relationship advice from strangers?

xoAmyxo

Im in a sticky situation right now & im lookin for some advice from people I'll never have to deal with in person,lol. Reason why is because the last person I told this situation to thats in my life they laughed at me recently, almost two weeks ago I met a guy, we have hung out every single day since meeting, we have the best time, i like him & he likes me, we've made that clear. bad part is he lives in Scotland, hes been here in Florida on Vacation, hes going back home to Scotland in a couple days...I don't know what to do, should i cut off ties with him? talk to him every once in a while or continue this whatever we have ? We aren't a couple but would like to be, but its not gonna happen, not yet atleast. I was in a relationship with someone for almost three years & its been a year and a half since that relationship and this is the VERY FIRST time I've been able to actually like someone eles so this is a big deal to me, i dont want to let him go or what we could possible have go, but the fact that he lives across the ocean makes me realize that im 99 percent sure its not going to work. He doesn't know when his next trip over here will be here..He has a average job, decent money, but he cant just move over here, plus we've only known each other for two weeks..i cant move there...He says we will e-mail/talk and see where things go but Im really not looking to get more involved with someone who its just not gonna work out with. So i guess i wanna know what you all think? What would YOU do? && IF anyone has stories of a long distance thing working then please tell..give me hope, lol. & remember this isnt a state or two away we are talking different countrys here thanks for reading. oh & anyone who wants to laugh at me for possibly wanting to have a relationship with a man who lives in Scotland like my friend did can kiss my *kitten*. lol =]

TheDoctor90

I would have read that if there were paragraphs.

LilMissFoodie

I agree that it is a very tough situation to be in. I did the long distance thing with my partner for 2 years (me in Australia and him in the UK so you can't really get much further apart than that!) and it was awful but at the same time I think it made our relationship stronger - it's amazing how much more you actually talk about when you don't have the convenience of being able to go out to spend time together or watch tv or whatever! Anyway, we married this year and have lived together for over 2 years.

It can get very complicated and sooner or later one of you has to be willing/able to move if it is truly going to work. I think we always had a 'vague' future plan but there were times when we genuinely did not know when the next time we would see each other would be. Definitely worth it in the end for me though!

Good luck

Carl01

Are you willing to or can you see yourself at some point moving to be with him or for that matter anybody?
If that answer is no then you are depending on him to make the move and that puts your heart and happiness in his hand.
Just understand that.

Bellyroll

GO for it. You wont look back and say, "what if".

FitnessElle

I'd recommend you seriously think about the situation and all the potential obstacles involved before you become further emotionally invested. The more you allow your emotions to grow, the more muddled your thought process will become.

If you believe that you have something worth holding on to, then go for it. I wish you both all the best.

Iamfit4life

One of you has to be willing to eventually move. You know this, right?

If that's something either of you can commit to in the future I say go for it, have fun. I've been in an LDR for 2 years now.

Just a warning though, sometimes it gets lonely. Sometimes you feel like you'll be waiting forever. Sometimes people look at you the same way they look at the girl who is dating the married man "oh he's NEVER going to move".

However, that's all crap and it's totally 100% worth it.

mmk137

to be honest, if he really wanted to make it work he would. Otherwise I would say he really is just not that into you.

You'll find someone much better and much closer.

moran1917

not all relationships are meant to be forever. if he makes you laugh and have a good time then spend time with him. if nothing else you'll have a great friend to spend time with. use msn or skype and you'll be amazed how much a part of someone's life you can be even if they are far away.

ninerbuff

Time will tell. I was in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. I'm married to her now! Give it a shot and if it happens it happens.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

mariewithers

I would say, " thanks for helping to heal my heart, and thanks for a lovely couple of weeks, I will remember you forever". Then I would get on with my life and find someone closer to home. You can't up sticks and move to Scotland after only knowing someone for a few days. And you can't expect him to do so either. Just be grateful you've had a nice time and move on.Even if you did make the move, their would be other obstacles like homesickness and a totally different way of life that could spell disaster for the relationship in the long run.
Whatever you decide, I wish you luck xx

Wendysworld13

My partner and I met while I was on business in Florida - I live in NY. There were obstacles. Besides everything else it was imperative that my son get to meet her before I made any kind of commitment. We literally fell in love over the phone. We ge=ot to talk so much and if you don't think you learn about someone over the phone I can tell you that you can. In your case you will probably need to make do with emails and IM's, but I can tell you that if you want to make it happen, eventually you can.

Make the commitment to each other to not commit. To be friends and see where this leads. If after a month or a few or a year you have decided that you want to take it into a commitment then and only then move forward.

I would heed the others advice too - one of you must at some point be willing to move your whole life - HUGE step. But see if something is there before you make any decisions. And who knows, you might end up being ncredible friends, but never get the chance to become partners. But one can never have too many friends.

Oscar330749

I had a similar situation. I recently took a trip to my friend's beach house in Costa Rica and happened to meet one of his neighbors. We hung out the whole time I was there and had a lot of fun. We were both open to a relationship, however, I have an average job and decent money, so going to Costa Rica all the time is not realistic. We friended each other on Facebook and chat online every now and then. There's no long distance or expectations at this point, however, we did leave things open if something in the future changed for either of us. I think sometimes you just gotta go w/ the flow and be at the right place, right time and have everything align for it to work out.

Good luck!

chrissi_k

It can work, but doesn't have to work out, you never know.

My now husband and I were long distance for years since he was always stationed somewhere else or deployed.

He was even 2 oceans away, Hawaii - Germany.
I did never regret waiting for him when he was deployed and we both made a lot of sacrifices so we could talk. Time difference of 12 hours didn't make it easy at all.

I always say if you love someone and are willing to put a lot of work in a relationship, you trust the person completely then go for it.
If one of both has doubts, then let it go and be friends

kiwipearls

Like LilmissFoodie,

I have done the long distance relationship and it can work.

I meet my hubby online in a trivia chat room, he lived in the UK and I am in New Zealand.

We chatted every day online.

9 months later he came here for a 2 week holiday and we knew we had something. Sending him back to England after those 2 weeks was so hard.

We then planned for him to move here, as I had two children and really could not uproot them.

I had to wait 10 months to see him again. That wait felt even longer than waiting for your baby to be born.

But he moved here Dec 2005 and we've never looked back.

All you can do is try and see if your spark still exists online, using Skype and email. It will either work or it won't and there is no harm in trying.

And yes, one of you will have to commit to moving countries eventually for it to work.

The only thing is, if it is not going to work and the feelings have fizzled, don't drag the relationship on for the sake of being in a relationship, move on. That is best for the both of you.

ShandiH

2 weeks isn't very long to know for sure but it's also too soon to give up on something. Finding someone you want to be with is difficult; when it's found don't let it go until you know for sure it's not going to work. I do agree with other postings, eventually 1 of you will have to move for the other. Long distance relationships do work for some time but not forever.

Good luck!!

manderson27

You have already laid all the aruments against it working, and yes you are probably right. However there is no limit to how many friends you can have or how far away they live.

Treat him as a friend and see how it goes, you never know what may happen in the future but at the very least you have gained a friend.

But you need to date other people so you are not relying on his letters/emails for your social life.

Lanna74

Go with it! They say that you get to know eachother pretty well when you don't have the face-to-face thing to worry about. Where in Scotland is he from? Don't you just love his accent? The Scottish accent is one of my favorites (although I know there are regional differences i.e. Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen...).

crochelle17

GO FOR IT!!!! i live in the state (pa) and i met my now husband when he was here visiting his parents, hes from england we dated for 2 years and then got married here int he states and now live here, but anyway! i swear not being able to see eachother all the time made our relationship stronger. you have to be able to trust trust trust eachother!
since we werent around eachother all the time the physical part of our relationship wasnt an issue we could only rely on talking/communicating which in my opinion is what makes the relationship (not sex, sorry people) my parents never communicated and ended up hating eachother and leading to a nasty divorce, so having seen that i didnt want it, so yes, long distance is hard but he pays off!
weve been very happily married now to 6 years
also.. come on, theyve all got sexy accents from over there lol!!

goodasgoldilox165

What do you have to lose by continuing in this relationship? If it works - it works! If it fades into the distance between you... well at least you gave it a go.

xoAmyxo

thanks everyone for the advice, im pretty sure im just going to go with the flow & see where it leads and not give up on it but not expect to much out of it.
Lanna74- I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE his accent, I literally can listen to him all day its the most sexiest thing to me now a days lol & hes from Edinburgh,

Lanna74

Ahh...Edinburrrrah! It's such a beautiful, gothic city! Plus, he's probably benefited from the Enlightenment (meaning he could be somewhat intelligent - but that's just me stereotyping). When you go visit him, he'll have so much awesome stuff to show you!