How I got here

cubsgirlinny

My entire life , I'd been very in shape. Not just healthy weight, but strong. In high school, I was the girl who got up at 5am to go run before classes. In the Navy, I maxed out consistantly on our pt evals. When I worked in contruction, I would get up early to run before our long days of heavy labor. In the off season, my friends called me "gym-rat" because 2-a-day sessions were my normal. Then in 2005, everything changed. I had a terrible accident which not only took me out of work, but also took away my body and eliminated many components of my life. I am blessed to be alive, let alone able to walk. But I can no longer run.I can no longer paint. I can't go for walks. (Not lazy here, doctors and physical therapist restrictions and when I have pushed the limits, I have paid for it.) My plans of becoming a docotor went down the toilet as the range of motion in my arms wouldn't allow for holding a scalpel very long. Yes, there are non-surgical phyisicians, but would still have to make it through med-school and that's not happening. I used to play with my son for hours, now if he bumps my nerve-damaged arm the wrong way, it shoots pain and brings tears.
The bright side to all of this? I have more understanding of weight issues. I get that not everyone with a little extra padding got it by just being lazy. I am a more patient person. I've learned that in life it's good to have a plan b and plan c. I am home more. I love more. I live a life of gratitude because every single day I open my eyes is a day that might not have been.
The tough part- I was so fit for so long that I forget I am heavy. I am still confident and generous. When people make comments, it hurts. I want to tell them my story. Some days, I miss my wheelchair. I feel like at least with that, it would be obvious that there's a reason I'm not a size 2. It would be clear that I can't exercise. There is NEVER a moment when I am not in pain. It is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes there's more, sometimes I have good days, but pain is omnipresent. Thank goodness, so is the Lord. I will never question his presence again. I will never doubt that there is a purpose for my life, even if I don't know exactly what it is yet. I will never cease to be amazed at how kind and understanding my amazing little boy is. I will never stop trying to get better, to be better, or bringing light to others.

New goals:
Jan:183
Feb:178
Mar:174
Apr:170
May:165

See my toes before the Galapagos.<-- I will put 'em in the sand and let 'em tan and know that they carry me to a new day. If they're visable, that just a bonus :-)

reaolliemama

Amazing story...thanks!