You can call the asylum and tell them to bring the straight

jen2607

I've been having kind of a hard time lately. I went from working a full-time internship, my second job, and school to just working the second job. Although I've been working a lot the hours are varied so I've just been adjusting. Recently I can't seem to get my head out of the past... the worst part is that it subconsciously plagues me. During the day I can keep my days full and active, but I can't seem to shake the dreams and random memories from the past. Despite listening to Christmas music 14 hours a day while working, I'm just not feeling the least bit jolly.


Last night I had dreams .. but I got up today determined to do something productive before work. I organized my room, did all my laundry, and went to the gym. Tonight was kind of slow at work, so we all had time to talk. I work with two people I used to consider some of my closest friends. They started dating and I couldn't be happier. However, life has been busy over the past year so we've all drifted apart considerably. Anyways, so tonight I was arguing with one of them about some rule (whether it existed or not) and he snapped at me... which is nothing unusual, we usually are pretty blunt. I just had to walk off. Out of nowhere, I felt the tears coming. Then, I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stop crying. I hid in the bathroom until we closed, did my side work, and left . The other one asked me what was wrong and I just walked out.


I am at that time in life where I have to figure out what I want to do, where I want to apply for a job, and where I want to live. Right now I am just in limbo, working a simple job and waiting until my lease expires. I thought I wanted to stay here, but now I think I need to get out. It just seems everyone I know is moving on without me, and I need to start a new life. I also have to visit my parents for Christmas where I know everyone I see will ask me the same questions I just tortured myself with. IDK. Does anyone else feel like, despite their best efforts, completely alone ? ( Especially during holiday seasons).

andy2486

2 years ago, I moved with my then boyfriend from Southern CA to Oregon, where I knew only his parents/siblings. I wanted to get out of the town where I lived because I couldn't go ANYWHERE in town without seeing someone from high school (usually someone who I didn't care for or someone who tormented me at some point in our school days). I also thought I was ready to move out of my parents house, and start my own life with my boyfriend. So I totally understand where you are coming from, feeling stuck in the place you are in, seeing your friends moving on and up and being in the same dead-end job and doing the same things over and over. Do you have any close-ish friends in another state or a bigger city that you can go visit to see if that area would fit you better? Or is there a bigger city where you can move to "find yourself" but still be able to go home to see friends and family? I have felt recently that I have no friends of my own that aren't my now husband's friend's significant others. But now, I am meeting people at my gym and talking, I feel that I am getting closer to those people in our "group" and although I am not regularly invited places, I feel as though they are accepting me into their circle. Maybe try writing out what you want to do with your life and think about what paths you need to follow to get there and then go out and do them. Good luck to you!

FitnessBarbie99

All I can say is you are not alone and you are loved.

I felt like I was reading what my 22, soon to be 23-year-old daughter would be writing.
She graduated from college in May and went from living a fun, adventurous life in her apt. with friends, to back home again with us.

When family events come around the questions all start up.
She is only working about 16 hours a week most of the time, which is hardly a recipe for independence. She is trying to get more hours and do more work, but nothing is settled yet and the questions will start.

I'm sure your family and friends mean well and are frankly, mostly making small talk when they inquire. We don't always know what to ask about -- job situations are usually safe topics of conversation so many of us fall back on that instead of asking deeper questions about how you are doing , feeling. All I can suggest is get some witty replies memorized and realize that the last thing any of your friends or relatives want to do is stress you out.

Try to deflect anything that strikes you as hurtful and focus on the beauty of the spirit of Christmas!

jen2607

Thanks guys,

I'm getting it worked out. I've rested and worked out today. I just have to shake the anxiety. I do have friends and I am not alone. Things usually do work out eventually ... I guess I'm just tired of struggling because it seems like I have been for a while.