Why are people soooo mean?!?

letterfly

I was on the phone with my girl friend last night. She is married to an awful man. He is so mean to her emotionally and verbally. I keep telling her she doesn't need that and to leave him, but she has her "reasons" for staying. That said, when we were on the phone he started yelling in the background "tell that fat lazy b**** to get off her a** and". I didn't hear much else, but I can only imagine what else was said. I don't like him, never have. I don't care about anything he has to say and i know deep down that people like that just say things to hurt others because they are hurting themselves. That being said, it hurt. I have never had anyone say anything like that to me before. Why did I let it get to me? How do I let it go? It really crushed my self esteem and i don't know how to get it back.

letterfly

I was on the phone with my girl friend last night. She is married to an awful man. He is so mean to her emotionally and verbally. I keep telling her she doesn't need that and to leave him, but she has her "reasons" for staying. That said, when we were on the phone he started yelling in the background "tell that fat lazy b**** to get off her a** and". I didn't hear much else, but I can only imagine what else was said. I don't like him, never have. I don't care about anything he has to say and i know deep down that people like that just say things to hurt others because they are hurting themselves. That being said, it hurt. I have never had anyone say anything like that to me before. Why did I let it get to me? How do I let it go? It really crushed my self esteem and i don't know how to get it back.

WISHFULTHINKING

people like that make others feel bad because it makes them feel more important. they get off by saying hurtful things to people because it makes there hurt go away. its kinda pathetic but i know how if feels ive been called stuff like that all my life

craigc155

You have to remember who it came from - and what is said about you does not define you. You are a unique individual, created perfectly and specifically. I know words hurt - but you are stronger than those words. Stand up - and embrace who you are - a special, unique person! Have a great day.

Hannah_Banana

:noway: You think she would mind if you hit him over the head with a brick? :indifferent:

It is sad to me when women don't realize there are good men out there. :frown: There is no reason to stay with a *kitten* like that.

Shannon023

Don't let some abusing a/hole affect your self-esteem. You could look like a super model and he'd still have something nasty to say. :flowerforyou:

Periphria

Don't listen to that person. You are a beautiful person and don't let that a--hole bring you down. People like that should motivate you to show them how commited you are to this life and to being a nice person.:flowerforyou:

Don't let the bas---ds get to you!!!!

You can show him!!!

Good luck

jenifergotti

Ewwww What a jerk! Why do we let people get to us, especially guys like that. We are the makers of our destiny - self esteem is part of that destiny! You are beautiful and on the path to becoming the best you possible-don't let some "guy" change that.(Especially if you never really liked him in the first place) Keep your chin up and keep on keepin on!

MattySparky

I feel for ya, that guy has problems... I can almost bet it begins with his own insecurity. Sometimes when friends cant separate themselves from people like that, unfortunately we have to separate ourselves from those friends for a short period of time or even indeffinately.

greysweatshirt

I think we've all been called something that we didn't like at some point in our lives. Just remember that you know what a good person that you are and no matter what anyone else says, they can't take away who you are. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when they do say things, but just know that you a great person!!!

ChubbyBunny

I feel for ya, that guy has problems... I can almost bet it begins with his own insecurity. Sometimes when friends cant separate themselves from people like that, unfortunately we have to separate ourselves from those friends for a short period of time or even indeffinately.

So agree, I have a friend who defends her spouses cheating... and it kills me. I can't just leave her to suffer but it sucks me into the drama as well.

I am sorry he hurt you.
:flowerforyou:

jaglover04

Focus on that 10 lbs y ou've already lost OBVIOUSLY not by being lazy!! You work hard for yourself and screw him its sad that he needs negativity in his life to make him feel better about himself!! You however are better than that and are starting a challange that will show him as if you really even cared b/c he isn't worth showing how great you are!! Just be there for your friend and pray she sees the right reasons to leave!! Good luck on your 10 down and the many more your ACTIVE HEALTHY *kitten* is gonna get you down!! :drinker:

letterfly

Thanks everyone. All your comments ment alot to me. I'm picking myself up and moving on.

SHOPPINGDIVA

Thats just mean and nasty.....i BET you he is no picnic......You have to let it go...you are doing the best you can to improve yourself and you DONT have to please him, just yourself .....He is just nasty no telling how he treats youre friend, ........i guess you could have an idea by the way he speaks to you......Tell youreself youre better than that and FORGET ugly people like that.

YankeesGirl

Just think about this - he'll always be a jerk .... he'll always have low self esteem ... he'll always be a loser. You are already a winner because you are trying. You will continue to improve and one day ... when you run into him on the street ... you can whip his butt!! LOL

We can initiate the HTB club ... (hide the body) ... and one of us will help you!! LOL

tbanking

I so feel your pain! My best friends boy friend, told me that he hate me so much that he wanted me dead! To top it off he told me this at my wedding reception, which he showed up drunk and overdosed on pain pills! The thing I can't understand is that I never did anything to him, and he only explanation was that he was jealous of me and hers relationship. The thing is that she stayed with him, when I am sure he treats her the same!

Jackie_W

I've had this kind of abuse in the past, it's nasty and vindictive, and downright painful !!!
All you can do is remember, it's his problem, not yours, if he wants to be childish and call people names, thats up to him, not worth making yourself ill over.

Not every one is like this, there are always a few bad apples hun, don't dispair, just chalk it up to experience and move on.

csantos1182

what a douche. screw him!

Fitness_Chick

You have to remember who it came from - and what is said about you does not define you. You are a unique individual, created perfectly and specifically. I know words hurt - but you are stronger than those words. Stand up - and embrace who you are - a special, unique person! Have a great day.

:drinker: :flowerforyou:

Fitness_Chick

Just think about this - he'll always be a jerk .... he'll always have low self esteem ... he'll always be a loser. You are already a winner because you are trying. You will continue to improve and one day ... when you run into him on the street ... you can whip his butt!! LOL

We can initiate the HTB club ... (hide the body) ... and one of us will help you!! LOL

I'm already a member

heather0mc

ugh! what a LLLOOOOOOOOSER!

YOU lady, are phenominal! to have to sit by while your friend is with such a *kitten* ~ you should win an award! Plus, you lost 10 pounds - what has he done besides get uglier?

sometimes i wonder what the 'last straw' will be when we are with such awful people. sometimes i wonder why these people think it acceptable to treat another so badly. sometimes i wonder how they would feel if someone treated their mother, sister, daughter like that. sometimes i wish for that all telling mirror that makes someone look inside themselves to see what a rotten scum bag they are being and how terribly nasty they are. :noway:

astarte09

My ex was like that... I realize now that is was because he was such a looser. He had really nothing to offer to this world, and it took us breaking up for me to realize that. This guy prob realizes that he is a POS and so he takes it out on the whole world acting like he is better.

Catherine10

Just remember this is not about you. I was in an abusive marriage for 23 years. My sister has been a director of abusive centres all her adult life. She always says I was her most challenging case. She planted the seed to leave. It took a long time to realize that I was worth something other than what I was told by the person who I thought loved me. When I finally got out and with help realized that he didn't want me to have family or friends he wanted complete control. I had given him my power. Perhaps being supportive means that you ask your friend to call you at a peaceful time for her even if that time does not happen often. There is light at the end of the tunnel for your friend even right now she can't see the opening. I am forever grateful for my friends and I'm sure your friend knows that you support her. Loving Others is Easy when You Love and Accept Yourself.

MOMOFTWO29

awww, what a mean and nasty thing for him to say. Just remember that you are a beautiful person, we all are. Don't let some mean person like him ruin your self esteem. I think you are a very beautiful person. :flowerforyou:

lulubar

You truly are a perfect and beautiful human being - not requiring a single change to be loved and treated respectfully. People like him feed on causing pain and damage to others - your friend is already caught in his spiral of control and obviously only finds esteem in his approval - don't let him pull you into his spiral as well. You certainly don't need his approval and you can't help her from the inside, maintain your integrity by refusing to accept what he has to say about you. You really are perfect and beautiful - nothing he says will ever change that - unless you let it:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

porka29

what a douche. screw him!

yeah, F him!!!!!

Honey, you don't let him get you down and or there's a whole Green Team who will go sit on him (before we all get in super shape!:laugh: ). I can only imagine what his wicked ways have done to your friend, unfortunately if she is taking it, be careful that you don't let her take you down too. Chin up missy!:flowerforyou:

Anna_Banana

You can diet and change the way you look. He'll always be an a/hole. People like that piss me off. I have a friend whose DH is a jerk, and I won't do anything with her when he's around. I tell her I love her and want to be around her, but I will only come around when he's not. I try not to even call when I know he's home.

I know it hurts now, but in a couple of days you won't feel so bad, keep your chin up

Fitness_Chick

I've often thought perhaps insecure ppl get mean to cover it up and then bully others so as someone else shared earlier in the thread, they then feel less insignificant, insecure themselves with knocking others down.

Sad, but sometimes how folks deal with their issues.

I think you're beautiful and I'm learning not to value opinions of those I don't respect in this world....it sure didn't come as an easy lesson but like anything it takes time to change our thinking.:happy:

Keep in mind he is NOT someone that deserves given 2 thoughts too BUT I do totally understand the ouch of being name called. Not sure I am completely to the point of believing the 'sticks and stones' theory...but I'm getting there!:laugh: :happy: :flowerforyou:

letterfly

I so feel your pain! My best friends boy friend, told me that he hate me so much that he wanted me dead! To top it off he told me this at my wedding reception, which he showed up drunk and overdosed on pain pills! The thing I can't understand is that I never did anything to him, and he only explanation was that he was jealous of me and hers relationship. The thing is that she stayed with him, when I am sure he treats her the same!

I totally understand. He told her later that night that she needed to get me out of her life. I know it's because I know it;'s best for her to leave him and that takes his control away.

spiritmi

i agree with everything everyone has already said...and will throw in the old saying "that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger"...not letting the mean things others might say or not get to you and take your own personal power away makes you stronger...your friend stays in the relationship because there is something in it that at this time is working for her...she may or may never leave...the more you lose weight and become who you are evolving to be, the more he will probably dislike you...and that is ok because it is his problem, not yours!!!...his dislike and nastiness might have a positive outcome for you in the end...everytime you have the urge to eat something you shouldn't or lack the motivation to exercise, let his ugly remarks push you to doing the right things...in the end, wouldn't the sweetest thing be being able to send him a photo of you at goal enclosed in a thank you card...what others think of us is really none of our business, but it this case it may be just what you need to show him how strong and powerful you are and how tiny and pitiful he really is...blessings to you on your journey...be there for your friend, but don't let her drama become your drama...