Sigh I hate breakups

Bonita_Lynne_58

I could spout tons of cliches' but you probabaly don't want to hear them. I'm sorry you're going through this now. I have to believe there is someone out there who deserves you. You will find him.

Lizzy_Sunflower

I'm sorry he changed his mind. But that doesn't mean he wasted your time. Our experiences make us who we are.

Very well said.

**Hugs** Emmy

NiciS72

**HUGS** That just plain SUCKS!!!!! I know it hurts and right now nothing will help. Let it all out and in time you'll look back with clear eyes on the situation. I went through something similar years ago. I had moved away and even though we were to get married he did not move with me, came for 2 weeks and stayed in my apartment not looking for a job. He flew home and got a job there. Push came to shove and 6 months later my eyes were opened that he was into some thing that just didn't fly with me. I decided that they were "Deal Breakers" and broke up with him. I had to change my phone number and have my calls at work forwarded for weeks until ultimately my Father had to threaten him with bodily harm to leave me alone. This was my first love and it hurt so much that he'd chosen a path of lies, betrayal, theft, and illegal things. Even though my Father HATED HIM, he sat on the phone with me every night and cried with me. He even sent me my favorite ice cream from home to cheer me up. It took awhile, but looking back not so long. That was June 1995 and I met my husband in May of 1997 when I had stopped looking for Mr. Right. We had our first date July 1997 and we got married September 1998. I wouldn't change much of my past, as I really learned from the experience and found out what really meant the most to me. My only regret in the whole thing is that F***er kept my high school class ring when I returned his to him!

Basically what I'm telling you is that right now it's going to suck and that's OK. Your Prince Charming will come along when you least expect it. Learn from this that kids are a deal breaker for you and move on to the next frog when one says that's not in the cards.

P.S. Don't hit the ice cream too hard, better yet hit the gym REALLY hard and pretend the punching bag is him!

sambo155

He did you a favor! What if you had kids with him and *then* he changed his mind? I'm 41 yrs old and never been married. Do you know how many times I've had to "start all over" since I was your age? About 5 - 6. Each time, I found someone better than the last one. The last ex actually asked me to marry him! We were together 3 years. We had a beautiful baby girl and one day he took off without so much as a note when she was 8 months old. Haven't seen him since and she's 4 1/2 yrs old. I've never been happier!

Do NOT think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. Live your life for yourself. At your age, I was still trying to figure out who I was. Spend time doing things YOU want to do and you will find your path... and probably meet some wonderful people along the way.

For now, take some time to be sad. It's ok! But only a little while... no more than a month. Do not call him. Do not drive by his house. Do not "accidentally" run into him. Nothing good comes of that. Do not try to get "closure"; there's no such thing. All that is is having "talks" that you don't want to end until you hear what you want to hear, which isn't going to happen. Only time will heal. Just know that life is going to suck for a little while but it will get better. When it starts getting better, do NOT go out looking for the next guy. Taking time to be single is extremely important. It makes you a strong, confident, independent person which are great qualities most people look for in a mate.

As for "starting over", think of it as a good thing. You get to meet someone when you least expect it again. You'll get to feel all "giddy" over someone new again. You'll get to have another first kiss. All that stuff is fun! And definitely in your future.

Feel free to add me if you want to vent! I have lots of opinions and advice!

KimmieBrie

Kids is a big issue. My X said he would have them.... 7 years later he didn't want to still - I was 37! Um bye bye.....
Other issues of course but that is a biggie.

Be glad he finally came clean. If you ended up marrying him and he felt this way you would basically be giving that up if you stayed together - or getting a divorce later.

Starting over can be a good thing. I was overjoyed to start over - psyched - happy.
Met Mr. Wonderful - married him - trying to have kids. It's late in life but if the paths didn't lead us each to where we ended
up - we never would have met. Things will work out. Embrace your family, friends, and freedom.

Sorry this happened at a tough time of year. I hope you start to feel better soon! :flowerforyou:

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My fiance and I just broke up after 3 almost 4 years together. He changed his mind and decided he didn't want kids (he is 41 and has kids previously) I am 28 never been married or have had any children but I told him from the get go that I wanted them. I don't feel we have wasted our experiences but I am mad that he wasted my time telling me he wanted them when he really didnt' know. I know I am only 28 almost 29 but now I feel like I have to start all over again...........*sigh* at least I am thinner now. Anybody got some words of wisdom or stories of being in a similar situation to make me feel better lol

I'm sorry that this happened, it really was selfish of him to string you along like that, he should have just been honest up front seeing as you were. At least he told you before you got married and is now giving you the opportunity to go and discover the life you want and deserve.

Grimmerick

Truly Thank You so much Everybody!!! You guy really have made me feel better just by letting me know that everybody has been there at some point. Sometimes it's easy to forget that these things happen everyday all over the world. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone.

cabaray

No words of wisdom that haven't been spoken already. But, big hugs coming your way!

Phoenix24601

I was left a month before my wedding for another girl. At the time I thought it was time wasted, but it ended up shaping me into the person that I am now. It made me stronger and able to love my now fiance in a greater way than I ever knew was possible.
You will get through this. *hugs*

sunkisses

I'm sorry he changed his mind. But that doesn't mean he wasted your time. Our experiences make us who we are.

This.

I went through a breakup this year as well, with what I felt was much time wasting. 3-4 years is a long time with someone, so I know it's rough for you right now. When you find yourself a little further along in the progression of the breakup, try to find the things that were positive and made it worth your time with him. With my ex, I grew a LOT in our relationship. He was supportive through some rough times I had personally, we went on great mini adventures (I'm quirky, and always wanting to do something "different" he always went along with it), and he taught me how to do a lot of things I never would have bothered to try learning. So I feel like I got my 3 years worth from our time together. I couldn't see that at the beginning of our breakup though.

Also try to keep in mind that you didn't begin dating him just to have children. What you had instead was probably a pretty good relationship, and that counts for something.

sparrow747

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of what I call "the worst day" -- my ex ended our relationship of three years, totally blindsiding me. i really didn't know how i'd get over it, but after the holidays i decided to spend the entire year changing my life and rediscovering myself. so here i am, 365 days later, 48 pounds lighter, and a WHOLE person ready for my soulmate to walk into my life. i spent a few months being so angry about my breakup and time i also considered wasted, but in the end, it was the catalyst to great change in my life. i hope it can be one for you too, just keep your heart open and love yourself more than anyone else can.

meggawatt

I am in a similar situation although the roles are reversed. We've been together for 7 1/2 years, married for 3. I was honest from day 1 that I did not want to have more children, I have one from a previous relationship, and my husband was ok with it. We re-opened the issue shortly before marriage and again agreed that we would not have children due to my health and our finances. 2 years into the marriage he chanded his mind. It is now an open festering wound that is destroying our marriage and friendship.

I know the pain hurts a lot now, but in the end its so much better this way. You're young and have plenty of time ahead of you to find the one person you're meant to be with and create a beautiful family together.

Iamfit4life

I'm so very sorry

staceyGO

Awwwwe, better late than never though sweet pea! Babies are very important to me too, if you two didn't agree on that subject than it wasn't meant to be anyways. You will find a wonderful man and you will make wonderful babies!! Chin up, weight down - you rock!

sandrinamsilva

So sorry To hear this. At least you found out before getting married.

nikkijay25

People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. His time is up. You would rather have this few months of pain vs a lifetime of pain with someone who didn't want what you wanted. Believe me life does go on and God will send you the right person. Use this time to heal and focus on other areas of your life. :-) We all have been there.

helenoftroy1

oh sweetie, it's gonna take time, crying, some wine and friends.
it's great that you're already being mature about it all by saying it wasn't a waste of three/four years. Has he suddenly got scared, he's not scared is he of you finding someone else.. younger fitter etc.As he is older he may feel insecure about your weight loss?
Give it time and patience and everything happens for a reason, it may not be clear now but afterwards you'll have thaqt a-ha moment.
keep in there and keep your head held high.

bry_all01

the only pearl of wisdom I can offer is that it was better to find out now, before the wedding, but either way its not easy. I'm so sorry. :frown:

Captain_Mal

One way to look at this is: You could have found yourself married to a douche but now you've dodged that bullet. Celebrate and look forward to really living it up the last two years of your 20's and on into your 30's.

I wouldn't fault him though for not wanting any more kids if he already has some. However, you can fault him for leading you to believe he actually wanted more or maybe yourself for fooling yourself into believing that. That's not me being harsh either, just honest. We women, often fool ourselves into believing things. My advice is don't be sad, don't spend your nights curled up in a chair crying over some 41 year old guy. Go out, move on, and enjoy what life has to offer you. :flowerforyou:

PS: You have an adorable puppy in that picture. Also from what I can see of your pictures, you're a lovely woman and shouldn't have a difficult time getting dates in the future.

onefitdiva

At least you did not go through with the wedding and then get that info. I am sorry you have to go through all of this tho. Best to you.

bigalfantasy2004

Hang in there. The same thing happened to a friend of mine a few years back. He wanted to get married and start a family and his girlfriend did not. They broke up, and a week later he met his wife and now they have four children together.

LorinaLynn

*hugs* I'm sorry, and know how much you're hurting.

Thirteen years ago yesterday, I had the same sort of thing happen. I was 26, and my boyfriend of 8 years decided he wasn't into the whole relationship thing anymore. And you know what... it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. (Well, at least in the top 10!) At the time, I was devastated. Heartbroken. But it freed me to find someone who really WAS perfect for me, someone who was totally honest and 100% committed.

You deserve someone with all the same goals as you have. And you'll find that someone. Promise. :flowerforyou:

3GKnight

Sorry that you're hurting so much. Time will heal.

This has me thinking about my situation. I've recently become a divorced father of 3 and if I ever go down the relationship road again, I'd better make up my mind about wanting more kids. I'm not completely against it, I like babies and miss some of the things I enjoyed raising mine, but on the other hand, the expense of another kid(s) isn't very attractive right now. This may sound horrible, but we purposefully had our kids early so we could 'get it over with'. lol

But on the other other hand...perfection is taking a nap with a baby sleeping on your chest. *sigh*

Krizzle4Rizzle

I am very sorry.

josaleigh

I am 31...and engaged. After a 13 yr failed relationship (8 of which we were married), I figured why even try? It took me a year to start dating again, then it felt even worse. The people I met were crap and I just knew in my heart my chances were over...

I tell you this sob story, because as soon as I really gave up...I met the most amazing man! Perfect for me, no compromises, no lack luster life for me... It can happen to you too.

You need to sit down and decide what you want, then be up front at all times about it at all times. If you are true to yourself, you can find someone who wants the same things.

Pick your head up, concentrate on the things you love..and love will find you. Just remember the most important thing...breathe.

rose_mortem

today, I finally found out why people break up when they still love each other... hope you feel better ((hugs))

pinkgigi

*hugs* this sucks.

What everyone said is very true. My first husband nagged me constantly about children, we had them and he lost interest. So he has only been sporadically in their lives. I won't say it would have been better if we had not had children, but knowing the person and what they want out of life (not just what they say to please you) is a definite must, and you had a close call.

GG

CCSunlight

it sucks. it really really does. i was with my ex-boyfriend for four years when he dumped me... in an email. i always hated when people told me "well at least you didnt get married" because to me the break up was just as devestating as a divorce would have been.

but i don't regret being with him for those four years. i grew up a lot during that time and learned a lot about myself, but honestly i've learned the most about myself in the year since we've broken up. don't regret the time you spent with him because you were with him for a reason. you shouldnt ever regret being in love. the hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that, that part of your life is over and now it's time to move on.

it's hard and it sucks and its definitely okay to get mad and yell and cry. i sure as hell did. i felt duped by a guy who i had picked out names for my children with, and you probably feel the same. but at some point you'll realize that you'll still be okay.

lots of love your way!

mlucarelli74

I am going through a similar situation. I broke off my engagment 6 weeks ago. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. It completely sucks. I have days where I am okay, days where I am angry and days when I cry. I'm like an emotional roller coaster. To add insult to injury...I recently found out he has been dating someone since a week after we broke it off...lol That's true love for you. There is no easy way through it. We just have to feel it. And one day...it won't hurt as much...and evenutally it will just be a distant memory. We just have to do the work to get there.

cherokeebunnie

I was in the same boat a few years ago but I can not have kids and he said he did not want any well long story short he wanted a child as long as he was not the father so he went back to an ex who a had a child that was not his and now they are engaged... I am sorry you deserve better than a man who can not make up his mind... btw he is a few yrs younger han me and I would never want any to treat me that way again nor would I want to treat any one that way. :happy: