to have so many issues....

BobbyClerici

I have my own kids - 5, but if we could not have our own, of course I'd adopt.

The challenge would be whether or not to reveal it to him.

kiminita

I wasn't adopted, but I have a friend that was.

I don't know how to say this quite right without coming off the wrong way, but here goes. Most people I know who have adopted have done so from other countries. Who knows if somehow that process is easier, but I don't understand the preference when there are millions of children here in our own country. I'm not hating on them or their decision necessarily, but it's almost as if their is an elitism attached to being from another country when it comes to adoption. Charity begins at home. People turn up their nose to the conditions HERE, within our own borders!

kiminita

Also, I don't know the stats.
But it comes from personal observations...

brooklynsfinestballerina

My baby sister is adopted from guatemala. I think it's a beautiful thing(: if I couldn't have my own children, I would definitely adopt. Also, domestic adoptions are wonderful. There is need everywhere(:

kiminita

I agree completely. One of my best friends was also adopted from Guatemala. In the case of Guatemala, and Latin America in general, there is a complicated history of imperialism and neocolonialism that have created conditions that leave children without families. That's one of the roots of my anger. Everywhere there is a need, I agree...this frustration comes from somewhere else though, and I don't want to get off topic. Also I have to keep community guidelines in mind and not discuss "divisive" topics or politics. Oh well...

Claible

My husband is adopted as well as his two sisters. They all seem well adjusted. I think adoption is a wonderful option not only for the child but for couples/families. I don't know about my husbands sisters but he has never had any incling to meet his birth parents. I have asked (but not pushed) for him to learn about his family's medical history. So we can be informed for him and our children. So far he has chosen "no" on all grounds and I support him on this as well. I also have a close friend that is adopted. Hers was an open adoption so she not only knows her adopted parents but birth mother and her other birth siblings as well. She loves it.

parys1

I was adopted as a newborn and my brother (not blood related to me) was adopted at 12 months old. Our parents told us as soon as we were old enough to understand. We were never in any doubt as to whether or not we were wanted or loved. Always. Mom and Dad provided (and continue to provide) love and guidance and arguments as all great parents do. They are also awesome grandparents.

About 5 years ago I was found by my birth family. My birth mom was 16 when she had me and my birth dad 17. They had actually wanted to keep me, but were forced by parents and circumstances (1970) to give me up. Two years after I was born, they got married and then had 3 more children. They stayed married for 18 years, then divorced, but still have a good relationship. My adoptive brother passed away from cancer when he was 14 and I was 12, I so missed having more siblings. I'd always been curious about my birth family, but never dreamed they would be the lovely people they are. I have 3 full siblings and they are all funny and welcoming and we share many, many traits. There are also some differences in how we were raised (there is a large age difference as my parents are 81 and 76 and my birth parents are 58 and 59), so I am an interesting study of nature vs nurture :-)

I am glad that I was found after I had my children, it gave me so much more insight and compassion into what my birth mom went through. Her courage and strength giving me up. I am glad I now have the opportunity to get to know her and love her. Same with my birth dad. My siblings and I all have children of similar ages and they get along very well.

I have been very blessed to be given the opportunity to get to know my birth family (there are so many of them and they are all so welcoming) as well as a loving adoptive family. Life is good.

mznisaelaine

I think adoption is a beautiful thing to do. If my future husband would agree to adopt, I would certainly adopt a child.

LolasEpicJourney

My sister was adopted. To me - there is no difference. My motherwould tell you the same. She was 6weeks old when my parents got her.
I personally would adopt if I find I am infertile. Its such a long daunting process though

klynn08

A friend of mine adopted a little girl from South America with a cleft lip and palate, she was very sick and the orphanage didn't have the money to help her. She is now 6 years old and absolutely beautiful! I want to have children of my own but also adopt a child from somewhere. I just wish it wasnt so expensive

mommared53

Oops. Wrong thread. I meant to click on the funny pix thread.

juliecat1

Im adopted. I did wonder about my birth family my entire life. Not for any reason other than just normal curiosity. My adoptive family is great and I was loved just like everyone else. I just looked entirely different My adoptive parents were supportive when I decided to look for my biological family. After a few years of searching, I found them! My parents married a few years after they placed me for adoption and I have a full biological sister. I tell ya.... going from not looking like anyone in your family to looking at a sister who could be your twin is trippy! We laugh the same and are interested in much of the same things. Its been really cool! They are now a branch of my adoptive family and come over for holidays and birthdays.

filmfanatic29

I was adopted and I have to say that it was the best thing to ever happen to me. My mom adopted me(as a single mom) from Paraguay when I was 6 months old. I had developmental issues and doctors actually told my mom that she shouldn't adopt me. But my mom wanted me and brought me back to the United States anyway. 20 years later, and here I am in college, pursuing my dream

Once in a while I think about my birth parents, but to me, the woman that adopted me IS my mom. My birth parents aren't really that important to me. I don't know if I can explain exactly, because I meet many people who can't understand why I don't have stronger feelings towards my birth parents. But everything that a mother should be she has been to me. I don't feel that love has to be defined by blood; 'kindred spirit' isn't a term that's heard much these days, but that's certainly how I feel about my mom.

I am incredibly blessed to have her as my mom and I wouldn't want it any other way. Since I am adopted, I have very positive feelings about the subject. Someday I would love to adopt a child.

filmfanatic29

I wasn't adopted, but I have a friend that was.

I don't know how to say this quite right without coming off the wrong way, but here goes. Most people I know who have adopted have done so from other countries. Who knows if somehow that process is easier, but I don't understand the preference when there are millions of children here in our own country. I'm not hating on them or their decision necessarily, but it's almost as if their is an elitism attached to being from another country when it comes to adoption. Charity begins at home. People turn up their nose to the conditions HERE, within our own borders!

I'm not sure exactly how adoption works in the US, but I know that my mom adopted me from abroad because it was pretty much impossible for her to adopt here in the US as a single mom. Maybe the system has changed, but I know the domestic adoptions are extremely difficult.