So Sick of My Life!

ek724q

Dec 24, 2011

I am really tired of my life. I honestly hate it. I am a single mother of 2 kids but I just am not happy. They constantly go to my mom's house and I get left here at the house. I am tired of being single. My ex left me for the 15 yr old babysitter in April of 2009, I have been divorced since Feb 2010. I am single, fat, and have no purpose. I am so tired of my life.

I need to change all this. I am going to school with 12 hours this semester. I got to find something to give me a purpose, besides my kids. I love them but they don't want to be around. I have a 9 yr old that is now weighing 140 pound and I have been taking her to the Nutritionist for the last year and she has gained over 29 pounds in a year. I feel like a failure, I have not been able to get her to lose weight and I have gained my weight back over the year too. I started out last year at 231 on Dec 31st. Well guess what I am 237 right now with one week to get to 231. I have to take my daughter back to the doctor on Jan 2nd and we have gained another 4 pounds since Nov 28th. I can't even do that right.

The only thing that I have done right was make a 4.0 in my classes. I took a job and screwed it all up. I no longer receive child support as of Nov 7th this year. He quit paying. I don't have a job, i don't have insurance and I need to provide for my girls. UGH! Why is life so hard and lonely.

I got to lose weight, my daughter needs to lose 40pounds, I got to finish school 30 more hours. I got to get a job, get insurance, and make something of my life.

I use to think that I was called to be a missionary, but now I am starting to think that even that is something that I will fail at. What is it God? What am I suppose to do here on this Earth. I am tired of being unloved and unwanted. What can I do? I seem to give up on everything. Including Life itself.

2012, you have to be kinder to me than 2011. I also have just one more year before I will be 30. I have nothing to show for all the hard work. I keep screwing up. Why??? This has got to be the year I change. But HOW? I don't know if I have it within me to do.

PRAY, and PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens)

I sit here on Christmas Eve, and feel like it is just another day. One that I am begining to hate. I sit here in my home by myself on the computer. Just like I do everyother day of my life. Why am I stuck in this rut. Why?

I got to get it together. I do. So Heavenly Father, I ask that you change me completely this year. Not only for myself, and my girls but for your Glory. Thanks

2012, her I come, I need a new start and focus on life. Thanks

ymhand

I really do hope this coming year greets you with a new attitude and love for life, because as far as I know it's all we get. You do have the power to change things and turn this all around for yourself. Keep your head up and stay positive. Always remember someone loves you and be strong for your kids. ALSO, remember your Inspirations!!!

og8997889

Well weight loss is never easy but neither are most things in our lives. We all have demons in our closet that seem unbeatable. It was 7 months ago when I finally decided to face mine and lose enough weight to see my abs. I admit I slipped a few times and tried a few failing ideas and the magical fat loss pills that have never worked for anybody in the whole world but they still get to sell the crap. After a while I came across a site called http://boyels.com . It was the first review I ever read and after watching the video I decided to try it out. After about 8 months I’m weighing at 195, 87 pounds lighter than my former self at 282 pounds. I also have a 4 pack of abs showing. In the end it doesn't matter what you do to lose weight as much as it matters to remind yourself that you can never give up and always push yourself further then the day before. While others are sleeping we are running, I wish the very best in your journey to lose weight. Be strong, confindent, assured, that is the only way to feel good about yourself and I'm not talking about just emotional. I'm talking about speaking to people with confindence and walking with it assured and know that your going to be somebody and to devour your weaknesses.

Lozze

2012, you have to be kinder to me than 2011. I also have just one more year before I will be 30. I have nothing to show for all the hard work.

You have your children, you have a good start on your degree with AMAZING grades.

*hugs* It will get better. I was at the same place you were six months ago. But I turned my life around and I'm on my way to being healthy and happy. You can do it too!

Tennessee2019

Well weight loss is never easy but neither are most things in our lives. We all have demons in our closet that seem unbeatable. In the end it doesn't matter what you do to lose weight as much as it matters to remind yourself that you can never give up and always push yourself further then the day before. While others are sleeping we are running, I wish the very best in your journey to lose weight. Be strong, confindent, assured, that is the only way to feel good about yourself and I'm not talking about just emotional. I'm talking about speaking to people with confindence and walking with it assured and know that your going to be somebody and to devour your weaknesses.

These strong words are SO true.
Maybe you need to talk to your mom about how you feel? If not your mom, I would find someone that you trust to talk to. Also find something that all of you can do together, so you are not left behind.

What is important is that you realize that YOU have to always put yourself first. YOU are the only person in your life who can make you happy. To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. Be true to yourself, cause you are the only one that has to wake up and go to bed with your thoughts and your feelings. Just remember, YOU are part of a creation, born from the same artist that created sunsets & rainbows. Don't ever allow yourself 2 think you are anything less than wonderful.

You say that you are tired of being unloved and unwanted. Do you REALLY feel that you are unloved? Look at your kids faces, do you not see love there? Do you think that your mom doesn't love you? If so, AGAIN you need to talk to her about this. You are doing what you can to improve your future (4.0 grades) & the future for your kids too.

Why did your ex- stop paying?I looked into the child support laws of your state & found the following: Child support in the state of Texas will ensure that the non-custodial parent contributes to their responsibilities by enforcing child support payments.
The law will enforce payments by reporting the non-custodial parent to the credit bureau, having their license suspended, thrown in jail, etc. If a non-custodial parent refuses to pay child support, then the custodial parent can file suite and have the law enforce those actions.
Child Support Wage Garnishments
Unlike most states in America, Texas law requires all child support payments to be garnished from the non-custodial parent’s paycheck. Garnishment of the non-custodial parent’s earnings will guarantee that all payments are being made.
Texas Child Support Medical Insurance
Most states in America allow either or both parents to provide the child with medical coverage. Texas child support law requires that the non-custodial parent provides the medical coverage for the child. The non-custodial parent would have to purchase a medical plan through their employment. If coverage is unavailable through the non-custodial parent’s employment, then the custodial parent would provide the coverage.
The non-custodial parent would still be responsible for paying the coverage even if it is covered by the custodial parent’s employment. If neither parent’s employment carries no medical plan, then the court would order the non-custodial parent to pay an additional amount to cover the medical expenses. Medical coverage is not calculated within the child support plan, it is an addition that must be provided by the non-custodial parent.
How Child Support is Determined
Child support is determined by the non-custodial parent's net income and the number of children they have. For example, if the non-custodial parent has one child, 20% of his or her net income would be deducted. Twenty five percent is deducted if the obligor has two children. If the non-custodial parent has three children, then 30% of the net income is deducted. Four or five children, and the deductions would be 35% and 40% of the net income. And if the non-custodial parent has six children or more, then they would pay over 40%.
If your ex- is unemployed (like a lot of people are right now) I think the state could also help you with medical coverage for you, if not just for your kids.

Meggles63

Aw, honey, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low! I've had some times in my life where I've felt the same and I know it's hard, but you have to focus on the positive. You have children who need you, no matter how you feel. My old boss used to say, "this too shall pass," which really didn't make me feel any better, but now, with perspective, I have to agree. Start making little changes, things that you can do that don't overwhelm you, and start chipping away at the big things. This is a great time of year to assess and make new goals. God Bless you and I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

CalJur

I understand and very much appreciate your words. This time of the year is not easy on many of us for a variety of reasons. You are not alone. Stay the course. You seem like a good person and good things happen to good people. Your time is on the horizon. Don't give up. Don't give in. Like everyone else has stated your kids are depending on you to be strong. I know the Man above has a plan for you.

Tropical_Turtle

I am sorry to hear about how low you are feeling. But you have a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You are 1 alive, 2 you have your kids 2 your degree you are working towards. Take 2012 by storm, but realize, that until you love yourself, you cant expect anyone else to love the way you desire. Take 2012 to work on you and your health!

In my thoughts and prayers!

JeremiahStone

Keep fighting on! Life gets hard, and im sure I have no clue what your going thru, but God is always there even in the thick of it. Keep trusting Him, theres a reason for everything. Sometimes its gonna be a war every day but keep fighting the fight and finish the race. My prayers go out to you!

Iamkim73

God only gives us what we can handle.
Every successful person looks back on the challenges in their life as the defining moments. Focus on the positive things... Doing well in school is huge! Take the challenges one at a time rather than as a whole, it's easier to process that way. God has a plan for you. Set some goals, pray, and most importantly keep moving forward! YOU CAN DO THIS!

JacksMom12

I know what it feels like to screw everything up. I was an addict and lost everything and everyone because of it. I had to file for bankruptcy at 25 years old and am fighting to get two felony drug charges off my record so I don't have to be a convicted felon for the rest of my life. I was homeless and then in jail, but finally I got clean and 2 months into recovery became pregnant which turned out to be the greatest thing because it kept me clean and gave me the will to keep living when nothing else could. I gained 100 lbs in a year! Talk about irreversible stretch marks! I was pretty down and out to say the least. My student loans are going into repayment now but I can't afford them ( never quite finished school thanks to drugs). I work a minimum wage job to pay for my court ordered recovery classes and also to feed my son. I barely scrape by. Then I look at his smile and I am okay and I find the strength to push through another day. I exercise at home whenever I can which has helped with my mood a lot, I never believed it could. But it does. I make the most of what I have because it's all I can do. I have to keep going for my son. He is my world. Losing some of this weight has definitely helped my depression and makes me feel better. You can do it. I promise, if I'm still here and kicking...you can do it too! Believe in yourself and do the best you can one day at a time.

debussyschild

Amen, sister I hope you that you find what you want in your life as soon as you can. I know what it's like to feel like you have no purpose and you go on day after day waiting for something new. The real task is getting out there and finding new things. I started doing that by volunteering at a local elementary school (I'm a music teacher, but I haven't been able to find a job). I got to do what I enjoy, met lots of people, made contacts, and actually landed myself a position teaching music. It's part-time, kinda crummy, but I don't care. It's what I want to do, and I'm grateful.

Just keep PUSHing. God will never put you through anything you can't handle, but sometimes, he puts these dark clouds over our heads so that we can figure out how to move them out of the way. Sometimes it means taking a risk or doing something you never thought you could do. You work hard, give yourself the credit you deserve. Don't let your self-doubt or previous failures get to you. Start changing by believing that failing is okay. Giving up is NOT. Much love, girl. You can get through it!

rschmmidt

I totally get this. This time of the year is not easy on many of us for a variety of reasons. Please know that you are not alone. You have figured out a course of action and that is the first step to make improvements with your situation. And you're doing it - smart girl! Don't give up. Don't give in. Life is hard and will throw you some curve balls. Do be strong - and do it not just 'for your kids' but for YOU. You can get through this and things will look different in the future. Keep the faith.

BondBomb

If you are looking for prayers/religious support I suggest you join that group where it can be discussed openly and still abide by the MFP rules.
My advice...'pray/wish/hope' all you want. It wasn't until I decided that I was in control that my life started to take shape. You are making changes by being here. Log in everyday. Read the success stories EVERY DAY. If they can do it you can do it. Girl you have a 4.0! You are on the right path. Don't get distracted by all of the extra bs. Eyes on the prize.

Life sucks. And as long as you are waiting for it to get better it will continue to suck. Learn to enjoy the journey. You have kids. There are plenty of people who cant. You are smart. Hey...loads of stupid people out there and you aren't one of them.
You joined MFP and know what you have to do. There are many people in denial and you are not one of them. The way I see it you have something good for every craptastic thing that has been thrown at you.
I wish you the best! I think you will succeed.

seehawkmomma

The fact that you are on here is step one. Maybe start a blog. Start writing every day of your journey. I know its hard to get up when your down but its not impossible.

TDGee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzg2iZoUFeo

isabelk

It sounds like you've been having some hard, hard times. I have a lot of sympathy for you. I also have a lot of hope for you, too. Seven years ago, I was fat, depressed and facing some very difficult times. Money ran out and I had health issues, too. I too felt called as a missionary, but it seemed impossible.

Nothing happened overnight, but God is good. I am a missionary now in Mexico. I'm fit and healthy (I started MFP a year ago and lost 25lbs in six months). I'm not a poster child for body fat percentage or healthy eating, but I'm happy with what I have achieved.

All our roads are different and all I can offer you is some hope. If there is any way you can talk to a counselor (at a church? at school?), take it. Prioritize work over school until you have enough time to do school (it took me years and years to finish, but it was worth it to do it slowly). Don't look back, look forward: you are in charge of how you feel and what you do.

Rely on others. Ask for help. Be a good listener for your friends and cultivate those friendships.

God doesn't promise us that we will not suffer. These hard times, they will show you who you are. You sound like a caring mother with the ability to make it in school and work who has had some hard times. Don't be impatient: take it all slowly. With time, love and patience you can make positive changes that over time will show up in your work life, your home life, your school life and your love life.

I have every confidence in you! The long road is tough but you will get there in the end either way. It's better to get there on your own terms than by the accident of time slipping past.

Next Christmas, I hope your determination and purpose make it different in every way from this Christmas. May there be joy for you!

HollieDoodles

❤ God bless you, sweetie. Hang in there. We serve an amazing God. Stay determined and focus! Make some positive changes and God will have your back.❤

You're in my prayers :flowerforyou: