MOMS ~ NEED SOME ADVICE!!!

CRSE1214

How do you discipline your toddler? My 3.5 year old son is getting so defiant lately. It seems like EVERYTHING is a power struggle. Every request is met with an "I don't want to" when I push back and tell him he HAS to then I get the running from me, crying, fits, wails etc. Any suggestions or tips would be greatly appreciated.

rfuchs

We are a time-out family. I have a 5 year old, twin 4 year olds, and an almost 2 year old so there is almost always someone in time-out. The most important part of any discipline method is consistency.

Iwillbemeagain

Same thing Im going through.. My daughter is 3... the best thing Ive learned is to not give in too temper tantrums and to walk away if you can..

Iamfit4life

Deal with the fits. Stand firm.
If they throw fits and you cave, they are going to know they can always behave in that manner.
Don't let them.

Sh1tsRainbows

Hes testing his limits..dont give in.. time out...one miutes for every year old he is.

jnissi

Playing listening games to get your child following your voice is a great ( and non in your face) way to begin helping your child learn to listen to you.
i.e. You say "We are going to play a jumping game! " Make it sound exciting
" Ok, every time mommy says JUMP we jump as high as possible." Ready.....JUMP" Hooray, you did it!

Etc. This game can be played a million ways like stop and go. See how fast you run to momma.
The key is to say the same word or short phrase every time you want them to do a certian thing.

It sounds silly, your child will love playing the games with you, and next time you hear them getting in to who knows what call out that phrase like "Run to momma" and watch them come running.

Also giving choices in moderation is helpful. We are going to go to the grocery store, do you want to wear your red boots or your brown shoes... You still get them ready and they feel empowered

Every child and momma is different, so different things work for different people. But, those are a few of the things I have found that have helped. Good luck!

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-flint/what-to-do-when-your-kid-is-the-one-screaming-the-store
http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-flint/how-do-i-get-my-child-to-listen-to-me

brownskindiva

hang in there and good luck. I have a 2.5 year old so i am familiar w/ what you are going through

juleseybaby

Yah - and the kicking and screaming on the floor thing... IGNORE. Or as someone else said - walk away. Once they figure out that particular behavior pushes your buttons - that's it!

twinsanity

We are a time-out family. I have a 5 year old, twin 4 year olds, and an almost 2 year old so there is almost always someone in time-out. The most important part of any discipline method is consistency.

^^This + some.... I also have twins, and we were very big on time-out! Consistency is key #1! Also, though - pick your battles, and let him pick some too. He's at an age where he is discovering that he has power...and a lot of it! He's trying to harness that power. So help him. Give him choices. Only give two choices, and make the choices something you can live with, because if you offer a choice you're really not ok with, he'll pick that one every time!

At dinner time, if sitting in his chair is a struggle - give him chairs to pick from. 'You can sit here, or you can sit there.' Drop it and let him pick. Let him pick which outfit he's wearing that day. This shirt or that shirt. These jeans or those jeans. Fill his day with choices and you'll fill his need to control things.

jsmith2377

My son goes to timeout as well and he will be four in a few weeks. He knows where it is and goes usually without a fight. If he fights me, I take him there. If he gets up, (not so much anymore since he realizes that doesn't work), I carry him back. He only goes for a few minutes, I think the general rule is one minute for every year of age. Afterwards we always talk about why he's there and he has to say he is sorry for what he did. For temper tantrums, as soon as he starts, I tell him 'Well, there goes any chance of you winning now'. He has thrown a few REALLY good ones but afterwards I always say 'Did that get you what you wanted?' He says no and he pretty quickly realized, it doesn't work and usually only results in him getting in trouble. We also take away things like candy or if he isn't picking up toys, we will take away the toys and he has to earn them back. But we also try to focus on the good, he gets stickers for good behavior. He usually now is good all the time, save for every now and then so he doesn't get stickers just for that but because he is so small and such a picky eater, we give him toys for eating all his dinner or going on the potty. When he gets ten, he gets a little toy.

4thehardman

We don't use the time out thing really but when they have just pushed me to the max I suit and boot them and send them outside in the garden, whatever the weather. Its immediate and can happen all day long, they love being out the garden most of the time so it isn't really a punishment but it gives me 5 minutes to calm down, distracts them from having a tantrum and usually ends the day on good note.
If they misbehave when we are out we go staright back home. I have been known to leave restaurants and supermarkets immediately because I cannot stand whining children in public places. I love my kids I really do but if I'm going to survive this they have to know that there are boundries.
However you decide to handle it I wish you the best of luck. The triplets are 3 and I know the trouble is just starting since I already went through it with their sister who is 15 montsh older.

MissO﹠A

The closet or the basement works well.*

Actually, time out works well in my house. She knows she's in trouble when she gets to the "naughty chair" stage of pushing it with me. I also, to reinforce the punishment, take a favoured toy away which she needs to win back. Eventually she'll catch to the, "What's your favourite toy, my spawn of purest evil?" question and not respond truthfully. XD





*That was a joke. Please, no need to call Child Protection Services on me.

4thehardman

There a few of us 'multiples' mums on here, glad I'm not the only one! It is tough sometimes isn't it?

CRSE1214

Got it -- LOL!

CRSE1214

consistency, and sometimes getting to see the other sibling "get to do the thing you wanted to do but since you got in trouble you don't get to do it" helps a lot too! of course, that only works if you have 2 or more kids :laugh:

choose your battles wisely as well. there are some things that kids just don't "get" at certain ages. would you prefer he was respectful or had a spotless toy/play room at 4? would you prefer he said please & thank you, or that he used a napkin at 3? teach as much as you can, but remember that they won't always understand what you're asking of them. as the bigger battles are won, then the smaller battles can be conquered easier when they get older.

Mother of two but he's the oldest and I'm actually starting to see some of his defiance rubbing off on my youngest (22 months). I get "I don't wanna" and "No" from him ALL THE TIME.

CRSE1214

We are a time-out family. I have a 5 year old, twin 4 year olds, and an almost 2 year old so there is almost always someone in time-out. The most important part of any discipline method is consistency.

^^This + some.... I also have twins, and we were very big on time-out! Consistency is key #1! Also, though - pick your battles, and let him pick some too. He's at an age where he is discovering that he has power...and a lot of it! He's trying to harness that power. So help him. Give him choices. Only give two choices, and make the choices something you can live with, because if you offer a choice you're really not ok with, he'll pick that one every time!

At dinner time, if sitting in his chair is a struggle - give him chairs to pick from. 'You can sit here, or you can sit there.' Drop it and let him pick. Let him pick which outfit he's wearing that day. This shirt or that shirt. These jeans or those jeans. Fill his day with choices and you'll fill his need to control things.

Makes sense...if I look back on some of the tantrums (NOT all but most) they probably do have to do with his clothing or what I've given him to drink, eat, etc. I'll take this into account. THANKS :flowerforyou:

branflake5

yep time out, and ignore him during any temper tantrums. I am a mom of 3, 2 of which are now teens but I never spanked any of them and they all turned out great respectful children. I did time outs when they were that age, put him in a place where you can see him but he has no interaction, and when he throws a fit do the same thing and ignore him during it, and the timer on the timeout doesn't start until he gets quiet. It gets easier:))) good luck

GouchisGirl

Every kid is different.... some respond to time out, some to spankings.... and some (if you are a lucky mom like me) to nothing lol Each child is trial and error, but make sure whatever you are trying you commit to for a long enough period of time to see if it actually works. Time out is a good way to go to start with...... try to avoid the counting game if possible. Kids are smart and they will push you to 2 and 3/4 before they even think of responding.

Mom2rh

Love and Logic is a good method for raising kids. They have lots of books, seminars, etc.

Use logical consequences as much as possible. Be empathetic. Give choices. Do not make things a power struggle. How do you respond when someone says, "Do this NOW!" Personally, I don't like to be told what to do. Depending on the personality of your child, say does s/he get really engrossed in a task or playtime? S/he might need time to wrap things up before switching gears. If you want to raise respectful children, you need to be respectful to them. But since there are thousands of books on parenting, I would suggest you read some books.