i am BEYOND DISCOURAGED!!!!

irishdancer23

so i started to struggle with binge eating disorder at the beginning of august. i had lost about 16 lbs up to that point, but i gained it all back and then another 15-20. i was so frustrated with myself, but i didn't know where to turn. my biggest issue was a lack of support. my mom actually started to worry about me, even though i was losing weight at a good rate (only about .5 lbs a week). my dad, who had been telling me for years to work out, didn't acknowledge my weight loss at all. because i'm so young, if i even mentioned the word "diet" to my friends, i was sure they would automatically label me as anorexic. so basically, i just gave up. i am slowly trying to get back on track, and today i worked out for only the 2nd time since i started having problems. i had been doing pretty well with eating all day. about an hour ago, i got hungry, so i went to the kitchen. i originally wanted to have a waffle, but instead, i got out some eggs, deciding to at least make a healthier choice and have an omlette. my dad came into the kitchen and asked "is that your dinner?" i said no, i was just having a snack. he told me to put it away and commented on how fat i was and how much weight i have gained. after eating 6 pieces of chocolate and stuffing 2 chocolate cupcakes into my mouth, i am still furious. why can't anyone even TRY to help me through this?!?!?! (trust me, this is NOT a rant on my mfp friends. i love you all and you are my biggest cheerleaders; sometimes though, its nice to have someone standing right next to me and encouraging me. ) i feel like i cant do this by myself, but i dont have anywhere else to turn. i feel so overwhelmed. i just want to GIVE UP!!!

pinkgigi

The only way to fail is to give up, don't do it! When we are confronted with negativity we need to apply some principles:
1. is there any truth in it?
2. do we value that person's opinion?
If the answer to either of those things is yes, then what can we learn from this?
If the answer is no, we need to be able to imagine those words just rolling off our backs like water off a duck.

So, in this situation, your Dad's opinion may be wrong, in which case you could actually say, calmly, well that isn't going to help me and go ahead with what you are doing.

*hugs* and strength in your journey.

GG

P.S. maybe you need some 'go to' healthy snacks available that you can just grab and go (boiled eggs?) for that sort of situation?

irishdancer23

thanks pinkgigi. that actually really helps. its just hard because i really love my parents, but sometimes, i feel like they're not very supportive at all.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Eggs aren't going to make you fat, unless you're cooking them in a lot of butter and having a slab of bacon on the side. I'm going to keep my thoughts on your dad to myself! Have you talked to him about his negativity toward your efforts? If you haven't already, you should before things get worse. You should get your mom in on it, too. They should be supporting you. BUT, who told you that you needed to lose all this weight? Keep posting here, because we're not going to tell you you're fat, we're going to support you!

leomom72

i can imagine you are angry..that to me would be motivation..prove to them you CAN do it..best of luck to you, and keep on it..keep reminding yourself why you are here

DixiedoesMFP

You are young, but you are also old enough to make your own decisions. Forget about the binge. Start over, starting right now. You have the power to make different decisions. You have to power to change you. Yes, it is difficult when other people don't support us, particularly if they are someone you care about. But they can only hurt you if you LET them. Don't let them. Tomorrow is a new day. Hugs.

brookepenni

The thing to remember with parents is... they're their own people too. They have their own worries (jobs, finances, stress etc) so as slack as it is, they cant always be as supportive as we'd like.

Stick with it, change things slowly and before you know it - you'll be shocking their socks off - in a good way of course!

Good luck

kristelpoole

Welp, we don't pick our parents, do we?

It's good that you were brainstorming a healthy way to have a snack. Maybe post more on here about that kind of stuff that makes you proud of yourself and get the support where you can.

Good luck to you.

Poohsta0

Don't give in hon. That way heads to nothing good. I have been where you are; I know that is not much help right now. We can't be "there" but we can be "here" and offer all that we can. Stay strong.

Apazman

First of all you need to aknowledge that You are stuffing your face. Not your parents, not because of them .. its BECAUSE OF YOU. I have a lot of love for people who are trying, but the thing you need to do is to deal with what pain brought you to this point, once you do you can be 100% honest with everyone and everything.

This is your reaction to negtive things, EATING. and I was right there with you.

You need to find a way to deal with the stress and frustration without food, perhaps a walk or run or dance.

Just because they are your parents doesn't make them right.

This is a test for you... this is training to change your relationsip with food.

You want to lose weight? there is only 1 easy answer and it is:
Eat right, Exercise, Be honest with yourself, and be consistent!

PauliesGettingFit

its so hard trying to achieve a goal when people around you discourage you. I usually take on the perspevctive that my weight is my issue and ppl not supporting me is their issue.

Keep in your mind what you have to do, if you have any adults around you like aunties or uncles or friends parents that will support you, seek them and talk to them.

Develop that thick skin and become resiliant to people (especially family) who dont encourage you or even worse try steer you in the wrong direction.

Dont let any negativity influence you darling, you can do whatever you want, and achieve everything you want to.

KEEP YOUR FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xxx Pauli xxx

SmallVoice

I understand when someone doesn't encourage you the way you need encouragement from a family member. My Mum as well has sent me to the chocolate binges. Like others have mentioned in reply, NEVER give up. Brookepenni has great advise in sticking with it and make changes slowly. And Pinkgigi's advise to you is some I'll listen to myself. My Mum is not supportive but has her own issues that sometimes cloud her ability to give me the support I would like to receive from her. Thank for sharing what you are dealing with in obtaining your goals and know that you are NOT alone.

ProjectTae

Please don't give up!!
I know the pain an unsupportive parent can bring, my dad often loves to point out ever fault he believes I have and makes me feel completely down and bad about myself, and is always commenting on how unhealthy my food choices are. I am also young(a Jr. in HS) and all of my thin friends also do not understand my diets or my struggle with my weight. Just letting you know you are not alone.

BobbyClerici

thanks pinkgigi. that actually really helps. its just hard because i really love my parents, but sometimes, i feel like they're not very supportive at all.

Family is not always a good support. I needed new connections based on common interest and goals.

raye5454

I was not in the same situation, but i have two small children who are great kids, and i love them more than anything in the world, but they were stressing me out BEYOND BELIEF. I was so down on myself and thought i was a horrible mom because I wasnt happy go lucky all the time. I started running, very very very slowly (walk, walk, run, walk walk run type intervals) and any time i got stressed, i made myself say "Im stressed, i need to go run..." after a month or so, I didnt have to make myself think it. Now i am down 30 lbs, and completed my first 1/2 marathon. You need to put your stress and anger into something benificial for you. i am so sorry youre going through this alone. good luck to you.

funkycamper

This makes me sad for you. Have you had any kind of heart-to-heart talk with your parents about what your goals are and what kind of help you would love to have from them to help you achieve your goals? Sometimes people will give us what we need if we just explain to them what we need and ask them for it. I hope you can try that and that it works. If not, then you will simply need to find your support here at MFP and learn to ignore them. I know that sucks.

As a parent, I can tell you I've made my share of mistakes but I made far less of them once my kids were able to express their wants, fears, desires, etc., with me as then I better understood them, their needs and how to help them (or when they just preferred that I back off and let them handle something themselves).

I would also add that, as you go through life, you will find that having supportive cheerleaders in your corner are rare. Oh, you may have supportive friends/family but they're usually busy with their own problems, too. If you can both support each other, that's great. But that's not always possible. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have to find the strength and motivation within ourselves and not depend on others for it. It's a hard lesson to learn but, really, the sooner you learn it the better off you will be.

So, I guess what I'm saying, is that I hope you are able to improve your relationship with your parents so that they are better able to give you the support you need but you also, at the same time, need to learn to support yourself better, too.

Good luck. I hope things go better for you.

irishdancer23

thank you SO MUCH everyone. it makes me so happy to know that the people on here really do care and take the time to help me out, maybe even relate. some days, i know that i just need to take this 1 step at a time and not rush into things, and then something like that happens. EW. but my new goal is to PROVE THEM WRONG!!! so THANK YOU!!!

tegla

First you did GREAT making a better choice, I'm sorry that it went bad and you ended up eating bad things in frustration. You can totally do this! It's hard, but hey it Can be fun, it doesn't have to be torture, you don't have to be unhappy... actually you Are going to be very happy.

Your father, well... he's just a guy (no offense guys, but... *shrug) and in his way he was actually Trying to be supportive (it sounds to me). But I'm sure he just didn't take the time to think it through that you were trying to make something healthy, and in his flurry thru his day just blurted something out that was still in his eyes watching out for his girl who he loves very much. I'm very sure he has no idea what you are going through, or that you are trying to make these changes, and like my husband thinks that 'just not eating' is the answer.... But He IS on your side... you know he is...

Admitting to family that you are trying to lose weight (at least for me) especially back in my teens, would have been embarrassing since I'd be admitting that I was fat, and put myself in a spot for them to start giving me all this advice and poking into my business. etc.. I'd end up feeling spotlighted and defensive . I hope this isn't the same for you...

Perhaps have a talk with just your mom first. Surely she knows just how you feel, and can be more understanding and supportive. Then after you explain your feelings and your goals, and let her know just how much support you want from her. You two can decide IF and how much you want to talk to your father.

No matter what, it all comes down to you. Your eating, your exercising, your health, your body... Your happiness. Building a lifelong healthy body for so much yet to come.... so much more! It's excising, everything is ahead. Tomorrow is a head of you also, and it can be a happy day.

So... sit up straight, and make yourself smile. *hugs* I wish you the best of everything, we are here for you! That's why we are all here, to get through this together. Many many of us here also have little support elsewhere, you are Not alone.

snewsome7

Most of the time when someone's negativity gets me down I try to use that negative energy as my motivation. My grandfather and mom have called me fat multiple times. I use that as motivation to prove them wrong. I don't know if that really makes sense. If you need a friend I'm here for you just add me I lost 10 pounds this past summer and gained it back plus some as well over this last semester at school. Try and keep your head up. Again, I'm here if you need someone to talk to!

prism6

Words can work in two ways.either positively or negatively. I was baraged with lots of negative comments and internalized which worked just the opposite. I gave up. I have to work on my love of beer and wine ,probably my biggest issue,so hopefully we can make this site work for us. Good luck and don't give up. It really does get harder as you get older..