I feel just sick to my stomach....

fitchick99

I have no idea why as of lately my life seems to be so chaotic, my daughter 3 yr old is going through chemo right now, my 13 yr old daughter is driving me nuts....literally, the back talking is going to give me a brain hemorrhage....my five year old, has become one of those "fat" kids that constantly gets bullied, we're moving soon to a different country, and starting new jobs, we're adopting a baby in June, this has been in the process for almost 2 years, we found out not too long ago that a mommy has picked us to be parents to her unborn baby...we are very grateful...but just now, not kidding like maybe a half hour ago, I had a conversation with my 18 year old son, and his gf is pregnant....9 weeks along, i'm totally devastated, I feel soooooo sad, I can't tell my husband and my son is scared to death to tell his dad....who isn't his birth dad, but has been in his life since he was 3 and is the dad to my other 5 kids....i'm at a lost, i dunno what to do, i feel just sick, my son is still in highschool, and his gf is already telling him that the baby isn't allowed to be here, because my home is too noisy and there are too many people here to bother it, she's already told him that he needs to drop out of high school..he's 3 credits away from graduating, and had plans on joining the police force, she wants him to stay at the mcdonalds he now works at, go full time and try to get manager...i'm soooo upset, he confided in me that this girl is the first he's had sex with and he's so devasted, he wants a paternity test because he said he's always used a condom, because he said he couldn't trust her to take the pill.....i don't know why i'm going on here, but I can't tell anyone right now, i don't want them to judge, and comment people just assume the worse, and he's really a good kid, hat now is going to be a dad.....I told him to get a copy of the blood test that shows she's positive ..for the pregnancy, because my son said he thinks she could lie to him, .....they haven't been getting along too well lately, she freaked,...i didn't think this request was unreasonable, she won't let him go the the doc with her...what can I do???? do I stand by and let him do this? he's asked for my help, and all I can do is cry! sorry for any typos i'm just sooo outta sorts right now!!

fitchick99

I have no idea why as of lately my life seems to be so chaotic, my daughter 3 yr old is going through chemo right now, my 13 yr old daughter is driving me nuts....literally, the back talking is going to give me a brain hemorrhage....my five year old, has become one of those "fat" kids that constantly gets bullied, we're moving soon to a different country, and starting new jobs, we're adopting a baby in June, this has been in the process for almost 2 years, we found out not too long ago that a mommy has picked us to be parents to her unborn baby...we are very grateful...but just now, not kidding like maybe a half hour ago, I had a conversation with my 18 year old son, and his gf is pregnant....9 weeks along, i'm totally devastated, I feel soooooo sad, I can't tell my husband and my son is scared to death to tell his dad....who isn't his birth dad, but has been in his life since he was 3 and is the dad to my other 5 kids....i'm at a lost, i dunno what to do, i feel just sick, my son is still in highschool, and his gf is already telling him that the baby isn't allowed to be here, because my home is too noisy and there are too many people here to bother it, she's already told him that he needs to drop out of high school..he's 3 credits away from graduating, and had plans on joining the police force, she wants him to stay at the mcdonalds he now works at, go full time and try to get manager...i'm soooo upset, he confided in me that this girl is the first he's had sex with and he's so devasted, he wants a paternity test because he said he's always used a condom, because he said he couldn't trust her to take the pill.....i don't know why i'm going on here, but I can't tell anyone right now, i don't want them to judge, and comment people just assume the worse, and he's really a good kid, hat now is going to be a dad.....I told him to get a copy of the blood test that shows she's positive ..for the pregnancy, because my son said he thinks she could lie to him, .....they haven't been getting along too well lately, she freaked,...i didn't think this request was unreasonable, she won't let him go the the doc with her...what can I do???? do I stand by and let him do this? he's asked for my help, and all I can do is cry! sorry for any typos i'm just sooo outta sorts right now!!

MyaPapaya75

I think you did what any good parent would do ......You know every thing is such a rollercoaster in life..one minute cloud nine and the next you seem youve hit rock bottom....The good thing is you have a lot to look forward to. Most things in life dont happen as planned ..however they all seem to work out in the end...dont stress too much and remember to take time out for yourself it seems your family is really going to need you in these upcoming months.....Be thankful your son turned to you and was honest about the situation.:flowerforyou:

joonieB

Oh bless your heart. I will be praying for you tonight. You have so much going on right now, I would feel sick to my stomach too. I am so sorry you don't feel like you have someone whom you can confide in. When I am feeling completely overwhelmed and I don't even know where to start or what to do, I find writing things down can really help me organize my thoughts and relieve some anxiety. I hope in the midst of all your troubles you are making your own health I priority. You know, like on the airplane how in case of a change in cabin pressure you are supposed to put on your OWN oxygen mask first? Please continue to eat right and get exercise every day--stress will take a lot out of you.

heal4444

Love yourself no matter what.

Love your family no matter what

Love this very moment that you are here, alive no matter what

Dear Fitchick99,

Love your Life no matter what

Heal4444

fitchick99

Love yourself no matter what.

Love your family no matter what

Love this very moment that you are here, alive no matter what

Dear Fitchick99,

Love your Life no matter what

Heal4444

I don't know.....I feel so out of control, i'm so terribly upset with this, I used to beleive that god gave you only what you could handle, but i'm not so sure anymore, I love my son, but i'm having a mealtdown right now, seriously it's so bad, I feel so hopeless

angelinaz

Sweet Heart, You are a great mom and person. Sounds like your son is a chip off the ole block. This is all a big shock for you both. I am glad you are asking questions. Asking questions will lead you both to the place where you will both be able to handle this. Sounds like finishing high school and those credits are very important. So is your son pursuing what will make him happy with himself in a career. Should he be the dad, choosing a career for himself will be a very important way to be a good role model for his child. Babies take 9 1/2 months to be born for a reason. All of this will get easier as each day passes. How lucky for your son that he loves you and trusts you enough to help him through this. How great that you love him so much that you are having this meltdown! You love each other! It says a lot for the relationship the two of you have. You will get through all of this together. You will be in my prayers.

heal4444

You need to tell your husband right away. You don't need to bear all the burden by yourself. What you are feeling is natural to anyone going thru the same situation. You are doing your very best.

He is your life partner. Trust, have faith that he would be of help, support to you and your son ( his son too since he became a father figure to your son). Put it out to the Universe that your husband will be supportive.

Let him know all you are going thru. One young child receiving chemo, an adoptive child on the way, a teenager testing parent's boundaries, an older teenager having a baby, you moving to another country, starting new jobs. Dear Fitchick99, I cannot imagine anyone going thru just one of these major steps never mind, all of them, all at the same time. Whatever you are feeling, whether it is high anxiety, extreme feelings of being overwhelmed, fear, ...anything, they are your feelings and they are valid. You are going thru a lot.

The question is where to go from here? The first thing you need to do is to tell your husband about your son's girlfriends' pregnancy so that you are not dealing with this all alone.

I would also sugget you confide in your close family members/friends whether it is sibling or best friends to receive additional support. I would also suggest you hold a family meeting with your husband, your 18 yr old, your 13 yr old, and your 5 yr old and talk about everything that is going on and let them know that Mommy is holding up a lot of plates in the air and you tell them, you want all to pitch in and help. Whether that is folding the laundry, washing the dishes, whatever way they can show you that you are being supported and not going thrut this alone.

Lastly, I would strongly recommend you talk to your family doctor right away and let them know all you are going thru. Right now, every system in your body is going thru extreme shock thru such psychological trauma. Let him know what you are going thru and go from there.

It is not hopeless. You are here. You are here. You are here. You are here. You are still here.

Your existence matters. You existence matters. Your existence matters.

My dear fitchick99, I know this is going to sound different but I'm going to say it:

We all of us on this planet, all of us are scared. At this very moment, we look at this big pile of challenges of stuff we have to face in life and we say, I just can't deal with it all. I can't. I can't and I won't. It's hopeless. I'm not empowed to deal with all of that.
And as soon as we say that, God gives us another one because ultimately, he's testing us how strong we are. It's like weight lifting. The lbs keep getting heavier because we fail to realize we're getting stronger. You are getting stronger more than you know. Yet, you don't have to do all this alone.

Reach out to your husband. Ask him for a hug right now. Ask him for the help you need. Reach out to your family, your friends, your community, you are part of a team of humanity brought together to work together. You don't have to do this alone. Reach out.

Breathe. One step at a time. One day at a time. One breath at a time. Breathe.

You matter.

Heal4444

Mickie17

Hey FitChick...OMGosh!!!!!!! I'd be sick to my stomach too if I had all that going on. This needs to be tackled before you lose your sanity. First of all, get a good night's rest. Then tomorrow write everything down, or go back and cut and paste what you wrote here. You're going to need to prioritze...and sometimes we just have to say no. I think it's fabulous that your family was chosen for a new baby to adopt. BUT, this is obviously not a good time for you. So what can you do about that? Can you politely turn them down? You may be ending up taking care of a grandchild....IF there really is one. I agree with you 150%! She needs to 1) provide proof that she's pregnant, 2) provide proff that it's his, 3) He MUST finish school (he's gong to need to be able to aget a good job to help raise the child). 4) You need to have a talk with her parents! (Personally, I would contact them immediately...because whether she really is or isn't pregnant, they need to know this is going on...you & your son should not have to be alone in this process). She sounds like a little manipulative bully to me...but I obviously do not know her. Plus, your daughter having chemo treatments seems like she would be needing the most attention right now. Just my opinion, but you probably need to tell your son that you need to talk to your husband about his situation...because you are shouldering so much, and you need to lean on him to help you. Plus, you would be modeling for your son the way strong and healthy relationships work. If she's pregnant, he;s going to be growing up REAL fast, so he needs to see that when the going gets tough, you've got to count on your spouse, and they need to be able to count on you. People make mistakes, and if this gf is pregnant, then your husband has to understand that. We always want so much for our kids, but they don't always follow the road map we've laid out for them!

I am thinking of you and you are in my thoughts and prayers!:flowerforyou: Feel free to write me if you just want to vent!

wilted6orchid

[/quote]
I don't know.....I feel so out of control, i'm so terribly upset with this, I used to beleive that god gave you only what you could handle, but i'm not so sure anymore, I love my son, but i'm having a mealtdown right now, seriously it's so bad, I feel so hopeless
[/quote]

I don't know if I would say, God gives you what you can handle. I think it's more accurate to say that whatever God gives you...he then gives grace to get through it. Things overwhelm us in life, that's normal, but we can always turn to him and he gives strength to keep your chin up and keep moving forward.
It's rational that you should have the pregnancy in writing. That a paternity test will need to be done when the child is born. And yes, I think that if your husband has raised this boy as his own, that he needs to know. Take things one step at a time. You have a special needs child, so this is not a new concept for you. Just keep going. You will see. Things will eventually work out.

fitchick99

Thank you to all of you...I'm still crying, i'm still a mess, but I'm still here.....thanks

arewethereyet

I just want you to know I pray for you. I am having trouble with encouraging words sounding like platitudes and wanting to sound sincere.

I just want you to know I am thinking of you and your family.

:flowerforyou: Jeannie

Hannah_Banana

Oh goodness, no wonder you're upset. That is a lot to deal with!

What really touched me was your oldest son and his girlfriend. I just wanted to remind you to be proud of them. As stupid teenagers go, they are handling it better than most. It says something that she is at least keeping the baby, however she should be letting your son be a part if he is in fact the father... Pregnancy and paternity tests are of course in order, as you said.

But if it does turn out that she is pregnant and he is a daddy, I wanted to assure you of something you probably already know - Babies aren't the end of the world. I (stupid teenager that I am) got pregnant while in college at 19, but finished my bachelors degree and I will complete my graduate degree in July of this year. I have a part time job and my partner has a full time job. We live in a fairly nice apartment in LA, have health insurance and are very happy. Babies make things much harder, but not impossible. Your son still has his whole life ahead of him, and possibly now a source of endless joy. :flowerforyou:

**Quick edit. I wanted to ad that my mother and my partners family have been incredibly supportive throughout the whole process. He needs you to be there for him, and he will probably need it for some time to come. Giving him that confidence and providing him with a 'safety net' will allow him to pursue things he might otherwise feel are impossible. You sound like a fantastic mom! And I have no doubt you will handle this wonderfully, I just wanted to articulate what your son might be unable to right now.

heal4444

Thank you to all of you...I'm still crying, i'm still a mess, but I'm still here.....thanks

Keep crying. It's ok to cry. You're going thru a lot. You're still here.:happy: Keep us posted.
Take very good care of yourself.

Love yourself no matter what.
Love your Life no matter what.

nwfamilygal

You and yor family are in my prayer's:flowerforyou: