Sigh I hate breakups

Options
24

Replies

  • cufirst84
    cufirst84 Posts: 127 Member
    Options
    dont fret.... look at it as a chapter in your life...and now its time to write another one, your still so young and have alot of dreams and goals to set for yourself. People come in and out of our lives for many different reasons...some good, some ...well not so good and others for the sheer joy of friendship and growen into who we are !!! Just reflect on whats good in your life and all other things will fall into place. I have a saying that i say to my kids all the time ~~ GOOG THINGS FALL APART SO BETTER THINGS CAN COME TOGETHER ~~ chin high, be strong
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,321 Member
    Options
    HUGS My ex husand not wanting kids was part of the resin we ended up getting divorced. The more I think about it, even if he DID want kids he wouldn't have been the type of father I would want for my kids. I don't know if you can look at yours and say the same thing, but I hope that you get to a point where you can see that things are better this way. If I had never been with my Ex then chances are I would have never reunited with the man that is now my wonderful husband who is a million times better than the previous one. I really hope you have the same experience HUGS
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry girl, I can imagine the pain your feeling (hugs). Breaks ups doo suck. Your young and beautiful you'll find another man who will scoop you up and want all the same things as you do. As much as your fiance is a flake he did you a favor. Because you could have been with him for more years thinking you were on the same page. Just focus on healing and when you have. Get your new skinny but out that door and show those men how wonderful you are. Too bad for your ex it's hiss loss not yours.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    Options
    You're young. Don't look back and don't let it affect future relationships.
    This.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Options
    Sorry to hear about the breakup, they do suck and there's really not much more you can say about it.
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,366 Member
    Options
    I know what your goin thru...

    Me and my ex was together for almost 7 years of him tellin me he wasnt ready for kids, didnt want them... ect ect.

    I had my son 3 years ago... he kinda plays a part in his life...

    He now has a girlfriend and thier daughter turns one this month. Smh...

    Its not easy. U got lucky not having kids and then him walking out, i dont wish that on anybody.

    Your still young, you will find what you deserve. You deserve it!

    Good luck!
  • cmiles23
    cmiles23 Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    op, that sucks but as many have said and will say, you are better off, time to dust yourself off and move on, nobody said it will be easy but you can do it
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    Options
    OP...very sorry that you are going through this but better to have found out now than years down the road...
  • KatieJane83
    KatieJane83 Posts: 2,002 Member
    Options
    I'm in a similar place right now. I'm 28 and at the very end of a divorce after 6 years of marriage. Fortunately we have no children! Be happy this happened before any children came into play! And seriously, just think about all the awesome possibilities out there! And the great opportunity this is to just do your own thing for a while! That's what I'm doing!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry you're hurting. It sucks that he didn't tell you from the beginning that he was unsure about having more, but good that he told you before you wasted any more time. (((hugs)))
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,845 Member
    Options
    I could spout tons of cliches' but you probabaly don't want to hear them. I'm sorry you're going through this now. I have to believe there is someone out there who deserves you. You will find him.
  • Lizzy_Sunflower
    Lizzy_Sunflower Posts: 1,510 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry he changed his mind. But that doesn't mean he wasted your time. Our experiences make us who we are.

    Very well said.

    **Hugs** Emmy
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    Options
    **HUGS** That just plain SUCKS!!!!! I know it hurts and right now nothing will help. Let it all out and in time you'll look back with clear eyes on the situation. I went through something similar years ago. I had moved away and even though we were to get married he did not move with me, came for 2 weeks and stayed in my apartment not looking for a job. He flew home and got a job there. Push came to shove and 6 months later my eyes were opened that he was into some thing that just didn't fly with me. I decided that they were "Deal Breakers" and broke up with him. I had to change my phone number and have my calls at work forwarded for weeks until ultimately my Father had to threaten him with bodily harm to leave me alone. This was my first love and it hurt so much that he'd chosen a path of lies, betrayal, theft, and illegal things. Even though my Father HATED HIM, he sat on the phone with me every night and cried with me. He even sent me my favorite ice cream from home to cheer me up. It took awhile, but looking back not so long. That was June 1995 and I met my husband in May of 1997 when I had stopped looking for Mr. Right. We had our first date July 1997 and we got married September 1998. I wouldn't change much of my past, as I really learned from the experience and found out what really meant the most to me. My only regret in the whole thing is that F***er kept my high school class ring when I returned his to him!

    Basically what I'm telling you is that right now it's going to suck and that's OK. Your Prince Charming will come along when you least expect it. Learn from this that kids are a deal breaker for you and move on to the next frog when one says that's not in the cards.

    P.S. Don't hit the ice cream too hard, better yet hit the gym REALLY hard and pretend the punching bag is him!
  • sambo155
    sambo155 Posts: 88
    Options
    He did you a favor! What if you had kids with him and *then* he changed his mind? I'm 41 yrs old and never been married. Do you know how many times I've had to "start all over" since I was your age? About 5 - 6. Each time, I found someone better than the last one. The last ex actually asked me to marry him! We were together 3 years. We had a beautiful baby girl and one day he took off without so much as a note when she was 8 months old. Haven't seen him since and she's 4 1/2 yrs old. I've never been happier!

    Do NOT think that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. Live your life for yourself. At your age, I was still trying to figure out who I was. Spend time doing things YOU want to do and you will find your path... and probably meet some wonderful people along the way.

    For now, take some time to be sad. It's ok! But only a little while... no more than a month. Do not call him. Do not drive by his house. Do not "accidentally" run into him. Nothing good comes of that. Do not try to get "closure"; there's no such thing. All that is is having "talks" that you don't want to end until you hear what you want to hear, which isn't going to happen. Only time will heal. Just know that life is going to suck for a little while but it will get better. When it starts getting better, do NOT go out looking for the next guy. Taking time to be single is extremely important. It makes you a strong, confident, independent person which are great qualities most people look for in a mate.

    As for "starting over", think of it as a good thing. You get to meet someone when you least expect it again. You'll get to feel all "giddy" over someone new again. You'll get to have another first kiss. All that stuff is fun! And definitely in your future. :)

    Feel free to add me if you want to vent! I have lots of opinions and advice!
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Options
    Kids is a big issue. My X said he would have them.... 7 years later he didn't want to still - I was 37! Um bye bye.....
    Other issues of course but that is a biggie.

    Be glad he finally came clean. If you ended up marrying him and he felt this way you would basically be giving that up if you stayed together - or getting a divorce later.

    Starting over can be a good thing. I was overjoyed to start over - psyched - happy.
    Met Mr. Wonderful - married him - trying to have kids. It's late in life but if the paths didn't lead us each to where we ended
    up - we never would have met. Things will work out. Embrace your family, friends, and freedom.

    Sorry this happened at a tough time of year. I hope you start to feel better soon! :flowerforyou:
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Options
    My fiance and I just broke up after 3 almost 4 years together. He changed his mind and decided he didn't want kids (he is 41 and has kids previously) I am 28 never been married or have had any children but I told him from the get go that I wanted them. I don't feel we have wasted our experiences but I am mad that he wasted my time telling me he wanted them when he really didnt' know. I know I am only 28 almost 29 but now I feel like I have to start all over again...........*sigh* at least I am thinner now. Anybody got some words of wisdom or stories of being in a similar situation to make me feel better lol

    I'm sorry that this happened, it really was selfish of him to string you along like that, he should have just been honest up front seeing as you were. At least he told you before you got married and is now giving you the opportunity to go and discover the life you want and deserve.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Options
    Truly Thank You so much Everybody!!! You guy really have made me feel better just by letting me know that everybody has been there at some point. Sometimes it's easy to forget that these things happen everyday all over the world. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone.
  • cabaray
    cabaray Posts: 971 Member
    Options
    No words of wisdom that haven't been spoken already. But, big hugs coming your way!
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    Options
    I was left a month before my wedding for another girl. At the time I thought it was time wasted, but it ended up shaping me into the person that I am now. It made me stronger and able to love my now fiance in a greater way than I ever knew was possible.
    You will get through this. *hugs*
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry he changed his mind. But that doesn't mean he wasted your time. Our experiences make us who we are.
    This.

    I went through a breakup this year as well, with what I felt was much time wasting. 3-4 years is a long time with someone, so I know it's rough for you right now. When you find yourself a little further along in the progression of the breakup, try to find the things that were positive and made it worth your time with him. With my ex, I grew a LOT in our relationship. He was supportive through some rough times I had personally, we went on great mini adventures (I'm quirky, and always wanting to do something "different" he always went along with it), and he taught me how to do a lot of things I never would have bothered to try learning. So I feel like I got my 3 years worth from our time together. I couldn't see that at the beginning of our breakup though.

    Also try to keep in mind that you didn't begin dating him just to have children. What you had instead was probably a pretty good relationship, and that counts for something.

Categories