Affairs and crap relationships

emmab0902

I know this is a volatile topic but I know a lot of people who stay in crappy relationships but have affairs and it puzzles me why they don't just leave!

Can anyone suggest why people stay in relationships that are past their use by date? It seems to me it's most often the women who leave, while men more often stay.

And why would a person stay in a clearly unhappy even toxic relationship but maintain a long term (over 12 months) relationship with someone?

I just find it all really bizarre, but I guess I am a black and white thinker, who myself ended a less than wonderful marriage rather than stay for all the wrong reasons.

Cooriander

I know this is a volatile topic but I know a lot of people who stay in crappy relationships but have affairs and it puzzles me why they don't just leave!

Can anyone suggest why people stay in relationships that are past their use by date? It seems to me it's most often the women who leave, while men more often stay.

And why would a person stay in a clearly unhappy even toxic relationship but maintain a long term (over 12 months) relationship with someone?

I just find it all really bizarre, but I guess I am a black and white thinker, who myself ended a less than wonderful marriage rather than stay for all the wrong reasons.

Some probably stay because they feel they can fix their marriages.

beccyleigh

too. many. variables.

Kohadre

Maybe they enjoy the negativity.

missjoci

Agreed, many different variables. I think a lot of people are afraid and or don't want to hurt the other person. I speak from experience. Sometimes it's easier to deal with B.S. than to venture into the unknown. That and love makes us do a lot of stupid things.

emmab0902

I know this is a volatile topic but I know a lot of people who stay in crappy relationships but have affairs and it puzzles me why they don't just leave!

Can anyone suggest why people stay in relationships that are past their use by date? It seems to me it's most often the women who leave, while men more often stay.

And why would a person stay in a clearly unhappy even toxic relationship but maintain a long term (over 12 months) relationship with someone?

I just find it all really bizarre, but I guess I am a black and white thinker, who myself ended a less than wonderful marriage rather than stay for all the wrong reasons.

Some probably stay because they feel they can fix their marriages.

But carrying on a long term affair is not compatible with fixing a relationship - you are going in the other direction not towards the relationship.

yoshi91610

I know people that have stayed for many reasons, kids for one, because they've been in the relationship for "so long, it's a waste to throw it away." Some think they can get the love back. Mostly though, I think it's because a lot of people are afraid of being alone.

Cooriander

I know this is a volatile topic but I know a lot of people who stay in crappy relationships but have affairs and it puzzles me why they don't just leave!

Can anyone suggest why people stay in relationships that are past their use by date? It seems to me it's most often the women who leave, while men more often stay.

And why would a person stay in a clearly unhappy even toxic relationship but maintain a long term (over 12 months) relationship with someone?

I just find it all really bizarre, but I guess I am a black and white thinker, who myself ended a less than wonderful marriage rather than stay for all the wrong reasons.

Some probably stay because they feel they can fix their marriages.

But carrying on a long term affair is not compatible with fixing a relationship - you are going in the other direction not towards the relationship.

I agree that it is highly unlikely that you can fix a marriage *while the other person is *having* the affair ** - it must stop, then both the husband and wife must work to fix the marriage if they are hoping to recover from the affair.

There are examples of couples that have both repaired their marriages and recovered from long term affairs. I suspect though it is rare and a huge challenge to accomplish that though. And sometimes it may just not be possible - but that does not mean it is impossible.

HonkyTonks

I think sometimes when people are married for a long time they're afraid of change or being alone. Moving out and living alone is a huge step - they might just be so stuck in their relationship that even though they're not happy the unknown is too scary to contemplate. I know people who have been married for years in a bad relationship, they simply feel too old to change.

J3SSP3NNY

Those kind of people who are too afraid to move on should read the book "Who Moved My Cheese"
lol

Iamfit4life

A lot of different variables. Sometimes it takes a while to gain the strength.

Lift_hard_eat_big

Something my former boss told me after he lost 4 of his houses in a divorce "It's cheaper to keep her"

MercenaryNoetic26

Why would a man leave (the woman that stays) when he can have his cake and eat it, too. It's the woman that leaves that has all the power because she is showing said man, F**K YOU! It is usually at that point that the man may try to crawl back. Some women are happy thinking, "Well, I have him all the time." Also, stupid. OR said woman could be just as much as a player as the man and they're just doing it to each other. Either way, women/men, if you're not married be strong and leave an unhappy relationship. If you're married/few kids you're kinda f**cked and have to deal with lawyers and all the other bullsh!t.

ThePhoenixRose

1. Love
2. Stability
3. Kids
4. Fear
5. Money

love22step

CHILDREN

Iamfit4life

CHILDREN

Children make it hard to leave. However, they aren't benefited by a loveless marriage in any way shape or form.

CouchSpud

Security, better stay with the thing that isn;t working out properly but that you know, then hitting the unknown and not being prepared and ending up struggling more
Fear of lonliness, actual love (sex doesn't mean love) etc pp... too many variables

yummummum

money
kids