I bet your kid is a narcissist too!

Shanna_Inc86

My daughter has been battling an ear infection that meds are just not touching!
This morning my Mom says to her: "You don't feel very good do you lil girl?"
Daughter: "No...but I still look good!"
Me: LOL trying to NOT spit my coffee out :laugh:

I love the things kids say....PLEASE entertain me with the funny things you've heard your kids, nieces or nephews say

Krushchev

My 8yr old neice after hitting her 6yr old brother with a plastic bat:
"Go ahead & spank me, it doesn't hurt!"
:grumble:

Pocket_Pixi

LOL are you sure her and Loo are not related????
Loo has Strep throat right now and she is just feeling horrible, my mom has had her for the past 3 days and today they were getting ready to come up to the city to meet her dad so she can go see my Dad tonight, my brother and his gf are doing xmas eve with her and then sunday is our big family dinner at my aunts. This is the conversation they had.

Mom: How are you feeling this morning.
Loo: Better than yesterday, but still not very good.
Mom: Here take your medicine.
Loo: It tastes like *kitten*

and then last night I get a text from my mom
Loo just said you are as old as dirt
me: she is right.
mom: I asked her how old dirt was she said 22.

kc0kiu

I asked my kids last night if they had asked Santa for anything. They told me what they wanted (fortunately got it for them). I asked when they asked Santa. They are 9 and 12, I did not take them to see Santa, and they did not write letters. My 12 yr old dtr states "We prayed to Jesus to ask Santa for us." Okay, that works.

karenjoy

I was breast feeding my new baby son when my daughter, who was four, asked what I was doing, I said feeding your brother, she said what are you feeding him? I said there is milk in my boobie, and she watched for a bit and then said...is there blackcurrant juice in the other one?

westcoastSW

Bump! No kids here but these are really entertaining :laugh:

Pocket_Pixi

I was breast feeding my new baby son when my daughter, who was four, asked what I was doing, I said feeding your brother, she said what are you feeding him? I said there is milk in my boobie, and she watched for a bit and then said...is there blackcurrant juice in the other one?

I actually just LOL'd at the black current juice lol.

Clarecbear82

My 6yr old has only ever seen me bottle feed her two younger brothers. One day my friend came round who breast fed and when she left my daughter asked me " why when your friends babies hungry does she shove it up her jumper?" So ii explained about breastfeeding to which she replied "oh I thought only cows did that!"

Clarecbear82

Another one she asked me was "do boys have willys because they like pretending to be firemen?" I nearly spat my drink out at that one

karenjoy

when my son was a bit older, I found his two older sisters trying to cut off his willy, I had to take him to hospital, they apparently thought everyone is born with a willy and if you want to be a girl, you just cut it off. Luckily they only had plastic scissors.....

brittanyjeanxo

No kids here, but an adorable kid I used to babysit, Tyler, who was 2 at the time.

One day he came over and my mom and I decided to get him a firetruck, but it needed batteries to run. He got really excited and kept saying he needed a "goosedryer". After asking him what he needed quite a few times what he needed, he sighed, rolled his little eyes, grabbed my mom's face on either said, looked her dead in the eyes and said, "GOOOOOSE. DRYYYY. ERRRRR."
He then made a motion with his hand and we realized he was asking for a screwdriver :laugh:

Shanna_Inc86

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OMG you all just made my afternoon!!!!

@Lauren: Yes, I'm quite sure they were sisters in another life!!

heresmyinsidevoice

When my son was 3, I remember when I was reading him a book at bedtime. He picked out an ABC book that had pictures of famous art. When we got to the letter "D", it was for the word "Dance", which was accompanied by this picture by Matisse:



He points to one of the women's breasts and says, "Mom, what's this?"
Me: "That's her breast. Women have breasts on their chest."
Him (studying my less than ample chest): "Then where's YOUR breasts?"
Me: "Well Levi, breasts are like the wind. They are still there even though you can't see them. Now let's move on to letter E..."

Shanna_Inc86

I was breast feeding my new baby son when my daughter, who was four, asked what I was doing, I said feeding your brother, she said what are you feeding him? I said there is milk in my boobie, and she watched for a bit and then said...is there blackcurrant juice in the other one?

when my son was a bit older, I found his two older sisters trying to cut off his willy, I had to take him to hospital, they apparently thought everyone is born with a willy and if you want to be a girl, you just cut it off. Luckily they only had plastic scissors.....

OMG I about died laughing!! Literally tears are running down my face

Shanna_Inc86

When my son was 3, I remember when I was reading him a book at bedtime. He picked out an ABC book that had pictures of famous art. When we got to the letter "D", it was for the word "Dance", which was accompanied by this picture by Matisse:



He points to one of the women's breasts and says, "Mom, what's this?"
Me: "That's her breast. Women have breasts on their chest."
Him (studying my less than ample chest): "Then where's YOUR breasts?"
Me: "Well Levi, breasts are like the wind. They are still there even though you can't see them. Now let's move on to letter E..."

bahahahahahahahaha

My daughter told me that mine had dried up!

heresmyinsidevoice

No kids here, but an adorable kid I used to babysit, Tyler, who was 2 at the time.

One day he came over and my mom and I decided to get him a firetruck, but it needed batteries to run. He got really excited and kept saying he needed a "goosedryer". After asking him what he needed quite a few times what he needed, he sighed, rolled his little eyes, grabbed my mom's face on either said, looked her dead in the eyes and said, "GOOOOOSE. DRYYYY. ERRRRR."
He then made a motion with his hand and we realized he was asking for a screwdriver :laugh:

HA HA HA HA HA! Priceless!

Pocket_Pixi

One time Loo and I were driving to school in the morning and from the backseat I hear:
Aunty....aunty... aunty..
Me: What Loo?
Loo: Can you turn the music down I want to tell you something.
Me: Turns the music down. What did you want to tell me?
Loo: oh just that I tooted... and it reminded me of you!
Me: How did it remind you of me?
Loo: don't ask questions just say thank you.


this child is also a child that will walk up, go I have a secret and burp in your ear. If you tell her she is cute she goes "I know, I am smart too.. you always forget smart."

Ocarina

when my son was a bit older, I found his two older sisters trying to cut off his willy, I had to take him to hospital, they apparently thought everyone is born with a willy and if you want to be a girl, you just cut it off. Luckily they only had plastic scissors.....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just told my husband this and it made him cringe like none other. That is horrific but down right HILARIOUS at the same time. I guess we cannot leave the kids alone for very long. Ugh lol! Hope he's ok.

Momkat65

I have two boys, when they were very young all they talked about was war, guns, killing, etc ....I tried to teach them that all the war, killing, death etc was really not such a good thing as real people die for real in wars, violence etc. In an attempt to educate them I sat them down and had them watch Saving Private Ryan....explaining things to give them a realistic view and teach them sensitivity...blah blah blah
The next day I get a call from the school regarding my youngest sons behavior at recess on the playground. He and his friends were playing war and he tells one of them "You better run like hell or I'll put a bullet in your @ss!!"
Imagine how red my face was in the principals office. All I could do was apologize and say that I would have a discussion about appropriate language with my son. totally embarrassing.
My boys love telling this story now that they are older.

Lainn

My 5 year old is full of em. Here are some of her gems:

I was cooking hot dogs one day and she came up and said "Yay! I love everyday steak!" I am think about selling this to Oscar Myer as their new slogan "Hot dogs...the everyday steak."

Eating breakfast she took a bite then gasped and looked horrified. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I am eating without a permit!" I asked her what she meant and she said "We didn't say grace."

On her bday she told me "When I was pregnant with you that meant I was in your tummy."

At the aquarium she was watching the shark tank with my husband and there was a diver cleaning the coral. She said "Daddy are the sharks going to eat him?" he replied "No of course not." to which she said "Ahhhhh why not?"

On her bday hubby asked her how it felt to be 5 and she got a confused look on her face, looked herself up and down, pulled up her pj pant leg and said "Does this look like 5 to you?"

I had to stop going to Bible Study Fellowship this year due to scheduling conflicts but she continues to go with my mom. She told her one morning "Mommy quit BSF because she has too much food on her plate."

There are LOTS more, but those are the ones I can think of right now.

justsummie

Just this morning our 3 year old daughter crawled into bed with us. Then she lay her head on the pillow, closed her eyes and said "I'll go to sleep now so you guys can do sex."

Speechless.

karenjoy

when my son was a bit older, I found his two older sisters trying to cut off his willy, I had to take him to hospital, they apparently thought everyone is born with a willy and if you want to be a girl, you just cut it off. Luckily they only had plastic scissors.....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just told my husband this and it made him cringe like none other. That is horrific but down right HILARIOUS at the same time. I guess we cannot leave the kids alone for very long. Ugh lol! Hope he's ok.

He is 19 and lives with his girlfriend, I don't think there is an issue....lol

felice03

every night i play the same song for my daughter. She tries to sing along and same line cracks me up every time. it should be "godspeed, sweet dreams".....she sings "god peed, sweet dreams"

annameier8706

I asked my kids last night if they had asked Santa for anything. They told me what they wanted (fortunately got it for them). I asked when they asked Santa. They are 9 and 12, I did not take them to see Santa, and they did not write letters. My 12 yr old dtr states "We prayed to Jesus to ask Santa for us." Okay, that works.

This is amazing! This is the view I want my girls to have on christams and santa!

Pocket_Pixi

Justsummie wins... I just spit my water out all over the floor of my office lol

shanjen27

Both my kids have said some funny things over the years. But there is one moment that stands out & still makes me crack a smile: My 4 yr. old son: "Mommy, I just had the BEST dream EVER!" Me: "Oh yeah buddy, what was it?" Son: I had a dream that I had 2 penises and they were so big they touched the floor!!" OMG...I then replied: "I think that's every man's dream buddy"

AmberLiscous

One day my four year old farted and he asked me if his butt burped :laugh:

Same son started calling his private parts.....his ooo laa laas ......he went up to a lady at our church and told her that he was going to punch her in her ooo laa laaas ......lmao luckily she thought it was hysterical!!!!!

I have three other kids but at the moment these are the only ones that I can think of!

FitFi74

My daughter was just telling me her version of the Nativity which included 'The Goose of quiet' she meant 'The Dove of Peace!' x

felice03

Both my kids have said some funny things over the years. But there is one moment that stands out & still makes me crack a smile: My 4 yr. old son: "Mommy, I just had the BEST dream EVER!" Me: "Oh yeah buddy, what was it?" Son: I had a dream that I had 2 penises and they were so big they touched the floor!!" OMG...I then replied: "I think that's every man's dream buddy"

I think we have a winner!

PepeGreggerton

One day my four year old farted and he asked me if his butt burped :laugh:

Same son started calling his private parts.....his ooo laa laas ......he went up to a lady at our church and told her that he was going to punch her in her ooo laa laaas ......lmao luckily she thought it was hysterical!!!!!

I have three other kids but at the moment these are the only ones that I can think of!

from now forward I will now call my junk my ooo laa laas

EricNCSU

At the aquarium she was watching the shark tank with my husband and there was a diver cleaning the coral. She said "Daddy are the sharks going to eat him?" he replied "No of course not." to which she said "Ahhhhh why not?"

OMG I just laughed so hard...... *tears*....

I have this mental image of a cute little girl kicking the ground like "Awwwww maaaaaannnn....."

Oh and the GOOSEDRYER one had me in stiches..... cause he's so serious... grabs her face and like "LOOK WOMAN...."