Getting over it

UsedToBeHusky

So I developed feelings for someone and it didn't work out...

Little to no physical contact (friends at most) and now he is completely absent from my life, totally of his own volition. The problem is I am still thinking about this guy, and I am completely mad about it because I realize that he totally doesn't deserve my head space. What do I do?

hoppinglark

Find something else to focus on and submerge yourself in that.

UsedToBeHusky

Find something else to focus on and submerge yourself in that.

That is easier said than done. He eventually creeps back into my thoughts.

LMHinson15

The only thing that ever works for me... sadly... is time. Sorry you're going through it, it sucks a lot. I have a slightly similar situation, though I'm a little more at fault.

cobracars

Sometimes time doesn't completely heal the wounds....I still think about a girl from 33 years ago even though I'm happily married 26 years.

scapez

If he isn't into you, sadly, he isn't worth your time. :brokenheart:

Dajune

ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) are irritating. If you had a bug infestation what would you do? Take postitive action and repeat it if necessary. (not easy but that is what I try to do)

Thena81

thats a hard question to answer cause if your not in that state of mind, then you cant say what u would do. the heart rules there

MictorEcta

Time..and The Airborne Toxic Event. Both of their CD's

EricMurano

Time + not getting obsessive about it.

Been down that road ugh

kattydid65

I love your Dog Cobracar!

Beastette

Sometimes, you can't DO. You just have to be.

This is very difficult advice to give. When I want to shake something off, I usually go kill myself in the gym until I'm too exhausted to feel anything. I've become a pretty fast runner, but it wasn't until I gave myself permission just feel whatever that I was able to let go.

It's okay to miss him from time to time, as long as you are moving forward in your life.

CurlyQTee

Let your self grieve. It's a loss and you will have to work through it. I tell my clients to act as a harbor. Let the thoughts come in, and let them go out. Don't try to push them away, don't try to make them stay. It's not easy to do. But just knowing and allowing your feelings to exist and validating them is healing all on it's own. Hugs

heresmyinsidevoice

Let your self grieve. It's a loss and you will have to work through it. I tell my clients to act as a harbor. Let the thoughts come in, and let them go out. Don't try to push them away, don't try to make them stay. It's not easy to do. But just knowing and allowing your feelings to exist and validating them is healing all on it's own. Hugs

^ This is great advice. I had that sort of thing happen to me a couple years ago, and I can still feel my gut churn whenever I've seen that guy around. Talk it out with a close friend. Write down your feelings, and do cry it out. Also, do keep in mind - the guy didn't even know what he almost had. (Silly dumbass that he is).

CouchSpud

So I developed feelings for someone and it didn't work out...

Little to no physical contact (friends at most) and now he is completely absent from my life, totally of his own volition. The problem is I am still thinking about this guy, and I am completely mad about it because I realize that he totally doesn't deserve my head space. What do I do?

And this would be so me. I am not saying he doesn;t deserve trhe space, he's a good guy, just didn't pan out in any way. But I am feeling like he would have been the right guy and I cannot get over it. I find myself comparing others to that specific one. I know eventually, hopefully I will just get over it and on with it.... how thjough? I have no idea

Jljones2787

I am going through a break-up as well. Was with the guy for 2 1/2 years, had a daughter with him, and after being physically & verbally abused for the last time, I left. I know how difficult it is to have feelings for someone and it not work out, but it will get better. I love to go to the gym and get on the treadmill when I'm feeling down - the endorphins are awesome and it clears my head. Hope you feel better soon, love ((((hugs))))

BobbyClerici

The person who cares the least rules the relationship.

That's true for business, personal relationships as well as love.
I always care the least, because nobody - I mean NOBODY is going to hold me over a barrel.

Learn for next time; care, but care the least.

As for today? Don't fight it; pass through all the stages of grief, then move on.

Jeneba

I think it must be harder for you because he sounds like a decent human being.... "Mine" has Borderline Personality Disorder, so it was easier for me to get over it - he just isn't well and there is nothing anyone (including him, it seems) who can help him. What I found that has really helped is that I started really looking at my living space and making a few adjustments so that it feels more like a sanctuary for my favorite person - ME! It's really fun and very absorbing to put together some bookcases and shop around the internet for a wishlist of furniture that i will eventually purchase. No - it's not the same thing as having loving arms around you, but it's the best you can do to nurture yourself, which is what has to be mourned in the first place. Besides - it doesn't cost any calories and might even burn some off..... :flowerforyou:

CouchSpud

How do you care least without turning into a rather ironic and self destructive being though?

broadsword7

All of the advice and comments given here are right on. Definitely give yourself the time you need to "mourn the loss" or whatever your soul needs, but being "completely mad" at yourself might be a symptom that you are less pleased with yourself than him. I think you need to treat yourself a lot better than that! What follows are my own personal thoughts on it.

Sorry if this rambles, but I get that way at times. Anyway, here goes, I hope it helps. I have suffered a broken heart. That is not something you recover from quickly. As much as you may say, "I am healed," if you truly loved someone deeply and sincerely, and it doesn't work out, the feelings for that person don't necessarily change. What changes is you refuse to let yourself be ruled by those feelings. For instance, you stop making choices to not go out and participate in life stuff on the "off chance" that the person you love may change her (or in your case, his) mind and "take you back." You begin, slowly, to pull yourself back together. You start taking cues from the simple things in life...life's simple and exquisite wonders. The beauty of sunshine on a leaf. The flutter of birds as they fly over. The wind. The wagging tail of a dog. The purr of a cat. You rediscover the passions you had for activities and thoughts before your lost love ever came into your life. You take walks. You go on a hike. You start riding bicycles again. You renew yourself.

Will you ever stop loving that person? Maybe, or maybe not. In my case, I still love her. She happens to be a wonderful person, and I consider her my friend, and I always will. But my romantic love for her, still bouncing around in the chambers of my heart, is not putting my life on hold. I may indeed fall in love with someone else, and I am no longer hiding myself from that capability. For that, I am now officially subscribed to the following philosophy: If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love.

Be well, be happy, and be alive.

LorinaLynn

Take some time to spoil yourself. Get a new haircut or color. Soak in a bubble bath. Get a mani-pedi. Buy a new book. Start a new hobby. And repeat the excellent line you used in your post to yourself. "He's not worth the headspace." When you catch him intruding on your thoughts, make an effort to get busy doing something positive and uplifting.

UsedToBeHusky

Let your self grieve. It's a loss and you will have to work through it. I tell my clients to act as a harbor. Let the thoughts come in, and let them go out. Don't try to push them away, don't try to make them stay. It's not easy to do. But just knowing and allowing your feelings to exist and validating them is healing all on it's own. Hugs

This was great advice. Thank you!