Lost my motivation due to dramatic life changes...

shareencameron

I lost my mother in August and then my little dog died not long after and since then I've lost all my determination with regards to my weight loss. I had managed to loss 56lbs prior to that but since all this I have found myself comfort eating and unable to motivate myself to exercise.

Can anyone whose had similar loss in their life give me any hints or advice? I'd like to lose another 20-30 lbs but the way I'm going I'll be putting all the weight back on and my hard work will be undone.

BobbyClerici

The challenges we face in life never cease, so it's always something. Your problem may not be motivation but a lack of coping skills for dealing with life. I get it - been there.

Rather than talking through an issue, I'd much rather just go to Burger King!
Good news is you're here, and that shows you have something inside of you that will not let you go down, so break through those unhealthy routines, and get back into the work of making fitness a priority.

You can do this!

LucianaMilk

I totally understand you. I lost my father last year and only now I'm feeling stronger to get back to my routine.
I guess everyone need some time to undrestand those life moments. It's a painful process and we shouldn't skip that.

So, don't push yourself too much.
You will feel better in a little while to commite yourself to lose weight

all the best

samanthacollier

Hello,
I totally know where you're coming from. My mom died, my husband died, had two children and my relationship just ended. There is always something that comes up and it's always comforting to just let go of all our motivation and responsibilities to ourselves. But, what always got me through, was to not feel sorry for myself (hard to do) and know that eating right and exercising is going to HELP in the long run. It's so easy to wallow in sadness and let it get the best of us, but that's the worst thing we can do. The hardest part is getting to the gym. Once you're there, working out is easy. Throw out all your junk food and stock your house (and work) with healthy food. Know that your mom would want you to be healthy (and happy). I know it's tough, but trust me, in the long run you'll be happier if you kick it in to high gear now.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and your dog. Keep your head up and do this for you - you deserve it. xoxox
Samantha

feemailady

Sometimes life can be a bumpy road. Major events like losing your mom and your beloved pet can feel like life has sucker punched you. All I can offer is that you take one day at a time, one step at a time. This is how I dealt with a diagnosis of cancer last year. At that time, I did not know if I was going to make it.

I had to keep reminding myself that "THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY", "IT WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER", things will change.

After 10 months of chemo and an operation, I am doing well. Now I am concentrating on losing weight that I gained during the time I had to take steroids. I am happy, grateful and thankful every day to be alive.

TRY TO STAY POSITIVE

Samantha is so right about eating right and excercising. It helps a lot. Exercising releases endorphines that will help with making you feel good mentally too.
Surround yourself with loving supportive people and get help from a professional or( medication if needed) if you can afford to do that. It may be as simple as a clergy person or a program in your health care plan or staying in contact with a friend or friends.

You will get through this. Emotions can be very strong and run very deep. Allow yourself the mourning time that you need then try to move on. Stay positive and take one step at a time , one day at a time always moving forward to a better you.
Take Care

Mom2rh

I am so sorry for your losses. Part of this journey is to relearn things we have done mindlessly. A big one is using food for comfort. I would put some obstacles in your way so you have to stop and question yourself before you "comfort eat."

Really question yourself...am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Do I need this? Do I want this? How will I feel after I eat it? Am I stressed? What would make me feel better?

Eat mindfully. Enjoy what you eat but stop when you are satisfied. Try replacing the stress eating with taking a walk. Chatting with a friend. Visiting MFP.

shareencameron

Thanks so much everyone for your helpful advice and sharing your experiences. It's just hard something I'm still adjusting to, my mum was my best friend and always motivated me and encouraged me but now she's gone it's left a void in my life that I seems endless.

I'm never really starving when I eat its just a boredom or comfort thing especially when I think of mum and I end up emotional so the first thing I do is reach for food.

I guess I'm still in the early stages of grief it's only been four months but I know myself its spiralling and I want to stop it before it consumes me. I know mum would be proud if I held my head up and continued on my weight loss journey she was the first person to compliment me on how lovely I was looking and how proud of me she was.

Thanks again one and all xx

H_Factor

I cannot relate to the loss of a parent, but I have dealt with significant personal stress and anxiety throughout my journey this year. One thing that has helped me during some very trying times has been to focus on what is positive in my life. One thing that is positive is my healthy lifestyle journey. Each day I can make good decisions about my health and each time I make those good decisions, I feel better. The endorphins from exercise help a bunch too. My awesome, inspiring MFP pals are an ongoing positive in my life. I think that if I gave in and let myself eat poorly just because some things were going wrong with other parts of my life, then I would only feel worse about myself and my situation.

Your healthy choices can be a positive force in your life. Each positive in your life can help you cope with the negatives.

I'm sending you a bunch of positive vibes.

lizziebeth1028

Thanks so much everyone for your helpful advice and sharing your experiences. It's just hard something I'm still adjusting to, my mum was my best friend and always motivated me and encouraged me but now she's gone it's left a void in my life that I seems endless.

I'm never really starving when I eat its just a boredom or comfort thing especially when I think of mum and I end up emotional so the first thing I do is reach for food.

I guess I'm still in the early stages of grief it's only been four months but I know myself its spiralling and I want to stop it before it consumes me. I know mum would be proud if I held my head up and continued on my weight loss journey she was the first person to compliment me on how lovely I was looking and how proud of me she was.

Thanks again one and all xx

I'm so sorry for your losses! And you are right!!... 4 months is not that long at all....you are still trying to re-adjust your life your losses. Death is so traumatic, no matter what the circumstances, so don't beat yourself up over falling off the fitness wagon. I've been there! I lost my Dad 2 years ago to cancer, my sister (who was the best friend) unexpectedly last year on New Years Day. And I too lost a beloved pet this past October. My advice to you is to -

1 - allow yourself to grieve
2 - reach out to other family members, it will offer comfort for all of you
3 - go to the gym! I know if I'm having trouble staying on track with healthy eating I always make sure I'm at least getting good work outs in!...if you keep pushing yourself physically sometime your 'diet' will gradually start to improve
4 - think of how your Mom would want you to be living life to the fullest, healthy and happy and dedicate each work out to her!!
5 - try a yoga class.....it does help to manage stress
6 - gradually set small goals for a healthy diet. Example eating healthy Monday thru Friday and rewarding yourself on the weekends.
7 - you can never replace your beloved dog, but have you considered getting another pet. pet's bring so much love and comfort into a home!
8 - stay on MFP, keep reading the success stories and reaching out to people. You are not alone, most of us have been there. You can and will get back on track!!

Best wishes to you:flowerforyou:

elliemay63

Sorry for your loss. I must agree with everyone and suggest you keep yourself occupied.
Life has dealt me some pretty hard blows and I know where you are coming from. (It;s just me and my girls now. Both parents, brothers, ex mom-in-law and ex are gone)
My daily saying? "It's all gonna be ok - just NOT today." It helped and today I still have bad days - no actually just bad moments but that's ok.
Allow yourself time to greive just get back up.
Good luck, feel free to add me as a friend.

shareencameron

Once again thanks so much everyone. Your words mean more than you will ever know!

I am truly touched and your words have given me a sense of hope, I think I'm going to enjoy it here at MFP x

CnocNaCu

I really understand what you've been through. 2 months after my dad dies I lost my dog. She was my best friend through all those years, even saved my life once (she barked when the fire alarm didn't go off). A friend said to me to go and get another dog but I couldn't just "replace" her. Then my doctor said:" Go and get you another best friend, a dog in need of a loving owner. Have walks together, jog together, "
I did it and don't regret a single second with Ben. He is my friend and fitness pal :-) He keeps me moving and I really enjoy walking and jogging again. I'm back on track and Ben has found a loving home. The ones we've lost wouldn't want us to be sad and lonely.
Good luck on your journey and welcome back here:flowerforyou:

sexysamp33

I feel your pain I lost my daddy 3 years coming up the 14 of Dec he was my everything being a daddys girl
i gained 26 pds due to the dramatic trauma loss but two weeks ago my wonderful sister in law introduce me to
myfitnesspal i have lost 6 pds feel really good about mysefl first itme since losing daddy losing a parent is very hard
but this program is a motivated to get us back healthy.

gailashton

I can empathize with you. Almost 6 years ago my kids lost their dad; we were divorced but he was always a hands on father even after we separated. He adored his kids and they adored him. I had a son in high school, another one just out & my daughter just came home from her 2nd year at college. He dropped dead from a massive heart attack at 46 without warning while they were home with him. That was when I gained back over 100 pounds that I had worked so hard to take off. I stopped working out, stopped watching what I ate and started drinking a lot and smoking. It's taken me all this time to find the motivatioin to do anything about it. I was feeling so badly about myself and what my kids were going through. I finally decided that I want to be here for my kids as a healthy happy individual and it was even more important now that I was their only living parent. I turned 51 this year and I feel like a 25 year old. I have to look in the mirror and remind myself that I'm not 25! I am also a grandmother now and love being able to play with my grandkids. I feel blessed that I am the one who is here to share their lives. You will find your way, time is the only thing that heals. LOL

rosycheeks92

Im so sorry to hear about your loss i can totally understand how you feel at the age of 14 i lost my mother and it was really hard then i began to comfort eat and put on loads of weight and now five years later my father has passed away last month and im just trying really hard not to comfort eat again as at the moment i am really overweight and all my father said to me in his last few months was to become healthy and lose the weight, so now that is my motivation in the loving memory of my mum and dad, i have to try for them. just focus on your goal and think would your loved ones want you to be unhappy so try your hardest to lose your weight, it is very hard but determine yourself and constantly remember your goals hopefully you will lose it xxxx

mmuzzatti

I am sorry for your loss, I cannot really relate since I lost my father a long time ago and my mother who is 84 is still alive and doing fine. I hope I didn't just jinx anything! So you faced a crossroad in life.....It's just as if you and I went bear hunting and we would get to a fork in the road and the sign said "Bear Left" would you just turn around and go home? (I tend to use laughter to get through pain) So to get to my point now that I have you smiling, you have reached a fork in the road it's time to make a change in your life for the better. Take the road that you want to travel and enjoy it because as you know life is to short.

Good luck. I got more jokes if you want to hear them!

Prozack1964

I lost my mom after I gave her a kindey because the doctors gave her bad blood so I understand how you feel I even disliked christmas for years and just now starting to get into christmas again so hand in there you can do anything you put your mind too

shareencameron

Thanks again for all these beautiful and inspiring replies, they made me laugh and also cry.

You are all wonderful people and your stories are a great incentive for me to give myself a kick up the butt and start over.

I am so sorry for all the loss that has been suffered but I am so glad you have chosen to share your stories with me xx

balancebean

My prayers are with you. You are not alone. My mother-in-law's death derailed my entire family. The only thing that helped me was to see a counselor to work through my grief. I thought time alone would heal my wounds. Unfortunately, I just kept avoiding the pain instead of dealing with it. I wish I had seen the counselor (hypnotherapist) sooner so that I could have helped my kids through their grief as well. :flowerforyou: