Here Goes Nothing

mortla

Hi everyone. My name is Mandy and I was introduced to this website by my boss. She is a health nut and she mentioned this site to a fellow co-worker and it resulted in a domino effect...so here I am. To tell you a little about me, I have been overweight my whole life. I was overweight as a kid and I am an overweight adult.

I was bullied a lot as a kid and it really has damaged my self esteem as an adult. I got called every name you could think of in regards to being overweight. I also got picked on because I looked different than everyone else. Due to being bullied and feeling alone and isolated, food became and still is my best friend, my lover, my husband, my cover, and my prison. For a small time it wasn't.

I had lost over 100 pounds on the Dr. Phil diet back in 2005. However, life got in the way (divorce) and I ate my feelings.
I gained all that weight back and then some...so now I sit here at 425 pounds! I cannot believe I am over 400 pounds. Most people don't think I am that heavy because I am so tall but I am truly 425 pounds! I wear a size 34 jeans and a 4XL shirt. Let me tell you...it's embarrassing! It's hard to find clothing that fits and won't bankrupt me in the process. I cannot go into Walmart or any chain department store and find jeans, I have to order them online because most stores don't care a 34T. I can find shirts but they are usually mens shirts. I am a woman and I want to wear womens clothing thank you so much!

To be honest, I hate my body. I hate looking at myself. I refuse to take pictures with friends and family because I look horrible. I don't want people to have pictures of me overweight. This has hurt my friends and family as they do not have a lot of pictures of me. I want to be able to be in pictures, but I cannot force myself to do it.

Another reason for wanting to lose weight is my 8 year old daughter. I need to lead by example and right now I am not doing that. My daughter has had kids in her own class make comments to her about how fat her mom is. I don't want her to have to deal with that. I want her to be proud of her mother! Kids can be cruel and I don't want their harsh comments about me to affect my daughter.

I want to know what self esteem is again. So I will put this out to the universe....I want to be a size 16! That is my dream! I know that is large for some people but I still want curves and I think with my frame I would look stunning at a size 16.

So here I go starting this journey again. To be honest, I want to cry. I hate looking at this mirror that was put up in front of me but I have to...or something bad will happen to me (diabetes, heart attack, ect). I really want to do this for good this time. I am sick of hating myself.

ashreneeknutson

Welcome!! I wish you the best on your journey and would be more than happy to give some encouragement if you would like. Friend me.

emmyvera

Welcome to MFP! This site is amazing. Thank you for joining us. Smiles and hugs your way!
Feel free to add me too :happy:

johnstegeman

I just joined up on here but good luck. I see a lot of success stories.

shaunl669

Well, you have taken a good first step by getting on here. Please read some of the very motivating success stories, they will inspire you. Many people here have similar backgrounds as yours and have changed their lives. Good luck, stay with it, be honest with yourself and your logging.

ccarre81

My only advice is to keep moving forward. Log in everyday and track your food. Exercise wise start with baby steps. Friend me, I may be able to provide support along the way.

torkmdeg

Welcome to MFP, Mandy, and good luck on your journey to lose weight! This site has helped me out a lot, and the people here have been very motivating and encouraging. I'm sure it will help you out as well.
If you want some extra support, feel free to add me!

RNmomto4

Good luck on your journey! And welcome to the site! You took a big step just writing what you did and joining

triciap7

I find a great deal of courage in your post, along with the sadness. It isn't easy to be brave when you've felt beaten down for so long. I've just started on MFP as well. I am taking a mind/body approach to my weight loss: reducing calories, exercising more, and loving myself more. I've been reading a book called A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williams. I find the writing exercises thought-provoking and the main message (self-love) comforting. I wish you strength and peace as you move forward. Good luck!

tdmcmains

Your post is touching (and I really like how your phrased things... you must be a writer). Best of luck, dear. This is a good site. Logging every day has been really good for me and I've gotten a few people to join too. it's good. Keeps you honest. I also have to think a lot more about what i'm eating (like... "do I really want to put this on my log??")
You can do it. you did it before, you can do it again!
Feel free to add me if you'd like. Good luck!!!

KayakAngel

Great introductory post! Very honest and brave. I also see a good bit of determination in there too. It sounds like you have the right attitude to get started meeting your goals. Good luck! Feel free to friend me if you need support (my profile is open).

AmyLRed

welcome, and best of luck! you are on the right path. Stick with it! you can do this

mortla

My gosh thank you everyone. And no I am not a writer (soon to be paralegal!). Thank you for all the encouragement. I sure need it

Pebble321

Definitely not nothing - you have made a really positive start by identifying the problems where you are now, and making a plan and goal of where you want to get to.
Don't stress about it, just follow the numbers MFP has given you, accept that nothing is going to happen as fast as you want it to (no magic wand here, but if you stick with it, it works!) and find some supportive friends to cheer you on.
Good luck!

amybeth83

Your post really inspired me (and also made me tear up a bit). Whether you have 200, 100, 50, or 20 pounds to lose, let's be real - losing weight is probably one of the hardest things in the world to do. I have total faith that you can do this - being on MFP is the first step. I love this site, I log on everyday, and it has been such a lifesaver. Please add me if you'd like...I'd love to go through this journey (and succeed) with you! Amy

amh83

You CAN do this! I just sent you a friend request, please feel free to contact me at any time. Best of luck!!!

Jfearn64

Very impressed by your honest post. It sounds like you have what it takes to be successful. There will be stumbles along the way, we all have them. Get back up dust yourself off and get back to it. This is a great site with really motivtional people. It really helps by making your diary public in my opinion. I know I don't want to let my friends down by going over, it really helps me when I want that cookie or extra snack. I have days where I go over, but I don't let it consume me. We are all human and weight loss and fitness are a journey. Welcome and I'll be your friend and help keep you on track if you do the same for me!

michelledyan

I'm new here too and this is a great site! Friend me too!

pupcamper

Good luck!

chynatowngirl44

I am fairly new to this site and have fallen of the weight wagon too many times to count. U definitely understand your wanting to lose weight to be a better example to your daughter and you have taken a huge step in coming to this site to seek the support and help necessary for this journey. Your daughter is already immensly proud of you just for wanting to do this for yourself and for her, and I am sure that she will give you her unwavering support as well. I incorporated my two oldest children in my weightloss as well. My son who is 12 and my 11 year old daughter, and they have both lost 5 pounds each. To be honest their excitement at their own achievements is what drives me to press on. I would love to be on your support team and cheer you on to victory. It will not be an easy journey, but there is more than enough support here to help lift and encourage you along the way. Friend me if you wish and I would be more than delighted to become friends on this life altering journey. God Bless! BTW, size 16 is great, my aim is size 14, cuz much like you, I am just not wanting to get rid of my curves...afterall that's one of the things that attracted my husband to me in the first place.....lol

c0mmonN3rd

Joining is step one.
Getting the App is step two.
Staying with it is step 3 - 15,000,000
Step 15,000,001 is being happy with who you are.
The rest is your own personal battles.
Thats why you have support groups!
welcome to the club!

rocuf

Welcome. I have recently started on MFP and have found that it has really made me focus on making good choices. It's got to be a new way of like for me.