Stop being so sensitive!

skpresley20

I am part of a group of ladies (on fb not mfp) and one of them wrote something along the lines of hating victoria secret commercials because it reminds her that she's fat and ugly with a food addiction. Some other person wrote on there about models are shallow and a few other judgemental things, and i wrote something in response to all of this telling them that they're all beautiful, but if they put as much energy into doing something about changing what they want to change, that they do into feeling sorry for themselves, then they wouldn't have that issue.
and some other supportive stuff

then an admin deleted my comment because "it was rude"

wtf....stop being so sensitive. I was telling the truth.

So I asked her wouldn't it be better if we tried to give them some type of support rather than let them feel sorry for themselves, and she stopped talking to me, never responded.

So I put this on the group:

O.T/Rant.
So I just wanted to apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings with the comment that got deleted. BUT I do want to say that I'm not sorry for saying it. Sometimes tough love is what gets us to look at ourselves and try to evaluate what we can change. I'm doing a lot of changing, and the change didn't start until AFTER I stopped feeling sorry for myself and doing what needed to be done to help myself. I had to stop the negativity, wishing I had other women's body, I would even get envious and think that every skinny person was a ***** ONLY because they had what I didn't, not because I knew them personally and considered them a *****. Well, they worked for what they got, and I need to do the same. In my case, the change came from losing weight, and changing my outlook on myself and my life. It isn't easy, and I'm not saying I didn't struggle or go back to that place of negativity momentarily, but I had to give myself a mental kick in the *kitten*, tell myself to suck it up, and if I want it, I have to WORK for it. Nothing in this life comes free, and if you REALLY want it, negativity and feeling sorry for oneself only slows down the process. It took me telling myself that I was beautiful and worth it, and that thinking every other skinny person out there was a skinny ***** was just wrong because I knew nothing about them, they're people too with their own insecurities (I should know, my cousin is a model and I should know better by that fact alone) to start my journey. There are still thing's I'm working on within myself and I'm not perfect. But the least I can do is try to do the best I can by myself with what I have.

let's see if someone find's that "rude" and it gets delete as well.

lakersfan4life

good for you. i would have just said sh1t or get off the pot

writtenINthestars

Bump

I agree with you!

MaraDiaz

That working for what you got comment doesn't take into account genetics, so it's not entirely true. However, models, like jockeys, invariably have a working weight that is low to the point of being unhealthy. It takes work to maintain that, and it sacrifices a lot of health and energy to do it. My impression of modeling is that it's a tough, competitive career and that it's best to get in, make a bundle, and get out before the starvation and stress become killers.

It's also not a career most can aspire to, no matter how hard we work out and how healthy we eat. Either you have the bone and facial structure and basic proportions for it naturally, or you don't. The end. So of course those of us who weren't born freak of nature beautiful are reminded of what we'll never be and never have.

I wouldn't trade it for my IQ. The models I really envy are the ones with a super high IQ (they do exist) plus an effortless lean body that photographs well. But no sense beating myself up over not having both plus buckets of charisma. I didn't pick my parents. So oh well. Moving on.

If you're going to spread tough love, I suggest you spread it in a general sense and never in response to a specific post. Doesn't matter if what you say is true or not, if it feels like an attack to someone they're far less likely to get what you're trying to say, therefore it probably won't help them. On top of that, attitudes generally come from within, through slow nurturing and lots of little things. It would be extremely unusual if one frank forum post, however well meaning, altered someone's mood and outlook so drastically.

Well, now I've been all preachy when I should have been out walking. I'll wrap this up and go lose some jiggle now.

Iamfit4life

agreed
and I for one am sick of the ignorant term "skinny b*tch"

Konpeito

If you're going to spread tough love, I suggest you spread it in a general sense and never in response to a specific post. Doesn't matter if what you say is true or not, if it feels like an attack to someone they're far less likely to get what you're trying to say, therefore it probably won't help them. On top of that, attitudes generally come from within, through slow nurturing and lots of little things. It would be extremely unusual if one frank forum post, however well meaning, altered someone's mood and outlook so drastically.

I disagree I think she did the right thing even if the person takes it as an attack (which most likely they won't) they need to be hearing it and told how it is, How they choose to respond or what they do after is up to them but atleast she tried to help those people even after they told her what she said was rude

TourThePast

wtf....stop being so sensitive. I was telling the truth.

It was the truth, but some people aren't ready to hear the truth.

So it might have offended some over-sensitive people, but it also might have been just what some other people needed to help them finally make the changes they need to become healthy.

Me, I'm all for tough love.

AZTrailRunner

Maybe I'm confused on the word "model". Why does everyone assume it's the sickly thin version? Models come in all shapes and sizes. I've seen many male models with healthy muscle that would inspire. We shouldn't speak in "stereotypes" and generalities. It leads to too much bickering since it lacks specificity.

I agree with the OP's sentiment though.

MaraDiaz

If you're going to spread tough love, I suggest you spread it in a general sense and never in response to a specific post. Doesn't matter if what you say is true or not, if it feels like an attack to someone they're far less likely to get what you're trying to say, therefore it probably won't help them. On top of that, attitudes generally come from within, through slow nurturing and lots of little things. It would be extremely unusual if one frank forum post, however well meaning, altered someone's mood and outlook so drastically.

I disagree I think she did the right thing even if the person takes it as an attack (which most likely they won't) they need to be hearing it and told how it is, How they choose to respond or what they do after is up to them but atleast she tried to help those people even after they told her what she said was rude

Sometimes being direct and truthful isn't the most effective way to get someone else to see your point of view.

TheFitHooker

OMG! That is pretty sensitive. I remember feeling like those ladies do, I remember hating skinny people because I was fat. I noticed that I hated myself more then them, just hated that they actually look like I want to look. I had a friend who is a body builder and always pushed his eating habits and working out, I got tired of hearing and hid him from my fb feeds. I recently unhid him, and I find that I talk to him now more then anyone. There is no point in being jealous over it, either do something about it or quit whining basically.

robinogue

agreed
and I for one am sick of the ignorant term "skinny b*tch"

I kinda like that term know that I quality as one :blushing: :drinker:

tigerkittyskf

wtf....stop being so sensitive. I was telling the truth.

Some people take things to heart. I'm glad you told them the truth and it's terrible that your comment was deleted. People need to hear the truth! Growing up, some of my friends were horrified that my mom would tell me that an outfit made me look bigger than I was. They all thought she was mean, but she was trying to protect me from looking like a complete idiot, which I'm very greatful for. (Not to mention, I would do the same for her.) If everyone would speak the truth, maybe there would be less of a weight problem in the world.

kit_katty

wtf....stop being so sensitive. I was telling the truth.

Some people take things to heart. I'm glad you told them the truth and it's terrible that your comment was deleted. People need to hear the truth! Growing up, some of my friends were horrified that my mom would tell me that an outfit made me look bigger than I was. They all thought she was mean, but she was trying to protect me from looking like a complete idiot, which I'm very greatful for. (Not to mention, I would do the same for her.) If everyone would speak the truth, maybe there would be less of a weight problem in the world.

You've got a point!

Some people are overly sensitive... but maybe mention how you managed to changed things? I had no idea there were websites to count calories before someone told me about this site, so to me it was just knowing I should loose weight and other than cutting out excess desserts and portion control I had no idea! And that only took me so far.

skpresley20

well, i got deleted altogether from the GROUP because a lot of people had their feelings hurt. Go figure. The group is Incoherent Babbling A Mothers Tirade Expressed on fb. Screw them. Didn't need them anyway. It's a group specifically for ranting and complaining about stuff in their lives.

MaraDiaz

agreed
and I for one am sick of the ignorant term "skinny b*tch"

I kinda like that term know that I quality as one :blushing: :drinker:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Sure beats the term fat b*tch. Although hopefully when I get skinny this time around I'll be eating at least enough to keep a starveling chipmunk alive, so I won't be quite as b*tchy as I was!

SheRa1964

Tough love isn't really support though. I think the VS women are beautiful and I don't have a problem with them. My self esteem is pretty well intact. At least 3 out of 4 weeks of the month. Also, I can be very sensitive.

Konpeito

If you're going to spread tough love, I suggest you spread it in a general sense and never in response to a specific post. Doesn't matter if what you say is true or not, if it feels like an attack to someone they're far less likely to get what you're trying to say, therefore it probably won't help them. On top of that, attitudes generally come from within, through slow nurturing and lots of little things. It would be extremely unusual if one frank forum post, however well meaning, altered someone's mood and outlook so drastically.

I disagree I think she did the right thing even if the person takes it as an attack (which most likely they won't) they need to be hearing it and told how it is, How they choose to respond or what they do after is up to them but atleast she tried to help those people even after they told her what she said was rude

Sometimes being direct and truthful isn't the most effective way to get someone else to see your point of view.

True but even if the truth herts it's a truth that they need to hear wither they wanna hear it or not, They can't just fell sorry for themselfs and insalt people skinner then they are the rest of there lifes

TheFitHooker

well, i got deleted altogether from the GROUP because a lot of people had their feelings hurt. Go figure. The group is Incoherent Babbling A Mothers Tirade Expressed on fb. Screw them. Didn't need them anyway. It's a group specifically for ranting and complaining about stuff in their lives.

Eek, sorry ya was deleted, sounds like they need to figure out why they were so offended. Tough love might not be "Supportive" but sometimes the truth needs to be said, feeling sorry for one's self isn't going to do any better. Someone's "Tough" love kicked my butt into motion.

bry_all01

agreed
and I for one am sick of the ignorant term "skinny b*tch"

I've always hated this term. So judgmental.

OP, I personally think its immature that you were deleted. Its a group where everyone should have the chance to speak their mind, regardless. I would have done and said the exact same thing as you, honestly...

Qarol

You want them to stop being your definition of sensitive...they want you to stop being their definition of rude...I call that a draw

cjpg

I think it's valid to dislike unrealistic mindsets of how women or men should look. Whether you are overweight or not, its not an act of over sensitive people to say they dislike how modelling sometimes portrays unrealistic ways to look.

It is unnecessary to say it makes them feel bad, but to direct that feeling towards something that is unrealistic is absolutely logical.

wish21

I guess I must be the only one who disagrees with OP. :indifferent:

skpresley20

for the record, I didn't call them sensitive, only the people who were reacting to what i said. This even actually ruined a friendship with a girl I went to HS with who was also an admin of the group

go figure.

I was called holier than thou, judgmental, stuck up

yeah....ok.

TheFitHooker

for the record, I didn't call them sensitive, only the people who were reacting to what i said. This even actually ruined a friendship with a girl I went to HS with who was also an admin of the group

go figure.

I was called holier than thou, judgmental, stuck up

yeah....ok.

Honestly if this person was truly your friend she would know you did not mean it in a rude way to begin with. You don't need enemies with friends like that .

vinylscratch

Oh man... I wish everyone could just love themselves and think of their body as a tool with which to do the work the real you needs to do!

Love YOU.

Some people hate models because they're scared to look at their own shortcomings...
Some people hate fat people because they're scared to look at their own shortcomings...
Some people hate other people period because they're scared to look at their own shortcomings...

See a pattern? Fear drives all negative thinking patterns.. I legitimately want to bawl my eyes out when I read you guys struggling with self-confidence issues because you are ALL AMAZING!

It is true that if you want to change your body it's gonna take some serious work.
It is true that you will feel pangs of envy when you compare yourself to society's standard of beauty.

Do this out of love for yourself!! Not hate!

There is so much shame even among women. To compete and be the best and tell each other what's okay and what's not okay. Did you know lobsters do this? Male lobsters will form a ladder with their bodies and escape from a bucket. Females will step on each other. What sets us apart from lady lobsters? Ok.. not claws.. but the fact we have consciousness, love and empathy to be a FRIEND and supporter instead of keeping each other down!

Don't be lobsters guys! Love yourself!!

honeysprinkles

Good for you! I agree with you. I think it's easier to hate everyone who's thin and in shape and tell ourselves that they probably don't even work for it than it is to realize that I don't look the way that I want because of what I chose to do. Not sure if you've heard of Jenna Marbles on youtube, but I saw one of her videos where she was answering how she stays in shape...and before the video I noticed that she was really thin and looked good but of course I thought "lucky her"...that is until I actually watched her video! She works for it! it's just one small example but it's what personally made me change my way of thinking.

Will I ever look like a Victoria Secret model? Probably not. But, that doesn't mean that they aren't working hard to look how they do, and it certainly isn't an excuse for me to just give up on looking my personal best!

thanks for sharing!

sunkisses

well, i got deleted altogether from the GROUP because a lot of people had their feelings hurt. Go figure. The group is Incoherent Babbling A Mothers Tirade Expressed on fb. Screw them. Didn't need them anyway. It's a group specifically for ranting and complaining about stuff in their lives.

I do believe you've outgrown this group.