Oy! Some people!

beckyinma

I wouldn't outright dump her from your life, I understand you need to keep distance and that's totally acceptable, but if you want to help her, eventually she will look for it, once she realizes that being fat is unhealthy, and that she's delusional. For now, just be polite when you're with mutual friends, and leave it at that. It sounds like she's being the pushy one now, you have every right to step back.. And yes, I have people on my fb list for the sheer entertainment value, as well as a few that I keep an eye on, but they can't see my content... it's just better for everyone that way...

My1985Freckles

I partly don't hide her because -- as awful as this is -- it's kind of entertaining.

The thing is, when I met her, she seemed like this fun, funny, interesting, extremely nice person and she overnight turned into Satan.

Oh, and I almost forgot. A friend of mine, S, works part time in a grocery store and K and her husband were in there a couple weekends ago and went through her line. S was counting some money and didn't look up right away and K didn't realize who she was and I guess got REALLY nasty with S because she didn't look up right away. Soon as K saw who it was, she turned all sugar. I never would have thought she'd behave that way, but I guess my judgment was way off on this one.

But still ... entertainment.

Are you sure this isn't my SIL? LOL... She has that kind of personality. I did block her, but out of morbid curiosity would spy on her page from time to time, but she repeatedly posted passive agressive BS aimed otwards me. It hurt so bad I ended up deleting her and my brother. Some people just don't know how to be truly decent human beings. The two-facedness is a sickness!

cbu23

Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really

I also vote for the punch a ho option! Lmao!!! :laugh:

MollyDukes

I recently met someone similar, however it wasn't about being over weight, it was other life issues.
No matter what advice I gave her, she just wouldn't accept it.
The more I tried to help, the bigger HER STORY became.
The bigger the story became, I just realized she is someone looking for attention and willing to do anything and say anything to get attention. She even stated...she loves gettting attention.
Slowely I backed away. Unfortunately, after her very disturbing story, I have to see her at work which leaves me having to be nice to her. I will acknowledge her but when it comes to helping this person, forget it. She wants attention, join the circus for crying out loud.

rml_16

I had just started typing something helpful, from an extremely obese person's POV, then you had to go and say this:
"I partly don't hide her because -- as awful as this is -- it's kind of entertaining. "

Maybe THAT is why she doesn't particularly want to go with YOU. maybe she can sense it. I have a friend, someone I have known since high school and I can absolutely tell she pities me. She is very sweet to my face, but it's a feeling and sense I get, and I always turn her down when she asks about working out together. I go alone, or with other people, but not her.

I don't pity her and the entertainment factor isn't about her weight. It's about her attitude. Fat, skinny or in-between, she's turned out to be a pretty awful human being. She's NEVER gone with me.

And I invited her because she expressed interest, not because I thought she needed to go.

_SusieQ_

Ok, I can't get this out of my head so I'm back.

I understand why you might think she is a bit off. But let me just share part of MY life. I AM extremely obese, especially if you use that stupid BMI chart. I'm working on it, and have finally turned a corner, but I that whole first post could have been about me. (well, not the Fat Acceptance part, but the rest)

I have started and stopped more times in my life than I can ever count. I have admired people and wished I could be like them, and then hated them in the same thought/breath for being what I couldn't be. I have friends that I wanted to work out with, but then when it came down to it I was just too d@mn embarrassed. Doesn't matter that she said she would "take it easy/slow" with/for me. That actually made it worse. The one friend I'm thinking of has pity in her eyes when we have worked out together. It's demoralizing, even if on the surface she is being supportive. And maybe I am reading into it, but doesn't make it hurt any less.

This road is so hard. And yes, some of us turn into completely lunatics during it. I'm not necessarily saying that is your friend's issue, but I am saying that unless you have been exactly where she is, it's difficult to understand how her mind works.

And now I need a tissue.

bethdris

Sounds like she has a lot of issues, that she needs to deal with..I'd lay low. She needs to work out her own problems and drag others down!!

Yes, and imj sure her dr said a liquid diet is the way to go...*sigh*

rml_16

Ok, I can't get this out of my head so I'm back.

I understand why you might think she is a bit off. But let me just share part of MY life. I AM extremely obese, especially if you use that stupid BMI chart. I'm working on it, and have finally turned a corner, but I that whole first post could have been about me. (well, not the Fat Acceptance part, but the rest)

I have started and stopped more times in my life than I can ever count. I have admired people and wished I could be like them, and then hated them in the same thought/breath for being what I couldn't be. I have friends that I wanted to work out with, but then when it came down to it I was just too d@mn embarrassed. Doesn't matter that she said she would "take it easy/slow" with/for me. That actually made it worse. The one friend I'm thinking of has pity in her eyes when we have worked out together. It's demoralizing, even if on the surface she is being supportive. And maybe I am reading into it, but doesn't make it hurt any less.

This road is so hard. And yes, some of us turn into completely lunatics during it. I'm not necessarily saying that is your friend's issue, but I am saying that unless you have been exactly where she is, it's difficult to understand how her mind works.

And now I need a tissue.

Susie, I'm really sorry that you took this the way you did. Honestly, my frustrations with her go way beyond the weight issue. I never actually TOLD her I'd go slow "for her." I've just simply invited her, as a purely social experience, to come for a walk with her friends. She ASKED me to do that, then reamed me for it.

I also don't appreciate being told what a sad thing it is that I try to stay in shape only to see that same person talking about crazy, dangerous diets in order to lose the weight she's supposedly so happy with. It was like she was somehow superior to me because she was happy with her body, no matter what.

Honestly, she's a beautiful woman, no matter her weight. She dresses very flatteringly, she's got a great husband -- a lot of things going for her. But over the last six months or so, she's turned into one of the most nasty people I've ever met and I've never done anything but be nice to her. I've reached out in other ways, including inviting her and her husband to my home on more than one occassion just to hang out. When she was upset about her mother being ill a while back. I brought her a funny movie, cake and a shoulder to cry on. I've been a good friend to her. She's the one who's turned into a crazy person.

I have a wide variety of friends and I just don't have room in my life for someone so high maintenance that being invited on a leisurely walk with friends is grounds for a meltdown without apology. We all have our moments, but the key is when *I* have a moment, I will go back and apologize if it's warranted.

fitaliciag

I am totally against keeping "friends" involved in my life that clearly do not want to be. You can stay civil with her....but you don't have to be a "friend" in that way. Just stop asking her to do anything. She obvioulsy doesn't want to. HOWEVER......he jabs at you and your desire to be fit are uncalled for. And for that alone, I would just stop associating with her.

_SusieQ_

I had a couple people remind me that this is not about me. :noway:

So I'm sorry I went all Debbie Downer on everyone. I was trying to point out that she could be intimidated by you, and that is why she refuses your offers. But the other things, esp the rude comments to you, are totally uncalled for. Even in my most jealous moments of my beautiful friends I keep the jealous thoughts in my head. It's sad that she can't just be happy for you and turn that jealousy into motivation for herself.

In the end if you feel like you have given it your best shot (which I think you have), then you have to walk away and let her find her way. Maybe she will eventually see that you were truly trying to help.

:flowerforyou:

rml_16

Honestly, it's not even about trying to help. If she came to me and asked for help, I would gladly give it. But otherwise, I don't stick my nose in others' business, especially their weight loss. If she is happy with herself, then more power to her. I'm not friends with her because of how she looks or what she eats.

But I've tried to just be her friend as I would with anyone and she's pretty much spit in my face. What she did to S a couple weeks ago was the cherry on top. There's no excuse for her behavior and it says a lot about what kind of person she is, deep down.

When I met her, she was overweight and I wasn't. We managed a friendship that I enjoyed for a long time until she went all wacko on me. I got the impression that she took it personally that I eat right and exercise, like I'm judging her for her lifestyle and size simply by taking control of my own. Her comments to me about feeling sorry for me were not in response to a conversation the two of us had, but in response to a blog post I wrote that had nothing whatsoever to do with her.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I think you can ignore people on fb, so if you're worried about it impacting your other friendships then just hit the ignore and move on. If you're not, remove and walk away while brushing your hands off, good riddance to bad rubbish.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I partly don't hide her because -- as awful as this is -- it's kind of entertaining.

The thing is, when I met her, she seemed like this fun, funny, interesting, extremely nice person and she overnight turned into Satan.

Oh, and I almost forgot. A friend of mine, S, works part time in a grocery store and K and her husband were in there a couple weekends ago and went through her line. S was counting some money and didn't look up right away and K didn't realize who she was and I guess got REALLY nasty with S because she didn't look up right away. Soon as K saw who it was, she turned all sugar. I never would have thought she'd behave that way, but I guess my judgment was way off on this one.

But still ... entertainment.

She's either not a good person, or she's an okay person who was having a really bad day.

tam120

Possibly this is her way of "protecting" herself from rejection. She acts crazy to reject you (and others) before you can reject her (not that I'm saying that's what you were doing - I'm talking about in her own head). She feels like she's not worth anyone caring about her so craziness is her shield. It's a matter of her own self worth. Being rude to others can also be a way of protecting onesself, rude people don't make many friends to begin with so no worries about being rejected. I think feeling rejected can sometimes be a much worse feeling than lonely.

justanotherbrickinthewall

I seriously hate people like that. She needs to understand you're trying to help her, not hurt her. She may feel a little insecure since you're so fit but that doesn't give her an excuse to be blatantly rude. I'd drop her even though you have mutual friends. I've been in this situation before and even though you both have mutual friends, it's not awkward or anything, in my opinion.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Honestly, it's not even about trying to help. If she came to me and asked for help, I would gladly give it. But otherwise, I don't stick my nose in others' business, especially their weight loss. If she is happy with herself, then more power to her. I'm not friends with her because of how she looks or what she eats.

But I've tried to just be her friend as I would with anyone and she's pretty much spit in my face. What she did to S a couple weeks ago was the cherry on top. There's no excuse for her behavior and it says a lot about what kind of person she is, deep down.

When I met her, she was overweight and I wasn't. We managed a friendship that I enjoyed for a long time until she went all wacko on me. I got the impression that she took it personally that I eat right and exercise, like I'm judging her for her lifestyle and size simply by taking control of my own. Her comments to me about feeling sorry for me were not in response to a conversation the two of us had, but in response to a blog post I wrote that had nothing whatsoever to do with her.

I love the response, I smile my biggest **** eaten grin and say "well, I suppose that everyone has a right to their opinion, and you know what they say about opinions right?" and then I wink, literally right in their face (sometimes with the double finger guns and a click), it's so rewarding.

SinIsIn

Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really

THIS! or just block her!

lizziebeth1028

I have a very overweight friend I've known for about 10 years who at least 4 or 5 times a year asks me for help as far as diet and exercise and then reject anything I suggest.....which is usually just start walking and cut your portion sizes. It got to the point where she would get a little pissy about it and say she's just going to by some diet pills and try those. I've given up trying to help her, now when she asks for help I change the subject. Some people are just not ready to help themselves, until that time no one can help.

But I totally understand your frustration...she asked you about walking now she's getting all nasty.

And your right, this is not a weight issue per se....it's about being a good friend...and she is NOT being a good friend!

PJilly

This is the kind of situation that reminds me to fall back on the Serenity Prayer. It comes in handy a LOT!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference


I also like this version:

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

boomboom011

Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really

I love this! Almost spewed my drink all over my monitor! Great minds.