I hurt Hubby's feelings
Malani2010
Posts: 245
and now Christmas is starting to suck!! We went to get our children the rest of their presents and he wanted to buy me a present but I said no that the kids were more important so when we got to the register I put my present back on the shelf. In my past I haven't gotten a Christmas present in 10 years. I was told after a certain age that presents don't matter so I haven't really ever wished for any anymore. I wanted our kids to be taken care of first because this is my son's 2nd Christmas and my daughter's 1st. Everyone else ALWAYS came first to me. I have the hardest time buying me a t shirt. Was I wrong? I feel like I was which I guess means yes. What can I do to make it right? It's already 8pm here and I know all the stores are closing. I just feel horrible.
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I guess the only thing you can do about it now is apologize. Next time, let the man do something nice for you.0
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I am so sorry. I hate when stuff like this happens.
Apologize to the hub. He was trying to take care of you and being nice.
Remember when someone gets you a present it is about them and not about you.
Think of something nice to tell him how much you value him next week.
hugs.. I am sorry you feel bad.0 -
Apologize but explain where you are coming from.
Suggest going out for the night and leaving the kids with the babysitter. That way, it's a present for both of you!0 -
I'd feel guilty, too. One of the great skills in life is learning to accept gifts graciously. Remember that half the fun of a gift is in the gifting, not just in the receiving. And, the best gifts are the gifts you don't need. Did you buy anything for your husband?
I agree with BloomingLily- you need to apologize. Talk it out with him. Cry it out if that's what you feel. Talk about what Christmas means to him - you seem kinda centered on your own family's interpretation.
My husband and I had to talk out Christmas the first holiday we spent together. He's a more, less expensive gifts kinda person. I'm a less in number, more "thoughtful" gifts kinda person. Talking it out really made our Christmases work - we each know where the other is coming from.0 -
God tells a Man to put his family first. Just let him know you appreciate everything he does for your family. Everything will be fine but whatever you do trust your husband to support your family.0
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give him a hug and a kiss and let him know he brought you the best gifts life has to offer0
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I guess the only thing you can do about it now is apologize. Next time, let the man do something nice for you.
^^that0 -
Love is forgiving,just explain to hubby why you did what you did and thank him for the offering. Merry Christmas!0
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He'll forgive you
I REALLY like the idea above about suggesting a date instead of a present. Dates are far more important than any material thing! 0 -
I can relate to that. I've told my husband not to worry about buying anything for me. I really don't need anything and feel guilty about using our finances for things I don't really need and it's hard to buy for a person like that.
What I have suggested for this year is to buy something that we both will enjoy and use throughout the year, but don't feel is a necessity that we would spend the money on. That takes the stress and guilt off him (and me) for not buying a present and we're both benefiting from it.0 -
I always feel guilty when people but me things. My husband practically has to force me to buy things for myself.0
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Just apologize and next time accept the gift. It may be hard but if he wants to do something nice for you, allow him. Hugs. Have a Merry Christmas. :flowerforyou:0
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I always feel guilty when people but me things. My husband practically has to force me to buy things for myself.
I'm the exact same way!!!0 -
give him a hug and a kiss and let him know he brought you the best gifts life has to offer
Do the above...0 -
Just apologize and next time accept the gift. It may be hard but if he wants to do something nice for you, allow him. Hugs. Have a Merry Christmas. :flowerforyou:
+1
I tell my partner not to buy me anything but she always does. It'd be awkward getting upset with her, wouldn't it?
Just go with the flow. If the presents are really expensive and you're skint then maybe it should be more of an issue.0 -
I feel for you. In our own shoes it's so easy to just shove ourselves aside and do for everyone else. For myself I love to do/buy things for my loved ones. And I always discouraged the same attention. But inside, don't we want something? It's not so much about what the item is, Buying is totally out of control, but a little meaningful something (though shiny things are .. so ssshhhhiny) wha.. what was I saying? Oh yea... not about the thing as much as I want my husband and children to want to be thoughtful and givers to others as well. And if I just turn that down, what's that saying to them? So yes, let them get you something next time, and enjoy it. We do deserve gifts. After all, isn't putting ourselves last the reason we became unhealthy also? This train of thought is new for myself too, and honestly, when my 19 year old son come out today totally excited he was putting a present under the tree for me,.. I teared up.
Many years I didn't receive anything. In part because I discouraged it. This year I thought it was going the same way, I was thinking the same things I was just saying above, and how after all I do do for them, I'd want them to want to give me something out of love and appreciation for me. I don't think Christmas is just for the children at all, it is for everyone!
Give your husband a sweet kiss and say you're sorry, and you have been thinking on it, and how bad you feel now that you are out of the mad rush of the store, and in the heat of all the dollar signs going by, you realize how he felt for you. ... you know the rest : )
Merry Christmas!!0 -
maybe next year or next holiday set a price limit or say it has to be something homemade. he could even do something like make you a nice breakfast one morning, or you could organize his tool shed for him or make him a scrapbook or take nice photos of your kids and put it in a frame? it doesn't have to be expensive, it is the thought that counts.0
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Hmmm. Next time I would allow him a small budget even if it's like 10 bucks to go out and get you something special. I think the wrong part was him picking up the present with you there. That shouldn't work that way in the first place unless you have a huge grip on finances. But if you can give a small budget I would do that. And maybe the kids don't need that one random toy?0
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Apologize but explain where you are coming from.
Suggest going out for the night and leaving the kids with the babysitter. That way, it's a present for both of you!
Excellent suggestion... or you may be sitting there years from now wondering why he doesn't do anything gift-wise for you... ' voice of experience '.0 -
I agree...just apologize and and tell him you want a date night for you and him as your gift. Next time, let him get you the gift. You're worth it!!!0
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From here on out, ask him sweetly to please purchase a gift for you without you there to be able to intercede.
If he then chooses to surprise you with a gift, accept it graciously. (and don't return it later, that is just rude)
Your husband wants to show you he cares for you and desires to give you something special, to let you know he is thinking of you.
You. Are. Worth. It.
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From here on out, ask him sweetly to please purchase a gift for you without you there to be able to intercede.
If he then chooses to surprise you with a gift, accept it graciously. (and don't return it later, that is just rude)
Your husband wants to show you he cares for you and desires to give you something special, to let you know he is thinking of you.
You. Are. Worth. It.
This is so true. Besides, your kids are only babies, it is not like they will remember when you gave them one less gift so you could get your husband a gift! You both are worthy people and deserve a gift now and then!
But since it is too late now, why don't you tell him your feelings on it and say, "let's buy each other a gift next week/Valentine's day."0 -
I agree with apologizing and asking him next time to get it alone. I also think its good for your kids to see you get something too as it teaches them about giving as well as receiving. If that makes any sence.0
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Listen you have a lot of wisdom here. But remember allowing someone to experience the act of giving is not a negotiating process. In other words, the choice of his gift to you is not a two-person transaction. Merry Christmas!0
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From here on out, ask him sweetly to please purchase a gift for you without you there to be able to intercede.
If he then chooses to surprise you with a gift, accept it graciously. (and don't return it later, that is just rude)
Your husband wants to show you he cares for you and desires to give you something special, to let you know he is thinking of you.
You. Are. Worth. It.
O, this
Oh lady - let someone spoil you sometimes, or even spoil yourself - with a gift, with a compliment, take it graciously! Nothing wrong with being given gifts or/and being pampered! You know you do deserve it, don't you?0 -
I am so sorry. I hate when stuff like this happens.
Apologize to the hub. He was trying to take care of you and being nice.
Remember when someone gets you a present it is about them and not about you.
Think of something nice to tell him how much you value him next week.
hugs.. I am sorry you feel bad.
Perfect advice, especially "remember when someone gets you a present it is about them and not about you."0 -
Were you wrong? I honestly don't think you were wrong, but then again I said the same thing this year, everyone asked me what I wanted and my response was "for my kids to have a good Christmas." My husband never gifts me so it wasn't a big deal. I made him a hat.
If you feel guilty about it apologize to him, let him know that was not your intent to hurt his feelings.0 -
It's as important to allow others to bless us as well as be a blessing to others. When we take that opportunity of blessing away from them it prevents them from doing good will. I understand completely where you are coming from and I don't think you were wrong so much as unaware. I would let him bless you next time. It's really not a bad thing and to know he appreciates you.0
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"My husband never gifts me so it wasn't a big deal. " Are you kidding?0
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