my friend's girlfriend has anorexia...

dipsl19

I just want to get this off my chest because it's really been bothering me lately and I know you guys can relate/help. one of my good friends has been dating this really nice girl since august now. he's really happy with her and she seems to be with him as well. the only problem is that she has a serious eating disorder. i'm not that close with her but we have had some talks while drinking about our diet habits/problems with food. she doesn't eat most days, and even though she's soooo impossibly small (a double zero) she still thinks she needs to lose weight. while she's aware that she doesn't actually have to lose weight, she has that negative self-image that she can't get rid of.

obviously we all have our own battles, and she said that being with my friend has helped her a little bit in realizing she has a problem. but im not so sure he really is doing all he can to help her... the other day he told me that he's getting her running shoes for christmas, because she loves running and its what she wanted. while thats really cute and a great idea.... it just strikes me as SO wrong because she shouldn't be running at all, especially if shes not eating. she's so thin and frail that it poses serious health risks and i cant believe he's not more concerned about her health! he just shrugs it off and says that it's a phase, that she's going to grow out of it - an eating disorder never truly goes away, as most of us know. its always a battle. and im just afraid that he's going to end up hurting more than helping.

obviously i dont think its my place to say anything to her, unless we stumble upon the topic again, but i wish i could really sit him down and kind of explain how i feel without just randomly bringing it up out of the blue and seeming pushy and judgemental. seeing so many of my online friends struggle with anorexia and negative self-image, i really feel helpless and sad that i cant help her as well.

thanks for listening guys.

Ashleysh22

oh man. that is a really awful position to be in. To be honest, I'm kind of tired of what is considered "politically" or "socially" correct. We should be able to help people when we see that they are struggling without fear of them finding us "judgemental" or whatever. If it were me, I would sit HER down and talk to her. Even though you aren't great friends. Maybe start with your own personal struggles with food/exercise/weight/body image. And then tell her how concerned you are and how you want to help. I dunno.

HUGS

Yakisoba

I think your friend needs a better understanding of what an eating disorder really is. The fact that he said it was just a phase scares me more than the fact that he is buying her running shoes. There is no telling what else he might get her just because he thinks this will pass.

He is the one who needs the help. Someone needs to educate him and tell him how to actually deal with his girlfriend's issues (if she truly decides she wants help). If he doesn't brighten up, he might end up enabling her to do worse.

OutiR

Why don't you email him this message of yours since it really is very well written!? You can tell that you were going to post it to some online forum but ended up sending it to him instead. Maybe add there some online articles about theanorexia issue so he sees that it's not just your personal view but there is a medical backup to it also. There MUST be some websites to help anorectics and their close ones to deal with it.
Good luck in communication and especially good luck to that girlfriend to get back to track having a healthy eating habits and view of herself!

daniface

please dont take this the wrong way but i do not think you should get involved. your heart is in the right place absolutely, but its really not your battle to fight. an eating disorder is a personal issue that may or may not effect their relationship at this point. I can see that you are genuinely concerned but it may offend one or both of them to meddle. my advice for what its worth, is to sit back and be available for your friend as a shoulder to lean on if he starts to see her disorder as an issue.

DesertSunsetRain

I think you should talk to him about it and inform him about the dangers of eating disorders. Don't say that he is doing anything wrong or that he doesn't know what he is talking about, just say that you were concerned and so you wanted to get the information out there. Try and let him know how serious the problem actually is and then leave him to make his own decision about how to handle it.

Honestly, trying to avoid a social taboo is a dumb reason to not try to step in and help. She has a problem and if people don't step in to try and help she may never recover. You can't push her into recovery but you can let her know that there is a support system there to help her get better. Even if it is their battle to fight, "staying out of it" is the worst thing you can do.

dipsl19

thanks everyone!! i decided to email him and express my concerns, like some of you suggested. he wasnt mad at all, he said that he does realize how bad it is and that they do have discussions about it. she's a nursing major so she takes a lot of vitamins, which obviously doesnt make up for it at all but at least she is getting some sort of nutrition in. from what he says i think he knows that its severe and he wants to help her, but she's under stress from school so he doesnt want to bring it up ALL the time. i trust that he'll help her out, i was mostly just concerned that he wasnt taking it seriously but im glad that i know he does.